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Posted: 9/11/2004 3:47:36 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/20/2004 12:57:49 PM EST by TomJefferson]
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 3:50:26 AM EST
I would suggest prayer, I cannot think of a single other thing. Hope things work out.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 3:51:30 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 3:54:20 AM EST by olyarms]
If she knew she had aids and still hooked up with him, then its criminal

Edit. Why doesn't he get his mother out of the neighborhood.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 3:57:14 AM EST
Damn.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 3:57:45 AM EST
At this point, the only thing you can do is be his friend.
I'm sure he has enough doubt and self recrimination in his life, and doesn't need anyone else to tell him how bad he fucked up.
The only hard thing is knowing the difference between supportive, and being a crutch.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 3:57:51 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 3:59:20 AM EST by TomJefferson]
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 3:59:53 AM EST

Sounds like the telling day will be Thursday when his AIDS test comes back. He should do the 90 days and get the hell out of that neighborhood. While he's sitting it out have a realtor sell it. He should get his mother out of there too. Dump both of the houses. That's a sad spiral of events...

Prayers....
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:02:23 AM EST

Originally Posted By olyarms:
If she knew she had aids and still hooked up with him, then its criminal

Edit. Why doesn't he get his mother out of the neighborhood.



+1

Why not move his mother out of that area??

I know this guy is your friend, but he's made some STUPID decisions. He got into a bad situation, and refused to get out of it. You reap what you sow.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:03:33 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:06:20 AM EST

Originally Posted By Jetlag:
Damn.



x2
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:06:25 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 4:08:09 AM EST by satcong]
TJ

First, it's very sad situation and my heart goes out to you and hope you can find the strength to help your friend. He is gonna have to help himself too though man...take him to a counselor, find out if he has insurance and help him get there. Right now the guy doesn't know the results yet but he's already giving out his possessions.. He needs help soon. Get him some, and you might even save his life.

Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:11:24 AM EST

Originally Posted By Specop_007:

Originally Posted By Jetlag:
Damn.



x2



x3²

prayers go out to you and yours, that is messed up!
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:13:29 AM EST
Forgot to add, if he is HIV positive tell him to see a specialist. Modern medicine has come a long ways in fighting AIDS, and its no longer the death sentence it once was. He may need a constant supply of drugs for the rest of his life, but he can still carry on a for the most part normal life.
And tell him to get one hell of a medical insurance policy before that test comes back.
He's obviously realized he needs to move which is good. So, really he knows what he needs to do. Do his time in jail, get the hell out of the ghetto and move on with life. If he can cope with the HIV (Assuming he has it) then he'll have overcome the biggest challenge life can throw at a man, and come out sttronger for it.

Keep your chin up and keep fighting. Thats all I could tell the guy.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:14:30 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:19:47 AM EST
Looking at my own past, and a few small choices I made, that could have been made differently, I can honestly say this:

There, but for the Grace of God, go I.

All I can suggest for your friend is prayer, and support...but only support him if he's pointing himself in the right direction. The time to be supportive of any further self-destructive behavior is long past. And yes, if he's never known Jesus, the time is now for them to meet.



Oh, and for whatever it's worth, I'm an hour and a half from memphis. If you need anything, IM me.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:21:59 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 4:23:15 AM EST by Zippy_The_Wonderdog]
First off, women aren't evil, but this one chick was for having sex with him while knowing she was infected.

Secondly, he brought a lot of this crap on himself for getting involved in with a girl with an already questionable lifestyle and background. A classic case of taking a girl out of the streets, but not getting the streets out of the girl.

He also seems to do a really shitty job of dealing with bad news.

He could have left the neighborhood. If his mother refused to leave, that's her choice.

I'd say he brought most of this on himself. Perhaps he'll finally learn.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:21:59 AM EST
Your advice for doing the time is good. With current-day AIDS drugs, people can stay well for 15+yrs. It's no longer an immediate death sentence like it used to be.

As far as the trash girlfriend, she is despicable in her actions. I had an AIDS scare when I suffered a bad needle stick while helping to resuscitate a patient with known AIDS, Hep B and Hep C. It wasn't my fault as the damn bitch resident ploughed right into me. I didn't have sex with my wife for 9 months and had testing several times to make damn sure I was negative. Your friend's girlfriend should be thrown in jail but it sounds like that would be an improvement over her current lifestyle.

Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:26:28 AM EST
Don't know how old his mom is, but if he is that devoted then it's time he starts calling the shots and moves her out, not "ask her" but tell her. If she refuses then he's got to go anyway. He's gotten into this mess (in large part) from being in a bad place around bad people and all this because mom won't move? I know so many people whose parents refuse to move even as their neighborhood goes down the toilet, and it almost always takes the kids telling them "IT'S TIME" than the parents making the call on their own. He needs to force the issue (side benefit is it focuses his thoughts on something other than the crackhead bitch)

As for his "touring the country" notion - nice idea, but BAD & DUMB. Running away will solve nothing, he needs to do his time, and while in there, line up everything he needs to do to move his mother out of ghettoville. I would think unloading the house before he goes in might be a thought (will someone watch it or will it get torched if the people in the neighborhood think it's abandoned - a place goes to hell pretty quick with nobody in it)

As for his medical condition, well that depends on the tests. Either way, he needs to get his life's business in order. If results are for the worse, there may be (free) psychological counseling available in the pokey.

+1 for religion

If he wants to give your family a few things, it might not be a bad idea, at least he will know they are in good hands and won't get stolen. On the other hand, don't let him give you really personal stuff like you think someone might if they are contemplating punching out.

Good luck to your friend and to you in finding the wisdom on how to best help him.

Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:29:19 AM EST
Well, TJ, I'm glad we're talking about someone else, and not you!!

Your friend, is JUST as sick as the druggie! Why else would he fall for her? He is also allowing the actions of others, (over which he has NO control), to have too much influence in his life. He has no boundries, and sounds like a "fixer".....

He, is a sick puppy.............

He's gonna have trouble, until he address's his OWN issues...
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:30:17 AM EST
Can't he work out an arrangement so he can do weekend time? How much of the 90 days does he have to do flat? If he is the sole caretaker of an elderly person he should have a shot at something.
Did he get convicted of DUI last time making this his 2nd conviction? Sounds like he needs a better lawyer.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:32:46 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:34:23 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 4:37:33 AM EST by TomJefferson]
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:39:16 AM EST
HEED YOUR OWN ADVICE

IF THIS GUY GOES ON THE RUN AND COMES TO STAY WITH YOU, YOU ARE AIDING AND ABETTING!

Don't let your love for a friend carry you down with him. You would be doing the exact thing that he did with the girl. Ten foot pole bro. As much as it hurts, you know what's right.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:41:28 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:43:30 AM EST

Originally Posted By TomJefferson:

Originally Posted By liberty86:
Well, TJ, I'm glad we're talking about someone else, and not you!!

Your friend, is JUST as sick as the druggie! Why else would he fall for her? He is also allowing the actions of others, (over which he has NO control), to have too much influence in his life. He has no boundries, and sounds like a "fixer".....

He, is a sick puppy.............

He's gonna have trouble, until he address's his OWN issues...



we have been in the shit together and risked life and limb for each other

You of all people ought to be able to read between the lines where this happened and give you a tad more insight to where his head is at.

Doesn't mean you are wrong but you should understand.

Tj




I think I do know what you mean, and I do understand. If he is unwilling to take a look at his OWN behavior, and actions, then there is nothing you can do.

First off, why is he freaking about AIDS, when the test isn't even back yet??

If you have sat down, and gotten real with him, that's ALL you can do...

The Choices, are his alone.

Don't allow your friend to pull you down too, TJ.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 4:58:06 AM EST
So it's all her fault? What about the crack head guys who promised her love, over and over and ruined her train of good thinking? This kind of situation has to do with more than 1 girl who fell astray. Wrong as she was, she's probably been abused beyond beliefe, raped and tortured. She ran back to the only kind man she ever knew... but the viscious cycle pulled her back in.

Yeah, the women are the evil ones.......but so are the guys. It's a 50/50 split there fellas, sorry to inform you of it.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:01:43 AM EST
Personally I'd advise him to keep the Kabar. He may be able to put it to good use.
I can think of a few things right off the top of my head.........
sorry but my anger after reading this is showing.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:05:25 AM EST

Originally Posted By Mallory_Knox:
So it's all her fault? What about the crack head guys who promised her love, over and over and ruined her train of good thinking? This kind of situation has to do with more than 1 girl who fell astray. Wrong as she was, she's probably been abused beyond beliefe, raped and tortured. She ran back to the only kind man she ever knew... but the viscious cycle pulled her back in.

Yeah, the women are the evil ones.......but so are the guys. It's a 50/50 split there fellas, sorry to inform you of it.



Lemme see if I get this? She finds a nice guy to love her and care for her, but she was shit on by some lowlifes, so that makes it ok for her to shit on a nice guy? Are you stu stu stupid? That's like saying that a store owner that gets robbed is justified in robbing another store owner.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:09:21 AM EST

Originally Posted By Paul:
White knight syndrome.

Taking care of his mother is a good thing, letting her stay in a home that's comfortable to her while risking his and her lives isn't. A rational person would have taken momma out of the ghetto by force if need be.

The girl. When you hook up with a moral less girl don't really be surprised that she'll do anything to anyone. Including steal and expose you to AIDS. Did he test positive yet? There are plenty of women around here that have nice tits and a pretty face. Sounds like that's all it took as the really important part of a lover was over looked by your friend. I mean damn, could he have picked a more screwed up woman to latch onto then her? It's what I call the White Knight Syndrome where the person - normally a guy - latches onto some low life thinking that if he can change her and repair 21 years of screwed up life then the girl will love him forever for saving her. WRONG. Only happens in fairly tales.

Your friend needs professional help to see where his lifestyle is going to lead him.

Sorry.



Technically its called Capt'n Save-A-Hoe. Theres a bit of Capt'n Save-A-Hoe in all of us.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:12:45 AM EST
Damn.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:14:20 AM EST
Other than prayer I don't know what else to offer.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:24:11 AM EST

Originally Posted By C-4:
Your advice for doing the time is good. With current-day AIDS drugs, people can stay well for 15+yrs. It's no longer an immediate death sentence like it used to be.




I agree with this. First of all, there are many people than can have HIV for many years before it becomes a medical problem and develops into full-blown AIDS, and second (as C-4 points out) people can live a long time after developing AIDS these days. Much long than in the past. (as an example, my fianee's best friend was diagnosed with AIDS in the late 80s, and live over 12 years- and we don't know how long he had HIV before that).

Plus, to go on the lam, with a warrant out of you - essentially living as a fugitive - may not be the most fun an relaxing way to "live out" your final years. I think he should "take his medicine" (no pun or joke intended) and do the 90 days. (He did after all drive drunk, and could easily have killed someone). In addition, if the test does come back positive (God forbid) then the 90 days might be a good time for him to reflect and think about what to do. In addition, may the jail will have access to some kind of health care, in which they can get him started on a variety of HIV drugs. (I don't know how that works, but it might be worth looking into).


In any event I don't think he should be making any decisions BEFORE he knows the results. For all the knows, the chick didn't really have HIV at all, but was just saying it for some bizarre reason.



I'm really sorry to hear about this - it's just a horrible situation any way you look at it I've got my fingers crossed for the test.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:33:18 AM EST

TJ, nothing really to add here, except to say that if I had been through everything your friend has, I probably would have turned to vigilantism in that neighborhood by now. Thank God I have never been mugged or attacked, let alone repeatedly.

Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:49:26 AM EST
lay down with dogs....
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:50:11 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:53:43 AM EST
TJ, I really do think he may be suicidal...giving away personal items is a classic sign of it and it seems like he feels he has nothing to lose, so ending his life may look good for him. Unfortunately, I don't know that there is much more that you can do. You have already been a strong shoulder for him, but you can't fix it for him. I would think keeping in regular contact with him and reminding him of the good things in his life (if you can find some) would be best. He is lucky to have someone like you.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:58:31 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 6:06:47 AM EST
Either way. he still owes society for his crime of DUI. Honor that first.

The rest , well....I can't see how he wasn't involved in any drugs himself....


SGtar`5
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 6:23:48 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 6:24:41 AM EST by TomJefferson]
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 6:30:49 AM EST
TJ, I had no intentions of insulting your friends. But do you really think he wasn't involved in any drugs himself?

COme on...............................


ANd if he has gone thru it in the past then he should have been smart enought to see thru this girls.


EIther way, I am sorry for your friend and for you since it is obviously causing you pain.


But if he owes 90 days for DUI then he owes 90 days.


If he lead a life of integrity than why stop now by not fullfilling hius committeements to the courts?


SGtar15
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 6:34:20 AM EST

Originally Posted By TomJefferson:

Originally Posted By MarianLibrarian:
TJ, I really do think he may be suicidal...giving away personal items is a classic sign of it and it seems like he feels he has nothing to lose, so ending his life may look good for him. Unfortunately, I don't know that there is much more that you can do. You have already been a strong shoulder for him, but you can't fix it for him. I would think keeping in regular contact with him and reminding him of the good things in his life (if you can find some) would be best. He is lucky to have someone like you.



Thanks Marian and yes this was my first thought and came right out and discussed it at length last night.

The personal property issues really stem from his having to sell his home, I hope anyway. He knows how much my son loves knives and sees him as almost an uncle and my wife loves small sports cars. We actually gave him an Opel GT once. He's keeping his dad's .45.

Still your warning is noted and I am concerned.

Tj



Glad to hear that you got that out in the open and that you are aware that suicide still might be an idea for him. Really I think you are doing everything you can...just keep on keepin' on and pray that he sees that there is goodness around him. Hang in there.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 6:52:34 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 7:03:06 AM EST
tj, you might want to give him a call this afternoon, and remind him that 3 years ago, today, there were a few thousand people who didn't have the luxury of a few months or years to say their good-byes and put their affairs in order before departing this earth. No matter what the tests come back saying, this is an unmistakable wake-up call for him to get his life back together, and running or wallowing in self-pity won't get it done. Whether he has 40 days or 40 years left, today is the day to start and put things back on track, and what he does from this day to his last will determine his legacy. You might also mention that his father's .45 was a gift of rememberence, not something to be dishonored with something so disgraceful as a son taking his own life.

None of us know when we will be called, that his doctor may or may not put a limit on it does not mean he is being shortchanged. Others will die today, in an accident, from an unexpected heart attack, and on the other side of the world, and your friend will live to see more sunrises than they. It's up to him to make the most of them.

Link Posted: 9/11/2004 12:36:43 PM EST

Originally Posted By Mallory_Knox:
So it's all her fault? What about the crack head guys who promised her love, over and over and ruined her train of good thinking? This kind of situation has to do with more than 1 girl who fell astray. Wrong as she was, she's probably been abused beyond beliefe, raped and tortured. She ran back to the only kind man she ever knew... but the viscious cycle pulled her back in.

Yeah, the women are the evil ones.......but so are the guys. It's a 50/50 split there fellas, sorry to inform you of it.



Some women are evil.....but most of the time, a man made them that way.

<-----former one-time victim of Captain save-a-hoe syndrome, not yet fully recovered (and may never be...).
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 12:43:56 PM EST

Originally Posted By Specop_007:

...

Technically its called Capt'n Save-A-Hoe. Theres a bit of Capt'n Save-A-Hoe in all of us.



+1

Best of luck with the situation. Do your best to monitor and help him out, outline his options to him regarding the legal trouble and the rest of the difficulties. After that, it really is up to him.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 1:04:48 PM EST
Not good.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 1:13:29 PM EST
Just keep supporting as you know best, TJ. He has a tough row to hoe for a bit.

And make sure to take care of yourself - you can't help anyone if you're on the disabled list.

(Damn, this is a shame)
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 1:33:57 PM EST

First off: WAPCE

Women Are Pure Concentrated Evil

There is no debating this fact. All men find this out in time.


But having said that, (in my opinion) this guy is an alcoholic and a love and sex addict and needs to get in to AA and Love and Sex addicts anonymous NOW.

He is hitting a bottom here, but it may not be enough of a bottom to force him to see that he has a serious problem and needs to seek real help.

I am sorry to say that he may be using you to stay in denial. By talking to you and getting sympathy and blaming all of his problems on others he is not confronting the real issues in his life and that he himself is at the heart of all of this. He has created the chaos in his life because he keeps chasing the dragon of love and sex addiction. (and alcohol as well)

I have been where you are. My friend had me convinced that it was all the womans fault, and I believed him, until I watched him go through it with the the second women (who was a duplicate of the first one) and that's when I realized that he was just repeating behavior and acting out. And that he will always keep repeating bad behaviour and seek out others to repeat bad behavior with.

The truth is, the only thing you can do is calmly reccomend that he seek these twelve step programs (as well as proffesional help) as soon as possible. He probably won't do that. Opting instead for more alcohol and a new women (love and sex addiction) to screw up his life. And finding people to feel sorry for him and keep him in denial.

Maybe someday when he hits a low enouph bottom he will seek help.

In the mean time he will seek out "friends" (to feel sorry for him) and to convince himself that his problems lie in others and not to himself.

My words may seem hard, but the truth is at times hard, and if you are truely his friend you will stop feeling sorry for him and tell him to get his butt to a twelve step meeting today.


Good luck.


Zen

"This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine"

Link Posted: 9/11/2004 1:40:38 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 2:14:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By Lumpy196:
Women arent evil, ghetto ho's are.




Maybe you misunderstood what I was saying.

I didn't mean to give the impression that I thought women were EVIL.

What I meant to convey is that women are PURE CONCENTRATED EVIL. WAPCE.

That is to say, that they are not Run Of The Mill Evil. ROTME

But PURE CONCENTRATED EVIL.


WAPCE (women are pure concentrated evil)


Say it with me: "Women are pure concentrated evil"


Say it again: "Women are pure concentrated evil"


Don't you feel better now? (I know I do) :)


WAPCE



Zen

<­BR>


"This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine"

Link Posted: 9/11/2004 2:30:37 PM EST
If he's got AIDS, sell everything, make sure his mom is takin care of and track down the whore.
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