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Posted: 8/14/2017 9:01:26 AM EDT
Everyone makes a plan. What they want to do tomorrow, next week, next big birthday, etc.
Those plans can be masterful and come off without a hitch, happened to me a couple of times - the latest family Disney trip in March, my wife's surprise 40th birthday get together including friends from out of town.

So, at 9:15 PM on July 26, while my 16 y.o. daughter and I were giving my pulse-less, breathless wife CPR and rescue breathing on the living room floor, the plans appeared to be changing. When I sat next to her in the trauma room holding her cold hand, they had changed. Her parents crying, my parents crying, her sister screaming in the hallway, the priest looking on in disbelief. I was the only one who was calm - had been that way the entire time.

The other 2 kids were already in bed. I left the living room to go watch something on TV in the bedroom as the 2 of them had something on I cared nothing about. Kissed her on the forehead, told her she was tired and should come to bed soon. Not 4 minutes later, my daughter (K) comes in the back and says Mama needs me fast. This has happened before - usually a bug or spider on the floor. This time it was her, limp on the couch with a weak pulse and no breathing. I had K call 911 on speakerphone, put the dog in her crate and unlock and open the front door. As 911 came on the line I gave the specifics while we got her on the floor - 41, female, no prior health issues, no breathing, no pulse. My CPR is not up to date, but who gives a damn - this is my wife dying in front of us. My son comes out of his room with the commotion and in my rush to get him away from his dying mother I leave her. When I realized what I did, I turned back around and K has taken over - perfect compressions, perfect timing, not stopping until help arrived. Then we got stand by while they shocked her. Again. Again. They shocked her 6 times before getting her in the ambulance, then the ambulance was in no hurry to get to the hospital. I knew what the score was, but my brothers were pulling up to watch the kids while I went to the ER. When I got to the ER, followed shortly after by her parents, I knew how this was going to go down. When I heard the doors open, I knew it was over yet just beginning.

I won't go into too much detail unless someone asks later about the hows and whys (there aren't many answers right now), but you can imagine the reactions at that moment, and the days following, to a 41 year old mother of 3 dropping dead in front of her husband and oldest child. At the end of the day, this woman was loved by more people, and in more ways, than she could ever imagine. Our church seats 500 people...people were standing along the back wall. According to the old timers, there has never been a funeral that well attended in the history of this parish. A deputy who was assigned to escort us to the cemetery said they had to call in additional units to help with the procession because it was longer than expected. State senators, the 40-year Irish pastor that everyone loved, local businessmen that everybody knew...my wife had them all. People are talking about memorial gardens at the kids' school where she volunteered in classrooms and with clubs. The girls' JV and Varsity volleyball teams voted to have our last name put on each jersey and dedicated the season to her. Her sorority sisters, some of whom worked with her following graduation on regional and national councils, are working on funding a scholarship in her name. The Cincinnati Children's Hospital has had numerous donations made in her name. All of this would have surprised the hell out of her - a mild-mannered girl who had self-confidence issues all her life, who thought nothing of volunteering for 6 projects with 6 different groups at a time, because that's what you do...you help. She would have never suspected she touched that many people. I have gotten sympathy cards from people I don't know, but they heard about this mom who died and knew someone who knew someone who knew her.

As I sat there next to her body, holding her hand I noticed a tear running from her eye. Now I know it wasn't a real tear, but it represented everything I and everybody else would feel way past that night - my wife, gone too soon with people yet to help. I told her I wasn't mad at her, that I loved her and would do my best with the kids...even though I wouldn't do it as well as she could. Then I did the absolutely most irrational thing a man could do - I thanked God for the 18 years and 2 days I was allowed to take care of her. That's right, 2 days after our 18th anniversary. Oh, I have plenty of questions but i know answers aren't coming - and if they did they wouldn't be good enough. Had lunch, just the two of us, at a Mexican joint near the house. That's all we had time for that day but we would make a plan to go somewhere more special later. Made a plan to eat again at that same Mexican place the day school started.

So there I was at 1 PM last Thursday, the first day of school, walking into that Mexican place and getting a table for 1. I went in and ate just like we agreed, where we would have made plans and tried to solve the world's problems like we always did. I carried her P3AT that day, just because. I keep the words "brave", "strong", and "rock" bantered around about me but I don't see it; I just see myself doing what we would agree needs to happen - you make a new plan and keep on living.

I love you, Christine.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:04:59 AM EDT
[#1]
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:05:36 AM EDT
[#2]
Dusty in here. Sorry for your loss.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:05:57 AM EDT
[#3]
I don't have any words that could help, at a loss for words. Sorry Brother, we're here for you
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:08:09 AM EDT
[#4]
Sorry for your loss OP
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:10:45 AM EDT
[#5]
I wish I could offer more than just words. You and your family are in my prayers. Hang in there. 
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:11:53 AM EDT
[#6]
wow. sorry to hear this.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:12:00 AM EDT
[#7]
Prayers out for you OP.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:12:01 AM EDT
[#8]
Damn. My condolences op. Stay strong for your kids, and ask them to stay strong for you
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:14:14 AM EDT
[#9]
That was beautiful, OP, and an incredible gift to all of us who take our loved ones for granted sometimes. 

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't help but believe that you'll give your all for your children. God bless you. 
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:15:28 AM EDT
[#10]
I'm very sorry, OP.

41 years old is very very young.  Too young.

Prayers sent.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:15:55 AM EDT
[#11]
No words.


I'm sorry brother.


Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:16:21 AM EDT
[#12]
My deepest condolences, and hope that all works out.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:16:31 AM EDT
[#13]
I am so sorry it went down that way, and for your family's loss.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:19:08 AM EDT
[#14]
Praying for you and your family OP.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:21:45 AM EDT
[#15]
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:22:00 AM EDT
[#16]
wow, that was an amazing read.  I cannot begin to imagine how I would operate without the mother of my 3 daughters.

Wishing you strength during this incredibly difficult time.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:22:14 AM EDT
[#17]
So very sorry. 
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:22:31 AM EDT
[#18]
Sorry for your loss OP.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:24:50 AM EDT
[#19]
Sorry for your lose OP .
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:24:52 AM EDT
[#20]
Very sorry for your loss
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:25:17 AM EDT
[#21]
I'm very sorry for your loss, OP.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:25:47 AM EDT
[#22]
So Sorry for your loss OP, I cannot imagine your families pain.  Prayers for you all.  
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:25:51 AM EDT
[#23]
Sorry for your loss OP
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:26:36 AM EDT
[#24]
OMG...I cannot even imagine. Praying for you and yours...may a peace that passes all understanding descend upon you and your family. May God send angels to comfort. Amen...
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:27:12 AM EDT
[#25]


I'm sorry for your loss.   Your family is in my prayers.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:27:49 AM EDT
[#26]
 So sorry...
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:27:59 AM EDT
[#27]
Sorry man. That's horrible and I pray for strength for you and your family.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:30:50 AM EDT
[#28]
Sorry for your loss.  Prayers for you and your family.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:30:58 AM EDT
[#29]
So sorry for your loss OP. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your kids.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:34:53 AM EDT
[#30]
Very sorry for your loss.

This should serve as a reminder that we should let our SO's know how much we love them on a daily basis.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:37:28 AM EDT
[#31]
My prayers and heart go out to you friend 
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:40:06 AM EDT
[#32]
Jesus, another one.

Sorry for your loss, it seems like a lot of arf commers are losing people the past few months.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:40:19 AM EDT
[#33]
God bless you and yours. Truly sorry for your loss.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:45:02 AM EDT
[#34]
sorry for your loss
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:45:23 AM EDT
[#35]
I'm sorry to hear the news. I'll keep you in my prayers. My wife was 36 and my kids were very young when she died, so I can relate. You can IM me if you want someone who's been down this road to chat with.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:47:20 AM EDT
[#36]
Praying for you and your family.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:53:22 AM EDT
[#37]
Reading that made my heart ache. I am truly sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family are going through.

Please know that you are in my thoughts, and in my prayers.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:54:08 AM EDT
[#38]
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:54:41 AM EDT
[#39]
Damn, dude, too bad.   About the only thing I can offer is that at least it sounds like it was quick & painless.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:56:29 AM EDT
[#40]
Jesus...my wife and I just had our first. I can't even imagine what you're going through, OP. So sorry.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:57:53 AM EDT
[#41]
Oh my.  I'm so sorry.  
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 9:59:20 AM EDT
[#42]
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 10:02:45 AM EDT
[#43]
That's horrible. Sorry to hear that OP.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 10:02:49 AM EDT
[#44]
Prayers sent for you and your family .
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 10:02:58 AM EDT
[#45]
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 10:06:57 AM EDT
[#46]
Condolences OP.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 10:14:12 AM EDT
[#47]
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 10:15:56 AM EDT
[#48]
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 10:17:21 AM EDT
[#49]
Dang it man.  I'm so sorry.  Pls let me know if there's anything I can do.
Link Posted: 8/14/2017 10:23:05 AM EDT
[#50]
Condolences. Prayers for you and your family sent.
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