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11/22/2017 10:05:29 PM
Posted: 10/7/2004 8:15:14 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/7/2004 8:23:07 PM EST by paenutz]
Thanks for playing along it was fun!
I took a few liberties and edited sum stuff ALL IN RED TXT
but here is your story Arfcom I thought you might want to see the Fruits of your efforts…




Once upon a time......

a group of gun owners decided they had enough..........
so they packed up thier gear...
and off they headed to the range...
for some peaches and snails.
but on the way, they realized they had forgotten all the alcohol
but that was for the best anyway, since they were really practicing for..
Snail Hunting
They soon bored of shooting peaches and snails, so they...
beat an armadillo to death with a small stick while shouting obscenities and flailing their arms
before...
they turned around for the alcohol.
and remembered again they had forgoten it!
they were once again on their way after procuring 25 cases of beer, 3 16 gallon kegs, 3 cases of wild turkey and a package of beer jerky and pork rhinds.

TexRdnec"screw the word limit, we're talking necessities here!"TexRdnec

<then we all farted the theme to Gilligans Islandin unison> MRW

Unfortunately, Tex had chili for breakfast that morning and ...
the pork rines made girlyman sick and he...
..couldn't hold his liquor. I think he shit himself and puked[
eleventy-nine miles to the nearest wal-mart and misterfloppy was out of ammo..
When they got to thedark walmart parking lot, they saw a mutant zombie wearing a john kerry t-shirt, holding a baseball bat...
When they got to dark walmart parking lot, they saw a mutant zombie wearing a john kerry t-shirt, holding a baseball bat...
when the zombie was asked if he had any beer he responded in the negative and had to be put down...
And wepissed on his Lifeless body..
Never really seeing the that the trap was set, the group displayed some remarkable courage to stand and deliver some..
eulogy for his dirt nap....and they sharted
in the zombies face, which again woke him from the undead
and made him even more...
Skerry.
Than an undead creature of the night but something better left forgotten while wearing beer goggles...
Is he
was holding 5lbs of Tannerite.
and a latex buttplug in the other hand, they then decided to have alittle fun with the..
zommbie so, they cutt off the zombies head and played with its brains
Meanwhile the pirates gathered just beyond..
lordtrader stays behind because at this point that zombie was looking damned good to him
the gay pirates jumped out of the bushes and said "Surrender your Booty!"
<lordtrader morphs back into the group>
but lordtrader pulled out his M16, and mowed them all down.
while the other Arfcomers were looking for a black chick in the group for the "booty" ...
Lordtrader got it on with sweet Kerry Zombie love.
But he wasn't in Kalifornia, so it was O.K.
this action sparked a group buy for 500...
ArfCom Condoms
which they proceeded to fill with dieselfueland toss at..
poo covered pictures of barney the purple dinosaur.

"I love you, you lov-guh eck *gurgle*" was heard nearby as the..
sun rose in the east, vaporizing the gathering vampires. But one didn't burn...
So the Arfcomers held him down and packed his head full of C4 and blew it up! Then they sang..
I hate you…
You Hate me…
I’m gonna make you drink my *****Pee, and it
Was heard from sea to shining sea.

Then Janet Reno, Ted Kennedy, and Chucky Shumer showed up and started asking...
where's our beer?
so Arfcom replied...
"We used it to perform an enema on Hillary, but I bet Ted will still swill it down, right Ted?"

Ted, meanwhile, was gazing out over the moonlit water....
Saying wheres my car,wheres my date?
to which ARFCOM replied "You left her in the river, with..
... her legs tied behind her head, I hope you gave her a snorkel
"I gave her a snorkel alright", sayeth Ted.
Then I gave her a "ChiliDog"
Then the big, brown shark came... <then it swam away>

Meenwhile, back at the ranch..
Ted's inbred sister began to pick her toes.

1GR was still gay, and flipping through the channels on TVTheRedGoat

some guy showed up with alot of dolls, he was wearing camobigthicket

and... Then this a-hole JBT pulls up..
eating a cat-kabob..
The JBT then shot the mans dog...
and shouting out ,I AM THE MAYOR !, what the fuck do you think your doing to my dolls???

just then, a flock of walmartians started coming towards the arfers bearing trinkets
that looked curiously like pie.
but... it was just doll pie...sooooo...
They went to Sgtar15s house to "bake" some real pie...

from behind the shrubs, a crazed squirrel attacks..
in the open
They fired a few rounds anyways, accidentally striking a sign toting liberal..
and the squirrel immediatley began consuming large amounts of ...
the liberal's face, while the crowd drank more beer and ate cheesy poofs with..
a side of asparagus and cheese...

just then the royal canadian mounted police appeared to deport the squirrel..
At that moment, out of the clouds appeared Rocky Raccoon...
and he had met his match....
and the coon dogs went wild with delight...

Suddenly MORE zombies appeared wearing MARPAT.

]What zombies? I don't see any zom....AAaaagghhhredleg13a

then a young, fat zombie stood on a rock in the creek and began to do his Crocodile Hunter impression...
in the place where his eyes should have been rested two Tacpoints...
And Sgtar15 began to take aim....
and his girlfriend turned zombie appeared behind him and grabbed...
His rifle, and hit him in the head with the butt stock and shouted...
Shavast ye land lubber! I'll carve out your liver and eat it with me supper!

In the meanwhile, a small group of Arfcommers went out into the woods and proceeded to get lost..
When they came upon more zombies who made razor blade slits in their cockskins and were masturbating with ben gay.
they shot the shit out of them
and continued thier hike....

...then...without warning....a stovepipe so bad that this FTE had rendered Sarges M4 useless.....reaching for a backup sidearm he thought ---fades into dream sequence---sarge is arranging action figures and getting ready to post pics---fades back to reality....."I gotta get home guys, I have a great idea for my next film....and, I want some pie"
and the rest of the arfcommers were ready to give up when...

somebody yelled hey macro!! read the rules numbnuts.


and thensuddenly, DK-Prof jumps out of the bushes screaming something about John Kerry in dutch.
and the sun suddenly rises and the light bulb comes on...
suddenly everbody stops posting and is about to go home when...

Sarge spots a Big Foot and everyone opens up on it...
but everyone was using blanks, instead of real ammo. and....
it was natuarly too far away so they must chase it down in order to finish it off....
and many of the posse were tired and went home. Thus the tough got going..

ARnutt shouts com'n guy keep it going!

just then a giant bear picks off the slow ones.

Then all hell broke loose behind SgtAR15..
SteyrAug SCREAMED "Look its a Gitant Monkey with an Big Wood Dildo behind Sarge!"
SgtAR15 got it plowed into his pooper..
and we find coyote boy in his orange pumpkin shirt cleaning his m4gerys muzzle end first while kissing his sister...

however, the A-Team descends out of no where to their rescue, sporting no-ban black rifles as opposed to Class III's because they weren't technically government employees. Mr. T promptly belts out:
"I pity the foo'!"

Thank God the monkey didn't know how to post pics AKASL


and Mr. T starts shooting the bears didlo bearly missing srgtar15
in the confusion there is an accidental discharge that sends a bullet straight at Mr. T which bounces off his blingbling and hits...
Cyanide in the teeth, wounding him and forcing him to STFU...
whereupon he grabbed his bullet hose and proceded to...
.
STFU

they them rush sgtar15 to the hospital to remove the bears dildo...
Where he inadvertently sees Hillary Clinton naked and is forced to gouge his eyes out with his IV..
With the dilldo removed from sgtar15's pooper..

Sarg is left at the hospital while all the others regroup for a frontal asault on Kerry/Edwards HQ.....
He goes behind enemy lines on a solo mission to....
Find the bear/monkey for another go around!

Meanwhile, at Gunstock HQ....
We do this -> advise zbrane of a new monicker!
and
tex's bbq pit runs out of propane, mass confusion and chaos insues, including...
kegs spilled, and arfcommers sucking it up off the ground. To make matters worse,
Sarge showed up, back from his mission and anounced....
I'm coming out of the closet...At this point Cyanide recals his teeth being shot out and runs for the hills....
singing "Y.M.C.A" over and over with gleeeee.....
As RockRiverNOBAN shouts, Colt is a mean company and please un ban me from ARFcom....
The others just look at him and laugh....

just then John Edwards appears on TV being scolded by sKerry for getting a spanking by cheney...
...and for being so GAY.

edwards then explains to the world that it is eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil assault weapons that caused him to lose the debate and...............
he would rather shove them up his ass than have them loose on the streets....

Meanwhile, EagleArmsHBAR kicks in the door with his SP1 in hand......
shoots the TV and then drinks what beer is left in the keg....
which nets him one good swift kick in the ass from tex who then breaks a beer bottle on the tailgate of his truck and...
is sooooo drunk he forgon he just broke it and then tried to drink from a broken bottle
He almost drinks it and realizes it's empty.

When Paenutz showed up with a fresh keg and a thousand rds of 5.56... being re suplied the arfcomers decided to..
Head for Kalifornia to HUNT down Michael Moore...

but they turn around when some no good sober motherfucker brings up the fact that he still outweighs our entire force.............so instead we...

head for Texas, to hang out with all those Peace and Gun lovers in Waco at Gunstock Oct 15-17th.
only to find the fat fuk M Moore already lashed to a target down range...
Everyone got into a big argument over who was gona shoot first so we all drew straws and...

...meanwhile Mr. T throws down his black rifle screaming. "I don't need no dull rifle! I need mo bling!" Out from the van comes twin stainless mini-14s with stainless 20s and folding stocks...
Doomed Moore screams at Mr T's bling Bling'S......
"Pitty meeeeee I'm a Fooool!!!"
As the creature from Alien comes out his butt!
...screaming, "You're right; he's full of shit!!"

Mr.T dumps 2 20s of Wolf into Mr. Moore, sparing the Alien.

When the alien saw the fire power that the arfcomers had he promptly fled
to tell all other hostile life forms in the Galaxy to stay the fuck away from earth
at all costs!

The arfcomers continued in thier pursuit for Good times, Kick-ass weapons,
Hot chicks, Beer, Ammo, Bad people, Good game to hunt,
and all in all Keeping America Free!

THE END


Link to thread
Link Posted: 10/7/2004 8:17:13 PM EST
Wow.


Strange MR T always shows up in these
Link Posted: 10/7/2004 8:18:44 PM EST
tag
Link Posted: 10/7/2004 8:20:57 PM EST
Its actually Purrdy damn Funny if ya read it.
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