This thread will, hopefully, help us when we interact with the opposite sex.

Me personally:

ladies take forever to get ready to go anywhere
their memories are TOO damn good
they have to go to the bathroom in large groups
they win arguments by crying (I can't deal with crying women, I ALWAYS give in)
they have more patience than me

Probably more, but I can't think of them right now.

Oh, nothing!

If you haven't figured it out by now....

The word "no".  [:)]
that or their insistence that I be monogamous while married. [}:D]

If it was'nt for whats between their legs, there would be a bounty on them.

But as it is, they pretty much run the show.

"What irritates you about the opposite sex?"

That little thing that they all have in common, whats it called....????

Oh yeah, a mouth

Dry Pu$$y. That's what irritates me about women.

KY Jelly

That's what you don't like?  Man, I'll put up $5 to get you a hooker to make you think otherwise.  Anyone else want to contribute to help blow, er, i mean, change his mind?

You obviously need to help her get otherwise then.  

If that doesn't work, CLP may not be the best answer.  Hoppe's #9 might work better, and has a pleasant smell to boot.

Dang near everything except for three or four things.   Can you get those assets without the corresponding liabilities?   [:D]

The fact that most women my age are too darn fickle about being in a committed relationship.

The fact that the words coming out of their mouths have no relation to what they're "trying to say."

And we're supposed to be able to figure that out, as well as decipher the real meaning behind, "I don't care. Whatever you want." [>:/]

[b]Hairspray[/b] building up on the bathroom sink, top of the toilet tank and making a big mess. Its NASTY. Why can't they just wipe it up once a week? Why must they wait until its a 1" thick crust all over EVERYTHING?


Aviator  [img]www.milpubs.com/aviator.gif[/img]

The fact that no matter how hard I try nothing I do is good enough. And when the get mad at me they say the SAME EXACT THING!!!! That is of course when I actually GET a woman.

EVERYTHING everyone said here. Talking to them can be like talking to a child.  Only, you can never get the upper hand with them.  Most fabricate and extrapolate in a conversation in an attempt to gain the upper hand.  Even if it's not needed. I look forward to the day I am no longer intrested in their plumbing. Using your right hand is so much easier, quicker and it don't argue with you!

What ittitates me most is that I'm so jealous of them.  They've got half the money and all the pussy.

Yeah, I DO like that eau de Hoppes #9. I've had great success with TW25B on my guns, might give that a try.

The fact that they talk...non stop...all the time. That, and they should NEVER have been taught the word NO.

What irritates me the most:
The fact that my girlfriend can outshoot me. [pistol]
Remind me never to piss her off...

their general inability to take a joke,
and when they ask you "do you think she is pretty" and then chew your ass for looking.
"you cant go to the range today, I have a baby shower to go to"
"lets do something fun together" I.E. something she wants to do.
" why do you need to spend that much on another gun?" as she unpacks another pair of new shoes. the list is endless, if I didnt love my wife so much Id...

[:)>]

*sigh*
Where to begin?
1.) The fact that although men are intelligent rational beings, they insist on thinking with 1 square inch of their anatomy. (The One-Eyed Small Head)
2.) Men cannot seem to hit a toilet while peeing, and if by some miracle they DO hit it, they then feel they must *shake* it around, thereby ensuring disgusting splattering everywhere.
3.) They *claim* to not shed, but between mounds of pubic hair, and shaving debris, there is almost enough fur left in a bathroom to construct a full body toupeé after they are done.
4.) Men cannot clean house......they simply do not see where the dirt hides.
5.) Men insist on keeping torn up shredded underwear, long past it's useful life. If you throw it out, they will dig through the trash to retrieve it.
6.) Men all feel that they are the world's best drivers and always think they know where they are going, even when they are lost.
7.) Men seem to think we are the Enemy, when we are really their best friends.
8.) Wolves have better character than most men. Wolves are loyal, mate for life, and always upfront about where they have been, and what they have been doing.
9.) Men are simple creatures, and if you tell them what's bothering you, they really think *they* have to fix it. Most times *no one* can fix it, you just wanted someone to listen and sympathize. They become perturbed if they can't think of a solution to your problem either. Then it is *your* fault, and you are then *bitching*.
10.) Men insist on making that disgusting noise when clearing their throats, usually followed by spitting. We don't make that noise, EVER, and our anatomies are remarkably the same in the throat.

But for all their faults, they are infinitely preferable to the alternative. [:D]

One day a Genie appeared to California man and offered to grant him one wish.

The man said "I wish you'd build me a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive over there anytime.

The genie frowned.  "I don't know.  It sounds like quite an undertaking."  he said.  "Just think of the logistics.  The supports required to reach the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, the steel!  Why don't you pick something else?"

The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women - what they're thinking, why they cry.  I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy."

The genie was silent for a moment, then said, "So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

Jim
- ripped off from Reader's Digest
   

They are never wrong.                           They can never say "Thanks" no matter what you do.                                             Their money is "Their" money and your money is their money.                                    I have many more but then I'll start on s#*+ my ex-wife and I discussed.

Three blond women were stuck on an island, as they walked along the beach they found a magic lamp, they rubbed the lamp and out poped a genie. the genie says
For releasing me from the lamp, I will grant each of you one wish,
he walks up to the first blond and says
"what is your desire?"
The first blond says "I want to be smart enough to get off this island"
"Easy enough" says the genie, he waves his hand and turns the blond into a brunett. "I know how to get off of this island" and with that she dove into the water and swam all the way home.
Genie ask the second blond the same question, "I want to be even smarter than my friend.
"Simple enough" replied the genie and with a wave of his hand he turned this young lady into a red head.
"I know how to get off this island" she gatherd a bunch of limbs, and vines and built a raft and sailed all the way home.
The genie aproched the third blond and asked for her fondest desire.
"I want to be smarter than both of them" she said.
the genie waved his hand, turned her into a man and he walked across the bridge.

[:)>]


my apologies Hannah_ but the truth is the truth

hahahahahaha!
(Yes I *do* have a sense of humor about these things)
[:D]

Glad to hear it
[:)>]

They don't say what they mean.
They won't shut up.
They are too emotional.
The few good ones "only want to be friends".

The way they ramble on about shit as if they know what they are talking about. As if their "feelings" somehow change all the laws of nature, physics, etc.
Wouldn't trade my woman for anything or anyone, though. Not even for an MP5[:E]

That you can't use logic on most of them.  When's the last time you had a discussion that didn't turn into an illogical diatribe???

"I can't be overdrawn... I still have some checks left" comes to mind.  I rest my case.

You can't trust something that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.  I believe Jimmy Carter said that.

[b][i](them)"I got it.......you want it"[/b][/i]

Well, if it was worth getting, maybe we might want it more [:P]

Most don't know when to shut their damn mouth. I don't want to hear them bitch about what kind of $h*tty day they had. I don't gripe about how crummy my day was, why should I have to hear about theirs? Leave it outside the door and let's be friendly at home...

Most of them automatically treat me with hatred and contempt. Hell, it must be some genetic instinct with them or something.

My Dear Hannah:

Obviously, you yet to meet a gentleman properly skilled in the art of making a woman feel like the rarest and most beautiful flower in the meadow.

Although we are few, there are still those of us alive who can do so.[;)]

Aber Ja!...Jedem Das Seine!

how come everyone here is so cynical about women? Were you people always like this or did something bad happen?

The sole fact that they think there "kitty" is a gold mine an therefore deserve Carte' Blanch treatment for whatever......Tw*t can't give that Sh*t away to me!......

RAF should try out for Dr. Frazier Crane's job.  

Mood swings...it has to be mood swings. If your woman being in a good mood now would mean she'll always be in a good mood 2 minutes later, then I'd really have to look hard for something major to complain about.


Now, in reply to some of Hannah_Reitsch's observations, I make some of my own.

1: Worn-out underwear. If they still do the job, who cares how they look? Old drawers are broken in, new ones need to be washed a dozen or so times before the elastic doesn't feel like sandpaper and the tag doesn't dig a hole in your back.

2: Toilet seats, spraying, etc. Until full pressure builds up, the flow may not be strong enough to keep the hole open - the net result is similar to putting your thumb over a garden hose. As far as shaking it off goes, well, I wring mine out like a washcloth [:O] so I don't know what to tell ya!

3: Driving. I [b]do[/b] think I'm a better driver than most others on the road, but the difference between me and most other people who think the same thing is that I'm right![:)] But seriously, my observation is that many women are timid, indecisive drivers - to change lanes they'll put the t/s on, look over the shoulder, move halfway into the other lane, look back again, see a car 1 mile back, get worried because he's "close", then move back into the other lane (leaving the t/s on.) They'll continue to drive, continually looking back to see if the other car really is as "close" as they thought, and considering whether they can make it before it gets there (you can tell when they're considering, because the car begins to drift into the other lane.) Finally, after 5230 feet of additional driving, she pulls into the other lane, cutting off the car that's now 50 feet behind her (because for some reason a woman's foot has to step on the brake when the steering wheel is turned.) A horn blows, tires squeal, a finger gestures, and she says "well I HAD my turn signal on!" Basically, men are predictable drivers and women are unpredictable (IMO of course.) I can deal with predictable bad drivers a lot easier than with unpredictable bad drivers LOL

Male drivers may want you to think they know where they're going when in fact they really don't, but I see a lot of female drivers who look completely and totally lost while driving around the town they've lived in for 30 years - drive, stop quick, squint at a sign or store, drive some more, turn around, go back the way she came, etc...and don't make me talk about yard sale season! [:)]

What irritates me about men is "the agenda"*....

I would have more respect for a guy that just flat out says he's just looking for nookie than the guy who has to weave some elaborate fantasy in the hopes of hooking a female.  [rolleyes]

The flip side to that is men who want you to commit to them and them only after the first date... what happened to the natural progression of dating?  When did everything get fast forwarded??

Oh... and finally... the STUPIDEST creedo of men... "It is easier to beg forgiveness afterwards than ask permission before."

Do y'all [i]really[/i] believe that crap?**

*Oh.. and before you start with women's agendas?  It's all the same.  We ultimately DO want a relationship.  End of story. [:D]

**Bear in mind that the only gun purchases, situations, etc that I've gotten upset over have been the ones I found out about AFTER the fact.. and it's not the situation it's the LYING that pisses me off.

Give women credit...at least they go out in public...if I had all that equipment at my disposal (read: the female body), I would never leave the house!

Not that I don't spend a considerable amount of time with my own equipment [;)]

roy d.

I'm married to the perfect women for me. 26 years and counting. Don't know about all those other women out there other than my first wife and she was sent from hell.
I found mine guys good luck finding yours.

A.
Their persistent attempts at domestication of the male.

You'd think that after all these years, they'd have learned their lesson and quit trying to subvert our wild streak.

B.
Constant "testing".

C.
Control Freaks.

D.
Bitching about guns.

E.
Their delusional, narcisstic belief that we're always wanting to pull down their pants.  If we were like that, we'd never have time for fishing, shooting, trucks, and dogs.

F.
Can't leave well enough alone in relationships.
That is, wanting to regularly pull the plants up so they can see how the roots are doing.

G.
Narcissism

H.
Apart from "F", there's this other idea that Man exists to be Changed.

I.
Ridiculous idea that flowers are more important than ammo.[peep]

J.
Group consultations on how to get one over on mates.

K.
The way their ass makes those pants look big.[flame]

L.
Altogether too much emphasis on throwing out stuff.  My stuff.

M.
The disgusting way some of them spit, if you know what I mean.

N.
Reluctance of some to have "Property of _________"
tatoo'd on their wrist or other visible body parts.

O.
Inability to simply say, "No thanks, I just don't want to go out with you anytime."

P.
In addition to "L",
Threw out my favorite old (clothing, furniture, gadget, project)

Q.
Insecure belief that it's important to know, constantly, where you are while driving, within GPS tolerances.

R.
Inability to accept U-Turns and exploring as a means to find your way.

S.
Preference for asking people (even ignorant people) for directions over reading a simple map.

T.
Making the dog give up the front seat.
(OK, I invented that.  If I had a dog, I wouldn't really let it ride in the front of my truck, if I still had one, where my woman would sit, if she hadn't left for some myterious reason).

U.
Can't get real about what a pleasurable relief it is to take a good shit.

V.
Bras

W.
Sagging breasts

X.
Potpourri in the same drawer as my shorts, just before going hunting.

Y.
Hairdryers on camping trips (I swear)

Z.
Tendency to get sweet on you after having a talk with another woman who's pregnant.


Well, there you have it, A to Z
Partly humor, partly real, some both.

The fact that the attactive ones, my wife included, insist on being fully clothed in public.[rolleyes]

Hannah_Reitsch says:

But for all their faults, they are infinitely preferable to the alternative.

Roger that, Hannah!!!

Back in my Marine Corps days I worked nights as a bouncer at a bar just off base in Beaufort, SC. Heard every line in the book. Amazed me that women actually fell for these things. Then I realized that they really didn't but that they wanted the fantasy. FWIW, never did so myself but plenty of women used their lines on me. When it comes to conniving and deceit, us men are no match for most women[:X]