Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Site Notices
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:28:17 PM EDT
Help please with advice. My son is 28 and I bought him a new home. He has 2 large dogs and he wanted a fence (one-half acre) put up but wanted to save money so I helped him. We did it in 3 days.

Now we come to today. He picks me up and takes me to his house where we are putting in a 14' 2-door gate. We get up one side-- no problem. Putting up the other side he goes off on me that I'm doing it wrong and it's too high or it's too low and really gives me an ass chewing. We finally get the last gate door on and it looks real good and works great.

While I start drilling the holes in the cyprus boards to install the hardware to lock the gate he comes over and tears me a new (you know what) and yells and says I tore up his gate and put holes in the wood. I tell him you can get boards for $1.29 at the fence company. He says "You'd be lucky if I give you a ride home".

Well... I picked up my tools, told him don't ever ask me to help him again, said some choice words, and proceeded to walk the 10 miles home.

OK... my question is... how would you have handled it any differently if, indeed, you would have done it differently than I did? I'm really sick of the ungrateful, disrespectful (and a bunch of other words I feel right now that I'm angry), but he is my only son. Input???

lawdog
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:29:55 PM EDT
I would have used the truckload of cash to buy a gold plated harrier to fly home instead of walk
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:31:15 PM EDT
Tell him to get fucked and get his own mortgage.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:31:23 PM EDT
as the child of adult parents i would never do something as disrespectful as that. if he didn't like the job you were doing, he should have told you politely to take a break and he'll finish up the work himself.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:31:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/16/2006 12:32:36 PM EDT by operatorerror]
Uhhhh

You bought him a house, you put up his fence....

Adopt me.

ETA does he have any medical conditions, like diabetes?
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:32:46 PM EDT
I will gladly be your replacement son if you buy me a house and help me build a fence.

No offence but your son sounds like a spoiled brat that had a temper problem.

Kick his ass and remind him of his place in life.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:35:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By operatorerror:
Uhhhh

You bought him a house, you put up his fence....

Adopt me.



Adopt me too. And you don't even have to help me do anything.

But I'll be glad to help you any way I can dad.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:35:59 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:37:14 PM EDT

Originally Posted By fossil_fuel:
as the child of adult parents i would never do something as disrespectful as that. if he didn't like the job you were doing, he should have told you politely to take a break and he'll finish up the work himself.


What he said.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:41:42 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/16/2006 12:42:54 PM EDT by Paul]
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:41:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/16/2006 12:43:02 PM EDT by SouthHoof]
Sounds like he's been a spoiled child all his life. You've just compounded the problem by throwing your wallet at him.

Perhaps your big settlement would be wiser spent elsewhere.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:44:27 PM EDT
is he your "reliable source in southern florida???"
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:45:23 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/16/2006 12:46:28 PM EDT by A-nus]
You should shoot his dogs then point, laugh and call him a pussy when he is crying.

I mean, i assume your a cop "lawman" so it should come naturally.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:46:33 PM EDT
Bought him a new house and helped him build a fence? I knew I got shafted somewhere along the line.

Daddy, is that you? Don't let my gray hair fool you...

Seriously, your son needs a beating.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:47:09 PM EDT
you did right.....

but I'll also say that he should have his own mortgage. Sounds like your boy doesn't know the value of an earned dollar, a gift, or the loving benevolence of his father.

H
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:51:21 PM EDT
I would of stopped and sat him down and asked what was wrong. (Other than what he was yelling about) He is your son, something is wrong if he is not lie that on the norm.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:51:40 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mppppp:
is he your "reliable source in southern florida???"



or one of the 'aliens' that gave him the probe???
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:56:45 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:57:09 PM EDT
Man, that must hurt. And you had the cajones to walk the 10 miles home. Good on you!

Barring the unforeseen (aforementioned diabetes, bad reaction to prescribed meds, etc)... that BOY needs a dose of wake up juice.

Use an answering machine on your phone(s) and consider revitalising ties AFTER he grovels.

I recently lost my dad, and he was one helluva career warrior. I instinctively knew not to ask for anything, much less address him disrespectfully.

Soooo... am up for adoption, and I'd be honored to help you fix YOUR fence, no strings attatched. any man got the wherewithal to walk ten miles home from "that" has got my straight up, unalloyed respect!
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:59:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Tanam:



There should be code built into the board that adds that into every thread he posts.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 12:59:32 PM EDT
Your children should never grow too old to get a slap to the back of the head.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:00:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/16/2006 1:01:52 PM EDT by thirsty]
I'm 24, and that seems overly harsh on his end. Is this normal behavior from him? Or is this unusual?

I don't know, but usually when I get angry at my parents, something else is going on they don't know about. I get angrier if they don't notice that I'm obviously discontent with something.

If this is outta the blue and abnormal for him, you should check in and make sure he is okay, that there aren't any lady troubles or otherwise he wants to tell you about. Young men usually don't like to ask for help from their fathers, but they will manifest that need through frustration and anger. He may have been asking for help, as skewed as his style for doing so was.

If not, and this is common for him, do the fatherly thing, kick his ass out onto the street to teach him a life lesson. When he realizes his mistake, let him back in with a warning that you didn't raise your son to be that kind of man. I've never had these problems with my dad, but then again I live in morbid fear of angering him, not because of what he'd do, just because I don't want to let him down.

Either way, I'm sure your son is probably upset with himself for this.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:01:45 PM EDT

Originally Posted By fossil_fuel:
as the child of adult parents i would never do something as disrespectful as that. if he didn't like the job you were doing, he should have told you politely to take a break and he'll finish up the work himself.





Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:08:11 PM EDT
Who owns legal title to the property?

He who pays the bills makes the rules and thus was it ever so. If the property was an outright gift I'd say quit throwing good money after bad and walk. a. way.

Dad holds legal title? End of problem.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:09:34 PM EDT

Originally Posted By lawdog:
My son is 28 and I bought him a new home.




You got bigger problems than a damn fence.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:10:33 PM EDT
You should shoot his dogs then point, laugh and call him a pussy when he is crying.


Thanks A-nus, you made me feel lots better !!!!

Lawdog
P.S. I'm 48 and 230 lbs. I won't be doing 10 miles again any time soon that's for damn sure !!!!! My feet and groin muscles are killing me.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:12:01 PM EDT
Damn, If i had done that ...

As soon as I regained consciousness I would've promptly apologized.

Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:12:22 PM EDT
Sounds like someone spoiled his son, didnt teach him to appreciate or respect others, and now you are reaping what you sowed.

And we wonder why america is fucked up.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:13:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Mister44:
Sounds like someone spoiled his son, didnt teach him to appreciate or respect others, and now you are reaping what you sowed.

And we wonder why america is fucked up.




Cliff note version.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:14:23 PM EDT
what causes him to be ungrateful is that you give him everything.
Having to do a lot of hard work yourself makes you grateful for assistance.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:15:13 PM EDT
Not buy my 28 year old son a home.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:16:01 PM EDT
You did good.

In the mean time, cut him off until he pulls his head out of his ass. Who makes the house payments? You or your son?
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:17:32 PM EDT
Sounds like someone spoiled his son, didnt teach him to appreciate or respect others, and now you are reaping what you sowed.

You know... you are right. I have to take responsibility but, to be honest, it was the wife that made him rotten. When the boy was young I worked 2 jobs most of the time (back in the day police pay wasn't that great... not much better today) and then worked full-time (50-60 hrs per week) and went to college full-time. I wasn't around much but I had a family to support. By the time he was 21 he moved to Florida and met the female spawn of Satan (but that is another story).

In any event... yes... he is a "privileged" child but------ is it to late to make any positive changes in him????

lawdog
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:20:19 PM EDT
Too late? I dunno; a Cold Hard Wake Up Call to REALITY can have a certain effect.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:21:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By lawdog:
Sounds like someone spoiled his son, didnt teach him to appreciate or respect others, and now you are reaping what you sowed.

You know... you are right. I have to take responsibility but, to be honest, it was the wife that made him rotten. When the boy was young I worked 2 jobs most of the time (back in the day police pay wasn't that great... not much better today) and then worked full-time (50-60 hrs per week) and went to college full-time. I wasn't around much but I had a family to support. By the time he was 21 he moved to Florida and met the female spawn of Satan (but that is another story).

In any event... yes... he is a "privileged" child but------ is it to late to make any positive changes in him????

lawdog




It's called spoiled, not priveleged.

Cut him off and tell him to "man up" , if it's not too late already.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:23:45 PM EDT

Originally Posted By lawdog:
Sounds like someone spoiled his son, didnt teach him to appreciate or respect others, and now you are reaping what you sowed.

You know... you are right. I have to take responsibility but, to be honest, it was the wife that made him rotten. When the boy was young I worked 2 jobs most of the time (back in the day police pay wasn't that great... not much better today) and then worked full-time (50-60 hrs per week) and went to college full-time. I wasn't around much but I had a family to support. By the time he was 21 he moved to Florida and met the female spawn of Satan (but that is another story).

In any event... yes... he is a "privileged" child but------ is it to late to make any positive changes in him????

lawdog



once you realize that everthing is your fault, he can run home to mama and get money and your the bad guy for being mean to him you can relax. he's 28. i assume he's a child trapped in a man's body and your stuck with him. will he grow out of it. he spent the last 28 years growing into it. i would say he's comfortable. there is no reason for him to change. not that he would want to. what does he do for a living?
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:25:59 PM EDT
The major stormclouds looming are with spoil-the-BOY Momma. I'm female and I know how these women are. SHE is your major concern so far as drawing your line in the sand now. Few women are ruthlessly calm and cold when that is what is needed.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:34:10 PM EDT
Distance yourself. You have done much more than was ever required of you, as a father. Time to protect and take care of Number One.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:35:12 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:40:06 PM EDT
The major stormclouds looming are with spoil-the-BOY Momma

Yep... and I'll probably get an ear full !!
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:47:09 PM EDT
My father died March 11, 2005. He was a truly great man and I would have never have dreamed of talking to him like that or would he have let me if I had. Use some of your money to buy me a plane ticket and I will come down there and kick your ungrateful son's ass for you. Have a long talk with your wife, cut the little asshole off completely even if he does apologize, and let him start finding his own way in life.

Best of luck.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 1:53:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By rebel_rifle:

Originally Posted By lawdog:
My son is 28 and I bought him a new home.




You got bigger problems than a damn fence.



I was thinking the same thing.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 2:01:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Da_Bunny:
Distance yourself. You have done much more than was ever required of you, as a father. Time to protect and take care of Number One.



+1

Is the house under his name or yours?

Maybe you could write him a note. Not accusatory, but list the things you have done for him and how much it hurt you when he treated you like that...
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 2:02:36 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/16/2006 2:03:56 PM EDT by Bubbatheredneck]

Originally Posted By lawdog:
Sounds like someone spoiled his son, didnt teach him to appreciate or respect others, and now you are reaping what you sowed.

You know... you are right. I have to take responsibility but, to be honest, it was the wife that made him rotten. When the boy was young I worked 2 jobs most of the time (back in the day police pay wasn't that great... not much better today) and then worked full-time (50-60 hrs per week) and went to college full-time. I wasn't around much but I had a family to support. By the time he was 21 he moved to Florida and met the female spawn of Satan (but that is another story).

In any event... yes... he is a "privileged" child but------ is it to late to make any positive changes in him????

lawdog




D@mn, you are not only a lousy father, but sounds like you suck as a husband too. Just where were you when your wife was doing all this? Supporting means a lot more than bringing home $$$. Having a kid at age 20 and needing to work 2 jobs and go to school means you shouldn't have had a kid. The sad thing is we can all make mistakes at age 16 or 18 or 20 that we have to suffer the rest of our lives. So now, the next time he pulls this same crap, slap him upside the head and apologize for NOT doing it 20 years ago.. Can't change the past, but you can work on the future. And don't take the easy way out and blame your wife.

Link Posted: 2/16/2006 3:15:16 PM EDT
Sorry ...redneck but I did the best I could. You see, I was an orphan with a cleft lip and bow-legged. I had cerebral palsy and pimples really bad. My foster father was a drunk and beat me regularly and momma was a 'ho. I didn't have much in the way of parental example so I did what I thought was best. Besides... I didn't have you to tell me what to do or how to do it... yep... I'm a complete failure as a husband and father.

Sorry I let you down.

Goin' to the garden and eat worms,

lawdog
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 3:22:51 PM EDT
I see this all the time. Who can blame the kids that act like they are the center of the universe when that is where they were raised?


Next time he has a project and asked for my help I would say, "Bud, that's WAY over my head. Not qualified."
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 3:25:32 PM EDT
sod walking I'd have called a cab
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 3:28:15 PM EDT
He's just angry because his glock won't shoot itself in the sun, like yours.
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 3:34:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Taffy223:
sod walking I'd have called a cab



Never been to rural Alabama have you?
Link Posted: 2/16/2006 3:44:16 PM EDT
Read " The Millionaire Next Door" it talks about kids like this and how parents create them and how the kids will continue to be dependant because of the actions of the parents. It's late but you had better do something now , cause it just gets harder and harder to break the chain.

Link Posted: 2/16/2006 3:49:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By lawdog:
Sorry ...redneck but I did the best I could.



Buying a child (or anybody for that matter) a very expensive gift isn't a real good idea.

As the child, I would have been hesitant to accept it. Not only did I not earn it, but it can be seen as an attempt to create some sort of an obligation. Your boy probably realizes this now and is pissed about it whether the obligation is real or imagined. The only thing he can think to do now is drive you away. He thinks if he can drive you away, the sense of obligation will go with it.

The best thing you can do is assure him, through words and actions, that there are no strings attached to the gift. Allow him to feel any obligation toward you because he WANTS to, not because he has to.
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Top Top