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Posted: 11/2/2009 6:17:41 AM EST
So, what's the modern definition of a liberal or a conservative?
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 6:24:23 AM EST
A Conservative is a racist homophobe, and a Liberal is a freed fighter.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 6:25:03 AM EST
Conservatives spend like children in a candy store and buy everything on credit.

Liberals spend like meth users on a two week bender with stolen money.

Link Posted: 11/2/2009 6:32:42 AM EST
The term Conservative has been taken over by the Neo Conservatives. There are very few real Conservatives left. The Neo Cons used to be liberal Dems, but switched to the Repub party in the 60s. They profess to want smaller government,etc. That is not want the leaders actually want. They trace their origins to the Communist Revolution on 1917. Their heroes are Leon Trotsky and Abe Lincoln. The real Conservatives are sometimes called Paleo Cons.
Liberals are simply batshit crazy. I really think that they have a genetic predisposition to lunacy.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 6:35:18 AM EST
conservative = dumb motherfucker who votes republican and listens to their orders
liberal = dumb motherfucker who votes democrat and listens to their orders

everyone else thinks for themselves.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 6:45:41 AM EST
There is a difference between the US definition of liberal and the european one. What you yanks refer to as libertarianism is called liberalism over here and what you call liberalism is refered to as socialism.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 6:58:14 AM EST
Conservative doesn't mean anything on its own other than pushing a pro-Christian, stick-up-your-ass agenda.

Everything else about "Conservatives" is already covered by Constitutional Originalism/Libertarians.

Conservatives are Libertarians except when it comes to gay things, race-mixing or athiesm. Then they are totalitarian against it.


Liberals think that if the government controlled everything that nobody would have to work except the evil rich people and Spotted Owls would hoot from all the new old growth forest sprouting up along city streets.


There should be no "ism"s. Just follow the Constitution. It doesn't say anything about how people should live their private lives. If you say you support the Constitution but don't think gays should be allowed to marry then you are a hypocrite because the Constitution doesn't involve itself with that. We are promised life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

That means you can do it your way with hip waders, a gap-toothed son with an IQ of 70 and a 400 pound wife or you can do it like a gay parade marshal.

The end result of a 100% conservative victory would be a puritanical reign of terror
The end result of a 100% liberal victory would be a despotic police state
The end result of a 100% libertarian victory would be an America as intended by our founders.

No, I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with it).
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:00:25 AM EST
liberal=big gov
conservative=small gov

i dont like when they are defined by individual issues like abortion since I am pro choice. also some liberals are pro 2a
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:03:34 AM EST
CONSERVATIVE, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as
distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with
others.

- The Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:04:26 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/2/2009 7:07:51 AM EST by Lympago]
I posted this a while back where I was promptly enlightened by a dupe monkey it was a dupe, but it's still good. It relates perfectly.



––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––­––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement..

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, great airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it…Let your next action reveal your true self .


Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:13:14 AM EST
Originally Posted By Lympago:
I posted this a while back where I was promptly enlightened by a dupe monkey it was a dupe, but it's still good. It relates perfectly.



––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––­––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement..

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, great airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it…Let your next action reveal your true self .




i think i posted this about a week or so ago. it always gives me a chuckle
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:14:51 AM EST
In the coming decade :

Conservative = Wolf
Liberal = Sheep
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 7:21:32 AM EST
Originally Posted By tnolley:
Conservatives are Libertarians except when it comes to gay things, race-mixing or athiesm. Then they are totalitarian against it.


BS.

No conservative advocates any kind of law at the federal level against anything gay, or race-mixing or athiesm. Liberals, however, push for laws all the time dealing with these issues. Any conservative at the federal level would prefer to do as the Constitution proposes, and let states handle these issues.
Link Posted: 11/2/2009 8:33:17 AM EST

Originally Posted By 8mmDale:
In the coming decade :

Conservative = Wolf
Liberal = Sheep


I like it...
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