WOMAN'S POEM

     Before I lay me down to sleep,
     I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
     One who's handsome, smart and strong.
     One who loves to listen long.
     One who thinks before he speaks.
     One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
     I pray he's gainfully employed,
     When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
     Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
     Massages my back and begs to do more.
     Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind.
     Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
     I pray that this man will love me to no end,
     And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

     I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
     who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
     doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

No poems needed indeed.

Man's poem about the perfect woman:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a lady, who's not a creep,
One who's lovely, with  legs so long.
One who loves to kiss the dong.
One who thinks before she speaks.
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I hope and pray she's not at all fat,
I really just can't handle that!
I want a girl who overhauls engines,
Now that, I think, would really be bitchin'!
I pray she's got a high paying job,
Won't watch soaps or be a slob.
She's not afraid to wash the dishes,
and at me she never bitches.
Takes off her clothes and meets me at the door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
A lady in company and a whore in bed,
who won't dump me or shoot me dead.
Oh! Send me a lady who'll make love to my mind.
And says to me, "Do you want my behind?"
I pray that this woman will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.


There's my version.


CJ

You're in the wrong business CMJ!  

Thanks for the Laughs Patty!!!hole

~lulu620

Roses are red, Violets are blue,
Lord send me a woman who will be true,
One who is sexy, smart and sweet.
One who can cook and loves to eat.
Send me a woman to be my best friend,
who will love me to the very end.

Send me a woman to be my wife,
I will love and cherish all my life.

I need a woman who can be a great Mom,
who will love and keep my 'little one'.

I know the Lord loves me, I know this is true;
After all he sent me ........YOU.


A poem/prayer for my wife......

Quoted: Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lord send me a woman who will be true, One who is sexy, smart and sweet. One who can cook and loves to eat. Send me a woman to be my best friend, who will love me to the very end. Send me a woman to be my wife, I will love and cherish all my life. I need a woman who can be a great Mom, who will love and keep my 'little one'. I know the Lord loves me, I know this is true; After all he sent me ........YOU. A poem/prayer for my wife......

That's really sweet!


And CJ... ah, nevermind...

eta;

A lady in company and a whore in bed, who won't dump me or shoot me dead.

+1 to what Ginger said.  I'm glad you enjoyed it LuLu!

I agree with that last diagram.   I've found that all I have to do to get laid on any given
date is just shut up, listen, and let her ramble on and on.  Make the occasional
"You're exactly right!"  "Mmm Hmm..." "Well, yeah, that's pretty obvious to me" sort of comments
and after a little while it's pretty easy to close the deal.    When her mouth starts slowing
down, kiss her.   Make it a good kiss.   From there on it's just a matter of pacing yourself,
meaning it should take at least five minutes to get her shirt off.

Once the shirt is off,  I've found that the course of the evening is pretty well set in stone
if I don't make any serious mistakes.




CJ

Quoted: I agree with that last diagram.   I've found that all I have to do to get laid on any given date is just shut up, listen, and let her ramble on and on.  Make the occasional "You're exactly right!"  "Mmm Hmm..." "Well, yeah, that's pretty obvious to me" sort of comments and after a little while it's pretty easy to close the deal.    When her mouth starts slowing down, kiss her.   Make it a good kiss.   From there on it's just a matter of pacing yourself, meaning it should take at least five minutes to get her shirt off. Once the shirt is off,  I've found that the course of the evening is pretty well set in stone if I don't make any serious mistakes. CJ

sounds like you got a good plan going on there!
Good Luck with that!

~S

Well, this thread was good for a couple of chuckles.

Quoted: sounds like you got a good plan going on there! Good Luck with that! ~S

I've found that it actually works quite well.  

Every time I've had a woman talk to me for 45 minutes straight in a dating situation,
I got a nice serving of pie.  EVERY TIME.

Of course, my ears were ringing by then, but I still got pie.


CJ

oooo, i had a really funny postcard on my dorm room door for years


I think that I shall never see a guy who's perfect just for me!
A man who's bright and doesn't bore me,
who has the good taste to adore me.
One who'll make my insides tingle, who is (dare I hope it?) single,
And who, if our lips should lock,
can send my hormones into shock!
A man whose passion doesn't wane when he finds out I've got a brain,
Yet one who'll flatter, charm, and flirt
(a lot of money couldn't hurt!)
So if you see my Mr. Right, feel free to call me day or night!
And if he doesn't come along -- I'll consider Mr. Wrong      



and a toast a friend and i created

Here's to the guys we like
Here's to the guys who like us
The guys we like don't like us
So fuck the guys and here's to US!  

 Click save!

Quoted: oooo, i had a really funny postcard on my dorm room door for years I think that I shall never see a guy who's perfect just for me! A man who's bright and doesn't bore me, who has the good taste to adore me. One who'll make my insides tingle, who is (dare I hope it?) single, And who, if our lips should lock, can send my hormones into shock! A man whose passion doesn't wane when he finds out I've got a brain, Yet one who'll flatter, charm, and flirt (a lot of money couldn't hurt!) So if you see my Mr. Right, feel free to call me day or night! And if he doesn't come along -- I'll consider Mr. Wrong       and a toast a friend and i created Here's to the guys we like Here's to the guys who like us The guys we like don't like us So fuck the guys and here's to US!

For all of us who are married, were married,
wish you were married, or wish you weren't married,
this is something to smile about the next time
you open a box of chocolates:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips
in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman
walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car
and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit
of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, l looking intently at everything she saw,
studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat
next to Sally.

"What in bag? " asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the white bag and said,
"It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".

"The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

"Good trade."

I am a big fan of limericks... sooo..



As I grew older
I also grew bolder
and with all the young girls I did flirt.

My wife caught me eyeing,
And assisted my dying,
Now all I'll be eyeing is dirt!