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Posted: 10/22/2004 5:41:35 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/22/2004 5:46:21 AM EDT by vmax84]
He was diagnosed about a year ago with lung cancer. Smoker and drinker all his life. We (myself and my 3 sisters) begged, pleaded, yelled, bitched, etc. forever for him to stop his smoking, but, I guess some things one can't change.

Anyway, they got him on radiation and chemo, which shrunk the tumor in his lung and cleared up his lymph (sp?) glands in his neck. He just had another cat scan and it showed the tumor is growing again and his lymph glands in the neck are infected again. They can't do radiation again, so the only real option left is chemo.

I don't think he has much time left, maybe a few months. I feel like shit. Seems like I had kinda forgotten about his cancer (part of it is because I "wanted to" forget about it) since they had "pushed it back", but now, it's coming back and I feel they can't stop it this time since they "emptied the magazine" on him the first round of treatment and have very little ammo left to fight this crap.

I know, I know, I shouldn't be whining like a little baby since he is 72, smoked all his life, drank all his life, but, he is still MY DAD. He's a great man.........Michigan State University grad, served 4 years in the Air Force as a B-36 bomber mechanic, good stable job all his life, put all of us kids thru college, is a great Dad and husband to my Mother............just a classy Man and to put it simply, a Mountain of a Man.

How does one cope with losing their hero? I've talked a little bit about this with my Dad and he has always said, "don't feel bad for me, Steve...........I've lived my life the way I wanted to, raised a great family, and feel fortunate to have lived this long.......just think of all the poor guys who got killed storming Normandy, or Iwo Jima when they were 17,18 years old..........they never had the chance to live.............just promise me one thing.........TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOTHER"

Sorry to ramble on. Damn, this hurts.


edited for spelling and clarification.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:46:20 AM EDT
Sorry to hear that.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:47:03 AM EDT
Steve I'm sorry to hear things aren't good with Dad. But he said it right...

"don't feel bad for me, Steve...........I've lived my life the way I wanted to, raised a great family, and feel fortunate to have lived this long.......just think of all the poor guys who got killed storming Normandy, or Iwo Jima when they were 17,18 years old..........they never had the chance to live.............just promise me one thing.........TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOTHER"
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:47:31 AM EDT
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:47:36 AM EDT

so sorry hun

Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:48:23 AM EDT
Sorry Steve

It’s not easy loosing a loved one. If it were they would not be important. I think your dad said it best. He sounds like a wise man. You should be proud of him and you should live your life so he and your mother will always be proud of you.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:49:37 AM EDT
Very sorry to hear. I lost my father a year and half ago. Lung cancer. Never smoked or drank a day in his life. He was 62. No words can make you at ease.

Prayers inbound, though.

Semper Fi!
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:53:53 AM EDT
I lost my dad at a very young age. Be happy that you were able to have an adult relationship with your dad, and you have a wealth of time with him. It sounds like he is a responsible and wise man, and has made his peace with the end. It seems that your dad is facing it with courage. For his sake, follow his example. You have a treasure trove of memories and widsom from him, draw on it as you need. You will never got over it, but you will eventually come to terms with losing your dad. Our most heartfelt condolonces to you and yours. Ops
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:57:36 AM EDT
God be with you and your father
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 5:57:52 AM EDT
I guess I always thought of him as being indestrutable. 6' tall, 200 lbs. , a math genius, can do anything from build a house from scratch to roll around the carpet with his grand kids. So many talents, so decent of a person, so giving, such a hard working guy, such a hard core conservative , just a great human being.

I think I'll head over to their place now and see if I can help out a little..........get the snow blowers ready to go for winter, reshuffle things in the pole barn to get ready for winter, etc. Just hang out with Dad a little.


Any place in the Bible that you know of that may offer some guidance and comfort to me? Thanks again.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:00:09 AM EDT
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:00:12 AM EDT
My father was never religious but somehow latched on to the Lord's Prayer near the end. Never found out why but it seemed to give him comfort.

Good luck.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:01:19 AM EDT
Went thru this 3 years ago with my dad. It hurts bad and always will.
I will pray for you and your family.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:04:59 AM EDT
VMAX I know what you are going through. My dad will be dead in the next 6-12 months. Lung disease. The roller coaster of emotions is a tough ride. It is hard when a parent dies or is dying. It makes you realize how fast life goes and that we are all going to die. My dad is 63 and I am 32. I never thought at 32 I would be worrying about such serious issues. I guess I always figured my dad would be around. Good luck vmax84 and talk to people if you need to.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:30:37 AM EDT
God bless your Dad and you.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:33:11 AM EDT
I've been in that situation, but with my mom.

Prayers for you and your family, friend. I regret it's all I can do...
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:48:16 AM EDT
My sympathies, your father sounds like a wonderful man.
I'll pray for you and yours.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:50:28 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/22/2004 6:51:49 AM EDT by fight4yourrights]

Originally Posted By vmax84:

He's a great man.........Michigan State University grad,

Well that says it all right there! (fellow Spartan)

Make the most of your time left, it's a Gift.

God Bless.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 6:56:16 AM EDT
Sorry to hear that. I lost my father to cancer when I was 17 and there are alot of things I wish I could talk to him about...

Just one thing, never underestimate the human will to live. When the doctors gave my father 6 months he lasted 3 years...
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:07:25 AM EDT
I've lost two family members to cancer in the past few months. You're in for a rough road ahead Cancer is a bad way to check out, but when he passes on to the next life his pain will be over. Try to keep sight of what you mentioned. 70+ years is a nice long life. There must be plenty of good memories and those will help you through it. Your dad was there for you, be there for him as much as you can. The rest of your family will need you to be strong. Good luck, God bless.


Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:16:09 AM EDT
Sorry to hear it sir. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your father.

Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:24:21 AM EDT
Prayers sent!!!

I lost my dad to cancer in 1994.

He put up a good fight with it for over 3 years. just remember when he does go, he will be in a much better place. That might sound cold, but I seen that shit eat my dad from 180 lbs down to 94 pounds

Make sure you be there for him, and if he is at home get HOSPICE to come out. They will let him have his dignity, and they are truley "heavan sent"

Make sure if he is going to be at home, to have the "DNI/DNR" signed and posted, if that is his wish.

Also if you ever wanted to know some things, now is the time. I can't tell you how many times I wished that I would have asked my dad some things that I never did, I now I will never know.
My dad was a Korean War Vet, I never heard him say too much about it, but I did hear him say he would have much rather been fighting in Korea, then fighting the cancer

Anything else I can offer would be prayers, your going to go down a ugly road with a ugly disease.
I hope everything works out for the best .

Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:24:33 AM EDT
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:32:29 AM EDT
My prayers are with ya, bud. Lost mine to cancer about 3 years ago and it still hurts. Prob always will. Gonna suggest that you spend ever minute you can with him, say everything you ever wanted to say to him.

You'll have to accept the fact that you WON'T be prepared for his passing, even though you'll tell yourself you are. I did good right up until the point that the honor guard handed me the flag and started in with 'From a grateful nation....' then I broke down and lost it.

I'm gonna suggest something that'll seem pretty cold at this phase. Please believe me I mean only the best by this. Sit down with your father and work out ALL the details that'll need to be cleared up after his passing. Such things as funeral details should be worked out NOW before you get sliced up by funeral homes taking advantage of your grief (they'll deliberately prod your emotions so you're an easy kill for them to 'upsell' you). Find out any details of any debts he may have (even verbal ones), any understandings he has with friends/family as to what property he wants to go where, the locatinos of any important documents, bank accounts, etc...I know this isn't what you want to go into now but having all this worked out will make him feel easier in his passing, and will help you and your family weather the aftermath SOOO much better. Trust me on this one.

Hang in there.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:40:27 AM EDT
Prayers sent..
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:41:40 AM EDT
God bless your family.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:44:23 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/22/2004 7:46:23 AM EDT by GUNSFORHIRE]

Originally Posted By dpmmn:
Prayers sent!!!

Make sure you be there for him, and if he is at home get HOSPICE to come out. They will let him have his dignity, and they are truley "heavan sent"

This is GUNSFORHIRE's wife. Posted under the wrong screen name again. My mother just died this past January from breast cancer, she was 50 years old. I agree about hospice. They kept her well taken care of and offered her emotional support also. I wasn't in the same state as her to see the care, but she told me about them all of the time. A few months before she died she admitted herself into a nursing home and was unhappy there. The care was not like what hospice was giving her because nursing homes don't have enough staff alot of times. With hospice it is a little bit more of a "personal" experience.

Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:50:26 AM EDT
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 7:54:13 AM EDT

How does one cope with losing their hero?

You honor their wishes. By honoring their wishes, they live on with us.

I'm sorry to hear the news vmax84. Your dad sounds like a damn good man who had lived his life the way he wanted to, with honor and gusto. We should all be so fortunate. Take the time to be with him now, to do "all of those things you have been meaning to do" with him.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 8:01:19 AM EDT
Lost my dad to lung cancer three years ago this month. It was a rough way to go. Be there for him and for your Mom. May God be with you and your family.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 8:13:57 AM EDT
Very sorry to hear about your dad. You and your family will be in my prayers. Be strong for your mom.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 8:22:52 AM EDT
My condolences.

Spend as much time with him as you can. You'll still wish you'd spent more.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 10:09:03 AM EDT
Very sorry to hear that cancer is what took my dad 10 years ago. I miss him every day, he is/was a great man and father. My heart and prayer go out to you.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 10:11:12 AM EDT
im sorry to heat that steve. i lost my grandmother to cancer 3 years ago. praying for you and your family

Link Posted: 10/22/2004 10:15:25 AM EDT
Sorry to hear it man. I lost a great friend - father figure to cancer back in 2001. It hurts, but keep your head up man. We're all praying for ya.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 10:17:00 AM EDT
My father passed away from lung cancer in 2001. No matter what me or my sisters said, he just wouldn't give up the smokes.
It's hard to see them wasting away. The hurt doesn't diminish over a short span of time. Know that his pain will finally end.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 11:20:24 AM EDT
Thanks for the words of encouragement and prayers. These types of things are always suppose to happen to "someone else" it seems. I guess that's life.

This pic (I didn't show his face out of respect to him) sums up on how he has always treated members of the family. Actually, in a way, this is how he always treated everybody, whether they were family or friends, or even new people. Always gentle, always caring, always........there.

Stephanie is now 10............time sure flies ya' know.


Thanks again for the kind words.
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 11:30:40 AM EDT
Link Posted: 10/22/2004 11:51:46 AM EDT
Words fail me at a time like this. Don't be afraid to talk to our dad about GOD. Leave nothing unsaid between you two. Have some faith in the Lord. I feel for you, this is one of the hardest times in your life.
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