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Posted: 9/19/2005 8:05:30 AM EDT
The USMC is over 220 years of
romping, stomping, hell, death and
destruction. The finest fighting machine
the world has ever seen. We were born
in a bomb crater, our mother was
an M-16 and our father was the Devil.
Each moment I live is an additional
threat upon your life.

I am a rough looking, roving soldier of
the sea. I am cocky, self-centered,
overbearing, and I do not know the
meaning of fear, for I am fear itself.

I am a green amphibious monster made
of blood and guts who arose from the
sea, festering on anti-Americans
throughout the globe. Whenever it may
arise, and when my time comes, I will
die a glorious death on the battlefield,
giving my life to Mom, the Corps, and
the American flag.

We stole the Eagle from the Air Force,
the Anchor from the Navy, and the
Rope from the Army. On the 7th day,
while GOD rested, we overran his
perimeter and stole the globe. We’ve
been running the show ever since.

We live like soldiers, talk like sailors,
and slap the hell out of both of them.
Soldier by day, lover by night, drunkard
by choice, and.....

Poster is HERE
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 11:53:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By long-rifle-tactical:

Soldier by day,

Only a complete & utter dumbass would think a Marine would call him/herself a "soldier". Whoever wrote this ditty should go to Wally World & buy a fucking clue.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 11:58:05 AM EDT
Marines are NOT soldiers!

Otherwise, I get the sentiment of the post.

SEMPER FI! My brother jarheads!

0311....P.I.....3rd Batt....1986
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 11:59:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BobCole:

Originally Posted By long-rifle-tactical:

Soldier by day,

Only a complete & utter dumbass would think a Marine would call him/herself a "soldier". Whoever wrote this ditty should go to Wally World & buy a fucking clue.

+1 and this is comming from a former soldier.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 12:09:55 PM EDT

Originally Posted By BobCole:

Originally Posted By long-rifle-tactical:

Soldier by day,

Only a complete & utter dumbass would think a Marine would call him/herself a "soldier". Whoever wrote this ditty should go to Wally World & buy a fucking clue.

and what else would you have us lowely citizens call you? Gods? warriors? Anyone that would be offended by being called a 'soldier' needs to go to wally world and buy a pack of tampons.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 12:12:46 PM EDT
No disrespect to the Marines, but why the animosity about the nomenclature (soldier/marine). Functionally, aren't they very similar?
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 12:15:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

Originally Posted By BobCole:

Originally Posted By long-rifle-tactical:

Soldier by day,

Only a complete & utter dumbass would think a Marine would call him/herself a "soldier". Whoever wrote this ditty should go to Wally World & buy a fucking clue.

and what else would you have us lowely citizens call you? Gods? warriors? Anyone that would be offended by being called a 'soldier' needs to go to wally world and buy a pack of tampons.

A man died and went to Heaven.
St Peter was giving him the tour and they came across a man in USMC dress Blues.
The man said,"Wow, they let Marines in here?"
St. Peter said," Yes they do, but that's not a Marine.....that's GOD, HE likes to think he's a Marine.


Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:29:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

Originally Posted By BobCole:

Originally Posted By long-rifle-tactical:

Soldier by day,

Only a complete & utter dumbass would think a Marine would call him/herself a "soldier". Whoever wrote this ditty should go to Wally World & buy a fucking clue.

and what else would you have us lowely citizens call you? Gods? warriors? Anyone that would be offended by being called a 'soldier' needs to go to wally world and buy a pack of tampons.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:31:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 1:32:07 PM EDT by MK4Mod0]
www.gnt.net/~jrube/text/puller.htm......This "IS" a Marine......MY Dads CG when he was in the Marines .....................Chesty's Last command I believe also!!
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:45:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

Originally Posted By BobCole:

Originally Posted By long-rifle-tactical:

Soldier by day,

Only a complete & utter dumbass would think a Marine would call him/herself a "soldier". Whoever wrote this ditty should go to Wally World & buy a fucking clue.

and what else would you have us lowely citizens call you? Gods? warriors? Anyone that would be offended by being called a 'soldier' needs to go to wally world and buy a pack of tampons.

There is a distinct difference in a soldier and a Marine .Your not knowing this common truth merely shows your complete lack of knowledge on the subject. Carry On Sailor.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:50:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

and what else would you have us lowely citizens call you? Gods? warriors? Anyone that would be offended by being called a 'soldier' needs to go to wally world and buy a pack of tampons.

They're called "Marines", troll.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:50:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PinPointOne:

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

Originally Posted By BobCole:

Originally Posted By long-rifle-tactical:

Soldier by day,

Only a complete & utter dumbass would think a Marine would call him/herself a "soldier". Whoever wrote this ditty should go to Wally World & buy a fucking clue.

and what else would you have us lowely citizens call you? Gods? warriors? Anyone that would be offended by being called a 'soldier' needs to go to wally world and buy a pack of tampons.

There is a distinct difference in a soldier and a Marine .Your not knowing this common truth merely shows your complete lack of knowledge on the subject. Carry On Sailor.

No shit. Most large countires have a Marine force. They are not soldiers.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:50:53 PM EDT
I am a Soldier... not a Marine.

But I'll give you an HOORAH!
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:51:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

and what else would you have us lowely citizens call you? Gods? warriors? Anyone that would be offended by being called a 'soldier' needs to go to wally world and buy a pack of tampons.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:52:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By FortyFiveAutomatic:
No disrespect to the Marines, but why the animosity about the nomenclature (soldier/marine). Functionally, aren't they very similar?

Not at all. Marines are trained for amphibious warfare; soldiers, with rare exceptions are trained for conventional land warfare.

Just as one wouldn't call a sailor an "airman", one never calls a Marine a "soldier" or vice versa.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:53:06 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 1:57:01 PM EDT by WildBoar]

Originally Posted By FortyFiveAutomatic:
No disrespect to the Marines, but why the animosity about the nomenclature (soldier/marine). Functionally, aren't they very similar?

They are sailors playing soldier JK JK JK sheesh. Marines get the glory usually. Unfortunately the Army is pretty large as compared to the MArines and therefore more support pogues and because theya re seen the most, the slacker image is a stereotype for most of the Army.

I worked with 24 MEU and those guys couls not hump for squat. They made it inland like 4 klicks and were used up. I am sure they have guys that can do better but after they gave al of us "toothpicks" a bunch of crap, they realized we could march further then they ever could. I wont say the entire Corps cant hump, I just see how being stuck on a ship makes for long range patrolling a weak point. They were just not built for endurance.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:53:12 PM EDT
1. I am a Marine, I have a problem. This is the first step to recovery.

2. Speech:
Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530
or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).
Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed,
work out, get used to it.
"F *ck" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of
right now, try "um".
Grunting is not talking.
It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"
People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you
are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a
deployment in the OCAC

3. Style:
Do not put creases in your jeans.
Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
So does a low reg, but not as bad.
A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the
rest of the world.
you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

4. Women:
Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and
will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force
Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are
6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make
"financial sense", it makes you a retard.

5. Personal accomplishments:
In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at
your job.
Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about
people you have killed or seen die.
How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is
also not a personal accomplishment.

6. Drinking:
In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention,
not a "good for you"
That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a
conversation starter.
That time you went to the combat medic school and practiced giving
vodka IV's will also not be a good conversation starter

6. Bodily functions:
Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be
viewed as "unprofessional".
The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how
big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is

VD will also not be funny

7. The human body:
Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may
seem, it's true.

8. Spending habits:
One day, you will have to pay bills
Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
One day you will need health insurance

9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):
Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be

10. Real jobs:
They really can fire you.
On the flip side you really can quit.
Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember
they really can quit too.
Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800

11. The Law:
Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from
Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't,
in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out
you've been arrested
Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to
help you get the job
Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not
yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

12. General knowledge:
You can in fact really say what you think about the President in
Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important
then you are, be polite.
Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the
first time.

Semper Fi
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:53:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PinPointOne:

There is a distinct difference in a soldier and a Marine .Your not knowing this common truth merely shows your complete lack of knowledge on the subject. Carry On Sailor dumbass troll.

Fixed it for ya.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:55:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 1:56:38 PM EDT by rifleman2000]
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3. Mech Infantry: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

15. Quartermaster: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

16. C-17 Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.

17. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.

20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

22. MinuteMan Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

24. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

25. Signal: Tries to communicate with snake...fail repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate. Signal Officer informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to video-conference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. SigO abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, bitches, and takes credit. In the end, General Dynamics and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the 2 smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake is forgotten.

26. Air Force, O-6 and above: "Get that damned snake off the fairway!"

27. Armor: Runs over snake. Never knows it, as well as never knows where he is on the battlefield. Continues directly ahead wondering what all those new buttons in his turret do.

28. Army Aviation: Has GPS ten digit grid to snake. Stands off at a range greater than any other weapon system and destroys snake with precision fires at a cost equivilant of one Mercedes 350SEL. Returns to base for fighter management and a "cool one".

29. Military Intelligence, S-2: Reports to ground troops that snake is a non-combatant. Six Infantry wounded. MI states that if the ground forces would have read the nesting diagram provided in the 24 page enemy intel report, they would have known the snake was a possible threat.

30. Military Police, Criminal Investigation: Handcuffs snake's head to its tail, reads it its Miranda rights, then proceeds to beat snake to a pulp with night stick.

31. Military Police, Field: Snake safely infiltrates rear area of operations.

32. Navy SeaBees: Build snake elaborate rec room, complete with secret still.

33. Transportation Corps: "Snake? What snake? We were sleeping in the truck."

34. War Correspondent: Decides snake is patriotic nationalist agrarian reformer being molested by imperialist U.S. forces, asks snake for directions to nearest bar. If bitten by snake, charges U.S. troops with neglect of duty to protect freedom of the press.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 1:56:21 PM EDT
From the day they were formed at Tun Tavern 200 plus years ago, Marines
have distinguished themselves on battlefields around the world. From the
fighting tops of the Bonhomme Richard, to the sands of Barbary Coast, from
the swamps of New Orleans to the halls of Montezuma, from Belleau Wood, to
the Argonne Forest, to Guadalcanal, and Iwo Jima, and Okinawa and Inchon,
and Chosin Reservoir and Hue City and Quang Tri and Dong Ha, and Beirut, and
Grenada, and Panama, and Somalia and Bosnia ,and Baghdad and a thousand unnamed
battlefields in godforsaken parts of the globe.

Marines have distinguished themselves by their bravery, and stubbornness and
aggressive spirit, and sacrifice, and love of country, and loyalty to one

They asked for nothing more than the honor of being a United States Marine.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:01:15 PM EDT
Rifleman ,that shit is hilarious.
Keep em comin.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:03:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 2:21:19 PM EDT by npd233]

Originally Posted By FortyFiveAutomatic:
No disrespect to the Marines, but why the animosity about the nomenclature (soldier/marine). Functionally, aren't they very similar?


Last I heard, the US Armed Forces all wear the same flag on their shoulders.

Depends on which definition (of soldier or marine - the words, not the titles) you use, I suppose. In the grand scheme of things, any enlisted man who does his country's fighting is the historical definition of a soldier. All Marines are soldiers, but not all soldiers are Marines. Point of view has quite a bit to do with how people react to what they seem is an inappropriate title.

Dictionary definition of "marine":

ma·rine: n.
1. a. A soldier serving on a ship or at a naval installation.
b. Marine - A member of the U.S. Marine Corps.
2. The mercantile or naval ships or shipping fleet of a country.
3. The governmental department in charge of naval affairs in some nations.
4. A painting or photograph of the sea.

That being said, when Marines overreact to being called "soldier" (Or cause the writer doesn't capitalize it) it subtracts just a little bit from the Corps' history of earned respect and their high level of professionalism. While it might be appropriate for a senior Marine to chew out a newly enlisted one who inappropriately refers to himself or others as "soldiers" it is out of place for them to use the same approach to those who would not be expected to know the difference. I've never understood the animosity that seems to accompany the vocabulary lesson they feel the need to dole out.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:04:31 PM EDT
Ok, this is kind of Army Infantry... HOOAH! Rangers Lead the Way!

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and the Infantry.
And God looked upon the Infantry, saw that it was good, and said unto them
"Thou art my chosen children". Take thou dominion over the Earth; over the fish
of the Sea, the birds of the Air, and all of the Key Terrain." And as a mark
of His favor the Lord placed in the hands of the Infantry the sacred relics:
the Apostolic Anti-Armor Weapon, the Catholic Claymore, and the Marian Machine
Likewise gaveth the Lord unto the Infantry the Rucksack of Repentance, the
Radio of Redemption, the Rifle of Rectitude. Lastly, unto the Infantry,
and most divine of all, the Lord gaveth the Holy Hand Grenade.

For the Infantry's sustenance the Lord declared "Four shall be thy food
groups: Coffee, Tobacco, C-Rats, and Alcohol. Shun all other unclean food
and drink."

And the Infantry dwelt in the land therein. And time passed, and the
Infantry cried out unto their God saying "Lord, help us, for we are weary."

And God smiled upon the Infantry, for they were blessed. Then the Lord
took the fattest and laziest of the Infantry and set them upon beasts of
burden. And these He called Cavalry. And as the Cavalry became fatter, lazier and
heavier still they were known as Armor, or DAT's for short. And the Lord looked
down upon the Armor and saw that it was mediocre.

The Lord then said "Oh, well. Thou canst not win them all. Let them lead
in case of landmines." To the DAT's the Lord said "Quiche shall be thy food,
and bottled water thy drink. Touch not the sacred chow of the Infantry."

And the Infantry and the Armor dwelt in the land therein.

And time passed and the Infantry cried out again unto their Lord saying
"Lord help us, for we are weary."

And God smiled again upon the Infantry, for they were his chosen.

Then God took those of the Armor with butts like base plates and breath
like sulfur and tiny, tiny pee-pees and these He made Artillery. But God saw
that the Artillery, too, was mediocre and said unto Himself "Oh well, garbage
in; garbage out."

Unto the Artillery He said "The big guns shall atone in part for thy
diminutive other stature. Tryst thou not to hurt thyself."

To the Infantry the Lord said "When the night is darkest these shall light
the way...more or less. When the approach is most open these shall,
occasionally- with luck, confound the enemy's sight. When thou callest for fire
support these shall - eventually - provide it with high explosive, cluster
munitions and, best of all, nukes." Though the Lord cautioned the Infantry to never,
never, never trust Tacfire or any other electronic computer in the hands
of the Artillery. And the Infantry, the Armor, and the Artillery dwelt in the
land therein. Then the Artillery created the Air Defense Artillery; but quickly
asked forgiveness.

And time passed and the Infantry called out yet again unto their God,
saying "Lord help us, for we are weary."

Again the Lord looked with favor upon the Infantry. He took those of the
Armor, Artillery and Air Defense Artillery who most liked to play in the
mud and these he made Combat Engineers, and those who dwelt in darkness and spoke
in riddles and these he made Military Intelligence, and those with thieving
hearts and these He made Quartermasters, and of those who neither sowed nor
reaped and were most fond of hammering square pegs into round holes He made
Adjutants General. Of those who liked to tinker with good equipment until it broke
He made the Ordnance Corps. Of those whose penchant was poison He made Cooks.
Of those who ran around in circles He made the Transportation Corps. Of the
least articulate He made Signalers. Of the mindlessly doctrinaire and arrogant
He - reluctantly - created Military Police and Inspectors General (though the
Lord admitted, to Himself, that He was probably only providing employment
opportunities to Satan's minions). Of those who dealt in controlled substances

He made the Medics, they too were in His favor, and of those whose minds had been

destroyed by the same made He the Chemical Corps.

Yea, the Lord of All filled up the MTOE.

And the Infantry, and the others, dwelt in the land therein.

Time passed, but yet, again, the Infantry cried out unto their God, saying
"Lord, help us, for we are weary.

And the Heavens darkened, and the clouds gathered. The lightning's spake
and the Infantry abased themselves before their God, for they were sore

And the Lord spoke with anger, asking "How canst thou yet be weary? Have I
not made the Armor and the Artillery to support thee? Have I not made of
the detritus of the earth Quartermasters and Adjutants and Signalers and
Transporters and a host of others to assist thee? Verily, have I not even made Military
Intelligence, although it were a contradiction in terms?"

Humbly the Infantry abased themselves again before their God, crying
"Lord, it is of these that we are weary."
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:05:57 PM EDT
All quotes from various military staffers
> "I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It's no
> problem," he means, for him." Maj (EUCOM)
> "Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much
> for so few..." MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free
> Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77
> Iraqi exiles at the cost of, well, way too much...
> "Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world
> country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of
> pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a
> cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom
> they have nothing but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition
> building
> "OSD will continue to drive this cart into the ground long after the
> wheels have been sold on E-bay." MAJ (JS) on the progress of FIF
> "Please don't laugh. This is my job." Maj (EUCOM) from Protocol,
> explaining in great detail the approved procedures for dropping off VIPs
> "I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with
> Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..." MAJ (JS) on the
> often-frustrating process of building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV
> "If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute."
> "The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are
> pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them...and
> then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM)
> "Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto
> repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)
> "Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that
> Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from
> Hungary is likely to proceed by air vice sea
> "We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we
> rot." LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command
> "Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich..." GO/FO
> "So, what do you wanna do?"..."I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"..."I
> dunno, what do YOU wanna do?," etc. COL (DIA) describing the way OUSD(S)
> develops and implements their strategies
> "Let's face it: Africa sucks..." DOS representative (Bureau of African
> Affairs) at a conference on Africa
> "One of the secrets to maintaining my positive attitude in this job is
> this: I complete no tasker before its time..." MAJ (EUCOM)
> "It is nothing for US soldiers to be in the desert for a year without a
> woman. It is different for us, though, because we are Latin..." LTC
> (LATAM country) on one of the differences between Latin American
> soldiers and their US counterparts
> "I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM)
> after being assigned a difficult tasker
> "I guess this is the wrong power cord for the computer, huh?" LtCol
> (EUCOM) after the smoke cleared from plugging his 110V computer into a
> 220V outlet
> "When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross,
> the only person in front of you will be me!" CDR (CENTCOM) on his view
> of the value of being politically correct in today's military
> "There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's
> jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..." Lt
> Col (EUCOM) responding to the above
> "I may be slow, but I do poor work..." MAJ (USAREUR)
> "Great! What we really need are some more 0-5s around here..." MAJ
> (EUCOM) on the release of the list of 0-5 promotables
> "Don't ever be the first...don't ever be the last...and don't ever
> volunteer to do anything...." CDR (EUCOM) relating an ancient Navy
> truism
> "Hey, somebody should really do that..." CDR (CENTCOM) on the CENTCOM
> tasking process
> "Are you sure they aren't writing about us? Hell, at least we should
> jump on that wholesale desertion thing..." Maj (CENTCOM) on the
> following report from a newspaper: "(The Iraqi military was crippled
> by)...a multitude of erratic orders and strategic miscalculations, while
> its fighting units barely communicated with one another and were
> paralyzed from a lack of direction...these woes were compounded by
> incompetence, poor preparation, craven leadership and (the) wholesale
> desertions of thousands of soldiers..."
> "Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams."
> Maj (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs at his Command
> "WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..." LTC (EUCOM) doing some
> standard, Army self-flagellation
> "South of the Alps and East of the Adriatic, paranoia is considered
> mental equilibrium..." "The chance of success in these talks is the same
> as the number of "R's" in "fat chance..."" GS-15 (SHAPE)
> "His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..." MAJ (JS)
> "We have no position on that issue. In fact, your position IS our
> position. Could you tell us what our position is?" CDR (TRANSCOM) at a
> policy SVTC
> "Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow,
> it would still happen behind schedule." CWO4 (ret) (EUCOM)
> "Even if Al-Qaeda nuked this place, the Chief of Staff would approve a
> 4-star visitor the very next day!" GS-12 (EUCOM)
> "Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard)
> "It's basically announcing to the world that I've completely given up."
> LT (USN F-14 squadron) on his initial feelings behind the wheel of his
> brand new minivan
> "A staff action is like getting an out of state check, countersigned by
> a fraud on a phony ID: some of the time it clears, but most of the time,
> you're screwed." Lt Col (USAF)
> "I need intelligence, not information." Maj (EUCOM)
> "Ah, the joys of Paris: a unique chance to swill warm wine and be
> mesmerized by the dank ambrosia of unkempt armpits..." LCDR (NAVEUR)
> "'Status quo,' as you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in...'"
> Attributed to former President Ronald Reagan
> "We are now past the good idea cutoff point..." MAJ (JS) on the fact
> that somebody always tries to "fine tune" a COA with more "good ideas"
> "Who are you talking to? ...Hang up the phone!" Lt Col mentoring MAJ
> (EUCOM) on how to stay in his own lane...
> "The hardest thing about having a third child is switching from 1-on-1
> to a zone defense." MAJ (EUCOM)
> "Nobody ever said you had to be smart to make 0-6." Col (EUCOM)
> "I haven't complied with a darn thing and nothing bad has happened to me
> yet." "Whatever happened to good old-fashioned military leadership? Just
> task the first two people you see." "The first question I ask myself
> when tasked to do something that's not obviously and overwhelmingly in
> my own best interest is, 'Exactly what happens if I don't do it?'"
> "No need to tip our hand as to how responsive we can be." CDR (EUCOM) in
> a passdown to his replacement
> "I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career." MAJ
> (JS)
> "I just realized that this War on Terror might take a little longer than
> we thought, so I am developing a new system of hanging charts on walls
> to solve our problem and win the war." LTC (EUCOM) after a review of
> long range Counter Terrorism (CT) plans
> "Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure
> to make any progress." "None of us is as dumb as all of us." Excerpted
> from a brief (EUCOM)
> "Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is
> thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one
> of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill.
> We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it." LTC
> (JS) on OIF coalition-building
> "It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it." LTC (EUCOM)
> "I'm gonna have to leave work early today and probably stay home
> tomorrow. I'm fighting off a cold and I want to beat it before I start
> my leave in two days." MAJ (EUCOM)
> "Creating smoking holes gives our lives meaning and enhances our
> manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference
> "Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm
> new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS
> rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference
> "Everyone should have an equal chance, but not everyone is equal. I am
> so far down the food chain that I've got plankton bites on my butt."
> "That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer." MAJ (EUCOM)
> "Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized
> scab picking." CDR (NAVEUR)
> "I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words:
> distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)
> "When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR
> "Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer
> stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)
> "They also serve, who sit and surf the NIPR." CPT (CENTCOM)
> "I hear so much about Ft. Bragg. Where is it?" "It's in the western part
> of southeastern North Carolina." LCDR and CPT (EUCOM)
> "I've become the master of nodding my head and acting like I give a
> shit, and then instantly forgetting what the hell a person was saying
> the moment they walk away." Flag-level Executive Assistant
> "Mark my words, this internet thing is gonna catch on someday." LTC
> "You're not a loser. You're just not my kind of winner..." GS-14 (OSD)
> "He who strives for the minimum rarely attains it." GS-12 (DOS)
> "I'm tired of waiting on somebody who I know is just going to ignore me
> once they arrive." Lt Col (EUCOM), while waiting to start a brief for a
> visiting VIP
> "If I'd had more time, I'da written a shorter brief..." Derived from the
> writings of Mark Twain "Vision without funding is hallucination." Maj
> "I work at EUCOM. I know bullshit when I see it." LTC (EUCOM) in a game
> of office poker
> "You only know as much as you don't know." GO (EUCOM)
> "I'm just livin' the dream..." EUCOM staffer response to the question,
> "How's it going?" or, "What are you doing?"
> "I'm just ranting...I have nothing useful to say." LTC (EUCOM)
> "Why would an enemy want to bomb this place and end all the confusion?"
> GS-14 (EUCOM)
> "How soon before we can give this guy a medal, a good OER, and send him
> on his way?" GS-12 (EUCOM) referring to his boss
> "Other than the fact that there's no beer, an early curfew and women
> that wear face coverings for a reason, Kabul is really a wonderful place
> to visit." LTC (CENTCOM)
> "It was seen, visually." LTC (EUCOM) during a Reconnaissance briefing
> "Let me tell you about the benefits of being on a staff..." "This should
> be a short conversation." LtCol to Lt Col (EUCOM)
> "If you want to take down a country, gimme a call. We'll get it done."
> GO/FO (EUCOM) to a gathering of US Ambassadors
> "Hello gentlemen. Are we in today or are you just ignoring my request?"
> GS-15 (DSCA) in an email to EUCOM staffers
> "After seeing the way this place works, I bet that Mickey Mouse wears a
> EUCOM watch." Maj (EUCOM)
> "Your Key Issues are so 2003..." CPT (CJTF-180) in January 2004
> "USCENTCOM commanders announced today that they intend to maintain their
> presence in Qatar "until the sun runs out of hydrogen," thus committing
> the US to the longest duration deployment in human history. When asked
> how they planned to maintain the presence in Qatar for a projected
> length of 4 to 5 billion years, planners said "we're working on a plan
> for that. We don't have one yet, but not having a plan or an intelligent
> reason to do something has never been much of an impediment for us in
> the past; we don't foresee it being a big show stopper for us in the
> future either."
> Among the options that were being discussed was an innovative program to
> "interbreed" the deployed personnel. "We are going to actively encourage
> the military members in Qatar to intermarry and raise children that will
> replace them in the future. Sure, it may be a little hard on some of our
> female service members, since there currently are about 8 men for every
> woman over there, but we expect that to be OBE as the sex ratios will
> even out in a generation or two. In any case the key to the plan is to
> make these assignments not only permanent, but inheritable and
> hereditary. For example, if you currently work the JOC weather desk, so
> will your children, and their children, and their children, ad
> infinitum. We like to think of it as job security." CPT (CJTF-180)
> "That's FUBIJAR." COL (CENTCOM), Fucked Up, But I'm Just a Reservist...
> "As far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one that matters in here." COL
> "No matter how hard this Command beats me down, I am still able to get
> it up." Maj (EUCOM)
> "I keep myself confused on purpose, just in case I am captured and fall
> into enemy hands!" GO/FO (CENTCOM)
> "Cheese-dickery abounds at this Command." LtCol (EUCOM)
> "Does anybody around here remember if I did anything this year?" LTC
> (EUCOM) preparing his Officer Evaluation Report support form
> "This is all happening because we had the sympathetic detonation of a
> stress grenade." Maj (EUCOM) after an insignificant issue became a
> theater focus because somebody used the "Reply all" function
> "I'd be happy to classify this document for you. Could you tell me its
> classification?" GS11 (EUCOM) in an email from the Foreign Disclosure
> office
> "Nothing is too good for you guys...and that's exactly what you're gonna
> get..." LTC (EUCOM) describing the way Army policy is formulated
> "The only thing that sucks worse than being me is being you..." LTC
> "Why should I worry? Nobody here outranks me by that much." MAJ (SOCEUR)
> briefing a group of 0-6s
> "I have to know what I don't know..." Col (CENTCOM) during a shift
> changeover briefing
> "No. Now I'm simply confused at a higher level..." Foreign GO/FO when
> asked if he had any questions following a transformation brief at JFCOM
> "'Leaning forward' is really just the first phase of 'falling on your
> face.'" Col (MARFOREUR)
> "I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never experienced a 'buzz
> sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph' until today." Maj (EUCOM) after
> listening to a JFCOM trainer/mentor
> "We've got to start collaborating between the collaboration systems."
> "Our plan for the Olympics is to take all the ops and put it in the
> special room we have developed for ops." GO/FO (EUCOM)
> "Not to be uncooperative, but we're just being uncooperative." CDR
> (EUCOM) in an email response to a request for information
> "We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that
> nobody likes to talk about ..." Lt Col to GO/FO (EUCOM) in briefings
> "The 'L' in CENTCOM stands for leadership..." "At this Command, we have
> written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of
> our security badges." Maj (CENTCOM)
> "He cloaked himself in an impenetrable veneer of terminology." Lt Col
> (JFCOM) describing the Jiffiecom alpha male
> "Transformation has long been the buzzword for those that are
> dispossessed, dispirited and dis illusioned..." Chaplain (EUCOM),
> allegedly talking about the Disciples...
> "There are more disconnects on this issue than CENTCOM has staff
> officers." GO/FO (EUCOM)
> "Is that a Navy or a Marine admiral?" MAJ (EUCOM)
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:06:38 PM EDT

"The Marine Corps and Psychotherapy" by Fred Reed

Tell you what; I've had it with whiners. Further, if I hear the phrase "self-esteem" again, I'm going to kill something. It'll happen. Just wait. Some New Age psychotherapeutically babbling little parsnip is going to gurgle to me about how arduous his life is, when he probably doesn't have a life to begin with, and about how it's somebody else's fault, probably mine, and his self-esteem is all bruised and rancid and has warts on it. And I'm going to stuff him into a concrete mixer. No, wait. I've got a better idea. I'll pack him off instead to Marine Corps boot camp at Parris Island, in the festering mosquito swamps of South Carolina.

I spent a summer there long ago, in a philosophy battalion. All battalions at PI are philosophy battalions. The chief philosopher was named Sergeant Cobb, and he was rough as one. His philosophy was that at oh-dark-thirty we should leap up like spring-loaded jackrabbits when he threw the lid of a GI can down the squad bay. Then, he figured we should spend the day at a dead run, except when we were learning such socially useful behavior as shooting someone at five hundred yards. He didn't care whether we wanted to do these things. He didn't care whether we could do them. We were going to do them. And we did.

The drill instructors had a sideline in therapy. They did attitude adjustment. If the urge to whine overcame any of us, Sergeant Cobb took his attitude tool -- it was a size-twelve boot on the end of his right leg -- and made the necessary adjustments. It was wonderful therapy. It put us in touch with our feelings. We felt like not whining any more. I kid about it, but it really was philosophy. We learned that there are things you have to do. We learned that we could generally do them. We also learned, if we didn't already know, that whimpering is humiliating.

The Marine view of life, which if widely applied, would eradicate American politics in about three seconds, was simple: Solve your problems, live with them, or have the grace to shut up about them. Can you imagine what this would do to the talk-show racket? Fat housewife to Oprah: "My... I just can't... being so... heavy hurts my self-esteem." Oprah: "So stop sniveling and eat less. Next."

The Corps believed in personal responsibility. If your life had turned into a landfill, it might be somebody else's fault. Maybe existence had dropped the green weenie on your plate. It happens. But the odds were that you had contributed to your own problems. Anyway, everybody gets a raw deal sometime. Life isn't a honeymoon in the Catskills. Deal with it. I remember a coffee mug in an armored company's day room: "To err is human, to forgive, divine. Neither of which is Marine Corps policy." There's something to be said for it.

Nowadays everybody's a self-absorbed victim, and self-respect and strength of character have become symptoms of emotional insufficiency. Oh, alas, alack, sniffle, seek, squeak, the world's picking on me because I'm black, brown, ethnic, fat, female, funny-looking, dysfunctional, data functional, don't use deodorant, or can't get dates. And sensitive? Dear God. If people suffer the tiniest slight, they call for a support group and three lawyers. Support groups. When I'm dictator, we'll use 'em for bowling pins.

Whatever happened to grown-ups? It's incredible the things people whine about. Go to the self-pity section of your bookstore. It's usually called "Self Help." You'll find books called things like, "The Agony of Hangnails: A Survivor's Guide." They will explain coping strategies, and assure you that you are still a good person, shredding digits and all. Other books will tell you that because you had an unhappy childhood (who didn't?) you are now an abused, pallid, squashed little larva, and no end pathetic. Other books will tell you how not to be toxic to your Inner Child. I'm writing a book now: "Dropping Your Inner Child Down A Well." We'd be better off if most people's inner children were orphans.

I once sat in on somebody else's group-therapy session, which was concerned about the morbid condition of the patients' self-esteem. I didn't understand the rules of therapy, and said approximately, "Look, maybe if you folks stopped feeling sorry for yourselves and got a life, things might be better." I thought I was contributing an insight, but it turned out to be the wrong answer. The therapist, an earnest lady -- all therapists seem to be earnest ladies -- told me firmly, and with much disappointment in me, that this was No Laughing Matter. The patients' self-esteems were undergoing cardiopulmonary resuscitation, and I was suggesting that they get a life instead of picking at their psychic scabs. She reckoned I was pretty terrible. I say, stuff' em into a concrete mixer
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:08:28 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 2:17:20 PM EDT by USMC88-93]
Who ever wrote that was uninformed

Marines are not and have never been soldiers
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:09:03 PM EDT
that's funny as hell...Rifleman
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:14:44 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

and what else would you have us lowely citizens call you? Gods? warriors? Anyone that would be offended by being called a 'soldier' needs to go to wally world and buy a pack of tampons.

Actually Cpls. are known as "little gods"
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:43:48 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 2:47:02 PM EDT by FortyFiveAutomatic]

Originally Posted By USMC88-93:
Who ever wrote that was uninformed

Marines are not and have never been soldiers

I hear this over and over again, but no one really explains it. So Army is better suited to land deployment, and Marines are more amphibious. Is that it? How much of a Marine's deployment is typically spent at sea? Vietnam was a largely land-based engagement, was it not? Iraq is situated between two rivers, and it doesn't appear as though there's much to do at sea over there.

Well obviously airmen are not called soldiers or marines, but then I haven't heard of many Air Force units that go out in the field and maneuver soldiers on foot or in tanks, boats, etc. The Air Force is pretty much restricted to planes, the way I see it.

Maybe I'm missing something. Didn't the Army Rangers use Higgins boats to storm the beaches of Normandy? I don't know -- maybe not being military keeps me out of the know, but the capabilities of the Army vs those of the Marines seem very similar. Educate me!

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:44:08 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:50:48 PM EDT
U.S. Marine Corp Rules for Gun Fighting:

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Your life is expensive.

3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.

4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.

5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

9.5 Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. Have a plan.

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect Your Ass.

16. Don't drop your guard.

17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.

18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust, everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).

19. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.

21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone and everything you meet and see.

22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

23. Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4"

Navy Rules to Gun Fighting:

1. Go to Sea.

2. Send in the Marines.

3. Drink Coffee.

4. Play with your Inflatable Doll.

Army Rules to Gun Fighting:

1. Go Back to Sleep.

2. Send in the Marines.

3. Wake up and have a Cup of Coffee.

4. Tell the General the Enemy Retreated and Couldn't be Found.

Air Force Rules to Gun Fighting:

1. Blow the shit out of everything on the ground.

2. Send in the Marines to kill what’s left.

3. Have a Cup of Coffee and wait for the Marine Recon Report.

4. Take ALL the Credit.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:19:02 PM EDT
Well now some are catching on to the jest of the post, this poster is from the Marines.

No branch is any better than the other since we are special in our own way, but it just sounded strange to read it out loud by reciting it as printed. But I am a Marine and I stand by my brothers and protest this description of Marines.

For those who ask about why we are called Marines, if I have to explain then you would never understand.


Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:35:07 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:37:48 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:44:19 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 3:49:27 PM EDT by WolfAR15]
my point is that every marine I have ever met becomes extremely offended by it and I just will never understand why. Look I know you went through a training course and wear a pretty little pendant and think of yourself as special but if you seriously get offended over a designation then you seriously need to grow up.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:48:47 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:
my point is that every marine I have ever met becomes extremely offended by it and I just will never understand why. Look I know you went through a training course and where a pretty little pendant and think of yourself as special but if you seriously get offended over a designation then you seriously need to wipe the sand from your vagina and grow up.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:52:38 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 3:53:01 PM EDT by KorpiszZ389]
From above^ 9.5 Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. All skill is in vain when an angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:56:39 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:57:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:
my point is that every marine I have ever met becomes extremely offended by it and I just will never understand why. Look I know you went through a training course and wear a pretty little pendant and think of yourself as special but if you seriously get offended over a designation then you seriously need to grow up.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 3:59:33 PM EDT
A Marine Corp's General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:01:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:01:57 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:03:03 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:03:57 PM EDT
The following are some ways to distinguish between the services:

Armed Forces Favored Recreation:
Marines: Bowling
Navy: Football
Army: Baseball
Coast Guard: Tennis
Air Force: Golf
Notice the lower down you get, the smaller the balls are.

Who Is The Bravest?

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!" "YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes, and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention. The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.
"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing 'Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.
"YES SIR!!" replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the weapon high over his head, and completes the task perfectly. "Now that's courage!" says the admiral.
"Courage, nothin'" snorts the Army general. "Get over here, private!" "YES SIR!!" replies the private. "Put on full combat gear, load your pack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first." "YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task. "Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"
They all look to the Marine. "Private," he says.
"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."
The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "FUCK YOU SIR!!"
The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:04:06 PM EDT
Semper Fidelis

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:07:48 PM EDT
For those of you who don't quite understand the Marine, I offer this:

Those who have clicked on this Web site for any length of time know how much I admire the brotherhood of the United State Marine Corps. In addition to other Marine Corps articles I use from time to time, I look for something special to run on November 10th to help celebrate the Corps birthday. I thought the following article my Navy buddy 1stAdmPao sent recently was perfect for the occasion. It partly explains why the word “proud” is synonymous with “Marine.” It is a list of things about the Corps that Marines consider better than any other military service, and why. (I’m sure they have more.)

Best action: Marines invade, and then go home. The Army has to do the occupying.
Best campaign covers: The Smokey Bear hat.
Best emblem: Eagle, Globe and Anchor.
Best Esprit de Corps: Even if you can’t spell it or pronounce it, the Marine Corps has it in spades. One example; when sailors get tattoos, they do it to express their individuality, and their choices range from Betty Boop and Mickey Mouse to raging sea serpents. When Marines get tattoos, they do it to express their solidarity, and choose bull dogs, “Death Before Dishonor,” and “USMC.”
Best Latin Motto: Semper Fidelis (Always Faithful) - not only to the Corps and to the nation, but to each other as well. A Marine is a member of a worldwide brotherhood unlike no others. As they will say: “Once a Marine, always a Marine.”
Best name: You’re a Marine. Not a soldier or a troop. That’s Marine, spelled with a capital “M.”
Best nickname 1: Jarhead
Best nickname 2: Leatherneck
Best nickname 3: Devil Dog; The ultimate compliment was given by our enemy, The German Army in World War I, whose soldiers’ greatest fear was running up against the toughest American fighting men - the Marines. who they called “teufelhunden,” or Devil Dog.
Best recruiting gimmick 1: The Knights-in-Shining-Armor commercials.
Best recruiting gimmick 2: “We’re looking for a few good men.” OK, they left out women. The Corps is looking for a few good women, too.
Best recruiting gimmick 3: “If you have the mettle to be a Marine.”
Best slogan 1: “Once a Marine, Always a Marine.”
Best slogan 2: “Tell That to the Marines.”
Best slogan 3: “Send in the Marines.”
Best duty assignments: Okinawa, Kaneohe Bay, Camp Pendleton, Diego Garcia, Moscow, North Carolina. Plus any ship at sea.
Worst duty assignments: Okinawa, Kaneohe Bay, Camp Pendleton, Diego Garcia, Moscow, North Carolina. Plus any ship at sea.
Most exotic duty assignments: Kuala Lumpur, The White House.
Best fast attack vehicles: LAVs.
Best fighting knife: Ka-Bar.
Best haircut, hands down. You can’t have a bad hair day with a Marine Corps Regulation haircut, and you spend less on shampoo.
Best motivational cry: Ooh-rah! It’s pronounced “Ooh-raw” and NOT Hurrah.
Best phone number: Call 1-800-MARINES and you’ve got the Corps, and if you’re a civilian with the mettle to be a Marine, a recruiter will be happy to sign you up.
Best tradition: The Corps is older than the Republic itself.
Best uniforms:
Dress Blues: They’re the coolest uniforms in any military, worldwide.
Bloused trousers: Another distinctive Marine look that sets the proudest service members apart.
The rest of the Marine sea bag: From the Alphas to the camouflage utilities, uniforms just look better on a Marine than any other service member.
Marines don’t wear dungarees.
Best Unity: Every Marine is a rifleman.
Best unofficial hymn: The Marines’ Hymn
From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli;
We fight our country’s battles in the air, on land and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom and to keep our honor clean;
We are proud to claim the title of United States Marine.
Our flag’s unfurled to every breeze from dawn to setting sun.
We have fought in every clime and place where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far off northern lands and in sunny tropic scenes,
You will find us always on the job, United States Marines.
Here’s health to you and to our Corps, which we are proud to serve.
In many a strife we’ve fought for life and never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy ever look on Heaven’s scenes,
They will find their women sleeping with the United States Marines.
Best War Monument: The Iwo Jima Memorial, Washington, D.C.
Commandant’s House: The oldest occupied residence in Washington, D. C.
Chesty Puller: You’ve got to love a service that has heroes with names like that.
Former Commandant and Mud Marine Al Gray: His official portrait is in cammies. He drank from a four-star canteen cup. Business leaders are so impressed with his Fleet Marine Force Warfighting Manual 1 that they are using it hone their skills for boardroom battles.
Most dangerous airplane: The Marine Harrier. Not a simple science, but luckily more of a danger to the enemy than to Marine Corps flyers.
Most remarkable airplane: The Marine Harrier. No other service’s jets can take off and land on a dime.
Most respect 1: When the Marines pulled out of Haiti and Somalia, the media reported the U.S. military was pulling out as if tens of thousands of Army troops weren’t still in the country.
Most respect 2: When the Corps returned to Haiti after 60 years, an old man on the beach at Cap Haitian said, “Welcome back!”
Mud: You want to see pure joy? Look at a group of Marines after a mud fight.
Poetry in motion: They are weapons, not “g-u-n-s” and if you don’t know the pithy verse that explains that, don’t ask.
Point of the Spear: Out in front, kicking down the door, what the Marines do best.
Separate heads for enlisted and officers: Everywhere else, the officers and enlisteds use the same pot.
Silent Drill Platoon: Just watching them apply their trade makes you want to wear dress blues.
Starch: Clean ‘em up, put ‘em in starched cammies, and they look sharp.
Status: Sailors live and work on ships. Marines go for cruises, then hit the beach
The Docs, Marines’ corpsmen-in-arms: They’re sailors, but they’re as tough as Marines.
Toughest boot camp: San Diego, California. When Navy recruits were still training in San Diego, occasionally they would jump the fence and accidentally land at MCRD. The Marines would keep them a couple of days and when they were sent back, they were glad to be sailors! Corpsmen excluded, of course.
Toughest Drill Instructors: They’re so tough that when the Navy wants to train its officers, who do they call? 1-800-MARINES.
Toughest mascot: The Marine Corps’ is a bulldog, the Navy’s is a goat, the Army’s is a jackass, and the Air Force’s is a bird.
What Marines symbolize: Discipline, courage, honor, commitment, valor, patriotism, and military virtue.

Somewhere between the security of childhood and the insecurity of the manhood, we find the Marine.
Marines are found everywhere in bars, in cars, behind barns, in motels, in holes, in fights, in trouble, running on the double. You will find them in battle, on streets, overseas, in love, on leave, but mostly in debt and waiting for orders.
Marines come in assorted sizes, colors, weights and stages of sobriety, along with varying stages of anger, misery and confusion. Marines also come in cammie green, brown, black, muddy, and sporting the native bushes on their stylish Kevlar combat helmets.
A Marine reflects laziness with a deck of cards and misery with a grin on his face waiting for battle orders or the next round of beer if someone else is buying.
A battle hardened Marine exhausted, sleeping in the mud, a penniless millionaire, bravery with a beer in hand, and courage with a grain of sense, he is the protector of America with a Playboy in his back pocket and a letter from home in his shirt pocket.
A Marine is a composite. He comes fully charged, is air cooled, alcohol operated, and foot propelled. He is a cocky SOB, conceited, high-strung and self-centered, often overbearing and considers himself way underpaid.
A Marine is also shy as a fox, has the nerve of a dope addict, the energy of a shark, the brain of a rock, the stories of an old sailor, and the sincerity of an aged liar. He has the appetite of a horse, the table manners of a chimpanzee, and the aspirations of Casanova reincarnated.
When a Marine wants something it is usually a three-day pass, a light for his cigar, his own field jacket, an extra poncho liner, or anything else he can appropriate from supply. But every Marine wants hot chow, a step up in rank, more pay, a ten dollar loan from his buddy, or someone to stand his duty.
Every Marine likes to fight, they are the essence of America and what it stands for, politics don’t matter, but defending the shores do.
A Marine has the tenacity of a tiger, the viciousness of a pit bull, the strength of elephant, the cunning of fox, the appetite of a bear, the speed of a rattlesnake, and the hunter instinct of a wolf.
Marines likes girls, women, females, ladies and members of the opposite sex, in that preferable order. They like sex, beer, liquor, liberty, leave and sixteen-to-thirty when they can get it.
A Marine dislikes answering letters, wearing his Alphas, standing inspections, second lieutenants, getting up for reveille, Marine Corps chow, close order drill, training, work detail, the day before payday, long stays aboard those Navy cruise liners, and the curfew set by the parents of the girls he takes out.
No woman can tame him, no man can beat him. He is unwilling, unreliable, irresponsible, impossible, incuragable, and indestructible.
A Marine is a magical creature. You can shut him out of your home, but not out of your heart. You can take him off of your mailing list, but not out of your mind. You may as well give
in; he is yours. He is your brother, lover, friend or son. He is a bright-eyed, good-for-nothing bundle of worries, but he is still yours, but most of all he is and always will be ....

A Marine.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:11:40 PM EDT
Some Humor:

Approaching A Marine Gate Guard:

Two airmen were driving across country on leave. They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit. They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver's window, and taps on it with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with
the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?
The Marine says, "You're on a United States Marine Corps Base, son. When I come up to your car, you'll have your ID card ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, We're in the Air Force, and we didn't know."
The Marine examines the I.D. card and gives it back to the driver.
The Marine walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the Marine smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The Marine says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The Marine says, "I know that as soon as you pull away you're gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would've tried that shit with me!'"

Do You Have Your I.D. ?

A few years back one of the new Marines at the Barracks at Yorktown, VA was standing post at the main gate of the Naval Weapons Station. The duty policy was to check 100% of all I.D. cards including military in uniform regardless of rank. A Navy sedan drove up to the gate with a young seaman at the wheel and a rear admiral sitting in the back. The young Marine PFC signaled for the car to stop, approached the driver, and asked to see both I.D. cards. The admiral told the Marine that he was on his way to meet with the station C.O. and didn't have time for such nonsense....
Admiral to driver: "Go ahead."
...PFC to driver: "Don't do that."
...Admiral to driver: "You heard me, Drive on."
...PFC to Admiral as he draws his .45: "Sir, this is my first time on post. Do I shoot you or your driver?"
The admiral showed his I.D.

L.A. Riots (A True Story):

The Marines were backing-up Los Angeles Police Department on a call that someone had broke into a store. At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approached the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat; but to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!). The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting. The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!"

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your buddies ask you if you want to shoot some golf balls, and you show up wearing your sniper uniform.

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:16:20 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/19/2005 4:17:18 PM EDT by USMC88-93]
Training, indoctrination, equipiment, Service history, and tactical employment are significantly different than the Army.

The Army is designed to slug it via land warfare with a significant ammount of men and equipment in prolonged and sometimes wide ranging combat engagements

The Marines are designed to quickly deploy with a light and minimun amount of combat equipment. Then engage the enemy to establish footholds in a combat area. This almost always via a foreward deployed combat units stationed aboard Naval Vessels at sea. They are not there to occupy an area but rather to secure a combat zone and hand it off to other forces (such as the Army) who have significantly more manpower and as a result can permanantly occupy captured areas.

The significant difference is we as a Service are proud of our long history and partnership with the Naval service and it does a dis-service not to acknowledge that history.

The Army on the other hand has its own proud history and I am sure are all proud to be called Soldiers

This is about the most simple way of describing why it is that I take it as an insult to be called a soldier that proud honor is reserved for the Army, I on the other hand am a prooud Marine and acknowledge my services herritage.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:24:50 PM EDT
You would not refer to a General in the Air Force as "airman." Just as you would not call an Army General "soldier". The same way a Navy Admiral would not be called "sailor". BUT... a Marine Corp General would be proud to be called "Marine".

Semper Fi!
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:28:15 PM EDT
For more information on the USMC and some great jokes visit www.stevenshiles.com

Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:30:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By NavyDoc1:
Marines are NOT soldiers!

Otherwise, I get the sentiment of the post.

SEMPER FI! My brother jarheads!

0311....P.I.....3rd Batt....1986

Semper Fi brother!

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