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Posted: 8/20/2004 10:34:05 AM EST
This might be a little long, but since there have been a few other threads on relationship
problems, I thought I would post. I have been seeing this girl for about a month and a half
and everything seemed to be going real well. We'd spend the night together every night and
just spend a lot of time together period. She stated that she had strong feelings for me and
even asked me if I wanted to move in with her. We agreed not to do the move in thing this
soon after all and we were both cool with it. However, this past week we haven't spent any time together because she had relatives over and I missed her but understood. I talked to her
yesterday and she said she had missed me during this week and we would go out to dinner tonight.
Well she calls me this morning and says we should go to her cousin's for a party which she did not mention anything about yesterday. I say that I'd rather go out to dinner with her and spend some
time alone with her instead. She immediately cuts me off and says she has to go. Now she was at
work but it seemed like she got pissed that I wanted just a night between us. WTF? Is she becoming a friggin control freak all of a sudden? She tells me yesterday that she misses me and today acts like she dosen't want to spend time alone with me. I'm getting the feeling that maybe
I am a burden on her and she just bs'd me about her feelings for me. It's getting real frustrating
and quite frankly I am starting to become a basket case about it. We got along so good and just
within the last week and a half this shit has started. I have treated her like a queen and I
get this shit in return? Maybe I have been to friggin nice and available. Anyway, any opinions
on what I should do? Especially from the women on this forum?
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:39:15 AM EST
The fact that she wants you to come to a family gathering is a GOOD sign, not a bad one. Why not compromise, tell her you will go, but you'd like to leave early enough to go out to a movie/few drinks/whatever with her afterwards since you haven't seen her for a while.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:42:25 AM EST

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
The fact that she wants you to come to a family gathering is a GOOD sign, not a bad one. Why not compromise, tell her you will go, but you'd like to leave early enough to go out to a movie/few drinks/whatever with her afterwards since you haven't seen her for a while.




hint: listen to the women, they know how the others think.

Its like a borg thing or a hive-mind.

Really go to the thing, don't be so short with her, the point is to spend time with her, not get dinner or see a movie,

plus she probably doesn't want to go, and feels obligated so make it better for her by being some good companty,

then get her drunk on margaritas.....
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:42:37 AM EST
oh what the hell...

STUFF IT IN HER POOPER AND POST PICS!
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:42:59 AM EST
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:43:35 AM EST

IT'S A TRAP!!!
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:43:37 AM EST
Yes, those relatio-thingies are hard. One thing I've learned over time:

If you love something...

Set it free.



If one night it hangs a slaughtered pig with a love haiku engraved on it's stomach outside of your bedroom window...

It was meant to be.


Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:45:33 AM EST
1. You are over analyzing the situation.

2. There will be plenty of time for you to be "together" after the party.

3. If you have any intentions of getting married or having a long term relationship, be prepared to go lots of places you don't want to go, and do lots of things you don't want to do.

4. Women cut men off in conversations and insist on having their way. It's what they do.

The sooner that you accecpt items 1-4, the sooner you will be able to go back to getting laid on a regular basis.

Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:46:06 AM EST

Originally Posted By motown_steve:
1. You are over analyzing the situation.

2. There will be plenty of time for you to be "together" after the party.

3. If you have any intentions of getting married or having a long term relationship, be prepared to go lots of places you don't want to go, and do lots of things you don't want to do.

4. Women cut men off in conversations and insist on having their way. It's what they do.

The sooner that you accecpt items 1-4, the sooner you will be able to go back to getting laid on a regular basis.





GOD is that you?!?!

Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:46:52 AM EST
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:47:29 AM EST

Originally Posted By Dolomite:
Yes, those relatio-thingies are hard. One thing I've learned over time:

If you love something...

Set it free.



If one night it hangs a slaughtered pig with a love haiku engraved on it's stomach outside of your bedroom window...
It was meant to be.





YOU OWE ME A NEW KEYBOARD AND A TEE SHIRT!

I shot grap juice out of my nose when I read this post!!!

Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:53:04 AM EST
I think your spending to much time with her. Spending every night with her when you've only been dating a month and a half sounds kinda clingy
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:53:29 AM EST

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
Anyway, any opinions on what I should do? Especially from the women on this forum?



Well, if it was me, I'd talk to her and tell her it sounded like she got pissed when you wanted to be alone with her. I'd ask her to expain what happened and how she felt.

Then again, I don't know squat about relationships.

Good luck.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:55:38 AM EST
Women are nuts.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:57:19 AM EST
only a month. Just move on and think like a Republican
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:58:39 AM EST

Originally Posted By Mmanwitgun:
I think your spending to much time with her. Spending every night with her when you've only been dating a month and a half sounds kinda clingy



this is a good point. and even considering the idea of moving in together that early is really a bad idea.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 10:58:44 AM EST
This thread is actually turning out better than I expected.....yes, they're nuts, yes, they're frustrating, yes, it's all their fault,


<----soaking up all the good advice.

<--especially "If you love something, set it free".
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 11:03:13 AM EST
if you ever need advice on how to piss them off, then and only then will i be qualified to help you out.............
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 11:06:59 AM EST


That's life kid! Work on her or move on. Take your pick.


Link Posted: 8/20/2004 11:50:41 AM EST
The problem I see here is that women have ALL the pussy.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 11:54:44 AM EST

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
She immediately cuts me off and says she has to go. Now she was at
work but it seemed like she got pissed that I wanted just a night between us. WTF? Is she becoming a friggin control freak all of a sudden? She tells me yesterday that she misses me and today acts like she dosen't want to spend time alone with me.





If she HAS TO GO to a family event, she has to go - what's so hard to understand about that? Maybe she doesn't even want to go, and I agree with others that it's a good sign that she wants you to be around her family.

Stop being so selfish. A relationship isn't about just YOU and what you want.

Just my opinion - since you asked.



Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:01:11 PM EST
seriously, man, she just invited you to see some of her family. thats a nice thing and can be fun to. youve already spent alot of alone time with her so what the hell is so hard about going and hanging out with her and some of her relatives for awhile? she probably thinks you are afraid to meet her family or something. open yourself up some more, have a good time with her family, and dont worry so much. take a chill pill-and its allgood
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:10:45 PM EST

Originally Posted By sirbordsalot311:
seriously, man, she just invited you to see some of her family. thats a nice thing and can be fun to. youve already spent alot of alone time with her so what the hell is so hard about going and hanging out with her and some of her relatives for awhile? she probably thinks you are afraid to meet her family or something. open yourself up some more, have a good time with her family, and dont worry so much. take a chill pill-and its allgood





Besides, go to this, and you could get some PIE!!!


Seriously she might make you dessert or something.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:12:03 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:19:52 PM EST

Originally Posted By texastactical:
Act like you don't need her.......she will be all over you.



Ayup.

If you want to go, go.

If not, don't.

The needier you are, the more indecisive you are, the clinger and more willing you are, the less you get.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:22:56 PM EST
Thanks for the replies. I will keep trying with her. I don't give up that easy. Maybe I have to
much pride and am paronoid about being controlled by a woman. I think I'll let her
call the shots for a change and see what happens.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:29:15 PM EST

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

If she HAS TO GO to a family event, she has to go - what's so hard to understand about that? Maybe she doesn't even want to go, and I agree with others that it's a good sign that she wants you to be around her family.

Stop being so selfish. A relationship isn't about just YOU and what you want.

Just my opinion - since you asked.






Um....I think the 'has to go' wasn't referring to the family event, but the phone conversation. You know, the typical (of both sexes) 'I don't want to deal with this right now and don't want to get into why I don't want to deal with this so I'm just going to say I've got to go and hang up the phone shutting down the conversation' thing.


I tend to agree with the overall assessment, though......I don't think he was being THAT selfish, but relationships are about two people, and about compromising together. Guy would have been much better off expressing interest in going and perhaps working on a compromise like suggested earlier in the thread.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:37:56 PM EST

Is she becoming a friggin control freak all of a sudden?


I think you are my brother. No offense, you asked for opinions.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:38:56 PM EST
Never give an inch. I had two years of a wonderful relationship...... and then I told her I loved her. It was like flipping a switch. She turned into an evil manipulative bee-otch.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:39:18 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/20/2004 12:42:38 PM EST by 426maxwedge]
hard-case, I don't think I was being too selfish either. So what do I do now? Should I
just tell her if you want to go to your cousin's then let's go? She is going to think I am
a spineless wimp now? Damn, I can't win either way.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:43:00 PM EST

Originally Posted By texastactical:
Don't jump to any conclusions. Act like you don't need her.......she will be all over you.



+1. This is the only truth in this thread so far.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:44:40 PM EST
Well if you cant win either way, try to make her happy by going and hanging with her and her family. You sitting at home pouting isnt gonna do either of you any good.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:46:28 PM EST

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
hard-case, I don't think I was being too selfish either. So what do I do now? Should I
just tell her if you want to go to your cousin's then let's go? She is going to think I am
a spineless wimp now? Damn, I can't win either way.

How does doing something that she wants to do make you a spineless wimp? You're making this way harder than it has to be. I don't see where she said that the 2 of you were spending the entire day and night with her family, it's just a party. If you can not compromise with her, then the relationship is doomed anyway.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 12:46:44 PM EST

Originally Posted By Ragnaroc:
Never give an inch. I had two years of a wonderful relationship...... and then I told her I loved her. It was like flipping a switch. She turned into an evil manipulative bee-otch.



Never say "I love you " first. Maintain at least a 5 to 1 "I love you" ratio as well. When she says it, it DOES NOT mean that you have to parrot it back to her.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 1:00:54 PM EST

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
hard-case, I don't think I was being too selfish either. So what do I do now? Should I
just tell her if you want to go to your cousin's then let's go? She is going to think I am
a spineless wimp now? Damn, I can't win either way.

How does doing something that she wants to do make you a spineless wimp? You're making this way harder than it has to be. I don't see where she said that the 2 of you were spending the entire day and night with her family, it's just a party. If you can not compromise with her, then the relationship is doomed anyway.



It's one thing to go along and do something that she wants, it's another when she suddenly changes plans, tells you what she wants you to do, and then get's all pissy about when you don't do exactly like she told you.

You did the right thing by suggesting something else. You are seeing who true personality come out and she is a control freak. Tell her she can go to the party and you'll see her on a different night. That is unless you preferr to be dominated and controlled by a woman who will throw a fit everytime you ideas disagree with what she wants you to do.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 1:05:31 PM EST

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
Thanks for the replies. I will keep trying with her. I don't give up that easy. Maybe I have to
much pride and am paronoid about being controlled by a woman.
I think I'll let her
call the shots for a change and see what happens.



Doing something she wants to do is not being controlled by the woman. Being clingy and paranoid is being controlled by your penis(its called pussy-whipped). Go to the party. Get laid. Enjoy.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 1:08:53 PM EST
Don't take things too seriously. A lot of people act different when relatives or friends are around. This may be what is going on now. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to spend time alone with her. However, I see her inviting you to a family event as a good thing. Who knows, it may have led to some alone time. Stop worrying about being controlled and enjoy the relationship.

BTW, if you find out what makes relationships so hard, please let me know!
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 1:11:24 PM EST

Originally Posted By SWIRE:

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
hard-case, I don't think I was being too selfish either. So what do I do now? Should I
just tell her if you want to go to your cousin's then let's go? She is going to think I am
a spineless wimp now? Damn, I can't win either way. hr
How does doing something that she wants to do make you a spineless wimp? his


It's one thing to go along and do something that she wants, it's another when she suddenly changes plans, tells you what she wants you to do, and then get's all pissy about when you don't do exactly like she told you.

You did the right thing by suggesting something else. You are seeing who true personality come out and she is a control freak. Tell her she can go to the party and you'll see her on a different night. That is unless you preferr to be dominated and controlled by a woman who will throw a fit everytime you ideas disagree with what she wants you to do.



That's exactly why I was frustrated. We made plans yesterday for a quiet night between us
and it seems like she wanted to get a rise out of me. We hadn't seen each other all week
and she said she missed me so I suggested the dinner thing. Come to think of it, I'm
not wrong. But that still dosen't mean I won't go to the party. hinking.gif
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 1:25:57 PM EST
Here's what you do:

Go to the party to shut her up. Then when you get bored, tell her "We're going". If she pipes up, then you backhand her.

It's either that or let go of this neandrethal concept you have of maintaining your pride. Frankly, I don't see why you wouldn't want to go to this party. It's a free meal, couple of beers and a probably a piece of ass afterwards.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 1:31:48 PM EST
As a general rule:

1. Women are crazy, and

2. In any situation in which sacrifice is not guaranteed to produce a satisfying emotional high and/or enhance their status, they are selfish.

Sometimes I do not believe that we and they are members of the same species. I sometimes think that through some colossal mixup the ova of actual human women (i.e. females of our species) were implanted in attractive but eerily erratic, oblivious, and irrational space aliens.

Can you tell it's been a tough couple of days at Maison FLAL1A?
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 1:32:11 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/20/2004 1:46:42 PM EST by Jarhead_22]
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:00:08 PM EST
Allright guys, she called and we are going to dinner. htI have to compromise but it seems as if she dosen't care one way or another.
I even said, "It's not my intention to keep you away from your family". Then I
asked her if she still wanted to go to dinner. She said "it's up to you". Damn,
have a friggin opinion! Oh well, at least I'll have a couple of cold ones tonight.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:03:30 PM EST

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
Allright guys, she called and we are going to dinner. I got my way
tonight but I have a feeling that it's not going to be the last of it. I know
I have to compromise but it seems as if she dosen't care one way or another.
I even said, "It's not my intention to keep you away from your family". Then I
asked her if she still wanted to go to dinner. She said "it's up to you". Damn,
have a friggin opinion!
Oh well, at least I'll have a couple of cold ones tonight.



So, you want her to have opinions, but you get pissed off and think she's a control-freak when she wants things that are different from what you want?


... just playing devil's advocate with you - but you might want to consider that you may be coming across as somewhat unreasonable and inflexible from her side of the table.



Enjoy the cold ones, because that'll probably be the only thing you're getting tonight!
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:17:50 PM EST

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
Allright guys, she called and we are going to dinner. htI have to compromise but it seems as if she dosen't care one way or another.
I even said, "It's not my intention to keep you away from your family". Then I
asked her if she still wanted to go to dinner. She said "it's up to you". Damn,
have a friggin opinion!
Oh well, at least I'll have a couple of cold ones tonight. hr


So, you want her to have opinions, but you get pissed off and think she's a control-freak when she wants things that are different from what you want? hacko.gif


... just playing devil's advocate with you - but you might want to consider that you may be coming across as somewhat unreasonable and inflexible from her side of the table.



Enjoy the cold ones, because that'll probably be the only thing you're getting tonight! hr


That's cold.
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:19:35 PM EST

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
That's cold.



hehe - asking relationship advice on ar15.com is a dangerous thing
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:22:32 PM EST

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
Allright guys, she called and we are going to dinner. I got my way
tonight but I have a feeling that it's not going to be the last of it. I know
I have to compromise but it seems as if she dosen't care one way or another.
I even said, "It's not my intention to keep you away from your family". Then I
asked her if she still wanted to go to dinner. She said "it's up to you". Damn,
have a friggin opinion! Oh well, at least I'll have a couple of cold ones tonight.



Congradulations! You passed up a free meal, probably some free beers, an opportunity to let her have her way (which goes far with women), and you get to look like a selfish hardass.

Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:23:38 PM EST

Originally Posted By Dolomite:
Yes, those relatio-thingies are hard. One thing I've learned over time:

If you love something...

Set it free.



If one night it hangs a slaughtered pig with a love haiku engraved on it's stomach outside of your bedroom window...

It was meant to be.



And yelling.... MORE FUCKING COWBELL BITCHES, NOW!!!!



Semper Fi


Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:28:28 PM EST

Originally Posted By 426maxwedge:
She said "it's up to you"



Danger, Will Robinson!

I can never tell when those words meant
"I'm testing your reaction" or when they
meant "I don't want to make a decision."

Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:28:48 PM EST
This sounds like a problem for Doc Love!
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:37:55 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/20/2004 2:41:52 PM EST
There is no such as "fair" when it comes down to the relationship between a man and a woman. I've come to realize that, in America especially it is true. Since I have Asian background this is very apparent to me.

Doesn't mean this is bad, but just expressing my opinion.

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