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Posted: 5/18/2005 7:44:45 PM EDT
What is there to do with an alcoholic mother? She is angry when drunk, had a dui recently, and still continues to drink, and drive out of her restricted times passed from sentencing.

Every attempt I make to help seems futile, should I just give up? I'm tired of my parents fighting, and I'm tired of putting my mom against the wall because she it trying to hurt me. I'm tired of all the drama, and I don't know what to do. She won't talk to me about it, she won't talk to her friend about it. It seems all she does is go to the Seminole casino, and come home late at night shitfaced.

And every night it's the same thing, sit at the dinner table, attempt to read something and shovel finger food into her mouth, spilling everything, dropping plates and tripping over the dog.

I'm at the point where if I know she is out past driving restrictions, I'll have my girlfriend's dad (sheriff deputy) call in a BOLO for her car and pull her over, because I think PERMANENT jail time will be one of the only steps to get this ball rolling. Does it sound too extreme, so should I just tell her that I'm ready for my life to be ruined when she dies in a fatal accident and kills someone else's child?
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 7:47:27 PM EDT
Walk away.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 7:51:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By sysop:
Walk away.



Maybe an intervention? She needs help, can't just walk away from one's own mother. Only when she pushes everyone away and wants nothing to do with you would I say walk away.

A drunk has to reach bottom to want help...
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 7:56:39 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 7:59:43 PM EDT
Diito, don't walk away from your mom, she's the only mom you got, and if she does from cirrosiss of the liver, car wreck etc, she will be really gone. Maybe someone from Alcoholics Anom can help.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:00:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By purplecheese:

Originally Posted By sysop:
Walk away.



Maybe an intervention? She needs help, can't just walk away from one's own mother. Only when she pushes everyone away and wants nothing to do with you would I say walk away.

A drunk has to reach bottom to want help...



Indeed and as long as she gets support she will not hit rock bottom as long as she gets support in spite of her behavior.

Walk away. Sorry Mom, get all your shit in one sock. Then call me.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:03:28 PM EDT
Try to get her into a program, and that includes your father. If it fails, then wash your hands of it, get out of the house and don't look back.

It's not your fault, your job, or your burden. Be there, but don't fail to get on with your life if she refuses to take responsiblity for herself.

Good luck.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:08:32 PM EDT
Man, thats a tough spot to be, but for the sake of God, there go I.

That said I will tell you a story from my misspent youth.

We (a dozen guys, mostly NCO's) took the bus (no permission) from the motorpool to go to the Commisary and stockup. About a 20 mile/30-45 minute ride.

I was sitting a few rows from the front, passengers side as we went up the road. As we approached the normal bus stop area, I saw a woman crossing the road. The bus didnt slow down. Next thing you know, the local was on the hood and flying. The driver (E-5) was freaking out, jumping up and down with the bus still in gear. We stopped the bus, rendered aid until some more help came. The MP's were the first on the scene, and took him into custody.

We all thought he saw her, he didnt. I made up my mind right then and there, if its someone I care about, I will interfere, even if they get pissed, rather than to sit back and do nothing. I would rather have them pissed at me than to FUBAR

I hope it all turns out ok for you. .

Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:09:22 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/18/2005 8:20:40 PM EDT by raven]
My mom's an alcoholic. I remember waiting in the car when she went into bars when I was very young; that's my only recollection of her drinking. Never saw the mess up close. She has been sober for most of my life.

But after she retired last year and didn't have her work to fill that void or meaning in her life, she relapsed after over 20 years and started getting drunk. And when she got drunk, she got falling-down shit-faced. It was very strange to see for me, but my older sisters had seen it before a long time ago.

What she ended up doing was going to see John of God, a spiritual healer in Brazil. That's what she did. She's been there four times and she's been sober since. He doesn't charge any money but sells herbs.

www.johnofgod.com/
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:09:59 PM EDT

Originally Posted By EricTheHun:
What does your Father say about this situation?

It's his wife, and a DUI with folks injured or killed will definitely affect his pocketbook for a long time to come.

Is he doing his share to dissuade your Mother from her dangerous and ill-considered actions?

A family intervention?

Are there more family members who can help you?

IF nothing else, your plan of forcing the issue may be the only manner in which your Mother will be made to realize the seriousness of her misconduct.

IF this continues, then you know it will either be your Mother or one of her victims, or both, being washed off the pavement one of these evenings....

Sorry to be so brutal, but I see that you know the risks that she and every other person on the highway faces because of her indefensible actions.

Maybe a brief stint in jail WILL change her attitude....but that is seldom the case.\

She will have to want to change, first.

God be with her, with you and your family, and with all the folks who travel the roads of Florida.

Eric The(Taxi!Oh,Taxi!)Hun



Eric, you are not being harsh at all. My father died when I was 4 from lieukemia (sp?), so I've been with her and my stepfather (who I've never been on good terms with). His attitude when I approached him about it one night was "If she wants to be like her stepmother, let her (stepmother was a drunk who mixed alcohol with medicine)". I was shocked by it. Everyone in my family knows about it, no one really seems to care enough to help.

Her first dui was a horrible accident, she was driving her '03 G35, fell asleep at the wheel and rearended a stopped car doing about 76mph (the deputy estimates anyway). Totalled the car, refused a breathalizer test, resisted arrest and was almost charged with assault on an officer. She spent a night in jail, license automatically suspended for refusing the test. She was recently sentenced to community service, traffic school and restricted to driving between 9-5pm weekdays for business only.

So now she drives her '05 vette around 7pm to the casino, and drives home drunk.

As for the stepfather, I suggested OUTLAWING alcohol from the household. He still brings home beer and wine, which she gets into. So what a loving spouse I guess.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:12:24 PM EDT
Is she a MILF?
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:14:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/18/2005 8:15:15 PM EDT by Hoppy]
Alanon/Alateen


You can locate a chapter in just about any city.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:16:50 PM EDT
Sorry, w4klr

That's a tough row to hoe.

There's not much you can do, landing mom in jail is one option though.

Sounds like it might be a start.

I'll keep prayers for you

PS How old are you?

GM
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:18:14 PM EDT

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
Sorry, w4klr

That's a tough row to hoe.

There's not much you can do, landing mom in jail is one option though.

Sounds like it might be a start.

I'll keep prayers for you

PS How old are you?

GM



Turned 19 last week, starting my 2nd year of college in august..
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:18:45 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MallNinjaMuzzleflash:
Is she a MILF?









Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:20:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By w4klr:

As for the stepfather, I suggested OUTLAWING alcohol from the household. He still brings home beer and wine, which she gets into. So what a loving spouse I guess.



It's going to be tough getting through to her when her spouse is feeding her addiction.

Is this brought about by depression maybe?
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:20:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By CavVet:

Originally Posted By MallNinjaMuzzleflash:
Is she a MILF?












Don't tell me, let me guess, you'd like to kill me?

Take a number.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:24:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MallNinjaMuzzleflash:

Originally Posted By CavVet:

Originally Posted By MallNinjaMuzzleflash:
Is she a MILF?












Don't tell me, let me guess, you'd like to kill me?

Take a number.




Go figure.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:31:29 PM EDT

Originally Posted By purplecheese:

Originally Posted By w4klr:

As for the stepfather, I suggested OUTLAWING alcohol from the household. He still brings home beer and wine, which she gets into. So what a loving spouse I guess.



It's going to be tough getting through to her when her spouse is feeding her addiction.

Is this brought about by depression maybe?



Possibly, she seemed to gain an extraordinary amount of happiness surviving from breast cancer and all, going thru chemo, having her full head of hair back. She seems like she should be the happiest person in the world. But it seems those people are always the depressed ones I guess.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:41:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/18/2005 8:42:00 PM EDT by DK-Prof]
Unless she is INTERESTED in getting help, there is nothing you can do. Sorry.


In general, people won't want help until they have hit rock bottom- and have suffered severe CONSEQUENCES. Where are her consequences? She drove an expensive car (G35) drunk and got busted for it. What's the result? She drives an expensive car (vette) drunk. She is NOT INTERESTED in help.



Next time you know she is out driving drunk, call the cops and give them her location, tag number etc. Every time she violates her terms, call the cops. Maybe after a trip to jail, she'll be interested in help - and will go to AA. If you don't call the cops, then please remember to APOLOGIZE to the family of the person she kills when she is driving drunk - which she eventually will. Then you can explain to them how you could have saved the life of their loved one, but didn't bother.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:42:37 PM EDT

She will have to want to change, first.




That is the ticket..............
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:44:03 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:44:36 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:45:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Paul:
Her love of the drug is stronger than her morals and her love of her family.

You can lead her to treatment but there's not much you can do except distance yourself from her.



The old leading a horse to water but can't force it to drink then...
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:47:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrsGloftoe:

Originally Posted By MallNinjaMuzzleflash:
Is she a MILF?


This comment is inappropriate.



Oh, was that out loud? Phew! Someone else said it, I am off the hook.

This is what you get when you ask for psycho therapy on the General Discussion board.
I generally have the simple solutions for the most complex problems, like taking her fucking keys away from her.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:48:19 PM EDT
My mother was a drunk for several years when I was a kid. I joined the Marine Corps when I was 18 and told her if she soberred up I'd be happy to see her again, and if not to have someone call me about her funeral.

My stepfather helped a lot, but she still drinks.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 8:51:51 PM EDT

Originally Posted By sysop:

Originally Posted By purplecheese:

Originally Posted By sysop:
Walk away.



Maybe an intervention? She needs help, can't just walk away from one's own mother. Only when she pushes everyone away and wants nothing to do with you would I say walk away.

A drunk has to reach bottom to want help...



Indeed and as long as she gets support she will not hit rock bottom as long as she gets support in spite of her behavior.

Walk away. Sorry Mom, get all your shit in one sock. Then call me.




Truer words have never been spoken!
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 9:05:28 PM EDT
DK, I can see your point, but to put the responsibility on w4klr for wether or not his mom does
anybody harm is a little rough. At 19yrs it's not his job to babysit his mother. What about
step-dad? Anyway you look at it, it's tough on w4klr

GM



Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Unless she is INTERESTED in getting help, there is nothing you can do. Sorry.


In general, people won't want help until they have hit rock bottom- and have suffered severe CONSEQUENCES. Where are her consequences? She drove an expensive car (G35) drunk and got busted for it. What's the result? She drives an expensive car (vette) drunk. She is NOT INTERESTED in help.



Next time you know she is out driving drunk, call the cops and give them her location, tag number etc. Every time she violates her terms, call the cops. Maybe after a trip to jail, she'll be interested in help - and will go to AA. If you don't call the cops, then please remember to APOLOGIZE to the family of the person she kills when she is driving drunk - which she eventually will. Then you can explain to them how you could have saved the life of their loved one, but didn't bother.

Link Posted: 5/18/2005 9:34:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Unless she is INTERESTED in getting help, there is nothing you can do. Sorry.


In general, people won't want help until they have hit rock bottom- and have suffered severe CONSEQUENCES. Where are her consequences? She drove an expensive car (G35) drunk and got busted for it. What's the result? She drives an expensive car (vette) drunk. She is NOT INTERESTED in help.



Next time you know she is out driving drunk, call the cops and give them her location, tag number etc. Every time she violates her terms, call the cops. Maybe after a trip to jail, she'll be interested in help - and will go to AA. If you don't call the cops, then please remember to APOLOGIZE to the family of the person she kills when she is driving drunk - which she eventually will. Then you can explain to them how you could have saved the life of their loved one, but didn't bother.



DK, I can see your point, but to put the responsibility on w4klr for wether or not his mom does
anybody harm is a little rough. At 19yrs it's not his job to babysit his mother. What about
step-dad? Anyway you look at it, it's tough on w4klr

GM




I agree that I might have been a little melodramatic, but the sentiment is an important one. He is aware that there is a problem, and danger - and I think that DOES make it partly his responsiblity. After all, if not him, who IS going to be responsible in this situation? Obviously not his drunk mom. And apparently not his step-dad either That's the problem - he is apparently the only responsible adult in the household!

Plus - I am only echoing sentiments that he himself expressed in his opening thread. I think his final paragraph is the right intution, and I am encouraging him to follow up on it. I may have phrased it a little harshly, but knowning that a dangerous drunk driver is out on the roads is a very serious thing!

I agree 100% that it SUCKS for a 19 year-old to have to step up to the plate and deal with shit like this. We can all brag about how mature we were at 19, but having to deal with this isn't anything I'd wish on anyone.


w4klr - sorry if I'm coming across as harsh. My ADVICE (worth what you paid for it) is to either be proactive and start calling the cops on her, or move out - so that you don't have to deal with this every day.
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 1:41:21 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 9:06:15 AM EDT

Originally Posted By EricTheHun:
It's out there somewhere.

Never give up.

Eric The(SoLongAsHopeHathASpeckOfGreen)Hun




Alanon and Alateen have been helping family members deal with this kind of situation for many years.
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 9:11:26 AM EDT
I would call the cops when she leaves from some place drunk.
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 9:16:43 AM EDT
Everytime she drinks and gets in the car. Call the police. She will either kill some innocent family or herself.
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 9:29:51 AM EDT
Which will impact your life more: taking a stand which includes anything up to leaving and going at it alone, or the consequences of doing nothing--which will be severe too, sooner or later?

I feel for you. I've been in similar situations more than once in my family life and it's still ongoing to various degrees--I come from a lllloooonnnngggg line of drunks. My mother got help when I was in the 8th grade---before I was socially aware of alcohol's non-user victims. That was 24 years ago.

I don't know what to tell you except to be sure to get your degree. I understand the precariousness of your situation in that regard and others.

Link Posted: 5/19/2005 9:31:33 AM EDT
Man.

I have had to deal with what I thought was an alcholic mom, but nothing like what you are describing.

I really think that the calling the popo when you know she is out drinking and driving is going to be the best solution,

Its not just her life, its those she might do harm to and not realize it. Can you imagine coming off of a bender in a jail cell, and to have them tell you you killed someone?


That makes my worst hangover look like disneyland.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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