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Posted: 8/19/2005 12:07:20 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/19/2005 12:07:40 AM EDT by swingset]
1. Ugly people are not fast cashiers. Dunno why, but the more deformed you are, the slower your skilz with the complex art of waving my deodorant across the scanner and putting it in a bag. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but I'm starting to believe the Darwinian pull towards the better looking checkout people is rooted in not wanting to spend 30 minutes watching Cloris Leachman with 2 chins manhandle my purchases.

2. $.25 pop is $.25 for reason. Sam's Choice Diet Cola should be sold in prisons or to the French. It's just too damned bad for normal people to consume.

3. Walmart beauty shop workers, an oxymoron if ever there was one, have hair that looks like it's been through radiation/wind tunnel experimentation. I would give some serious thought before letting Darlene with 5" of feathery ashen spikes sticking out of her noggin touch my mane.

4. Those little $1 pies FUCKING RAWK. And, if you eat 3 of them, you'll get really sick.

5. I hate children that ride scooters/bikes through the isles. I hate it even more when they're red-haired, freckled little bastards. For a few minutes, I had fantasies of closing the main doors and pumping sarin through the duct work. People, if you have ugly red-haired kids, keep them in the basement where they belong. Buy them some Rush albums, a bag of pot, and don't let them come out till they're 22.......they're not getting laid before then anyway.

6. Clearance items are great. I bought 4 Lexmark ink cartridges for a printer I don't even own. Shit, they were $2, like you wouldn't have bought them!

7. I looked for Made in the USA stickers all over the store, and found quite a few. Turns out most condoms and women's bras are made in the good old U S of A. I didn't check much else.

8. If you kick really hard, jump up on the shopping cart and ride it full force into one of the cart corral poles and make a huge "whack" sound, everyone in the lot will look at you like you're retarded. Including your wife and child.

9. If you're taking a pee, at the urinal, and a 25 year old mom comes in chasing her 3 year old who has chosen the men's room, instead of the ladies, you wil thrust forward very fast forming a perfect seal against the urinal....and your stream of urine will promptly cease.

10. The heart of Walmart, is indeed, back by the TV's.

Thank you, that's all.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:10:08 AM EDT
true so very true
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:13:04 AM EDT
True dat homey of the night
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:19:01 AM EDT


I don't shop there, but very funny post
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 1:00:14 AM EDT
It's also true at Tennessee Wamarts, Jeep tops are 1/2 off
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 1:09:02 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 19suburban96:
It's also true at Tennessee Wamarts, Jeep tops are 1/2 off



only if you put a basket into a tire
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 3:06:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

2. $.25 pop is $.25 for reason. Sam's Choice Diet Cola should be sold in prisons or to the French. It's just too damned bad for normal people to consume.





Thats why you shoot it, not drink it.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 3:27:09 AM EDT

Originally Posted By notso:

Originally Posted By swingset:

2. $.25 pop is $.25 for reason. Sam's Choice Diet Cola should be sold in prisons or to the French. It's just too damned bad for normal people to consume.





Thats why you shoot it, not drink it.



A most proper arfcom response. Poor man's tannerite.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 3:34:17 AM EDT
5. I hate children that ride scooters/bikes through the isles. I hate it even more when they're red-haired, freckled little bastards. For a few minutes, I had fantasies of closing the main doors and pumping sarin through the duct work. People, if you have ugly red-haired kids, keep them in the basement where they belong. Buy them some Rush albums, a bag of pot, and don't let them come out till they're 22.......they're not getting laid before then anyway.


Link Posted: 8/19/2005 3:34:43 AM EDT
They are trying to build a super wal mart about 1/2 mile away from my house.

We are pissed.

The wal mart that is near us already is nasty, dirty and disgusting.

No one from our city goes there, it is mainly people from Detroit that come here to shop.

Cops have been called to the wal mart more than any other business in our city.

Murder, rape and car- jackings have taken place there.

wal mart does not keep a clean store in our neck of the country.

wal mart has always over promissed and underdelivered, and even with 4-5 city council meeting with over 500 residents speaking out against it at each one, they just do not care.

The super wal mart is coming, and I am going.

House is going on the market in the early spring.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 3:39:52 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast:
They are trying to build a super wal mart about 1/2 mile away from my house.

We are pissed.

The wal mart that is near us already is nasty, dirty and disgusting.

No one from our city goes there, it is mainly people from Detroit that come here to shop.

Cops have been called to the wal mart more than any other business in our city.

Murder, rape and car- jackings have taken place there.

wal mart does not keep a clean store in our neck of the country.

wal mart has always over promissed and underdelivered, and even with 4-5 city council meeting with over 500 residents speaking out against it at each one, they just do not care.

The super wal mart is coming, and I am going.

House is going on the market in the early spring.



this all happens near Dertroilet? would have never guessed...
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 3:41:19 AM EDT
oh my.............. hilarious!!!!
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 3:45:39 AM EDT
time was at walmart it was clean on the inside and out. now it's like the lot next to the dump, all the loose trash has blown into the parking lot and some of it worked it's way inside..

Sam is probably turning in his grave!
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 4:31:56 AM EDT
Wal-Mart kicks butt! It's rated "Red" as a company by leading Liberal organizations while Costco is very very "Blue". Wal-Mart parking lots are designed to slope away from the building to move floodwaters away, which makes it easy to ride the shopping carts to your car.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 4:33:21 AM EDT
by the way, "USA" is a city they renamed in China...
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 4:33:51 AM EDT
Wow. I hate the Wal-Mart where I live, but mainly because it's always so crowded, and the parking lot is so badly designed it's like a black hole you can't escape from once you're in.

But at least the place is neat and clean. Sheesh.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 4:33:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast: No one from our city goes there, it is mainly people from Detroit that come here to shop.
That's the problem right there! Your shoppers are from Detroit, err.... "New Fallujah".
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 4:37:25 AM EDT
Two weekends ago in Toledo, Ohio I learned that if you are taking a dump at wal-mart, the cleaning lady will come in and clean around the stall your in and then wait outside the door until you are done to do yours.....

Dan
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 4:39:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By KlubMarcus:

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast: No one from our city goes there, it is mainly people from Detroit that come here to shop.
That's the problem right there! Your shoppers are from Detroit, err.... "New Fallujah".



No that is about 5 miles to the south...

These are the 'hood shoppers.

Link Posted: 8/19/2005 4:50:43 AM EDT

9. If you're taking a pee, at the urinal, and a 25 year old mom comes in chasing her 3 year old who has chosen the men's room, instead of the ladies, you wil thrust forward very fast forming a perfect seal against the urinal....and your stream of urine will promptly cease.


Or, depending on the talent, you politely inquire as to her willingness to clean your PP next.

If you've ever solicited sex from a stranger in a Wal Mart washroom with yer pecker in yer hand....you might be a "insert punchline of choice here."

Link Posted: 8/19/2005 5:35:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast: No that is about 5 miles to the south... These are the 'hood shoppers.
Ah, I see. The WIC shoppers. Do they have state/fed government issued welfare cards up there, too?
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 5:38:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By KlubMarcus:

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast: No that is about 5 miles to the south... These are the 'hood shoppers.
Ah, I see. The WIC shoppers. Do they have state/fed government issued welfare cards up there, too?



Nice attempt.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 5:39:19 AM EDT
I'm finding it amusing envisioning you in the ladies bra department checking out the "made in USA" stickers. People must have thought you were a PSYCHO!!!!
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 5:39:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast:
No one from our city goes there, it is mainly people from Detroit that come here to shop.

Cops have been called to the wal mart more than any other business in our city.

Murder, rape and car- jackings have taken place there.



Poor folks gotta shoplift somewhere. But even if no Walmart is built other retail gives the same problem--we have a Target and Chucky Cheese near us which draw scum from the ghetto.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 5:40:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:
I'm finding it amusing envisioning you in the ladies bra department checking out the "made in USA" stickers. People must have thought you were a PSYCHO!!!!





Unless he needs them!
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 5:48:07 AM EDT
if it wasn't for walmart i would have ANY pistol ammo.. My walmart within the last couple weeks just now started carrying 357sig ammo.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 5:51:38 AM EDT

if it wasn't for walmart i would have ANY pistol ammo..


Then do not shop there, find a place that carries pistol ammo....

Link Posted: 8/19/2005 5:55:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast:

if it wasn't for walmart i would have ANY pistol ammo..


Then do not shop there, find a place that carries pistol ammo....




I will buy pistol ammo from a gun store when walmart's are out of business. Im not paying 3 dollars more for the same ammo. I buy all my rifles pistols etc from gun stores.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 6:02:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cruze5:

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast:

if it wasn't for walmart i would have ANY pistol ammo..


Then do not shop there, find a place that carries pistol ammo....




I will buy pistol ammo from a gun store when walmart's are out of business. Im not paying 3 dollars more for the same ammo. I buy all my rifles pistols etc from gun stores.



I was poking fun at the typo.

Link Posted: 8/19/2005 6:06:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast:

Originally Posted By cruze5:

Originally Posted By ZitiForBreakfast:

if it wasn't for walmart i would have ANY pistol ammo..


Then do not shop there, find a place that carries pistol ammo....




I will buy pistol ammo from a gun store when walmart's are out of business. Im not paying 3 dollars more for the same ammo. I buy all my rifles pistols etc from gun stores.



I was poking fun at the typo.




I got today off so i work on Saturday, I just woke up so thats my excuse and im sticking to it.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 6:07:48 AM EDT
Works for me...
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 6:10:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

9. If you're taking a pee, at the urinal, and a 25 year old mom comes in chasing her 3 year old who has chosen the men's room, instead of the ladies, you wil thrust forward very fast forming a perfect seal against the urinal....and your stream of urine will promptly cease.


Thank you, that's all.


are you crazy??? thats when you turn to her wiggly your johnson at her and say hi
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 7:42:15 AM EDT
they tried to charge be $10.00 for two cans of almonds, when they are supposed to be $1.97 each, I left all my stuff and just walked out.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 11:59:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DienBienPhu54:
they tried to charge be $10.00 for two cans of almonds, when they are supposed to be $1.97 each, I left all my stuff and just walked out.



That's an inneffective protest. Go to the customer service, insist on speaking to the manager. Tell him what's going on, and that you spend THOUSANDS of dollars at Walmart and will not be ripped off. Chances are really good he'll give you a $50 gift certificate on the spot.

If this doesn't work, start clawing at yourself frantically and scream "FUCKING SPIDERS" at the top of your lungs.

Either way, someone will notice you're not happy.

You're welcome.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:06:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
4. Those little $1 pies FUCKING RAWK. And, if you eat 3 of them, you'll get really sick.


Wait'll they come out the back end.

6. Clearance items are great. I bought 4 Lexmark ink cartridges for a printer I don't even own. Shit, they were $2, like you wouldn't have bought them!

Yet again reinforcing the idea that a woman will pay$2 for $1 item she needs, and a man will pay $1 for a $2 item he does not need.

8. If you kick really hard, jump up on the shopping cart and ride it full force into one of the cart corral poles and make a huge "whack" sound, everyone in the lot will look at you like you're retarded. Including your wife and child.

Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:10:15 PM EDT
I've always wanted to go into walmart at like 2 am and buy ammo, condoms, beer, a ski mask, gloves, some lubricant and maybe a candy bar just to see the reaction on the clerk's face.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:18:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
1. Ugly people are not fast cashiers. Dunno why, but the more deformed you are, the slower your skilz with the complex art of waving my deodorant across the scanner and putting it in a bag. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but I'm starting to believe the Darwinian pull towards the better looking checkout people is rooted in not wanting to spend 30 minutes watching Cloris Leachman with 2 chins manhandle my purchases.

2. $.25 pop is $.25 for reason. Sam's Choice Diet Cola should be sold in prisons or to the French. It's just too damned bad for normal people to consume.

3. Walmart beauty shop workers, an oxymoron if ever there was one, have hair that looks like it's been through radiation/wind tunnel experimentation. I would give some serious thought before letting Darlene with 5" of feathery ashen spikes sticking out of her noggin touch my mane.

4. Those little $1 pies FUCKING RAWK. And, if you eat 3 of them, you'll get really sick.

5. I hate children that ride scooters/bikes through the isles. I hate it even more when they're red-haired, freckled little bastards. For a few minutes, I had fantasies of closing the main doors and pumping sarin through the duct work. People, if you have ugly red-haired kids, keep them in the basement where they belong. Buy them some Rush albums, a bag of pot, and don't let them come out till they're 22.......they're not getting laid before then anyway.

6. Clearance items are great. I bought 4 Lexmark ink cartridges for a printer I don't even own. Shit, they were $2, like you wouldn't have bought them!

7. I looked for Made in the USA stickers all over the store, and found quite a few. Turns out most condoms and women's bras are made in the good old U S of A. I didn't check much else.

8. If you kick really hard, jump up on the shopping cart and ride it full force into one of the cart corral poles and make a huge "whack" sound, everyone in the lot will look at you like you're retarded. Including your wife and child.

9. If you're taking a pee, at the urinal, and a 25 year old mom comes in chasing her 3 year old who has chosen the men's room, instead of the ladies, you wil thrust forward very fast forming a perfect seal against the urinal....and your stream of urine will promptly cease.

10. The heart of Walmart, is indeed, back by the TV's.

Thank you, that's all.


ROFL
addendum to #1 Only use the self checkouts if you graduated the 3rd grade, in-breds should stick to the main checkouts to let the rest of us check out faster.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:22:42 PM EDT

Originally Posted By notso:

Originally Posted By swingset:

2. $.25 pop is $.25 for reason. Sam's Choice Diet Cola should be sold in prisons or to the French. It's just too damned bad for normal people to consume.





Thats why you shoot it, not drink it.



I agree on that.. Cheap pop cans make a good reactive target!
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:24:43 PM EDT
Very, very clever!



HH
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:28:11 PM EDT
Walmart - Theatre of the bizzare
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 12:31:25 PM EDT
This is the best thread today.

That is all.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 1:12:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DAC_2141:

Originally Posted By notso:

Originally Posted By swingset:

2. $.25 pop is $.25 for reason. Sam's Choice Diet Cola should be sold in prisons or to the French. It's just too damned bad for normal people to consume.





Thats why you shoot it, not drink it.



I agree on that.. Cheap pop cans make a good reactive target!



I learned something else here at arfcom!!

Cool.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 1:34:05 PM EDT

Why do wal-mart shoppers seem to lose all peripheral vision when they have a shopping cart blocking a isle?


Link Posted: 8/19/2005 1:36:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By LonePathfinder:
I've always wanted to go into walmart at like 2 am and buy ammo, condoms, beer, a ski mask, gloves, some lubricant and maybe a candy bar just to see the reaction on the clerk's face.



dont forget rope or chain.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 1:41:36 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
9. If you're taking a pee, at the urinal, and a 25 year old mom comes in chasing her 3 year old who has chosen the men's room, instead of the ladies, you wil thrust forward very fast forming a perfect seal against the urinal....and your stream of urine will promptly cease.



You mean you didn't flash her?
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 1:41:42 PM EDT
The one I go to has funky textured tile at the entrance so you wont know if you got a gimp cart until its too late. They all act gimpy until you are inside.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 1:56:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

7. I looked for Made in the USA stickers all over the store, and found quite a few. Turns out most condoms and women's bras are made in the good old U S of A. I didn't check much else.



I was at a bar in Pusan drinking with some Russians just shortly after the ROK started letting them visit. We were trading stuff back and forth. I forget what I traded them, but got a 1000 ruble note with Lenin's head on it and a Russian condom out of the deal.

The guy looked me very seriously in the eye and said, "Russian condom. Do not use. Use American only."

Thanks for the best post all day, Swingset!
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 2:34:18 PM EDT
Somebody else who can't pass up a great buy. I've got 10 or 12 boxes of .40 ammo, don't have a .40 caliber pistol and no intention of ever owning one! Must have been a great buy though. Jerk!
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 8:10:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Gunner1X:
Walmart - Theatre of the bizzare



I've noticed this also, what a strange bunch of "people"? that shop there.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 8:19:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/19/2005 8:28:11 PM EDT by WildBoar]
I worked witha guy who was , well lets say "odd". He does wierd things just to get people to make that what the? look on thier faces.

He grabs a rope, shovel, duct tape, disposable camera and gallon of bleach and goes to checkout. He really had a need for these things and some others but figured to grab just these to see the reaction. They wanted to copy his DL. He let them.
Link Posted: 8/19/2005 8:26:51 PM EDT
Here are a few things you might not have learnwd at wal mart tonight,

1You can buy a 2 dollar item for your kid, a clearance item from infants if your a non citizen from say mejico. You can then whip out your ebt card and use it and request $100.00 dollars back in cash. You can do this 3 time for a total of $300.00

2 Your non citezen girl frend does the same thing wiht her ebt card. You now have $600.00 for your spending pleasure. God loves America and her wewl fare entitlesments.

Fuckers.

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