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Posted: 5/24/2001 5:04:27 PM EDT
Welcome To The South .... 1.     Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass. 2.     Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.)These people have all been known to kick ass. 3.     Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking. 4.     We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass. 5.     We have plenty of business sense Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape. Naturally, we don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your ass. 6.     Don't laugh at our Civil War history. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Dallas instead of Washington. If you don't like it we'll kick your ass. 7.     We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass. 8.     Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. 9.     Don't fake a Texas accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked. 10.     Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited Northern hell holes like Detroit, San Francisco, Chicago, Portland and Las Vegas, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass home before it gets kicked. 11.     Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like ya'll. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:12:50 PM EDT
Hell Yes!!! Where from? I'm outa Nashville [frag]
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:18:45 PM EDT
I'm not from the south but after reading this list I think I could fit in pretty well. I like the attitude. Don't know who wrote it, (a friend sent it to me) just thought it sounded damn good and thought I would share it with this group.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:19:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:22:15 PM EDT
My town has been Yankeefide. They must out number us 2 to 1.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:23:03 PM EDT
What in Heaven's name is a snot rocket? A Reb in Yankeeland
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:30:44 PM EDT
YeeeHa! I like yo' sentiments Snot Rocket! Eric The Hun[>]:)]
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:40:23 PM EDT
It is so nice to hear from home, I get so tired sometimes of telling people what grits are. The South is the only place where you can find real fried chicken, homemade buttermilk biscuits, okra, hell I'm going to stop before I raid the kitchen again. I have always heard that the South will rise again. It will when the shtf, and the rebel yell is once again heard in close quarters combat with the forces of evil. Keep the faith down there you guys, I will know that all is not lost to the sheeple.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:41:19 PM EDT
lets see here when did you hear any one on tv call a pop a coke? hummm now that I think about it NEVER. up north we talk just like they do on tv so they must copy us not you.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 5:43:53 PM EDT
ok I was venting and rembering the time I lived in TX. and no the south will not rise again. you would lose your beer suply.. sory I could not resist. I like people from the south. my wife's full first name is Scotty Sue.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 6:11:19 PM EDT
A snot rocket is a disgusting technique used by the vulgar to empty the sinuses. Plugging one nostril and blowing till the remaining open nostril rids the sinus cavity of bothersome congestion. I like to perform this act for my uppity neighbors while mowing the front lawn. (I probably just ruined a few appetites. Sorry.)
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 6:22:11 PM EDT
Too late you guys. The south has already been invaded by Yanks. It seems all the regionalisms are disappearing. Pretty sad.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 6:24:16 PM EDT
One must finish a snotrocket with a "snapper". That is the to dislodge that last string from a snotrocket by a quick wipe followed by a snapping action of the last three fingers to fling the remaining snot a good distance from ones person. Of course the Japanese snap for accuracy!
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 6:25:50 PM EDT
Things you'll never hear a Southener say! “I’ll take Shakespeare for $1,000.00 Alex.” “Duct tape won’t fix that.” “Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.” “We don’t keep firearms in this house.” “Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer.” “You can’t feed that to the dog.” “I thought Graceland was tacky.” “No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s not safe!” “Wrestlin’s fake!” “Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?” “We’re vegetarians.” “Do you think my hair is too big?” “I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.” “What are grits?” “Who’s Richard Petty?”
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 6:29:06 PM EDT
Hey I don't know about you all but Yankees are fine with me. Not all of them are bad guys. Just becuase they talk too fast and have funny accents don't mean they are bad guys. You can make fun of southerners all you want but we still have our pride and manners. Live and let live. Besides If a Yankee likes guns like us Southern boys do you can bet he is a good ol'boy at heart.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 6:36:38 PM EDT
Hmmm... I seem to remember reading a version of that litany that included the phrase, "Question our barbecue and go home in a pine box."
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 7:19:59 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ken_mays: Hmmm... I seem to remember reading a version of that litany that included the phrase, "Question our barbecue and go home in a pine box."
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You "will" go home in a pine box....after you get your ass kicked!
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 7:28:07 PM EDT
garry, I hate to inform you, but we wouldn't loose our beer supply. We got us one of them big ol Bud plants rite in Cartersville GA and for the more sophisticatered you can go the Sweetwater Brewery down in Lanta. If that ain't good nuff weuns just call our cousins in Kentucky and get a little Jack . [:D] BMB
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 7:33:40 PM EDT
And you forgot all about home brew and 'shine.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 8:29:43 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Snot Rocket: I like to perform this act for my uppity neighbors while mowing the front lawn.
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[b][size=3]You Da Man Snot Rocket!!!!!![/b][/size=3] I too enjoy performing that little feat when I find myself in the glare of some snotty arsed fool. I will have to send this to all my in-laws as they are from Michigan and Maryland. Actually they are pretty cool for Yankees..........I think I'll let them live....................at least a bit longer. A big Haeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll Yeah to Ya!!! NW TN X
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 8:30:12 PM EDT
Continued: 12. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of our lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about our scenic beauty, we'll kick ass all the way back to Boston Harbor. 13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. WE say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little grey-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours. 14. So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass. 15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This WILL get you ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all and really lucky if we let you eat any of our barbecue. Criticize our barbecue and you will go home in a pine box, minus your ass.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 8:53:14 PM EDT
And a great big atta-boy for Mr. Smitty with 4 well said points not to be taken too lightly at all........................if you do it will get your ass kicked.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 8:54:08 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 9:13:59 PM EDT
American by birth, Southern by the Grace of God! Ronnie Arkansan and damn proud of it.
Link Posted: 5/24/2001 9:17:44 PM EDT
Suthern born suthern bread and when I die I'll be suthern dead. [BD] P.S. Ya'll know now , we ain't exactly got the worlds greatest reputation fer puttin' up with too much "manure" from the folks up yonder in the north ( member that lil civil war battle thingy ) anyways , the south i.e. the Carolinas , Alabamer , Jawga , Tennessee , would prolly be a strong-hold in the SHTF situation. Lotta dayum rednecks down here [:D] and believe me , we hi-tek now. So all ya'll folks lookin' fer a place to move to .... take a looky down here , and bring yer guns [:D]
Link Posted: 5/25/2001 12:25:35 AM EDT
"If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass home before it gets kicked." Amen, my brother. Words of Truth and Wisdom. WELCOME SOUTH! NOW, GO HOME.
Link Posted: 5/25/2001 2:41:02 AM EDT
Sure is a lot of Ass kicking going on down here. [:D]
Link Posted: 5/25/2001 3:14:18 AM EDT
16) Never show a Southern a picture of a Union soldier with a Henry repeater. [sniper] [;)]
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