Lawyers should never ask a witness
a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer. In a trial in a small
Southern town, the prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a
grandmotherly woman, to the
He approached her and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know
you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and
frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you
cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned! Not
knowing what else to do, he
pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know the
She again replied, "Why
yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster too. He's
lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal
relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the
worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with
three different women. One of them
was your wife. Yes, I know him."
Thedefense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench, and
in a very quiet voice, said, "If either
of you bastards asks her if she
knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses
in jail for contempt."
Another oldie but goodie.