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Posted: 7/21/2008 7:24:47 AM EDT
**Rant Mode = On**

Dear Offended Co-Workers,

I would like to take this opportunity to whole-heartedly apologize for today's unforgiveable transgression. There are no excuses for my actions and I take full responsibility for them.

I sincerely apologize for currently experiencing a mild stomach illness which causes periodic eruptions of fecal discharge the likes of which make Krakatao's eruption look like backyard fireworks. Furthermore, I grovel in shame at the fact that feeling the seismic pre-cursors to another eruption and finding the men's room locked, I went into the Ladies' facility wherein I detonated like all the tannerite on ARFCOM.

I know that even though the men's rooms and the ladies' rooms are identical in every way, have only a commode and sink, and located immediately adjacent to one another, fit only one person, and have locking doors, I should have been sensitive enough to your needs to not use my gastric event as justification for my heinous and sinister violation of your sacrosanct abode.

Oh, and my sincerest thanks for asking the Director of the department to pull me aside and have a little 'chat' about my wicked deed and asking me to reform my ways lest one of you call HR and file a complaint for harassment. The Director has reminded me that the two restrooms on this floor are marked with the appropriate gender and I should be sensitive to that demarcation. He even was so helpful as to remind me that the distant downstairs bathrooms are not marked as gender-specific and I may use either at my discretion.

In conclusion, next time I have such an unfortunate digestive event, I will walk downstairs to the other two identical bathrooms which do not have signs on them and are, therefore, fair game to members of any particular gender or lack thereof even if it means soiling myself in or near your office, probably in your top drawer.

Sincerely,

Your humble Co-Worker


** Rant Mode = OFF **


The sad part is that the story is true.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 7:26:55 AM EDT
You aren't supposed to sound polite in a rant.

Next time, fill the sink then quit.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 7:29:15 AM EDT
Gone are the days where people would simply snicker at you and call it even because they would understand. Now we have all of these "helpful" people to tell us the obvious.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:07:38 AM EDT

You aren't supposed to sound polite in a rant.


Sorry, a little bit of poetic license there. I was venting, so I imagined I was writing a letter to the two ninnies who complained.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:10:53 AM EDT
Next time use a wastebasket right in the middle of the office.
Bonus points for reading a magazine or newspaper while doing so.
You win the internets for life if the newspaper is "Barrons" or "Daily Racing Form".
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:16:37 AM EDT
I honestly have never figured out why it's so important to people to have separate men and women's restrooms. It's not like you can see anything. It's people urinating and defecating. What does gender have to do with the price of rice? About the only difference is men often do the former while standing - and even then, it's not like there's dick on display.

If I'm taking a piss, I really couldn't care less if a woman walked in. What difference does it make?
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:37:18 AM EDT
My biggest problem is that both restrooms are identical in every way and are right next to each other. I am so tempted to go rip the signs off and stink them both up good.

Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:41:20 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Subnet:
If I'm taking a piss, I really couldn't care less if a woman walked in. What difference does it make?


If that female is my 12 year old daughter and you're taking a piss, then it makes a difference.



To me.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:42:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/21/2008 8:42:54 AM EDT by Smead]
Was it pointed out to the "Notifier" that the company was encouraging "rigid gender roles" via it's restroom policy.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:43:40 AM EDT
Wait, so did you actually get warned by the HR guy for using the bathroom? You should have said, in a very serious manner, that you felt he was punishing you as a result of your physical disability. It's no more idiotic than his warning.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:44:00 AM EDT
I'd file a complaint with HR for Intestinal Harassment.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:47:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Subnet:
I honestly have never figured out why it's so important to people to have separate men and women's restrooms. It's not like you can see anything. It's people urinating and defecating. What does gender have to do with the price of rice? About the only difference is men often do the former while standing - and even then, it's not like there's dick on display.

If I'm taking a piss, I really couldn't care less if a woman walked in. What difference does it make?


At a club in England last week as I'm rolling into the gent's out walks this sweet young lass that appearantly couldn't bear the queue in the lady's room. Nobody even batted an eye about it.
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:48:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/21/2008 8:49:19 AM EDT by Currahee]

Originally Posted By JS98010:
Next time use a wastebasket right in the middle of the office.
Bonus points for reading a magazine or newspaper gun rag or men's magazine while doing so.
You win the internets for life if the newspaper magazine is "Barrons" or "Daily Racing Form"
low class porno and you post pics.


Fixed, and this doesn't even count as a rant without an MS paint
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:49:58 AM EDT
You are now known as "Shit-ass"...or something like it.

Congrats
Link Posted: 7/21/2008 8:51:32 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/21/2008 8:51:32 AM EDT by Bama-Shooter]
Poop thread.
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