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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/15/2005 12:27:48 AM EDT
OK, I have a pretty decent crew of buddies.

And "most" of us are pretty lucky in that we have wives who aren't trying to neuter us. I can have them over for dinner without prior notice (many times even we didn't know where we might be eating until just then) and they can stay the night without prior arrangement.

We also have a lot of lattitude if we decide to watch movies all night or train outside till 2am. Obviously we try not to be too loud or obnoxious and prevent anyones wife from getting any sleep.

But lately it seems a couple of "the guys" have handed over their "man card" to the wife or girlfriend.

They still go out with us as much as Mommy allows but they end up on the cell phone talking to Mommy all fucking night. They constantly check in with the warden to update her and assure her that we aren't ass deep in strippers someplace and whenever we try and do something someones cell phone rings and they have to go "take this call" and are gone for a half hour or more.

Now we WANT them with us, that is why we invite them. They have been our friends in the past and we'd like them to remain our friend and go have fun with us when we do.

But it just ain't the same lately.

We have all joked about pulling a "Saving Silverman" and rescuing these guys from their relationship and regaining their freedom. We've even "half jokingly" talked about hooking them up with other girls who are a bit less "needy." But IMO they got themselves into those situations and decided to stay. I don't feel it is "our" place to fix their domestic situation.

Now at the same time NOBODY wants to simply stop inviting them. We want them to actually stand up for themselves and simply explain to the little woman that he has friends and would like to spend time with them and that is the end of it. But they just ain't doing it and don't seem like they will be doing it anytime soon. And the situation "as is" simply isn't that much fun. Not only are these women fucking up their lives they are actually doing a fair job at fucking up "our" fun at the same time.

My friends don't pull this crap when I tell them I will be spending time with my wife that night. I don't see why their wives or girlfriends can't extend the same consideration.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 12:37:22 AM EDT
Option C - wait it out. Eventually the SO will cut them off and they'll either become a basket case then it will be easier to abandon them or they'll stop caring about the SO since they don't have anything to lose.

Those guys don't sound too bad. I still can't believe that more than half of the guys that work for me have wives that pick-up their pay checks each Friday. Several of the guys don't get to spend a penny on themselves. A group of five of the wives pick-up the check so they can cash it to go to the beauty salon to get their hair done and a massage and several other expensive services. It pains me to see someone that makes about $225/week after taxes have $75+/week wasted in an hour by his wife. These guys are much worse off than your friends.z
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 12:41:38 AM EDT
Males me be simple... but they aren't retarded.

If a guy needs rescuing, he'll do it himself or honestly ask for help in taking care of it.

No one would put up with constant whipping without one outside factor: nookie.

Rescue your buddy and he has no nookie... whole new set of problems.



- BUCC_"don't get no nookie anyway"_Guy
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 12:45:30 AM EDT
To quote Lumpy :


Originally Posted By Lumpy196:
Avoid other people's life drama.



Link Posted: 9/15/2005 12:58:02 AM EDT
Try to save them once. If they insist on being pussies, just abandon them and when the chick is gone they'll probably try to come back to their old buddies. I've seen this happen many many times.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 12:58:44 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/15/2005 1:03:19 AM EDT by prk]
Most parking lots have a "no in & out" policy. Maybe a "see ya next time" would help.


I didn't understand your last sentence and the next-to-last one. I must be dense tonight.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 1:14:37 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/15/2005 1:18:27 AM EDT by SP1Grrl]
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 2:10:55 AM EDT
family comes first
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 3:23:13 AM EDT
Happens to most folks. Some folks are more needy than others. My ex always wanted me home too. Now the GF doesn't mind if me and the boys camp or spend the weekend away. Some of your friends may be a lost cause, I know a few we hardly see now. Its part of growing up, deal with it.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 3:32:04 AM EDT
... If I've learned one thing in life; it's to stay out of other people's relationship affairs. Just be a good listener, don't offer anything more then your friendship. Never dog-breath the other partner
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 4:39:46 AM EDT
I have a buddy with the same problem and it seems to just creep up on them. That goddam cellphone/leash bullshit drives me nuts. She calls about every 20-30 minutes and there seems to be some total disaster happening at home every time he leaves. I can't stand to be around him anymore because of it and I have given up.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 4:44:57 AM EDT
Oh yeah, last party we were at I watched his wife call him over to her like a dog, she pointed to th spot where she wanted him to stand. Then another girl at the party told me that all she talked about for an hour was her methods of control over her pet/husband..
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 4:51:56 AM EDT
The poll should have an option of

"Let them live their own lives their way and don't get so worried about them not living according to your expectations."
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 4:54:42 AM EDT


From a FOG,,don't worry about it or get involved.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 4:56:26 AM EDT
I have the same situation. After years of trying to get them out, I have just given up.
It just isn't worth the hassle.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 5:01:07 AM EDT

Originally Posted By chrome1:
To quote Lumpy :


Originally Posted By Lumpy196:
Avoid other people's life drama.







Yep, couldn't agree more. Abandon.
People make their own choices. What would be your motivation for interfereing?
I don't do the things I used to do anymore (wife/kids) but I don't care. I still can, I've chosen my priorities and some of the stuff I use to do was basically because I didn't have anything better to do.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 5:02:38 AM EDT
All of my friends hang out in a group together with their spouses.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 5:15:08 AM EDT
Abandon.

Don't let their wives make any more people miserable than necessary.



Link Posted: 9/15/2005 5:23:11 AM EDT
You don't have to abandon them.

Just don't get so worked up over them.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 5:27:54 AM EDT
The primary reason I don't carry a cellphone.

I dropped my buddies phone overboard one afternoon after he took three calls while fishing.
He still goes fishing with me but leaves his cel phone in the truck.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 5:38:20 AM EDT
If its the girlfriend, repeated weekly attempts at rescue must be undertaken.
If its the wife, one rescue attempt per month.

Kharn
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 5:57:04 AM EDT
Maybe I missed it. Do these friends have kids? If they do, well, "me" time gets a lot more complex.

Besides, how do you know they want to be rescued when they are busy enjoying the not-so-tender administrations of a quality Dominatrix?

Oh god....it hurts....so....good....not the heels! NOT THE HEELS! Oh yes, the heels...

Link Posted: 9/15/2005 7:39:25 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 7:43:03 AM EDT



abandon.

sad to say, but you can't save someone who doesn't want savin'.


Link Posted: 9/15/2005 8:25:54 AM EDT
At least attempt a rescue. Bros before hos man.

I'd say make them relenquish the cell phone. Leave it in the glove box turned off.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 8:34:47 AM EDT
Tag.

Abandon.

Its not your place.. its his life, not yours. Hopefully one day he'll figure out whats going on.. and if he finally does get out of the depths of hell.... maybe he'll regrow some balls.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 8:41:29 AM EDT
They are done for. Take my word for it. They'll only bring you down.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 8:43:22 AM EDT
I have an Abbott & Costello tape where Lou defines a husband as being what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been removed.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 8:49:57 AM EDT
men forget the...

<­BR>





­



POWER of PIE
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 8:56:53 AM EDT
You can't rescue a guy who's whipped. Once that girlfriend dumps their ass, he just finds another one to boss him around. I hate losing friends to that crap.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:03:48 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/15/2005 9:04:17 AM EDT by Hokie]

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
You can't rescue a guy who's whipped. Once that girlfriend dumps their ass, he just finds another one to boss him around. I hate losing friends to that crap.



It's a tragic thing, seen it on many an occasion. 10 years out of college now, I lost half my college crew to overbearing biatches. Only a select few remain loyal to the inherent laws of common sense.

I wouldn't rescue them, for they're beyond conventional help. That, and their balls are nailed to the bed posts.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:21:31 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Hokie:

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
You can't rescue a guy who's whipped. Once that girlfriend dumps their ass, he just finds another one to boss him around. I hate losing friends to that crap.



It's a tragic thing, seen it on many an occasion. 10 years out of college now, I lost half my college crew to overbearing biatches. Only a select few remain loyal to the inherent laws of common sense.

I wouldn't rescue them, for they're beyond conventional help. That, and their balls are nailed to the bed posts.



+1
Reminds me of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." They are lost. Guy here at work is here all hours due to job. His cell phone has a "walkie talkie" feature and his wife has him wired. He'll go over into a corner and talk real low. Sort of hunkers down like a whipped pup. I'm not betting on a Silver Anniversary.

I wouldn't get involved. If you try and screw up, you're to blame. Let nature take its course and hope for the best.

Or maybe you guys can't take coming in second to pie!
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:22:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By clutchsmoke:
I have a buddy with the same problem and it seems to just creep up on them. That goddam cellphone/leash bullshit drives me nuts. She calls about every 20-30 minutes and there seems to be some total disaster happening at home every time he leaves. I can't stand to be around him anymore because of it and I have given up.



Bingo.

We aren't bad mouthing their wives or gfs. And we sure as shit don't wanna get involved in their relationship. But if you are gonna go out with the guys for a night of fun, leave the drama at home.

We just don't wanna bail on these guys, they are good friends.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:26:02 AM EDT
One thing you need to consider...

This increasing cell phone business and getting out less
is sometimes initiated by the friend, he just uses the women as an excuse
to let his friends down easy.

What he really wants, is to go in another direction.

<Hank Jr.>"All my rowdy friends have settled down" <Hank Jr.>"

I lost many a friend to this over the years.

I'm a grandpa now, and my family loves me and all, but I have
had to take my leave of them when I felt like it and how I felt like it.

I have never asked my wife permission to do something in my twenty five years of marriage.

She hasn't had to ask me either.

GM

Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:26:10 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Jarhead_22:
In my experience a wife-neutered man is lost. She hasn't taken his balls, but rather she asked and he willingly handed them over. As much a harpy as she may be, if he submits to it there's no one to blame but him.



And that would probably be a correct assessment in this case.

Problem is these are longtime friends (10 years or more) and nobody wants to bail on them. At the same time the shit is wearing really thin.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:28:46 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:

Originally Posted By clutchsmoke:
I have a buddy with the same problem and it seems to just creep up on them. That goddam cellphone/leash bullshit drives me nuts. She calls about every 20-30 minutes and there seems to be some total disaster happening at home every time he leaves. I can't stand to be around him anymore because of it and I have given up.



Bingo.

We aren't bad mouthing their wives or gfs. And we sure as shit don't wanna get involved in their relationship. But if you are gonna go out with the guys for a night of fun, leave the drama at home.

We just don't wanna bail on these guys, they are good friends.



I understand better now.

When I have a night out with a couple guys I am there to spend time with them. If it's getting late I'll give my wife a courtesy call to let her know everything's OK and she doesn't have to worry.

One of the great things about my relationship is that my wife & I trust eachother. There is no need for a leash.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:28:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Jarhead_22:
In my experience a wife-neutered man is lost. She hasn't taken his balls, but rather she asked and he willingly handed them over. As much a harpy as she may be, if he submits to it there's no one to blame but him.




Yep.

NEVER, I repeat NEVER, call your wife while you are out. NEVER answer your cell phone--I don't have one for that very reason. If she wants to know where you were, just tell her, and move on. She'll get over it.


A pussy-whipped man has taken off his balls, put them in a jar, and handed them over to the penis receptacle for safe keeping and he'll NEVER GET THEM BACK.


By the same token, a man shouldn't be afraid to tell his buddies that he is busy and spending time with his other half. And they should be ok with that.

Don't stop inviting the guy, but know that you are now pretty far down on the list.



Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:29:48 AM EDT
Sit and watch, if he wants help, he'll ask for help.

My brother is a bit like this now, and getting worse, after 19 years of marriage.

Marked contrast to Mrs gorilla, who often encourages me to go out with the guys. She understands that sometimes(read:not every night), it is a good thing for personal time, and usually my personal time with friends often becomes the same thing for her.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:30:07 AM EDT
I had to abandon a buddy of mine. He is one of those love sick folks who forces himself to fall in love with the wrong person all teh time.

Crack head married but separated woman. She treats him like crap. Everytime he called he would talk about it and I told him what he needed to do. I told him that if he ever called and cried about how his womand did this ir that, I told him I would hang up on him right away. AFter having to hang up on him on EVERY call he got the point.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:31:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By chrome1:
To quote Lumpy :


Originally Posted By Lumpy196:
Avoid other people's life drama.






Agreed.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:32:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
One thing you need to consider...

This increasing cell phone business and getting out less
is sometimes initiated by the friend, he just uses the women as an excuse
to let his friends down easy.

What he really wants, is to go in another direction.

<Hank Jr.>"All my rowdy friends have settled down" <Hank Jr.>"

I lost many a friend to this over the years.

I'm a grandpa now, and my family loves me and all, but I have
had to take my leave of them when I felt like it and how I felt like it.

I have never asked my wife permission to do something in my twenty five years of marriage.

She hasn't had to ask me either.

GM




We are the kinda friends that if they DIDN'T want to go out with us could easily say so. Each of us have taken a pass on several occassions. There have been many times when they've rolled without me because I was already watching a DVD with the wife and planned and just laying there and being comfortable all night.

None of us care if anyone DECIDES to spend time with the wife or gf instead. The problem is when they decide to go out with us at night and bring the leash. Ends up putting drag on the rest of us all night long. We've tried to implement the "No cell phone" rule but it never works out. They always bring it "in case of emergency" which is a valid reason but some of the wives and gfs seem to have a different definition of what constitutes an emergency.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:37:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:
<snip>
We aren't bad mouthing their wives or gfs. And we sure as shit don't wanna get involved in their relationship. But if you are gonna go out with the guys for a night of fun, leave the drama at home.


God, no kidding. I haven't remined friends with any girls from college because when we'd do a "girl's night", they spent it on the phone with their boyfriends. Good lord. It's OKAY, it's just one night!
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:39:38 AM EDT
What kind of training do you do in your backyard?
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:50:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Cheesebeast:
Maybe I missed it. Do these friends have kids? If they do, well, "me" time gets a lot more complex.

Besides, how do you know they want to be rescued when they are busy enjoying the not-so-tender administrations of a quality Dominatrix?

Oh god....it hurts....so....good....not the heels! NOT THE HEELS! Oh yes, the heels...




That was exactly what I was wondering about myself. Maybe they like that kind of thing.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:56:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:

We are the kinda friends that if they DIDN'T want to go out with us could easily say so. Each of us have taken a pass on several occassions. There have been many times when they've rolled without me because I was already watching a DVD with the wife and planned and just laying there and being comfortable all night.

None of us care if anyone DECIDES to spend time with the wife or gf instead. The problem is when they decide to go out with us at night and bring the leash. Ends up putting drag on the rest of us all night long. We've tried to implement the "No cell phone" rule but it never works out. They always bring it "in case of emergency" which is a valid reason but some of the wives and gfs seem to have a different definition of what constitutes an emergency.



Well, if that's the case, then they are letting their friends down and should knock it off
or be kicked off the island

GM
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:56:48 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/15/2005 10:10:50 AM EDT by prk]
Sounds like the guys need a lab test for low tetosterone. There's nothing to prevent them from arranging a hand signal for "quick! I need another incoming call", though that's no substitute for being assertive.

This dovetails pretty well with the 'are you getting any/enough?' thread.

In a lot of relationships, whether the struggle is (on the suface) sex, money, time alone, 3:17 a.m. "relationship" talks, or whatever, the real issue is power and control.

Can you easily persuade these guys to do stuff they seriously don't want to do? If so, they have some serious work to recognize and do. A true friend will not be offended (or at least will forgive you) for being a real friend and letting them know that.

It works both ways, too. I remember a really attractive young lady who was not allowed to eat lunch alone or with anyone else, it always had to be a sandwich (no, not THAT kind), in the car, with her husband who would drive over to her workplace. Her future seemed black & blue.


Link Posted: 9/15/2005 9:57:29 AM EDT
Not your girlfriend / wife doing it to you = not your problem.


Realize though that women have issues that come and go, and can go from "yeah, go out with the guys, have fun" to "where the hell were you when I tried to call you 14 times in the last two hours" and back depending on what is going on in their lives.

Or I just end up with the psycho women for friends.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 10:04:30 AM EDT
I wish someone would have sent in a SAR team for me. Instead it took 3 and a half years to escape.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 10:10:42 AM EDT
as with women, you can't "save" anyone. they have to decide what they want, and make their own decision. any attempts to rescue them will be perceived as pressure, and will only cause resentment. tell your buddies how you feel, ONCE. after that, all you can do is leave the door open, and go on with your life.
Link Posted: 9/15/2005 10:59:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Silesius:
What kind of training do you do in your backyard?



Most of us are martial artists.
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