So.
In 40's
Second marriages
You have lived together for years, so absolutely nothing changes outside of you're legally able to file joint taxes.

Congratulations. You just blew over 10 grand on a party.

Can someone explain why people....usually women....get frantic bouncing off the walls excited about this shit?



If it is a first marriage. If you have not lived with each other for years and years. If it is the starting point of building a family. Awesome. Get excited. But the above described???

you're asking for a serious explanation of the female mind on ARFCOM...talk about unrealistic expectations












so, you wearin white?

I dont get it either. My fiance and I have lived togather for 6 years. Shes gung ho about getting married Oct 2011 and I keep asking her whats going to be the difference besides a piece of paper. As is it most nights I feel asleep on the couch watching TV , She pays more attention to the dog than me and the "fun" has been over for 2 years lol.  So wtf could possibly change

Cohabitation = You're already married


My wife and I have a running lesson called "the order."  The order is, you graduate high school, then you get a trade, join the military or go to college, then you graduate/get out/advance your career, then you get married, then you move in together (to imply having sex), then you have kids.  Feel free to substitute other important milestones as you wish.

If you break the order, you lose everything in the middle.  If you go right from high school to kids, well, you just lost college, a wedding and career help.  Not to say you can't do that on your own later, but you get no help from us because you went out of order.  Similarly, I don't go out of my way to celebrate when other people break the order.

You do what you want and I'm always happy to buy you a gift and come drink your beer, but that doesn't mean I approve.

Not alot of events through life that warrant big celebration. A marriage is one of them though regardless IMO

I'm dealing with this with my first (upcoming marriage).

I don't see the point, but luckily my fiancee set herself a strict budget and is sticking to it.

Yeah, what the hell. If you have the money go for it.

I told my wife that if she wanted me to buy her a $5,000 engagement ring, I wanted a full auto M11 with all the goodies. She settled for a cheaper ring when she found out how much that would cost her .

Come to think about it, most of the guys here wouldn't flinch at dropping $15K on a RR, but have an apoplectic fit when asked to dime for something like a wedding. Priorities!

It probably won't change a thing, but have your fiance' read the fable called "The Ant and the Grasshopper".


Once there lived an ant and a grasshopper in a grassy meadow.

All day long the ant would work hard, collecting grains of wheat from the farmer's field far away. She would hurry to the field every morning, as soon as it was light enough to see by, and toil back with a heavy grain of wheat balanced on her head. She would put the grain of wheat carefully away in her larder, and then hurry back to the field for another one. All day long she would work, without stop or rest, scurrying back and forth from the field, collecting the grains of wheat and storing them carefully in her larder.

The grasshopper would look at her and laugh. 'Why do you work so hard, dear ant?' he would say. 'Come, rest awhile, listen to my song. Summer is here, the days are long and bright. Why waste the sunshine in labour and toil?'

The ant would ignore him, and head bent, would just hurry to the field a little faster. This would make the grasshopper laugh even louder. 'What a silly little ant you are!' he would call after her. 'Come, come and dance with me! Forget about work! Enjoy the summer! Live a little!' And the grasshopper would hop away across the meadow, singing and dancing merrily.

Summer faded into autumn, and autumn turned into winter. The sun was hardly seen, and the days were short and grey, the nights long and dark. It became freezing cold, and snow began to fall.

The grasshopper didn't feel like singing any more. He was cold and hungry. He had nowhere to shelter from the snow, and nothing to eat. The meadow and the farmer's field were covered in snow, and there was no food to be had. 'Oh what shall I do? Where shall I go?' wailed the grasshopper. Suddenly he remembered the ant. 'Ah - I shall go to the ant and ask her for food and shelter!' declared the grasshopper, perking up. So off he went to the ant's house and knocked at her door. 'Hello ant!' he cried cheerfully. 'Here I am, to sing for you, as I warm myself by your fire, while you get me some food from that larder of yours!'

The ant looked at the grasshopper and said, 'All summer long I worked hard while you made fun of me, and sang and danced. You should have thought of winter then! Find somewhere else to sing, grasshopper! There is no warmth or food for you here!' And the ant shut the door in the grasshopper's face.

It is wise to worry about tomorrow today.

It validates them.

I think it's a bit silly given the situation described... but *shrug* it's their money...



My current wife and I had been married before with expensive, traditional weddings... we figured since the "traditional" way didn't stick, we'd try something different... so we ran off to Vegas and got married in the Grand Canyon on Halloween. So far, so good!



 

that there is a lower end class 3.  Imagine the womenfolks response to wasting that much money on something

Compare the resale value on a machine gun if you decide you don't want it versus the resale value on a marriage you decide you don't want.

You can sell a class 3. Usually for more than you bought it for.  You can't sell your wedding stuff.

I dunno about that.  

White women go for big money in arab countries.

What's the preferred method of shipment?  



 

Fuck em.  Go to the party and eat all the food and drink all the liquor and go home.  Might as well have a little enjoyment on somebody else's dime if they're willing to blow the cash.

So maybe the first marriage bombed. Guess that was the one NOT worth doing it right over.

If you're marrying someone, I should hope that you think that this time you've got it right, this is the girl for all time, and you're going to give her an appropriate wedding... even if it's not your first.

Each marriage should be taken seriously, and approached (in all ways) as it's going to be your last, and "the big one."

vanity.


My wife and I spent 500 bucks on our wedding...that included the rings....21 years in October.

Evidence of poor decision making...

USPS first class box with parcel postage.  You want them to feel special, without going all out.

That's about how much DH and I spent.  Neither of us saw the point of throwing money away on a wedding.  Heck, I know people getting divorced who are still making payments on their wedding day debts.

Bluntly, it's a sub-conscious public display of how much their pussy is still worth at their age.
 

I think all said and done, every solitary item and service even remotely related to my wedding (including the honeymoon), ran about $2500. I did a lot of the catering myself, too.

I know why, but then again my wife doesn't understand why I need more than one gun, let alone more than one of the same model.



If you can afford it (meaning not taking out loans or eating mac and cheese for 3 years afford it) and makes her happy,  go for it.

I know a guy who spent even less (town hall justice of the peace deal).



She ran off on him in < 3 years.



Ain't about how much (or little) $$ you spent. About the person you choose and how you live together afterward.





 

DTB








 

This.

That's easy what will change - she'll be able to take half your shit when she leaves if she gets her wish.





 

Maybe it's all about location... because 10K for a wedding is cheap, IMO.

Because they can.

That's what I was thinking.  My marriage was pretty close to that and it was pretty modest, small, and short- we concentrated most on the honeymoon.

And while demanding a divorce, she will say that she didn't like the wedding.  It wasn't what she wanted.

This worked for me.





 

Princess Syndrome?  

Every time I hear about this crap, I think I should open another business doing wedding supply.  Idiots and open checkbooks are a good opportunity for profit.

you sound like a real hoot

Cheap beer and brats?

depends on how big the woman's rack is *

actually that could the answer to any number of questions

"should i take my cheating wife back"?

"should i give my wife my kidney"?

"should i let my wife use the TV remote control"?

"should i respond when she speaks"?

ETA

* - No fatties allowed

10k won't even make the engine cough where I live

That registered receiver will still be worth 15k in a few years, whereas most marriages end today.     Priorities!

Princess syndrome.

Some girls need the big song and dance to validate the relationship in their eyes.

Some just like the opportunity to throw a bigass party.

Some want to show off.

Some didn't get what they wanted the first time around and feel entitled to it.

Some pick and choose from some or all of the above.

What I've found is that a woman's expectations and demeanor in a wedding can tell you a lot about her expectations and demeanor in life, just distilled down and laid right out on the table for all the world to see.

Try to find one who doesn't want to waste a lot of money on a weddings.  Chances are she'll also be the kind who doesn't want to waste money on $800 purses that are really worth $10.  

Cause if they wanna blow their hard earned money on a party who gives a fuck.  Are they blowing YOUR money?

My wife spent ~30 bucks on her wedding dress, and we went to the JP.



All that money spent on the wedding could be used for something useful.  Like buying a house to start your family in.

Something like that.

Hey, fat girls need love too. But they gotta pay.

I'm hard, but I'm fair.  Everybody is held to the same standard.  I waited until I was financially stable and owned property before I proposed to my wife.  We waited until we were married to make babies.  It's really not that difficult of a concept.  Stick to the order and life is easy.  You break the order and you're only bringing discomfort upon yourself.

Plenty of my friends had kids before they were married or had the metaphorical "shotgun wedding."  It doesn't mean they're unhappy and it doesn't mean I resent them even a bit for it.  But it did mean, for each of them, that they had to give up the wedding they really wanted.  My wife's maid of honor planned a wedding in 4 weeks once the pee stick turned blue.  It was in a sh*tty dance hall on a "country club" in the middle of nowhere, PA.  But they're happy, so what does it matter?  My best man and his girlfriend just had their first kid.  He skipped the order and went from financial security straight to cohabitation.  They ended up with a baby, which is pretty much what you'd expect to happen.  That's all well and good, but now they're not going to get the wedding of their dreams.

It's just being honest.  Do you want a nice wedding?  Then you're going to have to do it in order.  That's the rules I played by, that's the rules my kids are going to play by and that's just how the world works.  I don't really care if you go out of order, but if you do you need to be prepared to accept the consequences.


People in their 40s having a lavish wedding after years of cohabitation is a lie.  They're avoiding honestly because they want to truly believe that the celebration "means" something.  It doesn't.  That's not to say their marriage isn't important.  Of course it is.  But let's be honest here - they're already married.

I am all about parties.  I love having a good time and drinking a few beers with good friends.  But I don't think you need an excuse to party.  You also don't need to spend $10k on it.  Of course, if you want to do that and can afford it, then go nuts.  I'll certainly have a great time.  But let's not kid ourselves as to what what the day is really about.

Because its easy to spend someone else's money.

My wedding cost me $350 bucks.

Been married for 14 years and still happy.

My SiL spent $25,000 on her wedding. Divorced after 2 years. I suspect because of financial issues...