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Posted: 10/26/2004 3:57:57 AM EDT
This is to make a point of how slow work is right now. Enjoy

We were schooner rigged and rakish with a long and lissome hull
And we flew the pretty colors of the crossbones and the skull.

We had a big black Jolly Rodger flapping grimly at the fore.
And we sailed the Spanish water in the happy days of yore.

We had a long brass gun amidship like a well conducted ship
We each had a brace of pistols and a cutlass at the hip.

It's a point that tells against us and a fact to be deplored, but
We chased the goodly merchantmen and laid their ships aboard.

Then the dead men fouled the scuppers and the wounded filled the chains
And the paintwork was all splatterdashed with other people's brains.

She was boarded, she was looted, she was scuttled till she sank
And the pale survivors left us by the medium of the plank.

Oh then it was how saddening by the aft rail on the poop
You could hear the drowning folk lament the absent chicken coop.

And having washed the blood away we had little else to do
Than dance a quiet hornpipe as the old salts taught us to.

Ah the fiddle on the forecastle and the flapping naked soles
And the genial "Down the middle Jake, and curtsey when she rolls".

The silver seas around us and the pale moon overhead
The lookout not a looking and his pipe bowl glowing red.

Ah the pigtailed quidding pirates and the pretty pranks we played
All have since been put a stop to by the naughty Board of Trade.

The schooners and the merry crews are laid away to rest
A little south the sunset in the islands of the blessed.

Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:02:35 AM EDT
Young Jim, as a lad
He looked for adventure
Calamity, danger, whatever was free
So when he turned ten, he packed his belongings
And he left home to find his destiny
Jim just a boy, who's
Head full of legends
Of dungeons and dragons
And pirates and stuff
So that summer he snuck on a schooner
To harpoon tuna
And get real buff
The Captain he said
There's danger ahead
We need some brave men
To sail and then
We'll find us those pirates
Stop them with violence,
To make the ocean safe
Once again."

Ahem Now, the pirates the brave captain was looking for, were the fierce midget
pirates of Willygoat. The deadliest pirates in the seven seas, and although they were
wee men, they had big swords and were known for gutting many and leaving few
alive the captain knew they were heading towards the sandwich islands to pillage
the giant ham farm. The captain knew what he must do, and this is his story.

Cleaning up the oceans
Captain Hampton and his crew
Trouble in the seven seas
He'll know what to do
Captain, he hates rubbish
To him pirates are just soot
Scallywags and scurvy dogs
Are crushed under his foot.
Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton
Ahoy, Ahoy, Ahoy, Ahoy
Pillaging the Pillagers
Triumphantly he'll sail away

Now, seven weeks into the trip
And Jim was sick to death
Of being sick
Some kind of action he wanted
As he searched the seas
For everyday was the same old... stuff
The night he felt like jumping ship
But then he heard a crash
Hit the starboard side of the ship
And bumped him out of his bunk
Onto his bottom
Our heroes drew their swords
As the midgets swarmed aboard
The pirates surprise attack
The tiny buccaneers
Caught us by surprise
As we tried to battle back.

It was horrible, they were everywhere, and unlike normal midgets who are
usually bright and clever and fun to be around, these midget pirates with their
beady little eyes, and sharp teeth bore down on us like fierce sharks, in a
feeding frenzy of blood, slashing at us with their swords gutting our bellies,
poking our bums clipping our knees. We knew not what to do, for the captain

Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:04:02 AM EDT
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:10:31 AM EDT

Sorry..had to...
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:13:33 AM EDT
Too damn funny!
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:15:40 AM EDT
It's...Admiral AckbARRR!

Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:25:43 AM EDT

Me thinks ya would make a most splendid cabin boy for Captain Pissgums and his perverted pirates!

Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:28:21 AM EDT
Good to see I'm not the only one bored out of his mind!

3rd shift technical support sometimes has its perks, but right now Im just fighting to stay awake.
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 7:24:32 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/26/2004 7:24:50 AM EDT by rifleman2000]
I learned this at Ft. Sill from Drill Sergeant Kucera, we only sang it when there were no officers around. I may be missing a few verses.

In fourteen hundred and ninety two,
A diego from Pidelly,
Was walking down the streets of Spain;
Selling hot tamales!

He said the world was round-o!
He said it could be found-o!
The hypothetical, masturbating, son-of-a-bitch Colombo!

He walked straight up to the Queen of Spain,
Demanding ships and cargo!
He said he'd be a son of a bitch,
If he didn't bring back Chicago!


The Queen, she gave him three tall ships,
They all were triple deckers!
The Queen she waved her hankerchief,
Colombus waved his pecker!


For forty days and forty nights,
The sailed the wide Atlantic!
If not for a piece of the horses ass,
The crew would have all gone frantic!


The skipper had a cabin's boy,
The dirty little nipper!
Packed his ass with shards of glass,
And circumcised the skipper!


Upon the shore they spotted a whore,
off came shirts and collars!
Twenty-four hours round the clock,
She made ten thousand dollars!
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 7:33:58 AM EDT
Open the door you fucking whore....said Barnacle Bill the Sailor!
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 3:46:34 PM EDT
Arrgghh!!! An excellent topic indeed, laddies!
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 3:48:26 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 3:53:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/26/2004 3:54:48 PM EDT by hepcat85]
Avast you devil dogs! It be the King's navy a stern! Rrrrrrrr!


Come cheer up, my lads! 'tis to glory we steer,
To add something more to this wonderful year;
To honour we call you, not press you like slaves,
For who are so free as the sons of the waves?


Heart of oak are our ships, heart of oak are our men;
We always are ready, steady, boys, steady!
We'll fight and we'll conquer again and again.

We ne'er see our foes but we wish them to stay,
They never see us but they wish us away;
If they run, why we follow, and run them ashore,
For if they won't fight us, we cannot do more.


They swear they'll invade us, these terrible foes,
They frighten our women, our children, and beaus;
But should their flat bottoms in darkness get o'er,
Still Britons they'll find to receive them on shore.


We'll still make them fear, and we'll still make them flee,
And drub 'em on shore, as we've drubb'd 'em at sea;
Then cheer up, my lads! with one heart let us sing:
Our soldiers, our sailors, our statesmen and Queen.

Link Posted: 10/26/2004 3:55:16 PM EDT

Ye not be the only one on here board!

<sings> Sixteen Marines on a dead ragheds chest!Yoh hoh ho and a bottle of Rum <sings>
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 3:58:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/26/2004 4:01:39 PM EDT by DFD]

Now THOSE are pirates....

ETA: ...and really bad eggs!
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:00:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By long-rifle-tactical:

Ye not be the only one on here board!

<sings> Sixteen Marines on a dead ragheds chest!Yoh hoh ho and a bottle of Rum <sings>

Drink and Osama be done for the rest! Yo ho ho and a bottle of Rum

Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:01:26 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/26/2004 4:02:19 PM EDT by hepcat85]

Originally Posted By DFD:

Now THOSE are ASSpirates....

Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:02:21 PM EDT

Originally Posted By hepcat85:

Originally Posted By DFD:

Now THOSE are ASSpirates....

Ahh!! No!! Not what I said!!
Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:03:05 PM EDT

Originally Posted By hepcat85:

Originally Posted By DFD:


Now THOSE are ASSpirates....

Link Posted: 10/26/2004 4:12:15 PM EDT
Pillaging, Drinking, Flogging, Wenching.
Just Another Day On the Job

Link Posted: 10/29/2004 2:53:55 PM EDT

Me located a fine photo!

Link Posted: 10/29/2004 2:56:02 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/29/2004 2:58:24 PM EDT by hepcat85]

Originally Posted By PennvilleBill:
Pillaging, Drinking, Flogging, Wenching.

Just Another Day On the Job in the United States Postal Service

Link Posted: 10/29/2004 3:03:42 PM EDT
I have a question

Whadda do with a drunken Sailor? Early in the Mooornin'?

RrrMT_WoodenLeg III\

sorry it has been a rough week.
Link Posted: 10/29/2004 3:10:18 PM EDT
A little Kris Kristofferson, if I may:

The captain touched his swagger stick
Up to his golden eye
And boogied through the vestibule
While bidding us goodbye
The enemy surrounds us
And our spirits almost gone
The Devil take the cavalry
That sold us for a song

There's Chi-Chi's on the starboard, lads
And Chi-Chi's in the stern
And hashish in the hookah pipes
And bonny grass to burn
Our mission is a secret
But we're fool enough to try
We'll sail the bloody ocean, boys
Or drink the bastard dry

"If I'd've been a carpenter," the swarthy
sergeant said
"I'd never seen this ugly thing
That hangs above my head
The hell with all your heros
And the wounds they hope to show
I'm just a simple soldier, son
With one more year to go"

The Albatross was tiring
And the cook was in a stew
The filthy little cabin boy
Was whizzing in my shoe
The Captain's wife was aging
And the first mate heard her scream
When Tommy slipped tabasco in the
Captain's vaseline

"Our time will soon be gone," he said
"It's all we've left to lose
We've shot our ammunition
And we're all but out of booze
So here's to Irma Donegal
Here's to Nellie Blye
And here's to my old friend," he said
And kissed his ass goodbye

"Give off! give off! You sorry lot.
Give off!," the Captain cried
"we've lost our bloody anchor
And we're driftin' with the tide
The swollen surf is pounding
Like a thousand cannons roar
And I shake the hand of any man
Who guides us into shore."

"We're saved! We're saved!"
The soldiers said
"We're saved!," the sailors cried
And soldiers climbed aboard
While sailors left from either side
Some swabbies hit the minefield and
The rifles got the rest
And somewhere there's a schooner
Sinkin' slowly in the west

Link Posted: 10/29/2004 4:13:36 PM EDT
"When I were a little lad,
or so me muther tole me,
If I didn't kiss the girls,
me lips, they'd grow all moldy

Hey haul away!
We'll haul away fer better weather.
Hey haul away!
We'll haul away fer Joe.

Saint Peter was a godly man,
he came from decent people.
He built a church in London towne,
and on it put a steeple.

Hey haul away!
We'll haul away fer better weather.
Hey haul away!
We'll haul away fer Joe.

Once I had a german lass,
but she were fat and lazy.
Now I have an english lass,
she always drives me crazy!

Hey haul away!
We'll haul away fer better weather.
Hey haul away!
We'll haul away fer Joe."

Old Irish capstain chanty.

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