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Posted: 9/1/2015 4:19:53 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/1/2015 4:20:26 PM EST by Medicfrost]
thevalleyreport.com/2015/08/28/teen-gets-pregnant-from-doing-weed-for-first-time-then-dies



OLYMPIA WA, – A 15 year old girl was found dead and pregnant in her room by her parents Friday afternoon. Police were informed of her debaucherous lifestyle including a drug binge that started -for the first time- Thursday evening.

“She went out with her friends last night after dinner, the same sweet girl we always knew and loved. I just don’t know how she can be so irresponsible at such a young age” sobbed her mother, Sam Kennedy, age 29. “We raised her better than that, in church! Her friends said they were laughing hysterically! Hysteria! They were also we to some place to get a ‘Net-fix’, to get whatever a ‘Bob’s Burger’ is. I think that’s code for crack since marijuana is a gateway drug.”

“Frankly, I’m glad she’s dead,” her father Kevin Frum bellowed. “One hit, that’s it. That was our rule. If you hoot, you get the boot. Doing the bong is doing the wrong. I can’t remember the rest, but she died a junky. Marijuana is addictive, because of facts. It’s more addictive than LSD and heroin, also because of facts. It causes pregnancy, like it did our daughter. These are facts.”

EDIT: the teenage girl turned out not to be pregnant, she was just full of Cheetos and Sunkist lemonade, causing what’s known as a ‘food baby’ in the marijuana criminal underworld.

EDIT II: The teenage girl wasn’t dead, just sleeping heavily for 13 hours.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:21:18 PM EST
Goodness gracious. LOL
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:22:15 PM EST
Stupid doper deserved it
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:22:28 PM EST
pot needles. dance with the devil...
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:23:31 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/1/2015 4:51:08 PM EST by Tiger21Bravo]
29-15=14. Yeah ugh mom tell us about responsible.

Satire how does it work?
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:23:45 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:24:55 PM EST
que jackie chan gif
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:25:46 PM EST
Author and editor are on drugs too.


Two edits:

EDIT: the teenage girl turned out not to be pregnant, she was just full of Cheetos and Sunkist lemonade, causing what’s known as a ‘food baby’ in the marijuana criminal underworld.

EDIT II: The teenage girl wasn’t dead, just sleeping heavily for 13 hours.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:25:47 PM EST
something is telling me thats not an actual news story
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:26:00 PM EST
How long before a few posters realize that this was satire...
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:26:40 PM EST
LOL
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:28:43 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:30:33 PM EST
whoa i didnt no she was 14 when i put the babby in her
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:32:29 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:32:30 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Tiger21Bravo:
29-15=14. Yeah ugh mom tell us about responsible.
View Quote


Or tell the OP to get better at math..........
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:44:34 PM EST
SATIRE
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:45:12 PM EST
This is what happens when Libertarians run amok...
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:49:16 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/1/2015 4:51:41 PM EST by OptionZero]


Also the guy lighting the marijuana needle looks like a rock-a-billy version of subnet.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:52:12 PM EST
Will be forwarding this to my kids.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:55:30 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By flynhghr2001:
How long before a few posters realize that this was satire...
View Quote


They are too caught up in the affirmation of their own beliefs to see it.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:55:43 PM EST
15(+9 months) year old girl, 29 year old mom... doesn't that mean mom was 13???

Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:55:52 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/1/2015 4:56:46 PM EST by Strykewolf]
http://thevalleyreport.com/2015/08/31/midget-locked-in-walmart-overnight-after-getting-stuck-in-toilet/

“I went in there close to closing time when I heard nature calling,” tells the 31 year old man. “I went into the bathroom, climbed up the toilet then fell in. I was stuck, flopping around like that screaming and yelling for 20 minutes when the lights shut off. I called Walmart headquarters with my cellular telephone but they were not taking me seriously. The guy on the other end put me on speaker to retell my situation, only to be met with an entire office erupt with laughter. They told me prank phone calls are not encouraged by the company but thanked me for the laugh.”
View Quote




Link Posted: 9/1/2015 4:58:53 PM EST
Thankfully this stuff happens most often on the left coast and the north east.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:02:24 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By TheRac25:
something is telling me thats not an actual news story
View Quote


Judging by the other stories referenced on that site, I tend to agree. Or the people in that valley are a really, really, really moronic bunch.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:08:32 PM EST
I want my 30 seconds of life back OP
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:11:02 PM EST
lol

Nice touch with the parents having different last names.

Shoulda had something about the black jazz musician that lives next door as the possible babydaddy..........
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:11:51 PM EST


Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:13:46 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By TheRac25:
something is telling me thats not an actual news story
View Quote


I made it to the part where her dad said he's glad she's dead.


Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:46:34 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/1/2015 5:52:26 PM EST by ma96782]
The voters of Washington wanted it...............

For The Kids.



However.........21, was to keep some voters happy about the situation.

Aloha, Mark
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:48:42 PM EST
The problem with good satire is... people won't get it.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:51:45 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By OptionZero:
http://i.imgur.com/ad5bmDr.gif

Also the guy lighting the marijuana needle looks like a rock-a-billy version of subnet.
View Quote



what the hell! Subnet is in that clip!
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