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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:06:22 AM EDT
[#1]
Let me understand correctly.
You are living with this 25yo crackhead/tweaker/hype? Have you kicked him out? |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:08:08 AM EDT
[#2]
If you call the Police and they search your house and find drugs, they can CONFISCATE the house. (or his house)
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:12:04 AM EDT
[#3]
What are you going to tell the police when your BIL tells them he bought the drugs from you?
Don't invite the man into your life. Peace Be With You. 
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:12:45 AM EDT
[#4]
I'm no expert in law by a long shot. Let me share this. My neighbors kids were deep into the dope and hell raising a few years ago. I confronted the 'father' and was told the kids were 18 and they could do what they wanted. He couldn't control them. Utter bs but thats another story.
We called the sheriff and had a meeting at my house. Turns out the LEO were well aware of said activities and were getting ready to nail the family for maintaing a drug residence, the vehicles for transport etc. They failed at least once that I'm aware of to bust the residence because as it was explained to us later, they had a police scanner in the house. On the night in question ( I witnesseed it), the little shit eaters tore out and took off in their cars within a minute of the cops arriving. After that, the LEO's didn't use 'scannable' radio's. Ultimately the younger kid got locked up and sent away and haven't seen him in years. The ho daughter moved out and the older kid is still there. The parents moved to FLA and stop by about once a year. The kid stilll there now had a woman and 2 kids there with him. No evidence of doping, but I remain vigilent! IF you suspect the bad guy is keeping dope in the house, I imagine that could create problems in a worst case scenario for your FIL. Course.....you and the other BIL's could take a drive with the doper in question and reason with him. 
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:13:26 AM EDT
[#5]
If I understand you correctly he lives with your father-in-law? If that is so, your father-in-law will lose his house, if you turn him in and the police raid the house looking for the contraband.
Does he really want to quit? If not, just throw him out. The worse his life becomes, the faster he will want to quit......and quit being an enabler. You are making it easy for him to continue his destructive behavior. If he does want to quit, have you ever taken him to an NA (Narcotics Anomyous sp?) meeting? Instead of sending him to jail, show him where to get help. Accountant |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:14:23 AM EDT
[#6]
Good point. Kick him out then a month from now turn him in. Shok |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:15:04 AM EDT
[#7]
ALANON or NARCANON meetings for the whole family
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:16:13 AM EDT
[#8]
Amen.....and start reading "Codependant, No More" immediately! |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:16:23 AM EDT
[#9]
As much as I am against the use of recreational drugs, I have to say in this case, butt out. You will only cause FIL more problems that he doesn't need in his situation. Sorry.
If you are truly set on getting BIL busted, wait for him to leave and call the cops and have them station a car in the area and watch for him to return. Do a "routine traffic stop" and then check things out. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:40:07 AM EDT
[#10]
Kick him out. You call the cops you will have more problems than relative who has a drug problem.
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:40:29 AM EDT
[#11]
That's a good point, and one not many will think of. And, if you are the one turning him in, his brain might just perk up enough to think of vengeance, as in "They were my brother in law's and I was just trying them. YOU brought him into the drug pit! Think about those ramifications. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:47:00 AM EDT
[#12]
Here it is, short and sweet:
If he's staying with you, kick him out. Stop there - no further action is necessary. If he's not staying with you, he's not your problem. Do NOT call the police. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:49:48 AM EDT
[#13]
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:52:33 AM EDT
[#14]
what good would it do to turn him in.
kick his ass out and let him hit rock bottom then maybe he will quit. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 5:58:02 AM EDT
[#15]
1. Kick him out of the house. There's no sense in giving the guy a place to stay and the support that comes from it. Family members think they are helping when they do this, but all they are doing is enabling him to keep using drugs without consequences.
2. As other people have mentioned, Alanon or Narcanon for the family. There are typically some weird and difficult issues in the families of addicts, and one of the support groups could help in getting these addressed. 3. Start looking into residential treatment programs for the BIL. Most likely he isn't ready for one, but he will be someday, and you want to be prepared to get him into one quickly should he ever have a genuine desire to change. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:00:10 AM EDT
[#16]
I agree. It is time that the BIL is held accountable for his own actions. Sounds like he has not yet hit rock bottom because he always has a way out or a place to go. Put him out on his own and give him a tase of what it is to be on your own. The rest will fall into place. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:02:56 AM EDT
[#17]
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:07:16 AM EDT
[#18]
CAn you do that? My grandparents have been having problems with drug running next door, though the local sheriff's office haven't had any prove to go on |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:13:03 AM EDT
[#19]
Sounds like (coming from you ) he's guilty until proven innocent.
Sorry but you have not given any evidence that it is actually drugs. The best thing to do is confront him, ask if he is still using. If this is your house, ask him to let you see what is in the safe. There just might be something you are expecting in it. But then again, there might not. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:21:33 AM EDT
[#20]
+1 |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:25:16 AM EDT
[#21]
+1 |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:25:45 AM EDT
[#22]
I have seen lots of cases over the years where family members turned in other family members for drugs. It was a disaster every time. In one case I remember the parents turned in a 16-year-old kid for smoking pot to teach him not to do drugs. The kid spent a couple of nights in jail where he got seriously beaten and abused. When he got out, he ran away from home and, last I heard, his parents had never seen him again.
In another case, the cops got the drug user and then went to seize the house and everything in it. Sad to say, but cops are really not your friends in this situation. They may be good guys but they simply don't have the tools or rules to deal with this situation without just causing more damage in the process. As difficult as it may be, your best move is to butt out. Be ready to offer help to any family member who genuinely requests it, but stay out of it. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:40:42 AM EDT
[#23]
The police are like an amplifier. If you want to see your family relations go to pot, then by all means call the cops. They will help you make a complete effed up mess of it. Then comes the attourneys and the court hearings. If you absolutely hate his guts and are willing to testify in court against him, maybe more than once, then go straight to the police. Otherwise, try to talk it out with him and convince him that he needs to get off drugs. Let him know you will take further action if necessary. Calling the police should be the last resort.
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:46:49 AM EDT
[#24]
Maybe you should move out. Just a suggestion to be 'pro-active'. eta Don't wait for a loser to "do the right thing". Sometimes the best kinda help you can give a person like that is NONE. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:51:33 AM EDT
[#25]
Pretend the government is a very large and angry bear. Treat it accordingly.
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Posted: 2/1/2006 6:56:22 AM EDT
[#26]
Not that this is really your decision to make, but what has he done -- other than take drugs and harm himself -- that he should be incarcerated? Has he harmed someone? If he has harmed someone, then I think you would get massively different opinions here. If you were thinking that incarceration would fix his drug problem, that is a terribly wrong assumption. The police don't have any real tools to deal with drug problems, other than jail, and jail almost invariably makes the problem worse. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 7:02:58 AM EDT
[#27]
kick his ass out, he'll steal from you all to pay for his habit. Drop a dime to the cops, get a RO, etc.
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Posted: 2/1/2006 8:11:07 AM EDT
[#28]
I find it kind of amusing how many of you would rat him out in some lame attempt to "help", and then complain about neighbours who do the same when they see you with firearms on your property. Calling the cops/informing is probably the most assinine thing you could possibly do- as going to jail is not going to help or straighten anybody out.
Sit down- man to man and talk about it- if he genuinely wants to stop but is addicted, give him some support and get him to a good treatment program. If he is a POS, boot him out and cut him off from the family- many times drug addicts have to hit absolute rock bottom before they are going to make any real improvements in their lives. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 8:13:49 AM EDT
[#29]
Yeah - that's a great analogy. Illegal and destrucive behavior compared to legal and productive. 
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Posted: 2/1/2006 8:25:50 AM EDT
[#30]
Actually, its not a bad analogy. Both gun and drug laws are malum prohibitum - i.e. not evil in and of themselves. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 8:32:15 AM EDT
[#31]
+1 Pretty much the choices that make sense. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 8:33:09 AM EDT
[#32]
Thanks to the 'war on some drugs', your property can be charged with a crime(rolleyes) and can be seized by the overzelous agents of the law. It's bullshit, but the law has never been overturned (I think that the SC might even have ruled it Constitutional) and the cops love it, because they can turn around a sell it for more money to further fund the 'war on some drugs'.
Ya America... So, don't say shit to the cops, because your in-laws could lose everything. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 9:25:14 AM EDT
[#33]
Thanks all for the advice.
To clarify some of the questions: My Father in Law, Mother in Law and the offensive BIL live in a house that my other BIL owns (me and my wife live 40 min away). FIL knows and (finally) admits that the BIL is back on drugs. MIL wants to believe that he is still the good boy he was when he was 10; chooses to ignore the issue completely. Neither parent has the werewithall to kick him out though. Offensive BIL has been arrested 4+ times, spent time in county jail, been through juvenile rehab 3 times, adult rehab 2 times, is a member (not sure if practicing though) of Narcotics Anonomous (?)and AA and is supposedly on methedone to help with his addiction. OBIL was kicked out of the military for drugs, has never held a job longer than 3 months, goes for long periods of time unemployed (think months), has had his driver's liscence revoked, has a 2 yr old child that he doesn't see and doesn't support. OBIL has had many, many chances to get clean yet can't seem to stay clean for longer than a few weeks. Nobody in the family wants to jepardize my FIL or MIL but we are highly concerned that given the stuff my OBIL is doing and putting the family through it will be that much more difficult for my FIL to beat the cancer. It sounds like the general concensus is that unless my FIL is willing to kick the OBIL out, there is little if anything that we can do. Thanks again to all for the advice. M590man |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 9:44:24 AM EDT
[#34]
FIL and MIL are enablers, nothing will change. Your only hope is OBIL overdoses and croaks or gets shot while robbing someone |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 11:55:34 AM EDT
[#35]
There's the problem highlighted in red. Obviously, locking him up for a few days isn't going to fix the problem. Don't rely on the government. Mom and Dad are going to have to confront him on it and kick him out if necessary. |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 11:05:28 PM EDT
[#36]
And with his history assuming the law doesn't know about him is a little naive. How long is it going to be before he gets ratted out by a "friend"? Gets high and kills somebody in an accident? moves to higher level crimes to support his habit? etc etc. Might not be a bad time for the whole family to do an intervention BEFORE the PD comes knocking and your in-laws are up to there asses in problems they really don't need? Who needs more protection the old sick folks or the young loser? |
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Posted: 2/1/2006 11:18:30 PM EDT
[#37]
unless it's a crime against you you NEVER EVEN CONSIDER turning in a family member
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Posted: 2/1/2006 11:35:24 PM EDT
[#38]
Look, stupid fucks, he's an ADDICT (meaning its almost impossible to resist the urge) Your biggest concern should be making sure his supply is clean and it isn't a "hot" shot. Do some fucking chemstry work on his stash and make sure he knows he can always come over to determine it's legit. And carry clean needles.
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Posted: 2/1/2006 11:41:11 PM EDT
[#39]
KICK HIM OUT IMMEDIATELY!!! Even if you got him arrested and prosecuted,it will not make him clean up his act. Only HE can do that. Kick him out and the rest handle itself. Maybe he will get popped by the PD maybe not, maybe he will be a low life his whole life, maybe he will clean up and grow up. Either way, it is his life to fuck up, not yours. Now kick him out and get him away from your family. Tell him when he is clean he is invited over for dinner.
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Posted: 2/2/2006 1:27:46 AM EDT
[#40]
I'm in the kick him out camp, but dont call the police on him. It is definately not good to get the police in your lives.
Back in the day, before my time, people generally took care of thier own problems they didnt need to call on the government to come into thier lives and fix everything. Not that the government can fix much of anything to begin with.
Why would that be best? Do you just fucking hate him and by best for him you really mean best for yall? Or are you saying that because you are making the stupid naieve assumption that he wont be able to get drugs in prison?
While personally were it my house I would kick him out. That being said, its not my house, is it even your house? Whoever owns the house makes the decision, thats just my opinion. |
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Posted: 2/2/2006 12:06:04 PM EDT
[#41]
To restate what a few have posted here - calling the authorities will never "help" anyone. It will, however, quite possibly ruin their lives forever. The only reason you should ever call "the man" on anyone is if you sincerely want to see them lose everything they have, be thrown in prison, and get ass-raped for the next 10 to 25 years. For instance, I had a problem with a drug house on my street. The neighborhood was overrun with tweakers and lowlifes all day and all night. I worked with the local PD and eventually they raided the house, rounded up the tweakers, and even got the city to seize the house from the owner (who was one of the tweakers) and then sell it. I'm glad I did it, and am still happy to know that these tweakers will be getting ass-raped for the next few decades in state prison. Think long and hard whether you want to do this to your brother-in-law. Also consider if having your inlaws never speak to you is worth it. When I've run into situations like this in the past, I generally try to help that person anyway I can with temporary financial support, help getting into rehab, etc. But when that fails the only thing you can do is try to protect yourself and cut your losses. A few years ago I had a good friend who had some "problems" so I took him in and let him live here for free while he got his life back on track. But after three months it became painfully clear that he had no intention of cleaning up and my house was just a free ride so he had more money to spend on dope. So one day I loaded his crap into his P.O.S. truck and marched him out of my house telling him he had 10 minutes to get lost before I started shooting or calling the cops. He left and I never saw him again. I really hated doing that to him, but sometimes you have to quit while you're behind. This guy was determined to continue his chemically altered lifestyle, and I got tired of making it easy for him to do that. Good riddance. If this BIL is living in your house, kick his ass to the curb right now. But if he's living off your FIL then it's not your concern and stay out of it because absolutely nothing good will come from you getting involved. |
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Posted: 2/3/2006 4:35:07 AM EDT
[#42]
I can appreciate all of the opinions and advice.
To answer the question that has been asked a few times, yes I hate my OBIL. So does my wife, my other BIL and most of my wife's extended family. My MIL and my FIL do not have it in them to call a spade a spade. I have no remorse for this individual primarily because he is a manipulator, liar, thief, and a freeloader. My FIL lost his business and had to file for bankruptcy 6 years ago because he constantly had to come home to deal with the problems my OBIL was causing. My thought right now is that the farther away we can get the OBIL the better. That said, my wife and I made the decision and communicated to her parents last night that, given it is not our house, we have done everything we can think of to do and that it is their issue now. My BIL who owns the house told us that he is going to "take care of the situation", whatever that means (we didn't ask nor do we want to know), but I do know that he has spoken to the local authorities. Someone earlier stated that I was taking the stand of "Guilty until proven innocent". For many years I (as well as the rest of my in laws) thought the opposite; we've just been proven wrong too many times to continue to give the OBIL the benefit of the doubt. I will go out of my way to help anyone who asks for it, but I cannot help someone if they aren't willing to help themselves. M590man |
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Posted: 2/3/2006 4:49:32 AM EDT
[#43]
IIRC, for any property confiscation to stick legally, it has to be shown that the asset was purchased in whole or part with the proceeds of the drug activity.
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Posted: 2/3/2006 4:52:32 AM EDT
[#44]
Kick his ass/kick him out etc.
Don't snitch him out though. |
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Posted: 2/3/2006 4:57:50 AM EDT
[#45]
Give him the choice between treatment and being kicked out. If he picks the treatment kick him out at the first sign of drug use.
Don't rat him out to the cops. Jail time will make him worse. |
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Posted: 2/3/2006 5:01:40 AM EDT
[#46]
I thought you have to PROVE THEY WERE NOT purchased with drug money to keep them. That would be damned-near impossible. |
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Posted: 2/3/2006 5:01:45 AM EDT
[#47]
OK, ten pounds of baloney, to go. |
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Posted: 2/3/2006 5:02:42 AM EDT
[#48]
You want some solid advice from over 33 years of marriage?
An Inlaw is not family and neither are you. I'd voice my opinion on this but I'll be damned, for I would be, if I would take action on this. Whatever bad comes from your action will rest entirely on your shoulders and the brother inlaws part completely forgotten. You become the badguy and he becomes the victim of your actions. Put bluntly, you are between a rock and hard place. Tj |
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Posted: 2/3/2006 5:17:54 AM EDT
[#49]
This is quite probably true, though the good news is that everyone except the MIL get what's happening. She may just have to be out-voted. The problem at this point is the in-laws, not the OBIL here. Work with them to get to the solution. An intervention is necessary, but the whole family has to agree on the definition of the problem. IMO, that definition is simply this: "OBIL is using while living in the house, and can't STOP using". The solution comes from that definition. Since he has REPEATEDLY shown he can't stop using, he has to leave. If he really wanted help, there are residential treatment programs that will take him for 6-12 months and help him get/stay sober. He know all that. Get him out, with their agreement, and he'll have to take care of himself. It ain't going to be easy. OBIL is a pro. |
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Posted: 2/3/2006 6:33:08 AM EDT
[#50]
Tell him to check himself into in rehab program, or get out and dont come back, EVER.
You dont need that in your house, nothing but trouble for you. |
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