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Posted: 12/24/2005 1:11:10 AM EST
For me it's the Nigerian scammer "ASSMONKEY THE OTHER WHITE MEAT "
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:17:57 AM EST
When Jim Scoutten was asking for sign offs for his show I think TRG posted
"I'm Jim Scoutten and I sit down when I pee!"
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:20:08 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 1:20:35 AM EST by ANGST]
The thread where the guy was talking about getting a backrub from another guy . The thread was posted because the guy wanted to know if anyone had ever found their CCW accidently.

Second runner up: seeing eye cat
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:20:45 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 1:21:37 AM EST by GiggleSmith]
From a couple of years back:

"This thread is Mine!"
People would make an entry, taking the thread somewhere, and then the originator would make another entry.
It got to 17 pages before it was locked.

Honorable mentions would go to any of the many “Ask Doctor SgtAr15” threads he hatched. I never knew which would be funnier; the questions or his replies.
The Aqua-bumping thread also ranks up there.

The single funniest individual Post had the words “It is balloon!” and a picture of Chief Wild Eagle from the old B&W TV show, F Troop.

ETA: Almost any Seeing Eye Cat threads
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:43:35 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 1:49:17 AM EST by Kooter]

1Nutgummers airplane ass explosion

IM TheRedGoat for $5 USGI mags
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:48:29 AM EST
McUzi's rant
Underwater Bump-firing
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:58:39 AM EST
Nalpalm's thread about getting the M16 for free from his buddy because the guy had so many he didnt need it.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:10:33 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:19:32 AM EST

Bearhunting with a sword <------------nearly hurt myself laughing

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:45:25 AM EST
Underwater bump firing.

Followed by the anal bead story! I almost shit myself.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:46:07 AM EST
+1 on the Nigerian scammer. What about the 'BloodNinja' or whoever it was that had us all laughing?
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 3:02:13 AM EST
When DigDug shit himself at Ryan's steakhouse.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 3:21:11 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 3:23:41 AM EST by AMZ]

Originally Posted By 9mm4me:
When DigDug shit himself at Ryan's steakhouse.

THAT was a good read.

If anyone has links to these threads, that would be a nice Christmas present.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:12:44 AM EST

Originally Posted By 9mm4me:
When DigDug shit himself at Ryan's steakhouse.

That was hilarious.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:15:18 AM EST
Steakhouse shitting followed closely by 47's aquabumping. Still waiting for the video on the aquabumping
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:16:20 AM EST
Bacterial Vaginosis.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:18:16 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:18:26 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:20:00 AM EST
Gourami/Goulami. Tears, I tell ya. Tears!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:25:13 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:37:19 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 4:42:11 AM EST by LWilde]
This...The Infamous McUzi "Rant":

Garandman, your incessant posting of sanctimonious bullshit and self righteous nonsense proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that indeed sometimes the slowest sperm does fertilize the egg...

While you may fancy yourself some sort of an “executive”, I am sure most people would gleefully leap off the nearest bridge in order to disassociate themselves with your holier-than-thou crap.

All I can think of when my eyes are burned with the continual lack of quality content of your annoying e-mails, with the painfully self righteous, chest-thumping horseshit, and staff ass-kissing is that another 4 minutes of my life could be potentially wasted should I make the mistake to read whatever you have written.

You have dirty clothes, BO, bad breath, and I am quite confident that should one open your top dresser drawer, it would contain skid-marked underwear.

Your children will grow to be nothing more then felons or beggars due to their genetic lineage. Likely, even your car is a smog machine, and pollutes the earth like you pollute this site. You are a festering infected boil on the ass of humanity and the world; with the apparent intelligence of an autistic gnat with Down’s syndrome. You are the type of weenie that causes people of mutilate themselves, trying to escape the emotional pain that people as worthless as you even exist.

The fact that a man who can’t even grasp the insane hypocrisy that exists in your constant barrage of self-sainthood is allowed to own an implement of destruction is a fucking social calamity, and needs to be stopped.

You cry like a woman, and you have a night-light to fend off boogie men.

You dress in drag, and you listen to disco.

I am guessing that early in life, Hitler encountered the Jewish version of “Garandman”, thus explaining his future actions.

I wish you nothing less then painful pancreatic cancer, stones in your shoes on long walks, and blisters on your ass as you sit down to shit. Sleepless nights, broken hearts, hurricane damage to your home, sadness, pain, misery, “Out of the Closet” outspoken homosexual children, traffic tickets, loss of loved ones, felony convictions for crimes you didn’t commit,weight gain, stubbed toes, sprained limbs, damage to the transmission of your car on the ONE DAY you really needed it, always having “something in your eye”, having to smell other peoples farts in elevators, long waits at traffic lights, getting laid off from your job, medical bills, holes in your socks, underwear that’s too tight, sexual impotence, limb amputation, or any other possible iniquitous event that could harm you as bad as your mere presence harms humanity as a whole.

I believe elimination of inutile cocksuckers such as you could bring everyone on this planet of differing views together, for the sole purpose of your eradication. You are living proof that humans can impregnate rodents.

I fucking hate you.


I laughed so hard I darn near pissed my pants. I so appreciated this nut's writing, I saved it on the spot. THIS is the real deal...from about 2001.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:38:37 AM EST
The Seeing Eye Cat.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:41:22 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:42:48 AM EST

Originally Posted By OZ309:
The Seeing Eye Cat.

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:48:15 AM EST
Fire...on the plane! Treetops Flaming backpack story.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:49:51 AM EST
One of the 1st ever online forums for cigars was at jrcigars.com, a poster there by the name of 'Lefty' spoke about hitting a retarded kid playing in the street with his car. It was a total troll, but he kept roping people in...Got to be darn near 1000 posts and it was hilarious. He went from blaming everyone from the doctor who caused the kids CB to the mother who let him play in the street to the kid himself...etc....

Nothing has topped that for me so far.

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:54:22 AM EST
I read a thread on VWVortex about how to groom your pubic hair. It went on for 4 pages and was halarious.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:55:46 AM EST
I don't even remember the name of the forum, but it was some lady who worked at a porn shop for a year telling stories about it. She was a great writer and WOW I never knew how many freaks there are in the world (not simply for renting the porn -- I'm talking masturbating in the aisles, coming back three times a day for more porn, obnoxiously conducting business calls in the porn checkout line . . . )
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 5:07:41 AM EST
i liked the one about the holloween costume as the heinekin guy in new orleans
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 5:11:37 AM EST
using static electricity to zap a cats anus
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 5:23:46 AM EST
My favorites



Ran­ge report.

That guy that crapped himself.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 5:33:24 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 6:14:12 AM EST
Lets see

Various SEC stories (may he RIP)

The Herculiner on the Hootus thread (some car site)

Lawdog's stories of small town law enforcement (The firing line)

The motorcyclist who got attacked by a ninja squirrel.

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:32:41 AM EST
Flaming Backpack and Gab's 'Just say no to wax' story. Stay safe
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:39:27 AM EST
Ass Monkey~~the other white meat.

Gabs Wax story


Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:40:32 AM EST
Twonami's VERY short-lived "Potency Enhancer" email and the resulting "range report" photo that got in locked in less than a dozen posts.

I STILL laugh about that one. The late night crew kicks ass
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:41:50 AM EST

Originally Posted By Slacker:
Fire...on the plane! Treetops Flaming backpack story.


Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:41:58 AM EST

Originally Posted By OZ309:
The Seeing Eye Cat.

Plus one!

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:42:12 AM EST
Projectile diaherra in that one steakhouse resturant.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:45:18 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:45:57 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 9:52:35 AM EST by _disconnector_]
Maybe not the funniest ever, but I posted this over at GUNCO a while back and I thought that it was pretty good.

Since others have related their worst fecal follies over at AK.net, I thought that I would share my worst shit story . . .

My wife and I met in college in 1990 on the first day of classes. I decided to "take her home to Mom" right before the summer break. Because we were poor students, bereft of cash, my Mom gave us a gift certificate to Captain George's (an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet in Williamsburg) so we could have a nice date night.

While perusing the buffet line, I noticed that they were serving Mako shark fillets, an old favorite of mine. So, I loaded up a plate and returned to my table. I noticed that the texture on the first fillet was a little "off" and the flavor was a little weird, but I ignored it until I got to the last fillet . . . this one was obviously beginning to decay. So, I set it aside and continued eating everything else. We had a great night . . . little did I recognized the horror that lay ahead.

After a couple of hours of stuffing our gullets, we decided to leave. When I got into my car, I could feel a slight twinge in my gut, but I (to my later chagrin) ignored it.

Before I relate any more of this story, let me give you, dear reader, a little background on my family and the circumstances of the evening. For one, I come from a very conservative religious and social background. My wife and I "waited for marriage to have sex" kind of background . . . my wife comes from the same background. So, we were pretty much heading straight home, her to the guest bedroom, me to mine. Also, my family lives near Richmond, so the trip home is back through the wasteland that seperates Williamsburg from Bottom's Bridge. Also, in great early 90's style, I was wearing white Docker pants and a white striped shirt with a t-shirt, underwear, and white socks tucked into a pair of very sharp Docker deck shoes complimented by my matching Galanti IWB holster for my FireStar. I was the very image of late 80's style. Trust me, this info will be important later.

So, we're driving down the road talking about our evening when suddenly a sharp spiking pain shot through my abdomen. At first I thought that perhap my wife-to-be had decided to off me and have rammed a shiv through the back of the seat into my spine. That not being the case, I soon realized that I was in the midst of the greatest shit crisis of my 21 year old life.

The pain was tremendous, the urge nearly unstoppable. The pain was so huge that I could not even speak. I realized that I had two options - 1. Shit my pants or 2. Find a restroom QUICKLY. So, me being the hormonal 20 year old that I was, I slapped the pedal on the ol' 1988 GT Mustang down to the floor and proceeded to high speed boogie down rt.60 looking for a restroom. My date soon realized through the incoherent screaming and thrashing that something was seriously wrong, but she was unable to extract the correct signal from the noise, so she was cowering in the corner expecting me to start foaming like a rabid dog at any moment. Finally (at about 110MPH) I saw salvation . . .

. . . A GAS STATION!!!!

I almost lost the sphincter war when the wave of relief flooded through me. So, slamming my ringmeat back into its normal closed position, I entered the gravel parking lot of the convienence store sideways with the brakes locked. I figure the attendant thought they were about to get knocked over by the local redneck mafia. I jumped out, ran over to the external restroom and pulled . . . AND THE FUCKER WAS LOCKED. Crying small tears of self-pity I waddled as quickly as possible into the store, cut to the front of the line and basically gave the clerk the old
give-me-the-frickin-key-right-now-or-i'll-shit-in-your-floor-routine. He threw the key at me . . . probably to avoid disease, because by now I was doing a considerable amount of raging and foaming.

I blindly threw the door open, dropped my trousers and undies and proceeded to deliver unto the Earth the foulest abomination that has ever swam the porcelain seas. I had shit in the BACK OF MY HAIR it was so bad. You know, the good 'ol fashioned grab your ankles until the convulsions cease type shit. Weeping tears of joy I looked up and noticed a small issue . . . there was not a scrap of toilet paper to be found anywhere. What's a red blooded all American man to do without TP in the crapper? I figured that I had owned my t-shirt for long enough (plus it had bits of crap on it from the explosion) so I used it for the cleanup process. After I finished, I deposited said shirt in the sink to remind the bastards to put paper in the shitter.

Of course, as soon as I stood up the pains hit me again and down I went . . . this time the socks were sacrificed. This went on for entirely too much time with a perceptible lack of enthusiasm and/or enjoyment on my part. When I finally finished, my tshirt, socks, underwear, and button up shirt were steaming in the sink and I was left with a pair of shit-streaked white Dockers, my Galanti IWB, and my shoes. I didn't bother returning the key . . . it was left on top of the pile in the sink (it's the little things that count).

When I returned to the car (25 minutes after I left), I dropped into the drivers seat in exhaustion. My girlfriend looked at me, mouth agape, and stated "OH MY GOD, YOU'VE BEEN RAPED BY A GAY MAN!" I then pointed out the fact that she would have heard the report from my 9mm FireStar if that was the case. As I explained the situation she started laughing, and was still laughing when we pulled into my driveway at home 45min later.

At first my Mom was a little taken aback to se her son arrive mostly naked with the woman that she had just met that morning. After I finally explained it to her, my mom laughed so hard that I thought she would swallow her tongue. It took an hour of soaking in the tub to get the smell out of me . . . the pants went into the trash. I still get a giggle out of her and my wife to this day when I mention it.

God help that gas station attendant.


Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:56:23 AM EST

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 9:58:06 AM EST

Originally Posted By brouhaha:

Originally Posted By TravisM1:

Originally Posted By 9mm4me:
When DigDug shit himself at Ryan's steakhouse.

That was hilarious.


Aw shit . . . he wins, Big time.


Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:00:53 AM EST
Lawdog's tales of small-town sheriff's department antics from Thefiringline.com
Treetop's flaming backpack.
Porn store lady's blog.
ANUS Laptops scam.
Any shit story.

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:01:06 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:07:42 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:15:11 AM EST

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:
Gab's 'Just say no to wax' story...

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:25:42 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:27:32 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:29:38 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 10:32:50 AM EST by zrxc77]
This was truly a classic, particularly since it just naturally evolved into something hilarious:


Too bad photobucket sucks and many of the great pictures in the series are now gone. You lose much of the effect by not seeing the entire series as the rifle and room are picked clean bit by bit.

ETA: Darn you, yfs200! I spent just a minute too long explaining why some of the effect is gone now due to the missing photobucket images. Oh well, I guess I will just have to call intra-thread dupe on myself.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:34:57 AM EST
I don't know about the funniest thread... but the funniest thing I have read in a thread was definitely
from this thread...

Pics of how i'm training for WTSHTF

"Is that "Liger-stripe"?

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