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Posted: 1/18/2006 6:24:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/18/2006 6:25:04 PM EDT by TacticalStrat]
I used to think that I couldn't find a better woman. That I was lucky to have her. Once we started looking for rings and houses, it turned into a living hell. Anything that I questioned about the money translated in her mind that I must not love her very much if I'm questioning the money. Tonight was the big blow-up. She said she found a diamond ring that she wanted and I asked her what the grade-rating (color, clarity etc) was on the diamond so we could check to see if we were getting a decent price on it. That's when the SHTF. TRANSLATION IN HER MIND= "IF YOU QUESTION THE DEAL, YOU DON'T LOVE ME VERY MUCH!". We had a big fight and she left. Is this crap normal when you get married?
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:27:01 PM EDT
Because women are evil.


Can you tell I had one hell of a New Years eve???



But I still love the psyco freak!
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:27:26 PM EDT
Love is not about how much moeny you spend on a f----G piece of hardened dirt. That is just ridiculous.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:29:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/18/2006 6:29:40 PM EDT by Hokie]
You don't need Arfcom to answer your question. Sounds to me like there's some fundamental communication deficiences in your relationship.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:29:04 PM EDT
Better now than later.


efxguy
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:29:20 PM EDT
This is why my wife and i have plain gold wedding bands. She got the diamond for engagement so it was a complete surprise=no fighting about it.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:30:01 PM EDT
I don't know you or your future wife, but let's just say, hypothetically, that a woman so consumed with the items and having no consideration for cost is looking to be married and have a wedding.

Whether or not a particular ARCOM member is the groom may be irrelevant to her. As long as a guy is there in a tux on the day she "parades" down the aisle in her gown, it's all good. As long as her ring is as big and shines like her friends' rings, it's all good. As long as her house is a 4-bed in the right part of town...

Of course, that is just a theory and not related to your situation at all.

G
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:30:11 PM EDT
Kick her to the curb....you think it's gonna get BETTER once you're married?
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:30:49 PM EDT
I made a mistake before I got married in not sitting down and talking more in depth about the whole financial deal with my now ex.

So I would suggest (if you have not) before you get engaged to make sure you both have the same financial expectations --- because if the ring is causing that much problem what happens when you try to pick out a house or a new car (and you are thinking Honda and she is thinking Mercedes)
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:31:09 PM EDT
Bet ter now then when you are already married. If she's this psycho about money, something's up. Have you discussed your thoughts about other things as well such as whether or not she wants kids and when?

You obviously have had some deep feelings for this woman but it's time to take a step back and think this through. My wife and I never discussed money before we got married but once we did it became an issue. We were able to work through it but others aren't so lucky.

Keep your head, think it through rationally and you'll do OK.

PS: I bet she's calling you within 1 week wanting to get things back on track. Tell me if I turn out to be wrong.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:31:11 PM EDT
womenz are just plain craZy!
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:31:29 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:31:45 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:32:01 PM EDT
How old are you / Her/ the relationship.? That is normal. Yes she is equating your lack of festive monitary gluttony to how much you love her. Call off the wedding and get a WOMAN. What you thought was a Woman was a lil girl waiting to bleed you dry. I wear a silver band from James Avery and My wife wears a simple gold band from there too. No rock, and we fight over howmany dogs sleep on the bed, not about the compressed coal on a ring.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:33:06 PM EDT
If she is that concerened about money, you will work you every last hour to support her wants.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:34:17 PM EDT
Run. Now.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:34:31 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/18/2006 6:35:31 PM EDT by Airwolf]
Heed the warning signs.

There were TONS of them before I got married but I discounted and rationalized them all away.

Looking back on it's like the joke about the religious man who, during a flood, refuses a ride from a guy with a Jeep, a boat and a helicopter each time saying "God will save me".

He drowns, gets to Heaven and asks St. Peter "Why didn't God save me?" St. Peter replies "He sent you a Jeep, a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?"
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:34:57 PM EDT
Tell her you will by your own wedding band and she ill buy her own band.

SHe is acting immature and/or fucking stupid. Has she ever had to work for anything in life? Has she ever had to take a math class? Is she going to work after you get married? I hope those are all yes answers.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:35:41 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Belgianbeast:
Love is not about how much moeny you spend on a f----G piece of hardened dirt. That is just ridiculous.




IT'S BECAUSE I DID NOT RUN THROUGH A FIELD OF FLOWERS ALL THE WAY TO THE JEWELRY STORE, SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS HOW MUCH I LOVE HER, RUN INTO THE JEWELRY STORE AND DUMP A LOAD OF CASH ON THE COUNTER, WHILE SKETCHING A PICTURE OF MY FIANCÉ ON A SCRIBBLE PAD, NOT ASK FOR MY CHANGE , BECAUSE I'M SO LOVE STRUCK, AND THEN WRITE LOVE POEMS ALL THE WAY HOME, WHICH I PRESENT TO HER WHILE VIRGINS THROW FLOWER PEDDLES IN THE MOONLIT NIGHT.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:36:12 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/18/2006 6:37:18 PM EDT by fla556guy]
My suggestion. If she is so worried about how much money you spend on her ring, which contributes absolutly nothing to your future relationship, you need to find another girl. You will never fufill her insatiable need for material items that cost you your hard earned $. You will never buy yourself another thing that costs more than what it takes you to keep your job. If she loves you, then she won't care about what ring you get her, etc.

DUMP THIS MONEY GRUBBING, GOLD DIGGING, SELFISH excuse for a woman.

ETA: If you think it's bad now, just wait till your married and she feels entitled to control every aspect of your life. You are lucky you got this short glimpse into the unhappy future of nutered insanity that will follow.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:36:20 PM EDT
You feel better because you were looking through my kitchen window watching my PMSing wife have a screaming fit because when I cut my pizza on the cookie sheet it scratched the teflon. I laughed at her and she folded it in half threw it in the can and has been in the back bedroom for the last 2 hours.

Here's the funny part, I'll bet I can get a BJ before I go to bed.

Women are nucking futz.

Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:36:56 PM EDT
Well I got off lucky with my wife. She went and picked a fairly small diamond. I have to say though the size & quality of the diamond means alot to most woman. Getting married is kind of a stressful time for couples. Give it time let the tempers calm down & maybe things will work out.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:37:07 PM EDT
Bro, you midas go ahead and sign over half of your stuff to her. If she doesn't have any concept of money and working to get the most out of it, you and she both will divorce in very short order. Walk away and be glad you found out now.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:39:01 PM EDT
As soon as she finds out you are done with her, she will do everything in her power to get you back, then she will destroy you and run off with the pool boy.

Get an import.

Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:40:09 PM EDT
I feel like a lucky man . The ring my woman wants is small and to the point .
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:40:38 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:40:38 PM EDT
Everyone has already said everything I would have. Be glad and good riddance. You have just avoided spending the rest of your days working your fucking ass off, putting you into an early grave to die a poor man. Congratulations on avoiding this disaster.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:40:58 PM EDT
Because most women have their weddings planned to a T by 12 years old.

You are nothing more than a conduit for her dream to come true and now you are interfering.

Girls like that you need to stay far far away from.

Think I am kidding? Ask someone who has been divorced.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:44:38 PM EDT
+1...........my ex did the same to me. Took me awhile to recover, but now I have a real gem who appreciates me for who I am



Originally Posted By ZW17:
Because most women have their weddings planned to a T by 12 years old.

You are nothing more than a conduit for her dream to come true and now you are interfering.

Girls like that you need to stay far far away from.

Think I am kidding? Ask someone who has been divorced.

Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:44:45 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 82ndAbn:
Didn't you start a thread a couple of days ago saying she wanted you to buy a house that was $250,000 more than you could reasonably budget?

Wise up. Just like everyone, I wish I took the advice offered before I got married.





yes...but it was $100,000 more, not $250,000 more.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:45:32 PM EDT
disagreeing is normal. fighting to the point where she leaves and you're glad to call off the wedding is a HUGE red flag. neither one of y'all is ready to get married yet...

wait... maybe the two of you are right for each other, just not yet...

when you think of the rest of your life, is she there? is it a given that she's there, or do you have to remember that she'll be part of it, too? what happens when she thinks of the future? does she think of the two of you or of the house and the cars and the kids?

I gotta echo the guys in here - be glad you found out now instead of later...
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:45:53 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Belgianbeast:
Love is not about how much moeny you spend on a f----G piece of hardened dirt. That is just ridiculous.



Actualy diamond is not dirt but carbon....


from a burned up body...


of a former girlfriend.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:45:55 PM EDT
Gold-digger. Move along and be happy over the misery and financial ruin you have just avoided.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:47:48 PM EDT
From Tac's orginal post:


TRANSLATION IN HER MIND= "IF YOU QUESTION THE DEAL, YOU DON'T LOVE ME VERY MUCH!"


From 82nd's:


Didn't you start a thread a couple of days ago saying she wanted you to buy a house that was $250,000 more than you could reasonably budget?


Dude, RUN LIKE HELL.... NOW!

Do NOT even CONSIDER "patching things up". You have been given THE OUT... TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd think every guy here that's been divorced will back me on this one.

CALL IT OFF... NOW! If you don't you're just a step or two from your life becoming a total Hell on Earth.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:47:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TacticalStrat:

Originally Posted By 82ndAbn:
Didn't you start a thread a couple of days ago saying she wanted you to buy a house that was $250,000 more than you could reasonably budget?

Wise up. Just like everyone, I wish I took the advice offered before I got married.





yes...but it was $100,000 more, not $250,000 more.



Doesn't matter. I had one ex-gf who had visions of "Gone With The Wind" - even had a sign in front of her townhouse called "Tara" - I'll bet she wanted a wedding mroe expensive than the annual GDP of Iceland.

Women are insane. Necessary, but insane. Find one with a lobotomy.

Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:48:12 PM EDT
OK, Here is the kicker.... What does she drive right now? And did you buy it for her? If the anser to the second question is yes. Go get a vasectomy if you marry her, cuz youll be raising one child already.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:51:52 PM EDT
I cant help but comment based on my own past experiences...

As the wedding date draws near and you detect a change in her demeanor, dont brush it off as a result of the stress of a upcoming lifestyle change as well as wedding plans. It is her true self coming forward...as she feels she has you roped in and can quit the act.

Like I said...this is just my experience. Breaking up is tough...but worth it.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:52:30 PM EDT
She has her own car that she bought herself. It's a Lexus GS300.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:53:45 PM EDT
It seems these threads come up nearly every week or so... And everytime I read one, I look up at the sky and say "Thank God I am single."

Thank you God.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:54:19 PM EDT
I guess I'll add that I'm sorry she had to go mental on you. How long did you guys date?
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:55:12 PM EDT

Why am I feeling glad my fiancé and I had a fight and we're calling off our wedding?


Because you allready felt that things would go to shit. You know how it would turn out if you had gotten married. You dodged a bullet on this one I remember the same feeling as if it happened yesterday.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:55:25 PM EDT
I'm feeling better already. Thanks guys!!!

4 years is a long time though. I do wonder if I'm making a mistake.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:57:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TacticalStrat:
I'm feeling better already. Thanks guys!!!

4 years is a long time though. I do wonder if I'm making a mistake.



Sleep on it for a few days. Make sure you still feel this way.

You're very lucky if you figured out problems before tying the knot. On the other hand, realize that sometimes stress can cause crazy things to happen. Be open minded, but it sounds like you're aware that this might not be right for you, and trust me, if there's any doubt at all, don't get married.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:57:19 PM EDT
My best friend of 20 years at the time asked me to be his best man at his wedding. Up until then, I had kept my mouth shut. It was just easier not to talk about the girlfriend. I told him she is just trying to triple her income and that other than looks, which will only last another five years, she has got nothing to offer you.

Needless to say, I was not a part of the wedding nor was I invited.

He did not speak to me for two years until one minute after he got out of the divorce attorney's office to start the proceeding. He called and told me, "Hey smart ass, it only took a year for her to cow up."

I was best man at his second wedding.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:58:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TacticalStrat:
She has her own car that she bought herself. It's a Lexus GS300.



Lexus, eh? Yup, she would run you into the poorhouse.

You need to do two, no make that three things:

1) Add a poll for the thread - yes, it is your life we are talking about but we demand entertainment value too!

2) Change the locks on your house and get an unlisted number while she is out sulking.

3) Scratch #2, she is probably getting coached by her girlfriends to show up and go "Ninja Ginsu" on you. Pack up and get out of Dodge NOW.

Good luck!

Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:58:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TacticalStrat:
I'm feeling better already. Thanks guys!!!

4 years is a long time though. I do wonder if I'm making a mistake.



If the relationship is not working out why do people feel they "wasted" four years?

Did you fuck her? Were you satisfied.

You would have just spent it fucking someone else with it not going anywhere. How is it any LESS wasted than if you just dated here and there with no relationship?

You haven't wasted those years. You got some regular pie and you learned a valuable lesson about what to look for (or not look for in this case) in a woman.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:58:53 PM EDT
I don't know who this guy is, but he wrote the following on Instapundit today and he is SO fucking right!!!


As a 48-year-old never married single man still in decent shape, successful and now retired, and having weathered the "feminist" cultural storm still raging since my teens, I can tell you that ... you have no idea of the anger, the hatred, the vengeance and the pain so many otherwise attractive and available women are afflicted with. It is an epidemic of conflict and self-distortion that begins and ends with an impenetrable sense of entitlement, based on a false sense of victimhood, and for which not just any man but every man must pay forever for the restoration that's never good enough.

The "feminist" demand runs from fathers to brothers to sons and husbands, to their friends and acquaintances and chance encounters; it is endless. "I am woman, hear me roar" has produced a psychological wasteland that would put Sherman's march to shame and into which any man who travels does so at his peril. My assessment certainly does not apply to all women, of course, but the damage done by what I'm calling the "feminist" demand is so severe and pervasive that at my age, it just ain't worth it to go through it all again only to end up with yet another petulant woman-child unwilling or incapable of accepting responsibility for her own happiness and success in life, and who deeply resents the fact I have found my own without her, and so becomes determined to destroy it. I'm too old, I'm too tired, and the scars are too deep and too close to the bone. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Bought a dog, gone fishin', never happier.



Link Posted: 1/18/2006 6:59:50 PM EDT
Ask yourself this:
Do i want my children to inherit this demeanor?
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 7:02:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TacticalStrat:
She has her own car that she bought herself. It's a Lexus GS300.



Lease or bought? Good indicator of how well she understands finances.

She paid a 30% premium for a Toyota Corolla. Shrug.

G
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 7:04:12 PM EDT
Yes, wigging the fu** out is normal for fiances', apparently. Mine has been going off on me for the past 3 days because I want to postpone our wedding date. I have good reasons, like not having the necessary income to successfully support ourselves, etc. But then she went off on how I should have faith and love and should be happy giving up my dreams and interests just to afford living with her. Logic does NOT register with her on any scale at this point. She doesn't care that we'd be living paycheck to paycheck, and she criticizes me because I want to live comfortably. She also said if I decide to postpone the wedding date, there won't be another one. So at this point in time, i'm debating whether to punch out or not...

Sorry, hope I didn't hijack the thread. In conclusion, it's "normal" I suppose.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 7:08:20 PM EDT

Originally Posted By shogun187:
Yes, wigging the fu** out is normal for fiances', apparently. Mine has been going off on me for the past 3 days because I want to postpone our wedding date. I have good reasons, like not having the necessary income to successfully support ourselves, etc. But then she went off on how I should have faith and love and should be happy giving up my dreams and interests just to afford living with her. Logic does NOT register with her on any scale at this point. She doesn't care that we'd be living paycheck to paycheck, and she criticizes me because I want to live comfortably. She also said if I decide to postpone the wedding date, there won't be another one. So at this point in time, i'm debating whether to punch out or not...

Sorry, hope I didn't hijack the thread. In conclusion, it's "normal" I suppose.



Not its not normal for a well balanced woman who loves you. If she loved you she wouldn't care when or if you got married. She would be considerate of supporting the family, of which she is a part of and will also have to contribute.

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