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Posted: 11/16/2003 5:06:20 AM EDT
When and where was toilet paper first invented? <<

*China…AD 1391 - The Bureau of Imperial Supplies began producing 720,000 sheets of toilet paper a year, each sheet measuring two feet by three feet. For use by the Emperors.
*USA…1857 - New Yorker Joseph C. Gayetty produced the first packaged bathroom tissue in the United States in 1857. The Gayetty Firm from New Jersey produced the first toilet paper named "The Therapeutic Paper". It contained an abundance of aloe, a curative addition. The company sold it in packs of 500 sheets for fifty cents, and Joseph Gayetty had his name printed on each sheet!
*USA…1890 - The Scott Paper Company is the first company to manufacture tissue on a roll, specifically for the use of toilet paper. Faced with the consumers' resistance toward the "unmentionable" product, Scott came up with the idea of customizing rolls for every merchant-customer they had. Under this private-label arrangement, Scott purchased large "jumbo" rolls of paper from various paper mills and converted them into packages of small rolls and stacked sheets.

Toilet paper is getting old ! When are we going to move on to something better?
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:15:05 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/16/2003 5:23:05 AM EDT by Searcherfortruth]
I've been seeing a late night commerical for a while now, on a toilet seat that uses water, & has an air dryer built in to it. I looked them up on the web, & the cheepest model they have starts around $600.00. I think paper will be around for a while yet at those prices. I do know this, paper sure beats pine needles, or leaves!

I only looked into it because my parents who have lot's of dollars are adding on a large, & fancy bathroom to their house right now. They will have a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom house for the 2 of them.

www.washlet.com
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:22:25 AM EDT
Toilet paper will reach obselescence one of three ways.
1) Humans are genetically engineered so that they don't need rectums.
2) Any alternative to toilet paper becomes more economically feasible (ie cheaper) than the toilet paper.
3) The world's supply of paper disappears, at which time Way #2 applies.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:23:30 AM EDT
------------------------------------------------
Quote:  For maximum comfort, your Washlet uses a streamlined wand that extends to provide a soothing warm flow of aerated water for complete cleansing. What's more, the Washlet offers a wide array of innovative features. There's a soothing warm air dryer. For additional comfort, a heated seat. We even took your olfactory senses into consideration by including an air purifier.
------------------------------------------------

Is it really necessary that the water be aerated?
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:25:10 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
Toilet paper will reach obselescence one of three ways.
1) Humans are genetically engineered so that they don't need rectums.
2) Any alternative to toilet paper becomes more economically feasible (ie cheaper) than the toilet paper.
3) The world's supply of paper disappears, at which time Way #2 applies.



This is closer to reality than you think!

Many people are FULL OF SHIT.
Others spew it out of their mouths!
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:26:34 AM EDT
The sea shells ??
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:29:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SPECTRE:
The sea shells ??



Do you inspire joy joy feelings in those around you?
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:30:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By C-4:
------------------------------------------------
Quote:  For maximum comfort, your Washlet uses a streamlined wand that extends to provide a soothing warm flow of aerated water for complete cleansing. What's more, the Washlet offers a wide array of innovative features. There's a soothing warm air dryer. For additional comfort, a heated seat. We even took your olfactory senses into consideration by including an air purifier.
------------------------------------------------

Is it really necessary that the water be aerated?



I thought the same thing. It's for your anus, not for drinking.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:34:11 AM EDT
Oh by the way just for giggles, my parents are putting a plasma screen tv in their new fancy crapper. I think they should get a Homer Simpson recliner toilet to make the tv more enjoyable. & please no toilet paper, aerated water only!
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 5:58:57 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/16/2003 6:00:09 AM EDT by Bobby_the_Hun]
As long as I can WIPE MY ASS, TP better be available.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 6:04:22 AM EDT
It's my understanding that if you have hemorrhoids, this might be the way to go though I admit, I'd like a little soap to go with my wash. I have been sick on a few occasions and nearly needed a powder puff to wife my raw ass with, this would have been nice. (Puffs brand tissue with lotion or the TP with lotion makes a helluva difference).

It seems the next logical step since they now have those wet wipe things that you install with your TP holder.

I don't know that I have the time to sit there and wait for a full wash and dry though. But, I might get some reading done if I had one. I have seen a number of bidet's in peoples homes so this isn't that new of an idea.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 6:08:00 AM EDT
Every once in a while, mostly before I realize it (read after I "drop the kids off at the pool"), our upstairs bathroom runs out of TP. It is during this time that TP becomes "obsolete" for a few seconds when I pull up my pants and carefully walk  to the downstairs bathroom whereby I un-obsoletisize toilet paper.  

In response to your question, I hope it never does.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 6:12:42 AM EDT
Women, a toilet with cleansing water jets... will women ever come out of the bathroom?

How about this one:

Husband: Hey, honey, how about a little sex?
Wife: Okay {big wide ass grin}
Husband: Pulls down his pants and takes off his clothes. Looks up and finds wife gone into the bathroom.
Wife: sitting ackwardly on the washlet while constantly flushing.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 7:09:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By C-4:
------------------------------------------------
Quote:  For maximum comfort, your Washlet uses a streamlined wand that extends to provide a soothing warm flow of aerated water for complete cleansing. What's more, the Washlet offers a wide array of innovative features. There's a soothing warm air dryer. For additional comfort, a heated seat. We even took your olfactory senses into consideration by including an air purifier.
------------------------------------------------

Is it really necessary that the water be aerated?



Geez, do they have one that will give you a blow-job yet?
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 7:09:14 AM EDT
HAd a friend try a Bode....he wouldnt get off the damn thing
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 7:22:26 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
Toilet paper will reach obselescence one of three ways.
1) Humans are genetically engineered so that they don't need rectums.
2) Any alternative to toilet paper becomes more economically feasible (ie cheaper) than the toilet paper.
3) The world's supply of paper disappears, at which time Way #2 applies.



If #1 happens, how will certain members of this board get their heads up there then?





Link Posted: 11/16/2003 8:14:22 AM EDT
Anyone who likes a little tickle in their ass area can move to France where they use them gay water jets.

I'll stick with paper.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 8:16:07 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:

Originally Posted By C-4:
------------------------------------------------
Quote:  For maximum comfort, your Washlet uses a streamlined wand that extends to provide a soothing warm flow of aerated water for complete cleansing. What's more, the Washlet offers a wide array of innovative features. There's a soothing warm air dryer. For additional comfort, a heated seat. We even took your olfactory senses into consideration by including an air purifier.
------------------------------------------------

Is it really necessary that the water be aerated?



I thought the same thing. It's for your anus, not for drinking.



aerating keeps the water from splashing around so much when it hits your surface
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 8:52:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/16/2003 8:53:19 AM EDT by BISHOP]

Originally Posted By C-4:
------------------------------------------------
Quote:  For maximum comfort, your Washlet uses a streamlined wand that extends to provide a soothing warm flow of aerated water for complete cleansing. What's more, the Washlet offers a wide array of innovative features. There's a soothing warm air dryer. For additional comfort, a heated seat. We even took your olfactory senses into consideration by including an air purifier.
------------------------------------------------


OK, so now your ass is WET, where is the TP to wipe it dry?


BISHOP
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 9:03:10 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BISHOP:

Originally Posted By C-4:
------------------------------------------------
Quote:  For maximum comfort, your Washlet uses a streamlined wand that extends to provide a soothing warm flow of aerated water for complete cleansing. What's more, the Washlet offers a wide array of innovative features. There's a soothing warm air dryer. For additional comfort, a heated seat. We even took your olfactory senses into consideration by including an air purifier.
------------------------------------------------


OK, so now your ass is WET, where is the TP to wipe it dry?


BISHOP

Link Posted: 11/16/2003 9:05:29 AM EDT
i've always thought TP is something people are gonna look back at like 200 years from now and be like "gross, i can't believe people used to actually wipe their asses"

personally i think we'll clone a bunch of midgets to stand beside toilets and wipe them for us
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 9:10:49 AM EDT
When they take it from my cold, dead hand.

Oh wait.  Thats something else.

As long as I have an ass I will have some paper to clean it with.  I may have to brake into my reserve, but I will have it.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 9:29:44 AM EDT
from an earlier posting:


Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a
shower after their bomb making class, when one notices
the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt.

"If you do not mind me saying," said the second, "that
cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it
out?"

"I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It is
permanently stuck in my butt."

"I do not understand," said the other.

The first Arab says, "I was walking along the beach
and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of
smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag
attire with a white beard and top hat came boiling
out. He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant
you one wish."

I said, "No shit?"
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 12:57:10 PM EDT
Metamucil in the capsuls. No need to wipe after taking these on a regular basis.

Try it!
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 2:47:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
Toilet paper will reach obselescence one of three ways.
1) Humans are genetically engineered so that they don't need rectums.



The homosexual lobby will never allow that to happen.
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 2:52:16 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/16/2003 11:11:40 PM EDT

Originally Posted By klutz347:
When they take it from my cold, dead hand.

...



You beat me to it.  They were my thoughts when I read the original post.



Butt, I'd prefer to have a washed a** instead of one that was just wiped.  

Sh*t
Shower
Shave

I­n that order.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 12:06:08 AM EDT
In some asian country (I forgot which one) it is considered really GROSS to use paper and have it hanging around in the pot (I assume there isn't any septic or sewer). You are given a wash cloth to wash afterwards...

My dad went to France and I told him about bidets...He made sure to bring his own roll of paper because the thought of the bidet freaked him out BIG TIME!....
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 1:38:50 AM EDT
OK Ive never used a bidet... But does anyone want to share thier experiences using one?

BTW I also prefer to use actual toilet paper and no of that "tree free" cottonell BS
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 2:01:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By OregonShooter:
OK Ive never used a bidet... But does anyone want to share thier experiences using one?

BTW I also prefer to use actual toilet paper and no of that "tree free" cottonell BS


I too, would like to hear any bidet experiences
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 2:38:44 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/17/2003 2:42:31 AM EDT by patsue]
I humbly offer this submission to the topic

A new brand of Toilet Paper

You probably won't believe me when I tell you that new Cushy™-brand bathroom tissue is the softest, most absorbent bathroom tissue you'll ever try. Heck, I was skeptical at first, too!

Even after learning about Cushy's™ specially quilted "Moistu-Weave" inlay, I still thought, "Come on! How much better could one bathroom tissue be than another?" But once you've felt for yourself the heavenly sensation of a folded-up wad of Cushy™ sliding across your excrement-smeared anus, you're sure to agree: Cushy™ is the most luxurious tissue you'll ever wipe your ass with!

Wow! When it comes to getting your rectal opening clean as a whistle, removing every last trace of stinking, disgusting fecal matter from the puckered surface of the human anus, Cushy™ just can't be beat! Its patented, three-ply "Feces-Grabbing Action" has been specially designed by scientists to wipe away 30 percent more human dung from the anal region than the leading brand--even in those problem "hairy" areas where tiny balls of shit can get trapped for days! When it comes to making sure my asshole's been wiped right, I trust Cushy™. As the commercial says, "With Cushy™, I Know My Ass Is Clean!®"

And Cushy™ is more than just the most absorbent product ever designed, manufactured, and marketed for the purpose of wiping human waste from the rectal region; it's also the softest. I can't believe how good it feels pressed up against my asshole! Sure, I thought the leading brand was good, but after trying Cushy™, I could scarcely believe the difference!

Compared to the sumptuous comfort of Cushy™, the leading brand feels like a portable electric belt-sander grinding my ass down to a chafed and bloody pulp! Wiping with Cushy™, on the other hand, feels as if the defecation residue between my legs is being spirited away on the back of a pillowy-soft cartoon cloud! It's enough to make a person open up a window and shout to the world, "Shit, I Love This Ass-Paper!®"

Cushy™ goes the extra mile to make sure my anus feels pampered like a dainty princess. That's because Cushy™'s not just about getting your ass free of shit particles. It's about treating your entire backside to a feeling of cushiony goodness. It's what the good folks at Global Tetrahedron Forestries, manufacturers of Cushy™, like to call "T.A.C."--Total Asshole Comfort.™ Doesn't your asshole deserve a little T.A.C.?

Your anal region, from your ass cheeks to your dilated sphincter to the interior of your anal column itself, works hard for you each day. Isn't it time you gave a little something back? With Cushy™, my asshole feels as if it's being gently wafted skyward on a freshly scented summer breeze! Try getting that level of comfort from those bargain brands!
Do the other brands offer patented three-ply quilted comfort? Are they lightly perfumed and softened with soothing aloe-based moisturizing lotions? Do they offer Cushy™'s exclusive "Complete Asshole Guarantee®"? Of course not.

Whether you've got a thin, runny liquid, a huge, bulky chunk, or even one of those hard-to-wipe, viscous-sludge-type defecations, Cushy™ not only has the absorbency needed to wipe your ass completely free of sticky, after-shit smears and stains; it's gentle enough to make your puckered butthole feel like the King of Siam, reclining on a mound of the finest silk pillows in all of Asia.

Sure, Cushy™ costs a bit more than less ass-pampering brands, but my ass is worth it! Cushy™ is so soft, sometimes I want to take a shit even when I don't have to! Once you've seen for yourself how wonderful, how majestic, how truly awe-inspiring this new bathroom tissue is, you'll know why people say, "Cushy™... You're Gonna Shit Your Pants!©"




Link Posted: 11/17/2003 4:19:48 AM EDT
he doesnt know about the three seashells.....
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 8:23:25 AM EDT
Come on guys. Think hi-tech. Lasers.

CW
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 9:24:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Cleatus:
he doesnt know about the three seashells.....



LOL...what was the name of that movie. Stalone and bullock.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 9:37:52 AM EDT
demoliton man
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 10:36:13 AM EDT

Originally Posted By OregonShooter:
OK Ive never used a bidet... But does anyone want to share thier experiences using one?


Well, we have bidets in here. Every decent house has one and I'm a regular user, so I think I'm qualified for a range report

In my opinion, they are WAY better than a regular wipe, as they really clean your ass.
If you wipe, no matter how good you do it, there will be particules of shit there, using a bidet makes more unlikely.
I feel dirty if I have to wipe. On a trip I made to NYC, I coordinated my shitting needs to mornings or nights, so I could take a shower after wiping

The procedure is quite simple, you sit in there, open the water and a geiser of water hits you in the asshole (or arounds, and then you have to move your ass till the water hits the X . After that, you use a dedicated ass towel to dry said area and you're good to go.
No big mistery here

If you have diarrhea and you let some of the water to get inside your ass to clean it better and by any chance some remaining pieces of shit end up in the bidet, you just switch the direction of the water, so instead of going out from the center piece, it comes from hidden places around the border and wash them out. (If the pieces of shit are bigger than the holes on the sink you should have stayed longuer in the john )

Here are some pictures.
You must align your ass with that center spot.



The geyser at low pressure so I don't end up watering the entire bathroom.




Any questions?


NsB
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 10:38:36 AM EDT
TP became obsolete for me when I discovered the joy of baby wipes.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 12:30:45 PM EDT


Looks to me like the only thing it would be cleaning is Peter and the twins.

and who the hell stole the seat?  you supposed to sit on that cold china?

Link Posted: 11/17/2003 12:38:50 PM EDT

Originally Posted By deimos:

Originally Posted By OregonShooter:
OK Ive never used a bidet... But does anyone want to share thier experiences using one?


Well, we have bidets in here. Every decent house has one and I'm a regular user, so I think I'm qualified for a range report

In my opinion, they are WAY better than a regular wipe, as they really clean your ass.
If you wipe, no matter how good you do it, there will be particules of shit there, using a bidet makes more unlikely.
I feel dirty if I have to wipe. On a trip I made to NYC, I coordinated my shitting needs to mornings or nights, so I could take a shower after wiping

The procedure is quite simple, you sit in there, open the water and a geiser of water hits you in the asshole (or arounds, and then you have to move your ass till the water hits the X . After that, you use a dedicated ass towel to dry said area and you're good to go.
No big mistery here

If you have diarrhea and you let some of the water to get inside your ass to clean it better and by any chance some remaining pieces of shit end up in the bidet, you just switch the direction of the water, so instead of going out from the center piece, it comes from hidden places around the border and wash them out. (If the pieces of shit are bigger than the holes on the sink you should have stayed longuer in the john )

Here are some pictures.
You must align your ass with that center spot.

cablemodem.fibertel.com.ar/nsbenitez1/bidet1.jpg

The geyser at low pressure so I don't end up watering the entire bathroom.

cablemodem.fibertel.com.ar/nsbenitez1/bidet2.jpg


Any questions?


NsB



YOU BASTARD!! I spit iced tea all over the damn place.

I laughed my ass of at the "range" report and the ass towel comment.

Oh, damn that was hilarious....

WooHoo!!
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 2:03:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By deimos:

Any questions?





How does that tiny little trickle of water gently splashing on your ass clean it?

Then you use a towel to dry? Does that towel get turd on it? Then you just hang it up somewhere? Ewwwwww!
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 2:19:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Cleatus:
he doesnt know about the three seashells.....



Ya' beat me to it...


And, IIRC, it's RECTA, not RECTUMS...
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 2:21:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By RipMeyer:

Originally Posted By deimos:

Any questions?





How does that tiny little trickle of water gently splashing on your ass clean it?

Then you use a towel to dry? Does that towel get turd on it? Then you just hang it up somewhere? Ewwwwww!




Link Posted: 11/17/2003 2:37:34 PM EDT


realist
Looks to me like the only thing it would be cleaning is Peter and the twins.
and who the hell stole the seat? you supposed to sit on that cold china?


As I said, you have to sit towards the front, to make your asshole gets right above that centered spot from where teh ejt of water comes up.
I think some bidets come with a seat, but I just don't care much, it really doesn't bother me much. The seat of the toiled might be wood or anything, but in winter it's cold too.



Tactical_Jew
YOU BASTARD!! I spit iced tea all over the damn place.


Sorry about that...


RipMeyer
How does that tiny little trickle of water gently splashing on your ass clean it?
Then you use a towel to dry? Does that towel get turd on it? Then you just hang it up somewhere? Ewwwwww!


That "tiny little trickle of water" won't clean shit (phun intended). That's minimal power, at full power, the geyser will almost reach the roof, so with that preasure it WILL clean your ass.
Of course the towel doesn't get turd on it! The entire process is to remove turd from your ass, 'member? So once you're clean, you can dry it.
There's a dedicated towel to that because I don't want to dry my face with something that I used on my ass, but that's it.
You can always use TP to dry the area -once it's clean- if the idea of a towel bothers you that much.

NsB
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 4:55:53 PM EDT
does everyone use the SAME towel?EWWWWWW!!!!
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 4:59:38 PM EDT
First and foremost rule about Bidets....

YOU DON'T SHIT IN THEM!

You shit in the toilet, flush then wash your anus with the Bidet!
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:01:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MAC-DADDY:
does everyone use the SAME towel?EWWWWWW!!!!


Ok, you're not playing along here...

One dedicated ass towel for each member of the house.  (Unless you're a nasty bastard)

NsB
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:02:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By RipMeyer:

Originally Posted By deimos:

Any questions?





How does that tiny little trickle of water gently splashing on your ass clean it?

Then you use a towel to dry? Does that towel get turd on it? Then you just hang it up somewhere? Ewwwwww!



LMAO!!!!

NO, SHIT FOR BRAINS!  You wash your anus with your fingers, then you wash your friggen hands!

God!  Why do so many people here need education on high society?
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:04:59 PM EDT
... A strict diet of MRE's will eliminate the requirement for said accoutrements.
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:28:05 PM EDT

Originally Posted By deimos:

Originally Posted By MAC-DADDY:
does everyone use the SAME towel?EWWWWWW!!!!


Ok, you're not playing along here...


yes I am!!!(playing along)



One dedicated ass towel for each member of the house.  (Unless you're a nasty bastard)


ass toweli like thatass towel


don't the water spray shit(literaly) all over the place(like on your clothes?)and even if it don't,tolet water is nasty too.
NsB




Link Posted: 11/17/2003 5:32:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MAC-DADDY:

Originally Posted By deimos:

Originally Posted By MAC-DADDY:
does everyone use the SAME towel?EWWWWWW!!!!


Ok, you're not playing along here...


yes I am!!!(playing along)



One dedicated ass towel for each member of the house.  (Unless you're a nasty bastard)


ass toweli like thatass towel


don't the water spray shit(literaly) all over the place(like on your clothes?)and even if it don't,tolet water is nasty too.
NsB







C'mon, admit you're a fecal freak! You want me to do a demostration video!!




NsB
Link Posted: 11/17/2003 6:12:47 PM EDT
On of my customers spent over $2000.00 for his toilet. The freaking thing has a heated seat, some kind of arm rest thing that has more buttons on it than a control panel on the Shuttle, squirts water, and blow drys your ass. Comes from Japan, and I think the name is Tu-Tu. There was a problem when the toilet was installed as there wasn't an outlet for the plug for the thing.
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