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1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 1/10/2006 1:22:28 PM EST
Older boy, ~22 yoa got married last month. Baby boy, nearly 18 will go to college in the Fall. As you may recall. Mrs. FLAL1A decided to get a dog. We got a Basenji. Pretty good dog, with some pretty awful moments. Crapped all over everything in the bottom of my closet a couple of days ago. Has occasional episodes of pure destructive lunacy. I like the dog, but I have thought a few times "Really, if the aggressor outweighs you by more than 10:1, manual strangulation is a pretty quick way to go." Mind you, I have not mentioned killing the dog to my wife, except in the most casual and lighthearted way, using humorous comments like "If that fucking dog shits on my stuff again, I'll kill it." Ha HA!

Well, guess...the fuck...what? This (admittedly usually delightful) ball of semiferal African doghair is not a pet. It is not even an animal.

It is a surrogate CHILD!

It is encouraged to call my wife "Mommy." It is encouraged to call me "Papa," as in "You naughty girl, you sit there and look pretty and tell your Papa what you did today!"

Dear Lord, why am I to spend my declining years in an estrogen-informed miasma of absurdity, kissing a hellish little dog in the hope of an occasional glimpse of stiff red human nipple? Why does my penis mock the man who sustains it? Why, Lord? Why?

Men, treasure your sons while you have them in your home. If there is to be pie in your future, there may be a canine "child" in your future, too.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:24:27 PM EST
Too funny.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:25:24 PM EST

You pore SOB.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:25:59 PM EST
Should have got a fish instead.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:27:30 PM EST
You need to get a GSD. Train the GSD to keep the other dog in line. Don't let the Mrs. yell at "your baby" for keeping the little runt in line.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:30:47 PM EST

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:

Why does my penis mock the man who sustains it? Why, Lord? Why?

A question that philosophers have grappled with since the dawn of time!

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:34:40 PM EST
They are never done "mothering" wether it be the last boy in the house or the new dog to make up
for it.

It sure would be nice if they took up the old man to do their last bit of "mothering" on.

Alas to no avail, FLAL1A, we're screwed.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:44:45 PM EST
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:08:04 PM EST
Tell me about it. My wife spent $500.00 on a little dog when one of our sons and his family moved away. Well, they moved back and I'm stuck with the dog.

If you ever thought that kids will take up your time, try a dog!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:49:22 PM EST
Both of my sons are out of the house in the last year. During the last two years we have had 3 dogs and 3 cats die of old age. Well I still travel so we had to get another dog. So now we have Buster, Lab and possible Coon hound mix. Still young at about 1 to 1 1/2 year old, a real ball of energy. It's like having a 4 year old here, if we are not paying attention to him he will get into something. To make matters worse MOM has to have operation who has to take her dog, why us now we have a sitszu or what ever they are called who is older and bitchy. And then the oldest son has to travel some, so over comes his dog. That one is anmed DOG a COYDOG according to the Vet. now this dog should be named distructo or PHYSCO. When we leave the house physco has to be in a crate or she will dive thru windows, open doors, or just dig thru the drywall.
Now when we are home physco would kill anything that got close to the house, this is the most viscious dog I have ever seen. In her weekend stayovers she has killed 4 cats, 3 raccoons, and at least 1 possoum. And that was before I could draw down or swing a walking stick.
Get rid of the kids the wife has to have something to mother.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:11:49 PM EST
I kid my mom about her Toy Teacup Poodle being my replacement.

He eats less.
He doesn't ask to borrow money.
Or the car.
He doesn't backtalk.
He's more cute than I am.
He likes the cat.

In my favor, I am marginally better potty-trained than he.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:22:14 PM EST
hey partner stick to birds , there shit is easy to clean up .

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:25:38 PM EST
Well, it could be worse. Under the same scenario my wife got a cat.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:29:02 PM EST
May I add my 2c?


A stealth "Little Poochy" killer
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:36:17 PM EST
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:26:32 PM EST
FLAL1A, am I correct in assuming the offending canine has ministered its attention exclusively to you and your impedimenta?
Has her most valued and prized possessions have been left inviolate, untouched by the good, loyal and trustworthy mastiff?

Even the most loving of mothers have a line that must not be crossed.

Thats all I have to say about that.

Link Posted: 1/11/2006 4:08:55 AM EST
A Kennel (aka dog cage), and basic obedience training will help a lot here...

You obviously took good care of your kids, taught them right from wrong, potty trained them, etc.

You are right. This is a surrogate child, and by bringing this animal into your home you have assumed responsibility for it.

I hate to say it, but most canine behavior problems are due to the owner's problems as much as the dog.

Hey, if you can't watch the dog (especially puppies), then confine it to its home (crate). Closet pooping problem solved.

Oh well. The things we do for love and domestic peace. Good luck
Link Posted: 1/11/2006 6:15:48 AM EST
Does the pooch ride in the front seat or back seat of your car when you go out?

Look at it this way, the dog will help you blend in with the other retirees in Florida.
Link Posted: 1/11/2006 6:25:37 AM EST
The semester my little brother left for college, I noticed Dad became severely whipped.
He was doing the dishes, he was vacuuming the carpets, helping with cooking, everything except mopping the floor (since the maids do that 2x a month) when I came home for Thanksgiving.

At least Mom doesnt have a dog for a surrogate child, but she does have a beta fish.

Link Posted: 1/11/2006 8:43:45 AM EST
Get Dad a cat. Something demanding like a Siamese. That'll kill two birds with one cat..err..stone.
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