This is hilarious!  Thanks for the headsup!



HH

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Don't tell me you haven't thought of this...

Stun gun ....... ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS.   Too funny...

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.  This was
submitted  by  a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for
their  anniversary.
 

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked  my interest.  The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was  
looking  for  a little something extra for my wife Toni.  What I came
across  was a  100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.  The effects of
the taser  were  suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
affect on your   assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.  I  loaded
two  triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.  
Nothing! I  was disappointed.  I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button  AND  pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get
the  blue  arch  of electricity darting back and forth between the
prongs.

Awesome!!!   Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that  
burn spot is on  the  face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that  it  couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,

right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting  little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking  
that I  really  needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving  
target.  I  must  admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction  
of a  second) and  thought better of it.  She is such a sweet cat.  
But, if  I was going to  give this thing to my wife to protect herself  
against a mugger, I did  want  some assurance that it would work  as
advertised.  Am I wrong?  So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and  a tank
top with my reading  glasses perched delicately on the bridge

of my nose, directions in  one  hand, taser in another.  The directions  
said that a one-second burst  would  shock and disorient your  
assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to  cause muscle  spasms and a major
loss of bodily control; a three-second  burst  would purportedly make
your assailant flop on the ground like a  fish  out of water.  Any burst
longer than three seconds would be  wasting the  batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long,  less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and

loaded  with  two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself,  
"no  possible  way!"   What happened next is almost beyond  
description, but I'll do my  best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one  
side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst  
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad..  I
decided  to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.  I
touched  the  prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and

HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS  OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me  
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again.  I vaguely recall waking up  on my side in the
fetal   position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on  
fire,  testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my
body in  the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.  The cat was  
standing over  me making meowing sounds I had never heard before,  
licking my face,  undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it
again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one  
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
zap  yourself.  You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged  
from  your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.  A three  
second  burst  would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!!  A minute or so later (I can't
be  sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my
wits  (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.  My
bent  reading  glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.  How did
they up get  there???   My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were
still twitching.  My face  felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
and my bottom lip  weighed  88  lbs.  I'm still looking for my testicles?  
I'm offering a significant  reward for their safe return.

Still in shock,


James Wilson
Security Lead- Tulsa
918-664-3180

Seen it before.

But it's still pretty funny.

Quoted: Seen it before. But it's still pretty funny.

Me to.. but yeah, it is funny

When I read it last year, the dude had a dog instead of a cat.

The pet dog has been ruling the "WTF are you doing?" for a few years now.

But it's still very funny to read.