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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:28:15 PM EDT
[#1]
"EAT SHIT AND DIE MOTHERFUCKER!!!" generally tends to work. YRMV.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:28:42 PM EDT
[#2]
Just say "yes ma'm" regardless of who it is.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:28:47 PM EDT
[#3]
1st post....again.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:32:32 PM EDT
[#4]
bet them you know where they got them shoes
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:33:13 PM EDT
[#5]
Ignoring bums is the best way to deal with em.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:33:53 PM EDT
[#6]
Would you prefer I flag you down with my CCW?
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:34:03 PM EDT
[#7]
I always tell them that I just lost my job or that my car was repossed or sometimes, that I have five children and one of them has cancer.
That usually shuts them up. No bum wants to stand there and hear you talk about how expensive your little girl's chemotherapy is. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:34:16 PM EDT
[#8]
Quoted:
I HATE that phrase. They ALWAYS start out with that, it never ever fails, someone will makes eye contact or walk towards you (you can see it a mile away, they want something) and its the 'ol excuse me sir shit. Cant they think of something new? Like maybe "Hey buddy...." and I could respond with "I'm not your buddy pal!" I mean come on, excuse me sir leaves nothing for me to work with. I usually just ignore them but that way of dealing with it is getting old. I need something for next time. ETA: draw down or blade at 45 has been used. Excuse me sir but why don't you tell us how you really feel. 
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:34:17 PM EDT
[#9]
I look them right in the eyes and say "No".
It's a very powerful word that is not used often enough. Eric  |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:35:04 PM EDT
[#10]
I never let 'em get that far, if I see 'em coming. I always hold my hand out in "stop" position and say,"I'm sorry. I can't help you." Usually stops 'em cold. If not I just say."NO!', "NO!" every time they try to say something.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:35:12 PM EDT
[#11]
"I don't carry any change on me. That's how THEY track you man! I've stayed in one spot too long now, I need to get going!"
And then, run off.  |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:35:52 PM EDT
[#12]
Funny, the overwhelming majority of the times I've ever said, "Excuse me, Sir" to someone on the street it was because the person dropped something that appeared to valuable. If I would have received a rude response, that person would have lost whatever item they dropped forever.
The only thing I've ever asked for from a person on the street is a light. ETA: The reason I posted this is because it's always best to be polite to people until they've given you a reason not to, even if you suspect that they are just looking for a handout. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:36:01 PM EDT
[#13]
Time for an IM firemission to the OP with "excuse me sir" messages,,, lol...
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:40:59 PM EDT
[#14]
Permission to speak, my subject.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:41:30 PM EDT
[#15]
Quoted:
Time for an IM firemission to the OP with "excuse me sir" messages,,, lol... His box is full. I keed! |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:42:37 PM EDT
[#16]
Quoted:
Funny, the overwhelming majority of the times I've ever said, "Excuse me, Sir" to someone on the street it was because the person dropped something that appeared to valuable. If I would have received a rude response, that person would have lost whatever item they dropped forever. If I had ever heard an "excuse me sir" from behind and turned around to see them holding something I recognize as mine, then yeah I'd acknowledge them and thank them for picking the item up for me. The excuse me sir group I'm talking about is always advancing from the 10-2 o'clock position. It's pretty obvious they are opportunists or beggars. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:43:13 PM EDT
[#17]
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:43:28 PM EDT
[#18]
I tell them, "I'm doing you a favor by helping you hit rock bottom. It's called 'tough love'. Now go away."
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:43:46 PM EDT
[#19]
"Why, did you fart?"
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:44:39 PM EDT
[#20]
"SIR".......Do I look like your fucking daddy ?
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:44:46 PM EDT
[#21]
I always yell that to the ref at hockey games when they make shit calls.
I'm the drunk idiot sitting front row in the corner yelling "EXCUSE ME SIR!!!! EXCUSE ME!!! SIIIIRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! SIR!!!! EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!! HEY REF YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!" |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:45:06 PM EDT
[#22]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Funny, the overwhelming majority of the times I've ever said, "Excuse me, Sir" to someone on the street it was because the person dropped something that appeared to valuable. If I would have received a rude response, that person would have lost whatever item they dropped forever. If I had ever heard an "excuse me sir" from behind and turned around to see them holding something I recognoze as mine, then yeah I'd acknowledge them and thank them for picking the item up for me. The excuse me sir group I'm talking about is always advancing from the 10-2 o'clock position. It's pretty obvious they are opportunists or beggars. A simple, "There is no excuse" or "There is no excuse for your behavior/rudeness/interrupting me/whatever" works for me when I feel like being an ass. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:47:14 PM EDT
[#23]
Reply with "Why should I excuse You?"
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:48:53 PM EDT
[#24]
I usually engage full smarm, and reply "What can I (pause for effect) DO for YOU?"
I don't get too many takers. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:49:06 PM EDT
[#25]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Funny, the overwhelming majority of the times I've ever said, "Excuse me, Sir" to someone on the street it was because the person dropped something that appeared to valuable. If I would have received a rude response, that person would have lost whatever item they dropped forever. If I had ever heard an "excuse me sir" from behind and turned around to see them holding something I recognoze as mine, then yeah I'd acknowledge them and thank them for picking the item up for me. The excuse me sir group I'm talking about is always advancing from the 10-2 o'clock position. It's pretty obvious they are opportunists or beggars. Or the item you dropped is still on the ground 3 steps behind you and the person in the 10 - 2 o'clock position saw it fall. Not trying to be a dick, just pointing out that things aren't always as they seem, and being rude to people before giving them a chance to reveal their intentions can potentially be costly. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:51:08 PM EDT
[#26]
Learn a nonsense phrase in an obscure foreign language and respond with that.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:51:42 PM EDT
[#27]
When they ask for a dollar counter their question by asking them for two dollars.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:56:37 PM EDT
[#28]
Quoted:
Learn a nonsense phrase in an obscure foreign language and respond with that. Tried that one myself. Je ne comprends pas! Of course the time I chose to use it the fucker knew French and began to ramble on like we were drinking buddies. FML. That reminds me, I hate people. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 4:59:49 PM EDT
[#29]
Quoted:
Or the item you dropped is still on the ground 3 steps behind you and the person in the 10 - 2 o'clock position saw it fall. Not trying to be a dick, just pointing out that things aren't always as they seem, and being rude to people before giving them a chance to reveal their intentions can potentially be costly. Well first you gotta give me credit for being able to discern, I've been around the block, several times. Secondly, I've never dropped anything. I keep my items secure. Always have. It's a mindset. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:01:45 PM EDT
[#30]
Working with the public, as I sometimes do, I say, "Pardon me, sir," ma'am, whatever, or "I hate to bother you...
Many times I feel like saying, "Hey YOU!! FUCKHEAD! Yeah, YOU, ASSHOLE!" I think the former forms of address are better than the latter, but that's just me. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:01:59 PM EDT
[#31]
When someone says that to me, I am polite and say: Yes?
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:04:19 PM EDT
[#32]
A good friend of mine that was lost at sea in a Seahawk crash (Navy rescue swimmer) told a story about a homeless guy in San Diego who asked him "Hey brother can you help me out with a sandwich or something". Without missing a beat Grant said "well I'm not really hungry right now but where is it? I can take a few bites."
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:04:55 PM EDT
[#33]
You are excused, bye.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:15:02 PM EDT
[#34]
ask them for money right off the bat.
I do that shit all the time when a stranger walks up to me about to ask for something. blurt out : I need $100 dollars. I get the  look and they leave me the fuck alone.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:16:07 PM EDT
[#35]
"yes private?" |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:17:36 PM EDT
[#36]
I find if I glare at them while saying "Getthefuckawayfromme!" as I keep walking past them usually stops them cold.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:18:47 PM EDT
[#37]
Just yell, "DON'T RAPE MEEEEEEEE!" and run away.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:19:33 PM EDT
[#38]
"I'm not a Sir, I work for a living!"
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:23:53 PM EDT
[#39]
Bless you Child, You're excused. Usually throws them for a loop.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:25:20 PM EDT
[#40]
Q: Excuse me sir..
A: yes my friend?..what is it my friend? I don't think I really need your help at this time, my friend.. finish every line off with "my friend"...that should throw them for a loop... stay thirsty my friend. 
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:27:01 PM EDT
[#41]
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:27:55 PM EDT
[#42]
Learned in a Farnam class: "I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HELP YOU!" in an extremely loud voice, so that anybody who is around hears it and turns and looks. If he speaks again, don't let him finish the sentence. 'I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HELP YOU." Doesn't matter what he says, whether it's asking for directions, spare change, or "helpfully" telling you that you have a flat tire. (You can check that out after he leaves.) All this while in Condition Red, ready to fight in an instant if necessary, and while checking your six. Most of the time, it is harmless panhandling, but every once in a while, the guy in front of you is the decoy getting your attention, while his accomplice behind you thumps you with a crowbar.
I've used it several times now, each time with the desired effect. Guy looks at you like you are crazy, and walks away mumbling. ("Crazy motherfucker....") It works. Learn it. Use it. "I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HELP YOU." |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:29:01 PM EDT
[#43]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Learn a nonsense phrase in an obscure foreign language and respond with that. Tried that one myself. Je ne comprends pas! Of course the time I chose to use it the fucker knew French and began to ramble on like we were drinking buddies. FML. That reminds me, I hate people. About a billion years ago, I had a job as one of those guys in a White van selling speakers. We were cruising through a parking lot just North of the Miami-Dade County line one day, when I saw a well dressed mid 30 Latina get out of a new BMW. I pulled up next to her and asked her, "Would you like a nice set of Speakers for your house?" To which she replied, "No Eeennnglish" I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night so my automatic reply is, "Pocinas! Para su Casa! Jefe no savy quatro." Mrs. Latina now has a serious oh-shit moment and it shows on her face for a second, then she smiles and says, "No Spaaaanish" I KNOW she is FOS and it now, it isn’t a potential sale, but a game (and maybe even a war story I'll be telling in about a billion years!) I reply, “Spriken ze Duiche?” Her, “No” I say, “Parlevous Francis?” She says, “No” “Creole?” “No” “Italiano?” “No” “Portuguise?” “No” At this point I kind of shrug my shoulders at her whit an inquisitive look on my face and she says with a look of triumph, “ZIMBABWE!!” To which I responded with a look of “of course, why didn’t I think of that” and said, “Ugg mug I dishu. Palalahk som moteee!” Her look of Triumph evaporated instantly and she literally ran away yelling, “ NO NO NO!!” While I didn’t make any cash on the interaction with her, I still chalk that one up in my “WIN” column after all these years .
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:29:59 PM EDT
[#44]
I always try to beat them to the punch line and tell them I locked my keys and wallet in my car and I need bus fare to get home to get my spare set of keys. The responses have been from an offer of bus fare to suggesting I should do something to myself that is anatomically impossible.
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:30:13 PM EDT
[#45]
Quoted:
I look them right in the eyes and say "No". It's a very powerful word that is not used often enough. Eric
that is what I do. I remember one who complained "He didnt even let me start before he said No. How am I going to sell anything?"
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:32:25 PM EDT
[#46]
before he gets a chance cut him off and ask if he can spare some change
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Posted: 4/30/2011 5:38:30 PM EDT
[#47]
Quoted:
I HATE that phrase. They ALWAYS start out with that, it never ever fails, someone will makes eye contact or walk towards you (you can see it a mile away, they want something) and its the 'ol excuse me sir shit. Cant they think of something new? Like maybe "Hey buddy...." and I could respond with "I'm not your buddy pal!" I mean come on, excuse me sir leaves nothing for me to work with. I usually just ignore them but that way of dealing with it is getting old. I need something for next time. ETA: draw down or blade at 45 has been used. why do you even care? You should be glad someone chose to talk to you 
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Posted: 4/30/2011 6:01:25 PM EDT
[#48]
Funny, this just happened to me today. Every year around this time these...carnival type things.....roll into town. We get the carnies going door to door peddling their fucking snake oil "wonder soap" shit. Always cracks me up...some dude that clearly doesn't look or sound like he's from here wearing the local teams jersey going door to door, too funny.
I go out for the mail... Him - Hey man, do you got.... Me - I don't have time for your shit, what do you want. Him (handing me a flier) - This stuff is.... Me - We already bought this shit from you last year. Him - Really? Me - No. Just left him standing in my driveway....my neighbor was laughing his fucking ass off. Fucking carnies and rubes. |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 6:01:39 PM EDT
[#49]
Them: "Excuse me sir"
You: "There is no excuse for you" |
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Posted: 4/30/2011 7:03:08 PM EDT
[#50]
wiley07:
Excuse Me Sir Sum bitch!!! |
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