(no, not my mom)

Our grandson (age 5) came over to spend the weekend and brought along one of his friends (Destiny) from school. She is a sweet little thing but I can tell already that her life is headed into a snake pit.

The first thing she announced was "My Mom's in jail." She said it without any hint of emotion at all, like this is just the normal course of business. Her mother is a drug addict/hooker/who-knows-what who is in and out of jail all the time. Destiny is cared for by her grandmother who has a broken back and lives on a morphine pump.

My wife helped the kids to make cookies. Destiny had never made cookies before, or done anything in the kitchen. She didn't know what cookie cutters were and asked where we got them.

Destiny is already failing in school because there is no one to give her the attention and help she needs. She winds up coming over to my daughter's house after school every day because there she can get food, attention, and some help with her homework.

I can see it now. In fifteen years this sweet little kid is going to be just like her mother. I know there isn't much I can do about it, but it is just sad to see.

That's horrible.  Poor little girl doesn't have a chance.

I must say, your daughter and wife are a blessing in that little girls life. I pray that she will remain close to her and mentor her, because that's what she needs.

The govt is way too focused on perceived dangers rather than fixing actual dangers.  People in CAlif who want to buy firearms must be qualified, but unfortunately people who have children are not.  Most of the laws on family in CAlif are heavily slanted in favor of the mom, and in some cases are not qualified to be a parent.

Quoted: That's horrible.  Poor little girl doesn't have a chance.

+1

So who is caring for the child, if the mom is in jail?

That really sucks. But remember even though you can't do anything directly the things you have done may reach out to her indirectley and leave a lasting memory.

Quoted: So who is caring for the child, if the mom is in jail?

The grandmother with the morphine pump.

Do you really want to help that child?

Get a lawyer and see fi you can get full custody.

 By the sound of it, mom in jail, grandmother on a morphine pump, might be worth just asking about.

Heck maybe the mother will sign over custody.

Stories like this really get to me.  Kids just need a chance in life.  Situations like this make it next to impossible for the child to have a chance at anything.  Sadly this story is one of thousands like it in this Socialist utopia we call California.

Quoted: Do you really want to help that child? Get a lawyer and see fi you can get full custody.  By the sound of it, mom in jail, grandmother on a morphine pump, might be worth just asking about. Heck maybe the mother will sign over custody.

We have effectively done that (without going through the legal work) with similar kids in the past. At least half a dozen of them. My daughter took over the raising of her friend's baby when my daughter was fourteen. It made a big difference in most of their lives (some still went down the tubes) but I am too old and have too much else in my life to start that kind of thing again. I am afraid there aren't any good answers to this situation.

Sad.  That kid is starting out at the back of the pack through no fault of her own.  When we went to our daughter's parent-teacher conference for 1st grade, the teacher told us out of 21 kids, she had 5 no-shows.  Out of those 5, two of them did not even make an appointment.  First grade.

How these people can know that they are total douchebags, but not care that their kids will end up just like them is beyond me.

Quoted: Quoted: Do you really want to help that child? Get a lawyer and see fi you can get full custody.  By the sound of it, mom in jail, grandmother on a morphine pump, might be worth just asking about. Heck maybe the mother will sign over custody. We have effectively done that (without going through the legal work) with similar kids in the past. At least half a dozen of them. My daughter took over the raising of her friend's baby when my daughter was fourteen. It made a big difference in most of their lives (some still went down the tubes) but I am too old and have too much else in my life to start that kind of thing again. I am afraid there aren't any good answers to this situation.

Sounds like you've been called again to make a difference.......

Quoted: Sad.  That kid is starting out at the back of the pack through no fault of her own.  When we went to our daughter's parent-teacher conference for 1st grade, the teacher told us out of 21 kids, she had 5 no-shows.  Out of those 5, two of them did not even make an appointment.  First grade. How these people can know that they are total douchebags, but not care that their kids will end up just like them is beyond me.

I have seen the same kind of thing. You just have to shake your head and wonder. One of my daughter's friends (the one for whom my daughter raised the baby) is like that. This chick is just DUMB and doesn't have two cents of motivation to do anything. I mean, so dumb that she was surprised when a towel she put on top of the toaster oven caught fire. She explained that she didn't know the toaster oven would get hot. She dropped out of high school (too tough) and then butchered beautician school so badly that she couldn't even get a certificate to give shampoos. Honestly, I have seen dogs that were smarter. She has never held a job for more than a couple of months.

The really tragic part is that her daughter is a gorgeous kid, with the sweetest personality, and a pretty good head on her shoulders. But her daughter is currently failing in junior high because Mom won't stop watching TV long enough to even ask her about school. In a perfect world, I would have shot the mother a long time ago and taken the kid to my house, but this isn't a perfect world.

wolfman97: You tried to make a difference, you can only do your best and no more.  I've seen children like that in the past.  Being legally responsible for a child is a tremendous financial burden, and morally it take tremendous strenght.  That is why God give young people such tremendous energy, it is not easy to raise children.  Do what you can and hope for the best.

Can I donate? Will six figures be enough?  How about a new house in the hills.

It's not hopeless. From what you say, she needs love, attention, and role models. Sounds like you are doing what you can to provide some of that. Keep up the good work.

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'  Matthew 25:35-40

Correct me if I'am wrong but aren't you the guy that says drugs don't hurt anyone Wolfman?

15 years?  Try 10.  I see these girls all the time.  They have kids because they think its an accomplishment and that they will get unconditional love from the child.   Then they realize how much time and effort it takes to raise a child.

She will be lucky if she isnt into drugs, hooking or pregnant in the next few years.

Get custody and provide her with the loving home that she needs.

Quoted: Correct me if I'am wrong but aren't you the guy that says drugs don't hurt anyone Wolfman?

There are people in this subject area who have their own prejudices about everything and, therefore, never really read what other people say, or make a real attempt to understand it. More than any other subject, the subject of drugs seems to trigger a response where people are really unable to understand that just because something is harmful, that doesn't automatically mean punishment is the best approach to the problem. The best example is alcohol prohibition.

Therefore, being unable to distinguish between the concepts of "drugs are bad" and "prison is the solution", every time someone says "prison is not the best solution", they automatically translate that to "drugs are perfectly harmless and never hurt anybody."

You can patiently explain that you never said anything of the sort -- and that this idea is entirely a figment of their imagnation -- but it rarely works. They will come back with the same nonsense time after time, because they really are unable to mentally process the apparent contradiction between "drugs are bad" and "prison is not the best solution".  

Even if you explain it to them in other terms -- such as "alcohol is dangerous but it would be a dumb idea to lock up beer drinkers" or "tobacco is dangerous but it would be a dumb idea to lock up cigar smokers" -- they still just don't get it. I don't blame them. I have come to the conclusion that there is something going on inside their heads similar to the people who just can't grasp algebra. It just strips their mental gears.

I would ask you to show me a quote where I said that, but it exists only in your imagination. Having said that, I won't be surprised if you ask the same question again later. That's typical of people who ask that, too.

Quoted: I must say, your daughter and wife are a blessing in that little girls life. I pray that she will remain close to her and mentor her, because that's what she needs.

I agree you should see if you can informaly foster her.

Multiply that sad case by thousands and thousands of disposable kids and the total you come up with is a scary thought, esp. when one ponders the future economic, moral and educational/achievement areas of our country.

Then tally the world figures and try to stay cheerful. I guess our self defense mechanisms do not allow us to really think about it very long.

It is much easier to keep throwing money down the toilet on those problems to assuage our fears.

As long as there are people in this world like your family this little girl wiil stand a chance.
We have and still do informaly fgoster/mentor kids.
Every time it is like your situation, by accident.

our family never considered somethings "accidents"...
my mother and father informally adopted a black boy the age of my brother when he was 7. same situation...it sounds.

he went on to serve 12 years in the Army and now lives in Atlanta. he was the first in his family teo graduate HS..i think the first not to even have been in jail...when he comes home to visit..he always makes time to bring his wife and kids for everyone to see.

living in SE OK..you can imagine the oddities of a black kid living with a white family. my parents have always said that they would do it again in a heartbeat and that it was the best thing they ever did as human beings.

i agree that it is a "calling". good things happen when callings are answered.

i mentor an employees son. a 13 y/o. hes a good kid..boy scout..likes to play the guitar and things like that.he thoroughly enjoys coming over to the house and doing stuff. he is getting his hunters safety card soon..and i bought a rifle for him a few weeks ago.

a NEF .223
due to the fact he could shoot the hell out of surplus ammo...
i'm going to give it too him the day he gets his card. he can hunt deer and varmits with it for a few years.

imagine what our society would be like if more "NORMAL" guys like you and me..would take an interest in the life of 1 young person who is headed for the cracks..

the defining moment of what it meant to be looked up too was, when one of the teachers at my sons pre school called me the day before "DADS and DONUTS DAY" for fathers day..to ask me if a boy in the class could sit with me and my son because they didnt think his father would come..when i got there..the boy had been worked up looking for his dad, almost in tears...to show up...

i told him to come sit with us..and he immediately sarted smiling and was happy as a clam. joked with my boy, giggled and laughed the entire time after that. when i left..he gave me a huge hug and a kiss just like my boy.

he father worked 3 blocks from the school and had a job where he could come and go at will.
what a shithead...fathers like that should be beaten N PUBLIK.

Uknow..i'm not a fan of the klan..
but..
BITD..
the klan would beat the hell out of dead beat husbands and fathers..Alcoholics and the type. maybe they were unto something.

The stories I could tell you guys about keeping foster childen.............My mother and father have had around 129 in their house through the years, and they each came with their own problems.

Get her to change custody over to you?

cyclone...

how many of those 129..
did you make a positive difference in their lives?

Here  is a picture of her with my dog, Chopper. Sorry for the lousy quality. Cheap camera.



She asked my grandson what our names were. He told her "Grandma and Grandpa".  She then turned to my daughter and asked "Can I call them Grandma and Grandpa?"  When my daughter said that was OK, she went running around the house yelling "I have a Grandma and Grandpa!" Just like it was Christmas.

Quoted: Here  is a picture of her with my dog, Chopper. Sorry for the lousy quality. Cheap camera. www.druglibrary.org/photoroom/feb2006/kids2.jpg She asked my grandson what our names were. He told her "Grandma and Grandpa".  She then turned to my daughter and asked "Can I call them Grandma and Grandpa?"  When my daughter said that was OK, she went running around the house yelling "I have a Grandma and Grandpa!" Just like it was Christmas.

Just damn Wolfy.  You need to do something permanent for that kid. She would have a much better life with you then the real world.  

My GFs sister just had a similar situation.  The mom wont give the kid up because she gets more state money with more kids.  The kid was dirty had no manners or patience.  She cleaned up real well and was becoming a part of the family.  Then her dirtbag mom gets out of jail and demands the kid be returned.  The kid refused to go but its her mother what can you do.  I bought the kid a new winter coat and shoes.  I saw it a month later and it was filhty.

You have to imagine how many bad kids would turn out OK if they had a good up bringing.

Quoted: Here  is a picture of her with my dog, Chopper. Sorry for the lousy quality. Cheap camera. www.druglibrary.org/photoroom/feb2006/kids2.jpg She asked my grandson what our names were. He told her "Grandma and Grandpa".  She then turned to my daughter and asked "Can I call them Grandma and Grandpa?"  When my daughter said that was OK, she went running around the house yelling "I have a Grandma and Grandpa!" Just like it was Christmas.

what a little sweetheart.