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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/17/2005 4:55:31 AM EDT
Don't know if this was posted before but I thought it was pretty funny:

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY...

LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT MORNING.

I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.

AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL REMEMBER.

MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD.

SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.

AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY, JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING, BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.

I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."

I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST TH ING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY. LET'S GO!"

WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY.

ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?"

I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?"

SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."

AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JA NE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

"OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.

SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE...

FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".

AND I JUST SAT THERE...

ON THE COUCH...

NAKED.
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 4:57:08 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 4:57:45 AM EDT
HEH, HEH, HEH...
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 4:58:11 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 4:58:19 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:11:11 AM EDT



That would be awkward now wouldn't it.
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:12:31 AM EDT
That reminds me of:

My 5 yo son got my secretary pregnant.



How's that?

­

He poked holes in my condoms.
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:14:46 AM EDT


Kharn
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:16:07 AM EDT

Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:19:54 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:28:02 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:38:39 AM EDT


I had even seen that one before and I still forgot the ending.
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:38:39 AM EDT
Secretary walks into the boss' office on a dreary Monday and says, " I've got good news and bad news for you."
" It's a Monday. Give me the bad news first."
" I'm pregnant," she says.
" Oh, my God!. What's the good news!"
" You're not sterile!"

Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:44:24 AM EDT
thanks for waking me up this saturday morning! That was F-U-N-N-Y!!!
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:47:40 AM EDT
Thanks for posting that one... my birthday is monday....
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 5:54:29 AM EDT
hahaha that was great!!
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 6:06:03 AM EDT
Now that's a good one!

Thanks for sharing.

Danny
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 6:16:38 AM EDT
That's pretty funny.
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 7:53:01 AM EDT
that was awesome lol
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 8:05:44 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 8:08:05 AM EDT
funniest post I've read this week!
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 8:47:15 AM EDT
Good one!!
Link Posted: 9/17/2005 9:35:59 AM EDT
Good one. They are usually lame ones around here
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