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Posted: 3/7/2010 4:56:00 PM EDT
just found out a friend of the family didn't take her husbands last name in case it didn't work out...

am I old fashion in that I think a woman should?

this new relationship stuff and rules made up really put a damper on things
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:57:08 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/7/2010 4:57:28 PM EDT by Tekka]
I tend to think it's not cool, but thats mainly because I'd think she was causing drama for no damn reason.
 
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:57:24 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:
just found out a friend of the family didn't take her husbands last name in case it didn't work out...

am I old fashion in that I think a woman should?

this new relationship stuff and rules made up really put a damper on things


If you are not in it 100% then don't do it
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:57:31 PM EDT
I would expect at least hyphenation.  I respect and support having contingency plans, but if she don't have my last name, she ain't my family.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:58:21 PM EDT
Eject!
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:58:22 PM EDT
Ejecto-Tron 9000. Its a new model, perfect for shit like this.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:58:45 PM EDT
I'm sure there are things in the world that I would care less about but I can't think of any off hand.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:58:52 PM EDT
Personally, I find it kind of strange, but I guess its her choice.
Maybe OP's friend is like me and has kind of a.....trashy, overly-common last name.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:59:32 PM EDT
If she won't take the name, then she needs to pack her shit and GTFO.

Link Posted: 3/7/2010 4:59:55 PM EDT



That would strike me as an indicator for potential problems down the line.


Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:00:02 PM EDT
My wife kept her last name becuase she had an established career with it.  Our daughter has my last name, with her Mom's last name as a middle name.  We've been married 15 years.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:00:20 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:
just found out a friend of the family didn't take her husbands last name in case it didn't work out...

am I old fashion in that I think a woman should?

this new relationship stuff and rules made up really put a damper on things


depends on why. fearing that it wont work out is not a valid excuse imo. if she's not expecting it to work out, why get married in the first place?
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:01:00 PM EDT
Who cares what her last name is, she shouldn't ever be leaving the kitchen, right OP?
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:03:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:05:21 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:



That would strike me as an indicator for potential problems down the line.




I know three couples in which the wife kept her maiden name. All three ended in a disaster, all three were super liberal women. Make your own connection, I don't know.

I'd be against it but can't quite place why.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:05:55 PM EDT




Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:

just found out a friend of the family didn't take her husbands last name in case it didn't work out...



am I old fashion in that I think a woman should?



this new relationship stuff and rules made up really put a damper on things


It hasn't happened by osmosis that the divorce rate has steadlily increased and children born out of wedlock as well....



It's for you to decide why that has happened....  I have my theory


Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:06:13 PM EDT
If this is the biggest problem in a relationship, it's going pretty damn good.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:07:23 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/7/2010 5:08:03 PM EDT by ARKLITE881South]
Originally Posted By nvgeologist:
Who cares what her last name is, she shouldn't ever be leaving the kitchen, right OP?


RIGHT!! except to head to the bedroom gotta go, here she comes. .

Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:07:40 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Fnkystuf:
If this is the biggest problem in a relationship, it's going pretty damn good.


This.

I suppose I'd prefer if she takes my name (if only because it's the conventional thing to do) but it's not going to be a big deal if I love her enough to marry her.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:08:05 PM EDT
My mom didnt take my fathers name.

Married since 1983.

Meh...
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:08:17 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:
just found out a friend of the family didn't take her husbands last name in case it didn't work out...

am I old fashion in that I think a woman should?

this new relationship stuff and rules made up really put a damper on things


"In case it doesn't work out" is a lame reason.

"Because I have a law practice and my name is known" is probably valid.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:09:57 PM EDT
eject or prenup
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:11:19 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:11:38 PM EDT
Wouldn't bug me.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:17:58 PM EDT

Would bug me only in that I'd have to know why. If she, like most women I know, is unable or unwilling to tell me why then I'd get upset.

Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:18:09 PM EDT
If she didn't....no marriage.  No commitment=no worries for me....because if she isn't committed, then I won't be either and thusly––-no marriage to worry about.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:19:29 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/7/2010 5:20:35 PM EDT by Nick29]
If it were for the reason mentioned in the first post, I wouldn't have married her in the first place.  





That said, my gf won't change her name if/when we get married.  It bugged me at first, but isn't that big of a deal (any kids we have will have my last name).  She decided long before she met me that she wasn't going to change her name once she became a doctor (it's a big pain in the ass to change things like licensing).  There are bigger things to worry about.

Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:19:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/7/2010 5:21:45 PM EDT by freema22]
Before we got married, my wife and I had numerous, very heated discussions about this. Her argument was that it was a stupid old tradition. Plus, her brother will not be having any kids, so her family name will die with her. My argument was that it was TRADITION and that it was the "normal" thing to do. In the end, she kept it and we agreed that when the kids start school, that she would at least hyphenate her name so we don't get the "their parents aren't married" looks from the other suburbanites. They all have my last name anyways.





Mike F

 
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:22:42 PM EDT
Less of a problem to me than women who keep the ex's last name after they divorce.

Went on a date last week with a MILF who divorced 5 years ago and is still using the ex's last name.  
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:27:05 PM EDT



Originally Posted By Mr_Harry:



Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:

just found out a friend of the family didn't take her husbands last name in case it didn't work out...



am I old fashion in that I think a woman should?



this new relationship stuff and rules made up really put a damper on things




If you are not in it 100% then don't do it


This.  That marriage is already over.



 
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:28:54 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Nick29:
any kids we have will have my last name


Bless you.

My parents hyphenated my last name, absolute fucking torture, growing up is hard enough without having some goofy fucking last name. Changed it at 16, one of the best decisions I ever made.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:29:31 PM EDT
Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
I couldn't care less.  My wife has a professional career, and her publications are in her maiden name, and since we don't have kids, it really doesn't matter one bit.

If we had kids, she'd either change it to mine, or we'd just give the kids my last name - but right now it makes no difference at all.


This, and we've been married 22 years.  I do not care that she kept her maiden name - the pie tastes just the same.

Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:33:11 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Tekka:
I tend to think it's not cool, but thats mainly because I'd think she was causing drama for no damn reason.  


wow, so often the first post = thread.

my gf was saying that one time, "what if i keep my own last name? what if i dont change it?" i just told her to shut up because i knew she was just trying to be difficult and cause drama for fun. i told her if we marry she will be taking mine and she knows it.

im a bit old fasioned as well and think it is weird when women dont. i also tell her that her dad will be paying for the wedding and my family for reception dinner...


... also, she will have my slippers, martini and paper ready when i get home from work
(i'll tell her this but she just laughs)
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:35:46 PM EDT
Wife's name - she can do what she wants.

Kids - I had to suffer through childhood with a nine letter Germanic surname that no one could spell, and there's no way my kids are going to escape that character-building experience.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:36:15 PM EDT
Originally Posted By paris-dakar:
Less of a problem to me than women who keep the ex's last name after they divorce.

Went on a date last week with a MILF who divorced 5 years ago and is still using the ex's last name.  


This doesn't bother me, especially if there are kids involved.  My ex kept my surname but I think she did that largely because of the kids.  Keeping my last name is the last "tangible" connect she has to them, especially since she lived 1,000+ miles away and my daughter refuses to talk to her.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:36:44 PM EDT
my wife says dont marry her she plans on a split
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:37:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Lancair:


Kids - I had to suffer through childhood with a nine letter Germanic surname that no one could spell, and there's no way my kids are going to escape that character-building experience.


It has an umlaut, doesn't it?
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:39:51 PM EDT



Originally Posted By Kalahnikid:



Originally Posted By Nick29:

any kids we have will have my last name




Bless you.



My parents hyphenated my last name, absolute fucking torture, growing up is hard enough without having some goofy fucking last name. Changed it at 16, one of the best decisions I ever made.


Funny that you mention that.  I happened to be talking about this exact topic with a few friends a couple weeks ago.  I was saying that I thought the dumbest situation was for the wife to keep her maiden name and then hyphenate the kids' names.  One guy pointed out that his parents had done that (it didn't occur to me).  I felt like a real idiot until he agreed that it sucked and that he had always planned on legally changing it.  



 
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:40:48 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/7/2010 5:42:31 PM EDT by dablues]
I didn't want her last name.

She decided to use mine.  I'm ok with that.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:41:13 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:42:20 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/7/2010 5:42:32 PM EDT by Kalahnikid]
Originally Posted By Nick29:

Originally Posted By Kalahnikid:
Originally Posted By Nick29:
any kids we have will have my last name


Bless you.

My parents hyphenated my last name, absolute fucking torture, growing up is hard enough without having some goofy fucking last name. Changed it at 16, one of the best decisions I ever made.

Funny that you mention that.  I happened to be talking about this exact topic with a few friends a couple weeks ago.  I was saying that I thought the dumbest situation was for the wife to keep her maiden name and then hyphenate the kids' names.  One guy pointed out that his parents had done that (it didn't occur to me).  I felt like a real idiot until he agreed that it sucked and that he had always planned on legally changing it.  
 


Its even worse if your hyphenated last name is the full name of a famous person.

My life was kinda like Michael Bolton from Office Space.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:42:49 PM EDT
The only reason I can think of is that she might have name recognition, such as a lawyer or real estate agent. Either way, you done fucked up, son. You married female lawyer? Muhhahaahah enjoy the pain.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:43:07 PM EDT



Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:


just found out a friend of the family didn't take her husbands last name in case it didn't work out...



am I old fashion in that I think a woman should?



this new relationship stuff and rules made up really put a damper on things


I would think this is something for a couple to discuss before they get married.  I understand people with name recognition wanting to keep their name, but it seems to me that a woman that wants to keep her maiden name already has divorce on the mind.



 
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:43:14 PM EDT
I wouldn't care, and if she was some "libtard" like someone else mentioned, I wouldn't be considering marrying here in the first place, so that would render the last name issue moot.

Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:43:21 PM EDT
I always look askance at some married dame with hyphennated last names, to
me it's like they are not totally into the whole marriage thing, and they are
trying to convey independance from a commitment.

My wife has had my last name longer than she's had her maiden name.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:43:40 PM EDT
Ain't a big deal. It's not like the woman is expected to do everything the man says anyways.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:43:57 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Tactical_Jew:
just found out a friend of the family didn't take her husbands last name in case it didn't work out...

am I old fashion in that I think a woman should?

this new relationship stuff and rules made up really put a damper on things


cold hard truth time...... 50 years after your dead .... nobody is gonna is gonna give a fuck , your name won't even get mentioned , unless by chance your offspring somehow shit something out of their loins that has talent or luck . So why on earth would you care ? I mean really ? it makes no sense. It's a non problem and irrelevent.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:44:21 PM EDT
I wouldn't care too much if whomever I marry doesn't want to take my name.  She can hyphenate or whatever.  I'd prefer she take it.

However, my kids will take my name, and will not have any of that hyphenated bullshit.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:45:10 PM EDT
Then she better do anal.

Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:45:21 PM EDT
Eject.
Link Posted: 3/7/2010 5:45:35 PM EDT
My wife took my name.  My brother's wife, who had/has a very profitable law business before getting married, kept her name.
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