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Posted: 9/9/2004 8:16:56 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/9/2004 8:24:18 PM EST by USPC40]
There's a guy I've known since middle school who was never the smartest guy. We were friends through school and after. He has always been a fuckup. He was into drugs and alcohol while in high school. After high school, his parents got fed up with him and told him to hit the road if he wasn't going to make something of himself. He decided to join the military. The Marines wouldn't take him but the Navy did. This was the first time since I'd known him that I thought he was going to get his life in order. Didn't happen. He was busted for DUI so many times that they kicked him out with a general discharge. After the Navy, he married some crazy bitch that has made his life hell ever since. Because of her and a false report to the police, he was convicted of domestic violence. He never hit her, but that didn't matter to the court in California. He ended up having to perform community service and go to anger management classes for a year. He keeps telling me he is going to devoice the bitch and move back to Alabama, but never does. He constantly makes poor financial choices and stays in debt. That's after he already declared bankruptcy. About 2 weeks ago, he got stopped at a DUI checkpoint and was busted AGAIN.

I am fed up with his stupidity and immature behavior. I haven't returned any of his calls since I heard about his DUI bust. Tonight, after he's left like 20 messages on my phone I decided to call him back. His wife answers and knocks on the door to the bathroom. I hear him mumble something and she tells me he wont open the door. I guess he's killing himself. Probably not. Probably just drunk.

What would you do if you were me?

Edited to add...I just called his wireless phone and it answers, I heard the TV in the background, said, "HELLO???" and it hung up. So now I guess he's not talking to me. It makes me laugh. He's such a moron. On top of all of this, he's a Democrat and hates Bush. He blames Bush and the Republicans for all his problems. I still don't know why I was ever his friend.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:19:52 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/9/2004 8:25:57 PM EST by AILapua]

What do you do when you have a dumb ass "friend"?


Find new friends?

Perhaps now I shall read your text above.

ETA, Yes, after reading above, my first line of text is my final statement.
Do remember, some are meant to float and some are meant to sink to the bottom, this is life.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:20:35 PM EST
if he where a best friend I would help but an acquantance friend your on your own
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:21:52 PM EST
Leave him alone, I know several people like that some are abit diffrent in thier ways.

One works jobs, never finishes them and goes everytime and burns all the material money up at the bar, keeps going to jail and never learns.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:22:08 PM EST
If you have to ask, he's not a friend.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:22:54 PM EST
Oh, you know my brother-in-law?
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:23:18 PM EST
Just walk away.

If he wants an explanation, just send him the text you wrote. Good enough of reason in my book.

Some people are just fuckups, it's not worth wasting the limited time you have on this dust ball dealing with them.

Harsh? Yes, but true.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:24:24 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:24:31 PM EST
ignore him he is a lost cause
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:27:51 PM EST
<--- Same boat. Only difference is I jumped ship weeks ago. There is only so much one can do before you realize that People suck and when they are adults, they are in charge of their own destiny.

Cant change them brother, Move on with your life.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:27:59 PM EST
That's a tough one, I too have friends that are pretty irresponsible, and do some dumb sh#t. They also make the same mistakes over and over again. I feel sorry for them and your friend, because I too have made my mistakes (years ago). I am not perfect now, but sure as hell won't have anything to do with being drunk off my butt, or use any kind of drugs. When you love someone it is hard to let them go. I also feel there is hope for everyone, but don't ever feel like there is something you can do to change him. I had to learn to stop blaming myself for the problems my loved one's have. What it all boils down to, is we grew up and they did not. We don't have to feel guilty or approve of their behavior. But, abandoning people is no way to be a true friend. Talk to him, but don't offer to help. Listen to him, because as a friend that is the best thing you can do. I am not saying let him walk all over you, but let him make his mistakes. Be clear that you are available to listen, but will never bail him out. Sometimes people have to learn to depend on themselves before they can grow up. He and his crazy wife are a married couple, and their problems are not yours. Pray for him. You are totally allowed to avoid him every now and then for your own sanity, but don't abandone him (unless he has directly hurt you or stolen from you). Good luck.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:31:39 PM EST

Originally Posted By wifeofgunnut:
<snip> but sure as hell won't have anything to do with being drunk off my butt,<snip>



Only being drunk on your butt, hmmm??



Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:32:37 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:42:30 PM EST
Sounds like you can do better.

Sometimes you really do just have to walk away.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:43:00 PM EST

Originally Posted By wifeofgunnut:
That's a tough one, I too have friends that are pretty irresponsible, and do some dumb sh#t. They also make the same mistakes over and over again. I feel sorry for them and your friend, because I too have made my mistakes (years ago). I am not perfect now, but sure as hell won't have anything to do with being drunk off my butt, or use any kind of drugs.

When you love someone it is hard to let them go.

I also feel there is hope for everyone,

but don't ever feel like there is something you can do to change him.

I had to learn to stop blaming myself for the problems my loved one's have. What it all boils down to, is
we grew up and they did not.

We don't have to feel guilty or approve of their behavior.

But, abandoning people is no way to be a true friend. Talk to him, but don't offer to help. Listen to him, because as a friend that is the best thing you can do.

I am not saying let him walk all over you, but let him make his mistakes. Be clear that you are available to listen, but will never bail him out.

Sometimes people have to learn to depend on themselves before they can grow up.

He and his crazy wife are a married couple, and their problems are not yours.

Pray for him.

You are totally allowed to avoid him every now and then for your own sanity, but don't abandone him (unless he has directly hurt you or stolen from you). Good luck.



What she said. And what she said was very good. Read it again.


He keeps telling me he
blah, blah, blah... Don't be an enabler. You can't save him. Only he can save himself. And just maybe if you are strong, it will inspire him to do a little better for himself. ToughLove etc, etc,.

Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:47:56 PM EST

Originally Posted By Paul:
Dump him. A friend like that and firearms don't mix.


He's owns no firearms and is not allowed by law to own them.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:52:39 PM EST
Over the years, the things we've had in common have slowly disappeared. While he's always done stupid shit, at least we had some things we both liked. Also, I've matured and my views have focused. He's still immature and makes radical view changes all the time. Worse than Kerry.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:52:49 PM EST

Originally Posted By twonami:
if he where a best friend I would help but an acquantance friend your on your own



My type of best friends dont do stupid shit like drugs.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:58:25 PM EST

Originally Posted By PhatForrest:

Originally Posted By twonami:
if he where a best friend I would help but an acquantance friend your on your own



My type of best friends dont do stupid shit like drugs.


I've always had only a handful of true friends in life. After high school, my closest friend died. Two years later, I drove away all of my other friends by acting like an asshole. This guy in California is the only one that stuck around. So, if you don't count him, I have no friends. Just acquaintances.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:00:08 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/9/2004 9:00:44 PM EST by Airwolf]

Originally Posted By USPC40:

Originally Posted By Paul:
Dump him. A friend like that and firearms don't mix.


He's owns no firearms and is not allowed by law to own them.



I think Paul was worried about YOU, not him.

I would be too.

I avoid my ex-wife like the plague for that reason. She's a typical soccer mommie, doesn't like guns and I found out through mutual friends after the divorce that she had all sorts of nasty (and untrue) shit to say about me. Given how things work these days she could totally fuck up my life if she decided she wanted to.

I'm not about to give her the chance.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:27:06 PM EST

Originally Posted By Airwolf:

Originally Posted By USPC40:

Originally Posted By Paul:
Dump him. A friend like that and firearms don't mix.


He's owns no firearms and is not allowed by law to own them.



I think Paul was worried about YOU, not him.

I would be too.

I avoid my ex-wife like the plague for that reason. She's a typical soccer mommie, doesn't like guns and I found out through mutual friends after the divorce that she had all sorts of nasty (and untrue) shit to say about me. Given how things work these days she could totally fuck up my life if she decided she wanted to.

I'm not about to give her the chance.


I don't hate him. I'm just tired of him making stupid choices and then I have to hear about the results. He makes himself out to be the victim. Nothing is ever his fault. I just got off the phone with him and he made some of the most idiotic statements I've ever heard. He has a very short attention span, so as soon as someone else came up to him, he said he would call me back. He was freaking out for 2 weeks because I wouldn't return his calls or talk to him, and as soon as I do, he says he'll call me back. What a dolt!
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:28:45 PM EST
Get a dog.
Trust me on that one.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:33:42 PM EST

Originally Posted By USPC40:
I haven't returned any of his calls



That's pretty much what I do. Some figure it out, some are still calling me after 3 years...

Jonathan
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:39:45 PM EST

Originally Posted By DsrtEgl50:

Originally Posted By USPC40:
I haven't returned any of his calls



That's pretty much what I do. Some figure it out, some are still calling me after 3 years...

Jonathan



Ain't that the truth. My best-friend from HS still calls me every 6 months or so, yet we have nothing in common and I don't like some of the stuff he did to me before we stopped being good friends, which he is aware of. I just can't shake him.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:41:37 PM EST
I had someone I had not talked to in a few years call me awhile back, asking to borrow money.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:43:32 PM EST

Originally Posted By ARDunstan:
Get a dog.
Trust me on that one.


I have one.

Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:43:38 PM EST
Fuckups fuckup.

If you want to waste your time, effort, and energy on a fuckup, go ahead.

If you have better things to do, do them. instead.

Simple.

Next question???
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:43:57 PM EST

Originally Posted By USPC40:

Originally Posted By PhatForrest:

Originally Posted By twonami:
if he where a best friend I would help but an acquantance friend your on your own



My type of best friends dont do stupid shit like drugs.


I've always had only a handful of true friends in life. After high school, my closest friend died. Two years later, I drove away all of my other friends by acting like an asshole. This guy in California is the only one that stuck around. So, if you don't count him, I have no friends. Just acquaintances.



How were you an asshole that you drove others away?

I'm pretty honest and mouthy with a couple of my friends. My best friend will do or say things I don't like or agree with and I call him on it. Probably thinks I'm rude sometimes, but I can't stand some of the shit he does.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:44:42 PM EST
I got a "friend" just like yours...

Except the Marines DID take him... and he just got busted for having a rifle+ammo in NYC as he was going to "stop by" my other friend's place... since she wont return his calls/email for the past 2 years.


Douche bags... all of them.

Stop all contact... let them live/do what they will.


- BG
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:48:15 PM EST

Originally Posted By Misery:

Originally Posted By USPC40:

Originally Posted By PhatForrest:

Originally Posted By twonami:
if he where a best friend I would help but an acquantance friend your on your own



My type of best friends dont do stupid shit like drugs.


I've always had only a handful of true friends in life. After high school, my closest friend died. Two years later, I drove away all of my other friends by acting like an asshole. This guy in California is the only one that stuck around. So, if you don't count him, I have no friends. Just acquaintances.



How were you an asshole that you drove others away?


I got involved with a girl and pretty much ignored my friends. I spent all my time with her instead of hanging out with my friends every now and then like I should have. Eventually, they all moved on with their lives. At the time, I didn't care. Now, after splitting up with her, I regret how I treated them. I admit, I screwed up. I'm not blaming anyone else.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:58:20 PM EST
When my son started hanging out with idiots, I asked him if he would trust any of them with his gameboy for a week. He said no. I asked why he hung out with people he couldn't even trust with a gameboy.

I've done the same thing in my life, cut out the people I can't trust fully. No time to protect myself from people I "trust".
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 9:59:47 PM EST
I've done that. Never really lost too many friends that way, but I guess it depends on the length of time and other variables. The older you get the less real friends you have anyhow. Unless you're a socialite who works in an industry that enables a lot of networking. I really only have one true friend, others are mostly acquaintances or friends I rarely ever talk to for certain reasons. Time, work, family, and interests all effect who you hang with when you're older.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 11:00:37 PM EST
There's a huge difference between abandoning a friend and walking away from someone who won't get their shit together.

He's making his own decisions.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 11:16:50 PM EST
Sounds somewhat like my cousin. He was never "right" when we were kids. I attributed it to his f'ed up home life. His parents got a divorce when he was around 6 or 7. He spent most of the time with his mother and around his mother's family. Not the brightest bunch, by any means.

He ends up moving in with his dad around the time he turned 12 or 13. We would hang out, but he was pretty out there at times. By the time I met my (future at the time) wife, I had pretty much forgotten about him. One of those "get older, grow apart" things.

So he gets out of high school, tries college for a while. He loved computers, but wasn't the sharpest tack in the box. He was out of school in about a month or two. Got a job, lost it. Got another job, lost it.

Joined the ANG. I figured they would straighten him out. He spent about 8 months in Bosnia. Made him even worse.

Cussing our grandparents, etc. Traded vehicles two or three times in a year. Lost several jobs due to his inability to hold his tongue.

Basically just a big fuckup.

Last I heard he had moved back in with his mother and stepfather. I guess his dad got tired of putting up with his sorry ass.

Thankfully none of my friends are like that.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 11:38:07 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 11:49:57 PM EST

Originally Posted By USPC40:

Originally Posted By PhatForrest:

Originally Posted By twonami:
if he where a best friend I would help but an acquantance friend your on your own



My type of best friends dont do stupid shit like drugs.


I've always had only a handful of true friends in life. After high school, my closest friend died. Two years later, I drove away all of my other friends by acting like an asshole. This guy in California is the only one that stuck around. So, if you don't count him, I have no friends. Just acquaintances.



No worries! Solution! I'll be your friend! *Cable guy voice*

1. You can't drive me away by being an asshole, because... well, I'm an ASSHOLE!

2.I don't drink and drive...

3. I'm not a Democrat...

4. I row my own boat, and when my life's fucked up, I DID IT...

5. I'm not dying anytime soon..


There! See? Simple fix!
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