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1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 6/27/2003 11:03:13 AM EST
Damn, I hate it when stupid folks I know send me useless emails like this.... Hi. My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. All I have is a head. It doesn't hurt much, except when I breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do because we are poor with no money and insurance. I would like a body transplant, but we have no money. Mommy doesn't work because she says no one hires crying people. I said "don't cry, mommy!" and she hugs my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me a hug, even though she is allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafe real bad. I hope you will help me. Please help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too! Dr. Avila, Sr. said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickle to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from children all over the world and have astronauts take them into space and release them for the angels to hear them better. The angels will then come back to earth and go to the Pope, who will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors will help me then. I love baseball. Maybe one day I'll be able to play baseball. Right now, I can only play third base. I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this email, Mommy says that you are a mean heartless bastard who doesn't care about a sick little boy and WILL BURN IN HELL! She says if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death. What kind of cruel person are you who won't help a poor little bodiless boy? Do you hate all little boys without a body or just me? Please help me. I like kitties. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in my burlap body. I wish that very much Please help me. Thanks you. Billy [:D]
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:07:23 AM EST
We should all chip in for a rifle for this kid.
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:08:39 AM EST
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:09:13 AM EST
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:09:23 AM EST
It is the least we can do! I'm sure SteyrAUG can make all necessary arrangements!
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:16:16 AM EST
Originally Posted By SPECTRE: We should all chip in for a rifle for this kid.
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Damn you! That was my idea!
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:31:45 AM EST
this kid dosn't need to own a gun, we should buy him a bullet and rent him a gun...[:D]
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:37:07 AM EST
Originally Posted By SP10: It is the least we can do! I'm sure SteyrAUG can make all necessary arrangements!
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Roger that Avila, over. Thread ready for termination. Infraction of Group Buy Code 11 subsection C. The perp is sighted, target acquired.
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:50:38 AM EST
Damn, Billy. Sucks to be you. I guess I'd better start saving the pull tabs from pop cans, or you're never gonna play baseball. On the other hand, there are lots of baseball players that can't play even though they have bodies. Detroit has a whole team of guys that can't play. Oh, and it isn't the constant crying that's chafing your mom's face, either, Billy. It's the constant rubbing on the cheap wool-blend trousers of all the men that pick her up for "quick rides around the trailer court" about every 10 minutes. I've got bad (well, in this case, worse) news for you Billy: your mom is a crack whore. Sorry. And another thing. NASA's rockets are already overloaded with their own prayers. No more room for any from you, Billy. I'm afraid you'll have to keep giving your prayers to the man in the white dress that likes you to sit (well, slump) on his lap. Oh, no. Now you're in trouble, because you weren't supposed to tell. Damn, Billy. When it rains, it pours. I don't even know where to begin with the cats, Billy. I don't know what your mom (previously discussed) is telling you, but those aren't kitties that are leaving turds in your burlap sack. Those are black flies, and they're leaving maggots in your burlap sack. Bummer, dude. I really wish there was something we at ARFCOM could do to help you, Billy, but it just ain't gonna happen. Sell it to DU, buddy. Oh, you could have redeemed yourself by posting pics of your crack whore mother, but you prbably would have forgotten the knife, napkin, tape measure, beverage, bowling ball and stapler. They always forget the stapler. No matter. It would have been locked.
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 11:53:24 AM EST
I wish all I got was head...but [b]NOOOOOOOOOO![/b] Wife don't like to do that anymore[V] Sgtar15
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 12:00:27 PM EST
Billy you are one lucky SOB. You have a chance! Quit while you're a head. Most people around here dont KNOW when to quit.
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 12:02:41 PM EST
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 12:02:51 PM EST
Gee Billy. Maybe your crack ho mom can put a wig on you and some rouge, and whore you out instead. BTW, since you have no body, how do you know if you are a boy or girl?
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 12:05:21 PM EST
Dr. Avila, Sr.
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ED. Sr. is this you?[@:D] BigDozer66
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