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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 7/30/2005 7:16:50 AM EDT
How long do you beat yourself over the head for it?
Days? Months? Years? Never? Sometimes I play events over and over trying to make it different, whether I want to or not. If I would have only this or if I had only that.
The worst is when I try to imagine where I would be if I had not made the choices I had. (spouse, etc.)
I have been sitting here for the last couple of weeks just kickin my a$$, like that will change anything. Perhaps it is a 'mental' thing, once I get started, all the mistakes just start coming back to join in.
I am really my own worst enemy and judge sometimes. Self punishment?
Just curious if any of you understand what I am talking about.


Link Posted: 7/30/2005 7:20:49 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/30/2005 7:21:26 AM EDT by daydreamer]
From one who has done something similar, try to break the cycle and get a sense of the "big picture"... that perhaps you were supposed to learn a few things in this life and these were the ways that you did and that you are part of something bigger. Now, use the knowledge and "Bloom where you are planted." More easily said than done, I know.
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 7:44:37 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daydreamer:
From one who has done something similar, try to break the cycle and get a sense of the "big picture"... that perhaps you were supposed to learn a few things in this life and these were the ways that you did and that you are part of something bigger. Now, use the knowledge and "Bloom where you are planted." More easily said than done, I know.



great advice, and yes easier said then done.

And yes I play the same game sometimes too, always in the end knowing I wouldn't be who I am if it were not for the past, mistakes and all.
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 7:48:43 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/30/2005 7:50:05 AM EDT by Bellona]
I'm there right now. I totally understand. There are so many things I'd do over again.

There are some things that happened a few years ago that I still think about. I was recently contacted by someone who was a significant part of my past, and it really threw me for a loop how people can be so nonchalant. I ended up doing some stupid things this week as a result.

I don't think I'll ever change. When I think I have, things happen to push it back in my face that I haven't. It's like mental warfare with myself. Times like this, I immerse myself in my hobbies and interests to keep the demons at bay.
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 1:40:45 PM EDT
Wow...I am so glad to know I am not the only masochist in here...I replay things in my head over and over and re-think every move:
"shoulda said this...shoulda done that..."
I KNOW it won't change anything to keep mulling it over, but I do...I think Monday morning armchair quaterbacking is part of being human. I've done things I truly wish I never had. I've NOT done things I truly wish I HAD.
A friend of mine tells me she does not believe in destiny...that every thing that happens in life is a result of a decision that you control...good, bad, smart, stupid...etc. I guess all's the best any of us can do is get outta bed and go thru the day trying to be responsible adults who do the right thing and hope for the best. And who still have fun. I dunno...it's all I got...

Tomorrow I'll read this post and think, what the hell was I trying to say? I shoulda said this......
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 1:56:04 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 2:00:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/30/2005 2:02:20 PM EDT by LastDefender]
From my perspective guilt is a wasted emotion if it does not lead to a change in future behavior. So here goes:

Gary's four steps to moving on with your life after screwing the poouch royally

1. Acknowledge the error you made.
2. Take full and complete responsibility for making it.
3. Repair whatever damage you did if possible.
4. Modify your behavior so it doesn't happen again.

After completing these steps it is appropriate to seek forgiveness for your transgression. But please do not forget to seek forgiveness from the most important person, yourself. If you can't forgive yourself, how do you expect others to forgive you?

Regards,
Gary
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 2:23:51 PM EDT
All depends.

I try not to let things bring me down. I try to think of everyday day as a gift. A lot of people died between yesterday and today. I made it.
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 2:51:56 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/30/2005 3:13:20 PM EDT
Depends on what ya mean by really stupid. Do you mean stupid Im gonna bump fire my AR underwater?? Or do you mean more along the lines of " hold my beer and watch this" kinda stupid?

Link Posted: 7/30/2005 3:15:16 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/30/2005 3:17:52 PM EDT by 9X19]
I was a freshman in college when an adult (I wish I could remember who) gave me a great piece of advice because I was always worrying about everything: No experience is bad as long as one learns from it, turn a negative thing into a positive thing. If you make a mistake and you understand why it was a bad choice, etc., then you are already smarter than you were yesterday. Worrying about things you can't change is a waste of time, you can only change what you do in the future.

I thought that was a wonderful piece of advice and I've always tried to see the positive side of everything. I still analyze situations that happen to me, and I might kick my own ass mentally a few times, but I try not to spend too much time dwelling on them. To do that, reinforces negative feelings that one has about one's self, and that isn't good. I analyze the situation to find out what I can learn from it. This also applies to things that happen to me that have nothing to do with a mistake that I made. Occasionally, it is very hard to learn something from those situations. I can see the positive things that were the result of the worst thing that ever happened to me, such as learning to trust my instincts about people regardless of what anyone else says, and finding out how truly strong I am, among other things.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 1:16:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/31/2005 1:18:15 AM EDT by drache]
I look at everything as a learning experience. Sure there were some lessons I ended up learning the hard way and I'm sure there will be more. But those hard lessons are the ones you don't soon forget. They test your character and your ability to bounce back from them. Sometimes you shrug 'em off and move forward, other times it takes a little time to find your feet again, but in every situation, you learned something and the harder that lesson, the less likely you are to repeat the mistake. That's what makes you a better person.

Every now and then I make the same mistake again. THAT'S when I smack myself in the head and say, "Duh! You knew better than that. What the hell were you thinking?" Guess I just need a reminder once in a while.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 7:55:27 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/31/2005 7:56:09 AM EDT by diabolical_chicken]
/me puts on a curly red wig and borrows a dog


*ahem*

*mimimimiiiiiii*­


The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck with a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!


*wild applause from the audience*





Link Posted: 7/31/2005 8:28:41 AM EDT
I love you D_C!!
I was just getting ready to tell the world how stupid I was last night, but you made me laugh!!

I have sung that to my kids when they start bitching about how screwed up their lives are. They hate it, I think it works! Thanks!

I will save my ignorance for another day
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 11:44:26 AM EDT
D_C you crack me up!

I forgive and forget very easy. Its a gift I believe but like most gifts its double sworded. I have to remind myself that others might not let go as easily as I do.

I think the wisest things one can do is understand that you errored, seek forgiveness [in ordr to obtain true forgiveness - you too must be able to forgive yourself and others], vow to do better and then do - do better.

Patty
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 2:28:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By syntax:
I love you D_C!!





Originally Posted by pattymcn:
D_C you crack me up!





i aim to please



Link Posted: 7/31/2005 3:10:44 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 4:12:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By diabolical_chicken:
/me puts on a curly red wig and borrows a dog


*wild applause from the audience*








tee hee. Sing it lady!
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 6:52:54 PM EDT
When I was younger I would beat myself up for months over the stupidest things. Now I just chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. I learned that it is useless to berate myself for such trivial things and for the major things - well you just have to learn from them and try not to repeat them in the future. Sometimes we are our own worse critic; other people do not even pay attention to most of the stupid things we do.

Besides, my memory is not what it use to be either so that helps.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 10:27:26 AM EDT
I think it depends on WHAT it was I did. There's some things I've done that maybe I can never forgive myself for. But then there are little things that I will forget about after the day is over...

If there is a way to "make right" what you did that you're still kicking yourself over, then do it. But constantly dwelling on something that is over and done with isn't going to help you any. If you find yourself mulling over a past event, but nothing positive is coming from it, just say to yourself "I'm moving on". And give yourself something else to think about. Going over and over what you did wrong can be a form of self punishment, like you are refusing to forgive yourself and keeping yourself from moving on. That sorta stress isn't healthy.

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