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Posted: 5/16/2003 10:22:52 AM EDT
... British pub humor, too funny

AEROPLANE BLONDE - one who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a blackbox
BADLY PACKED KEBAB - a vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia
BRITNEY SPEARS - Modern Slang for 'beers'. e.g. "Couple of Britney's please!"
MUMBLER - an attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying
BRUCE LEE - erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip)
BEER SCOOTER - the ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it. i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter"
BUNNY-BOILER - an unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit
boiling scene in the film "Fatal Attraction". e.g. "I don't like the look of that aeroplane blonde - could be a bunny boiler"
DRINK-LINK - a modern term for a cash point machine(ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze cruise.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS - a young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training
NELSON MANDELA - Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager)
ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE - the need to defecate imminently
PEARL HARBOR - cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbor out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air
RAGMAN'S COAT - untidy and unkempt pubic hair. e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I bet she's got a kebab like a ragman's coat !"
RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE - to defecate. e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping out to release a chocolate hostage"
SALAD DODGER - an excellent phrase for an overweight person
SWAMP-DONKEY - a deeply unattractive woman
TART FUEL or BITCH PISS - bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women
UP ON BLOCKS - menstruating. i.e. Out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks."
WALLACE AND GROMIT - Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'
WYNONA RYDER - Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of tart fuel please Doreen "
AUSSIE KISS - similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
BEAVER LEAVER: or Vagina Decliner. A homosexual.
BEER COAT: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.
BEER COMPASS: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.
BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
BOLIER SUIT: The prosecution charge that you did willfully, and with phallus aforethought, score with a Bobfoc last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.
BONE OF CONTENTION: A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.
BREAKING THE SEAL: Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
BUDGIE'S TOUNGE: or Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punchbag. The female erection.
DOUBLE BASS - A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
ETCH-A-SKETCH: Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
FLOGGING ON: Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
FREE THE TADPOLES: Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.
FRIGMAROLE: Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
GOING FOR A McSHIT: Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies.
GREYHOUND: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
HAND TO GLAND COMBAT: A vigorous masturbation session.
MILLENIUNM DOMES: The contents of a Wonder bra. i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually bugger-all in there worth seeing.
MONKEY BATH: A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!"
MYSTERY BUS: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
NBR: No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.
PICASSO ARSE: A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.
SPERM WAIL: or Spuphemism. A verbal outburst during the maleorgasm.
STARFISH TROOPER: or Arsetronaut. A homosexual.
TITANIC: A lady who goes down first time out.
W#NK SCIENCE: During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being watched with disgust by your dead relatives.
X-PILES: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

Link Posted: 5/16/2003 10:49:43 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 11:11:50 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 11:22:05 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 11:25:07 AM EDT
Bloody sod!
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 4:19:44 PM EDT
Share! Share!

Help me expand my vocabulary.
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... Come on. Spill it
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 5:42:56 PM EDT
One of my favorite lines from "The Full Monty" goes "Your going to stand there while some puff waves his tackle in front of yer missus?" [:D]
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