Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login

Site Notices
9/16/2019 10:09:13 PM
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Posted: 1/6/2012 1:52:55 PM EDT
So how hard up would you have to be to hire a 100 year old prostitute?

http://bisserjeta.hsara.com/2012/01/100-year-old-prostitute-still-going-strong/



She says advanced age has several advantages. “Losing all my teeth has been a Godsend, I can tell you. And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”

Being more than a century old certainly hasn’t diminished her creativity either. “I can do more things with a tire-swing and a rolling pin than you could ever possibly imagine.”
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:53:58 PM EDT
Bucket list?
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:54:53 PM EDT
What the fucking fuckety fuck?
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:55:09 PM EDT
Whatever floats yer boat
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:55:37 PM EDT
Yeah, I guess.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:56:15 PM EDT
Hair?
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:56:58 PM EDT
Mother of God.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:57:37 PM EDT
Originally Posted By thorshammerblow:
Mother of God.


Grandmother, maybe
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:59:14 PM EDT
dusty in there
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 1:59:22 PM EDT
Her nickname must be . Miss Gumby.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:01:59 PM EDT
If she's been turning tricks for 80+ years, she's gotta have some mad skills, yo!
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:02:05 PM EDT
Do the curtains match the rug?
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:03:38 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Torqued:
And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”


thats funny stuff

Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:04:48 PM EDT
If ever there was a thread that called for this, . . . this is it
. . .


Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:05:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:05:09 PM EDT
And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”

She's got humor

Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:06:47 PM EDT
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:10:30 PM EDT
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:12:11 PM EDT
I got nothin' against hookers, but...


nope. bullet in the head first.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:12:30 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Isenhelm:
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?


How many want to??????
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:15:02 PM EDT
I couldn't help but laugh. Not so much because it was funny, but because I didn't know what else to do.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:17:31 PM EDT
Originally Posted By mhall8811:
Originally Posted By Isenhelm:
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?


How many want to??????


Would banging a 20 year old five times be the same?

Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:18:08 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Isenhelm:
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?


Just ask all the politicians at her birthday party.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:20:25 PM EDT
Hey, no need for protection
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:21:09 PM EDT
WTF
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:31:06 PM EDT
I would only hit it if she was a veteran.

Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:35:47 PM EDT
Reminds me of the story of a 93 year old guy who goes to a brothel. He's greeted at the door by the Madam who asks him what he wants and he says, "I want a piece of tail. How much?" She says, "For you, $800." He retorts, "$800! You must be puttin' me on!" She says, "No - that'll be another $200."

Also reminds me of the riddle:
What do walking a tight rope and getting head from a 100 year old hooker have in common?
In both cases, whatever you do, you don't want to look down.

Also reminds me of the guy who goes to a brothel but the Madam tells him there's a convention in town and all the hookers are booked for the night. He asks her if there's anything that she can do to help - he'll pay big. She says, "My granny's a former hooker. Maybe she'll take care of you." He agrees and the Madam sends him to a room in back where there's a 100 year old woman sitting in a chair watching tv. He explains how badly he needs to get off so she agrees to help. She tells him she's too dry to do it the regular way, or in the back door, and her false teeth bother her too much to give head, but she thinks she can help. So to his surprise, she pops out a glass eye and proceeds to wink him off. After they're done he gives her a huge tip and tells her, "That was the greatest I've ever had! I've got to come back to see you again." She replied, "Thanks, I'll keep my eye out for you."
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:46:26 PM EDT
Originally Posted By SecondAmend:
Reminds me of the story of a 93 year old guy who goes to a brothel. He's greeted at the door by the Madam who asks him what he wants and he says, "I want a piece of tail. How much?" She says, "For you, $800." He retorts, "$800! You must be puttin' me on!" She says, "No - that'll be another $200."

Also reminds me of the riddle:
What do walking a tight rope and getting head from a 100 year old hooker have in common?
In both cases, whatever you do, you don't want to look down.

Also reminds me of the guy who goes to a brothel but the Madam tells him there's a convention in town and all the hookers are booked for the night. He asks her if there's anything that she can do to help - he'll pay big. She says, "My granny's a former hooker. Maybe she'll take care of you." He agrees and the Madam sends him to a room in back where there's a 100 year old woman sitting in a chair watching tv. He explains how badly he needs to get off so she agrees to help. She tells him she's too dry to do it the regular way, or in the back door, and her false teeth bother her too much to give head, but she thinks she can help. So to his surprise, she pops out a glass eye and proceeds to wink him off. After they're done he gives her a huge tip and tells her, "That was the greatest I've ever had! I've got to come back to see you again." She replied, "Thanks, I'll keep my eye out for you."


Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:56:17 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2012 2:58:15 PM EDT by RF11]

Originally Posted By E__WOK:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta literally means 'with all seriousness' but is used in converstion a little more like 'are you kidding me?' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:57:08 PM EDT
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By E__WOK:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.


Party pooper!
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 2:59:48 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By E__WOK:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.


Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.

Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:05:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By E__WOK:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.


Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.



But just think about how it would stimulate the local economy!
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:07:08 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2012 3:08:57 PM EDT by RF11]

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By E__WOK:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.


Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.



But just think about how it would stimulate the local economy!

I was thinking of the riots when they got here and didn't find her.

It would be like the Occupy movement but with an actual reason to demonstrate.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:07:53 PM EDT
Spongebob isn't on the local TV and we can repair our own printers.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:10:25 PM EDT
i'll bet she gives a wicked gumjob.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:13:08 PM EDT
Experience has gotta count for something.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:15:59 PM EDT
no......thats just fuckin nasty
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:16:05 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Torqued:
So how hard up would you have to be to hire a 100 year old prostitute?

http://bisserjeta.hsara.com/2012/01/100-year-old-prostitute-still-going-strong/

https://fbcdn-profile-a.akamaihd.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/276929_302206099814512_909356858_n.jpg

She says advanced age has several advantages. "Losing all my teeth has been a Godsend, I can tell you. And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”

Being more than a century old certainly hasn’t diminished her creativity either. "I can do more things with a tire-swing and a rolling pin than you could ever possibly imagine.”


Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:29:23 PM EDT
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By E__WOK:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.


Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.



But just think about how it would stimulate the local economy!

I was thinking of the riots when they got here and didn't find her.

It would be like the Occupy movement but with an actual reason to demonstrate.


Most people won't read down this far, though... so we might get a few pages out of this yet...
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:34:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2012 3:34:48 PM EDT by RF11]

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By Torqued:
Originally Posted By RF11:

Originally Posted By E__WOK:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.


Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.



But just think about how it would stimulate the local economy!

I was thinking of the riots when they got here and didn't find her.

It would be like the Occupy movement but with an actual reason to demonstrate.


Most people won't read down this far, though... so we might get a few pages out of this yet...

There was a bit of an uproar as most people didn't realize it was a joke, some complained that the police weren't doing the job and the church even condemned it

Look at some of the comments this one is priceless:

she might be old , but NEVER knew what sex was all about—–2 persons male/female become one in flesh and spirit…………..don’t sell your soul for 2 minute fun + lust.

God STILL GIVE HER TIME TO REPENT , OTHER WISE SHE GOES TO HELL.

TURN OR BURN DORIS.

YOU A SERVANT OF SATIN– SO REPENT .




Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:34:47 PM EDT
god the nastiest joke i know would be PERFECT here....but its too long to type + i would get banned....but man is it funny.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:37:23 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Zenvo:
god the nastiest joke i know would be PERFECT here....but its too long to type + i would get banned....but man is it funny.


if it's the better late than never joke, go ahead. make 'em rage.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:41:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By rainman:
Originally Posted By mhall8811:
Originally Posted By Isenhelm:
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?


How many want to??????


Would banging a 20 year old five times be the same?



Sure.
Just like when my wife asked me to give all 12 inches and make her bleed...

I had to do her twice and then punch her in the nose.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:41:27 PM EDT
There's a growing problem with VD in nursing homes.

Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:43:17 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:48:08 PM EDT
Originally Posted By WinstonSmith:
There's a growing problem with VD in nursing homes.



Howard is the senior senior member of the nursing home and at the age of 94 still gets around pretty good. One of his favorite places to go is the garden where he can sit in seclusion and ponder his life's accomplishments.

One day another member of the home named Annebel walks in and the two begin to talk. Soon the conversation turns to sex and Howard says "that's what I miss most of all." The woman looks at the frail Howard and says "you old coot...what makes you think you can still get it up?" "I suppose you're right" says Howard "but at least it would be nice if someone would just hold it." The old woman saw no harm in this and agreed to "hold it" and this activity went on everyday for a couple of weeks.

One day Annebel went into the garden to be with Howard and he was nowhere to be found. She was told he was last seen in room 905 so off she went. Annebel arrives at room 905 and is shocked to find Howard with another nursing home member named Mabel. They are sitting together and Mabel is "holding it", Annebel instantly becomes irrate and shouts "Howard, how could you do this to me, what does she have that I don't have?"...Howard just smiles and says "Parkinson's".
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:51:55 PM EDT
Hey grandma, your date is here.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:55:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2012 3:56:20 PM EDT by gearjammer351]
My ex-wife was a British army nurse, and she told me they had problems with soldiers deployed to Africa banging prostitutes without condoms. African prostitutes.

That's hard-up/stupid right there.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 3:58:42 PM EDT
No, no, no...

Link Posted: 1/6/2012 4:02:02 PM EDT
Her bangability factor is only a lightswitch away.
Link Posted: 1/6/2012 4:02:03 PM EDT
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Top Top