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Posted: 10/26/2013 7:43:55 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/26/2013 7:44:43 PM EST by Stripeknight]
Guys I really need your advice... I have been with my girlfriend for the last 3 years and I have come to realize that although I love her like a best friend, I am not in love with her. We also are only intimate once every couple of months (maybe due to my low testosterone and her lack of initiating), don't really have the same aspirations and she can at times be very grumpy and controlling. Despite all these things she still wants to get married and have kids and I do not.

Breaking up with her will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I'm not sure how to do it but I know in my heart it will be the best thing for both of us.

Any honest advice would be very appreciated. Also I am 37 and she is 32.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:45:55 PM EST
Don't beat around the bush. It's not that hard. Just be a man and tell her it's over.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:46:27 PM EST
You don't need advice, you want affirmation. You know what you need to do. Go end this like a man. Then buy a gun with the extra money.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:46:50 PM EST
Tell her what you just told us. Tell her you are not up for "trying" marriage only to have it end badly in divorce. Tell her you don't want children that will grow up with their parents separated.

Just be straight up, get it over with and move on. Better to do it now than 5 years down the road with two children involved.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:47:15 PM EST
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:47:30 PM EST
If it's the best thing for both of you,the. It shouldn't be hard.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:47:32 PM EST
If you are in love with her as a friend, how do you know that isn't the love you are aspiring for?

Have you ever felt that love before?

How can you possibly know?

I don't have the answers either......I think I'm asexual, perhaps low testosterone...not really sure.

Just curious to hear what you think.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:48:19 PM EST
Be honest and direct, you'll thank yourself later.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:49:06 PM EST
You already know what needs to be done. Just tell her. Get it over and done with.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:49:10 PM EST
Pics?
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:50:10 PM EST
She ain't the one for you. Moving on is best for both of you.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:50:44 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Dipper:
Tell her what you just told us. Tell her you are not up for "trying" marriage only to have it end badly in divorce. Tell her you don't want children that will grow up with their parents separated.

Just be straight up, get it over with and move on. Better to do it now than 5 years down the road with two children involved.
View Quote


I had a two hour call with my mother tonight and she said basically the same thing..

It's not about being a man or not. It is just so terribly saddening from the bottom of my hear to hurt her even though I know it's the right thing to do
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:50:49 PM EST
"Better to be lonely than miserable"
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:51:14 PM EST
buddy.

Just get it over with.

Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:51:43 PM EST
You fucking asshole.
I came in this thread expecting pics.
Now pay up.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:51:55 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Gopherboy128:
"Better to be lonely than miserable"
View Quote


I am not a lonely person per say and I also don't have a problem finding women, the difference is that I've never been in a 3 year relationship.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:51:58 PM EST
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Originally Posted By SomeTNGuy:
You don't need advice, you want affirmation. You know what you need to do. Go end this like a man. Then buy a gun with the extra money.
View Quote



This. Heed the advice of the 13er
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:53:19 PM EST
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Originally Posted By VT4meGunCtrlisAntiUS:



This. Heed the advice of the 13er
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Originally Posted By VT4meGunCtrlisAntiUS:
Originally Posted By SomeTNGuy:
You don't need advice, you want affirmation. You know what you need to do. Go end this like a man. Then buy a gun with the extra money.



This. Heed the advice of the 13er


That's actually kind of funny , and stop it I'm trying to be sad
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:53:48 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Stripeknight:


I am not a lonely person per say and I also don't have a problem finding women, the difference is that I've never been in a 3 year relationship.
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Originally Posted By Stripeknight:
Originally Posted By Gopherboy128:
"Better to be lonely than miserable"


I am not a lonely person per say and I also don't have a problem finding women, the difference is that I've never been in a 3 year relationship.


If you stick with her heading in the direction you don't want you will be miserable. If you leave her, worst-case you're lonely.

Lonely is better than miserable.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:54:08 PM EST
Deal with your Low-T first. When you feel more 'like yourself' others around you may realize what they were missing, intimately and otherwise.
If you're indifferent, she probably will be as well.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:54:26 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Gopherboy128:
"Better to be lonely than miserable"
View Quote


Being lonely is miserable. I have lots of experience at it.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:56:59 PM EST
Almost the same situation happened to me three weeks ago, glad I ended it. She texted me today in a romantic way, kinda pissed me off. I'll address it tomorrow. Good luck!
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:58:38 PM EST
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Originally Posted By KennyW1983:


Being lonely is miserable. I have lots of experience at it.
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Originally Posted By KennyW1983:
Originally Posted By Gopherboy128:
"Better to be lonely than miserable"


Being lonely is miserable. I have lots of experience at it.

Another with low T
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:58:43 PM EST
Originally Posted By Stripeknight:
Guys I really need your advice... I have been with my girlfriend for the last 3 years and I have come to realize that although I love her like a best friend, I am not in love with her. We also are only intimate once every couple of months (maybe due to my low testosterone and her lack of initiating), don't really have the same aspirations and she can at times be very grumpy and controlling. Despite all these things she still wants to get married and have kids and I do not.

Breaking up with her will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I'm not sure how to do it but I know in my heart it will be the best thing for both of us.

Any honest advice would be very appreciated. Also I am 37 and she is 32.
View Quote


First, you are wise in seeing that this relationship won't survive marriage and knowing why.

Second, once you have that realization the only fair thing to do for you and her is to end it. You're doing both of you a favor by this.

Think of it this way-it's now (while it's relatively simple) or later (when you're both older and both will need lawyers to undo the marriage).

It's not your fault that you realized that it wouldn't work before she did.

And it isn't a betrayal of a relationship if you didn't know how it would turn out when you started dating.

It's why dating is important. In this case it simply turned out to not be a relationship that should progress to marriage.


Link Posted: 10/26/2013 7:59:35 PM EST
This is really the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Must be nice.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:00:32 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/26/2013 8:01:39 PM EST by Stripeknight]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By LePew:


First, you are wise in seeing that this relationship won't survive marriage and knowing why.

Second, once you have that realization the only fair thing to do for you and her is to end it. You're doing both of you a favor by this.

Think of it this way-it's now (while it's relatively simple) or later (when you're both older and both will need lawyers to undo the marriage).

It's not your fault that you realized that it wouldn't work before she did.

And it isn't a betrayal of a relationship if you didn't know how it would turn out when you started dating.

It's why dating is important. In this case it simply turned out to not be a relationship that should progress to marriage.


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Originally Posted By LePew:
Originally Posted By Stripeknight:
Guys I really need your advice... I have been with my girlfriend for the last 3 years and I have come to realize that although I love her like a best friend, I am not in love with her. We also are only intimate once every couple of months (maybe due to my low testosterone and her lack of initiating), don't really have the same aspirations and she can at times be very grumpy and controlling. Despite all these things she still wants to get married and have kids and I do not.

Breaking up with her will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I'm not sure how to do it but I know in my heart it will be the best thing for both of us.

Any honest advice would be very appreciated. Also I am 37 and she is 32.


First, you are wise in seeing that this relationship won't survive marriage and knowing why.

Second, once you have that realization the only fair thing to do for you and her is to end it. You're doing both of you a favor by this.

Think of it this way-it's now (while it's relatively simple) or later (when you're both older and both will need lawyers to undo the marriage).

It's not your fault that you realized that it wouldn't work before she did.

And it isn't a betrayal of a relationship if you didn't know how it would turn out when you started dating.

It's why dating is important. In this case it simply turned out to not be a relationship that should progress to marriage.




Thank you so much for the great advice. Eyes are starting to water a little and this sucks and that NEVER happens.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:00:54 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By GAZ32:
This is really the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Must be nice.
View Quote


Yes it is.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:01:23 PM EST
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Originally Posted By DuraToTheMax:
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number.
View Quote

Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:02:12 PM EST
Walk away. Do the right thing.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:02:18 PM EST
[Last Edit: 11/10/2013 4:03:47 PM EST by SoCalJBT]
...
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:03:04 PM EST
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Originally Posted By GAZ32:
This is really the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Must be nice.
View Quote


OK, what's the hardest thing you've ever had to do?
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:03:42 PM EST
Originally Posted By Stripeknight:
Guys I really need your advice... I have been with my girlfriend for the last 3 years and I have come to realize that although I love her like a best friend, I am not in love with her. We also are only intimate once every couple of months (maybe due to my low testosterone and her lack of initiating), don't really have the same aspirations and she can at times be very grumpy and controlling. Despite all these things she still wants to get married and have kids and I do not.

Breaking up with her will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do
and I'm not sure how to do it but I know in my heart it will be the best thing for both of us.

Any honest advice would be very appreciated. Also I am 37 and she is 32.
View Quote

Really? Really?
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:04:05 PM EST
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Originally Posted By stutzcattle:


OK, what's the hardest thing you've ever had to do?
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Originally Posted By stutzcattle:
Originally Posted By GAZ32:
This is really the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Must be nice.


OK, what's the hardest thing you've ever had to do?


Tell a relative I couldn't smother them, to end their suffering from ALS, after 8 years with the disease.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:04:10 PM EST

There are 3 ways to deal with this.....

1. Stay, waste your time in a relationship you are not happy with , end up married with kids, get a divorce, lose half your shit, pay her 35% of your income, and only see your kids a few days a month.

2. Be honest, tell her exactly what you posted above and just let it play out. Life is full of not so great things and sometimes you just have to do what you have to do and move on with life. She will resent you 10x more for staying in this relationship just out of pity / not wanting to hurt her feelings.

3. Sleep with her sister, mom, or best friend and accidentally leave the video open on your computer. This will immediately work itself out, and I can assure you that you will not have to worry about her being crushed by thought of you leaving, In fact, she will most likely go out of her way to expedite the entire process of ending it.

I would personally go with number 2....but to each their own. There are other options I guess.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:05:23 PM EST
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Originally Posted By CozumelSteve:

Another with low T
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Originally Posted By CozumelSteve:
Originally Posted By KennyW1983:
Originally Posted By Gopherboy128:
"Better to be lonely than miserable"


Being lonely is miserable. I have lots of experience at it.

Another with low T


Maybe, maybe not. More like I have zero game and im to nice.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:05:23 PM EST
End it now. Don't drag the shit out man, she's 32, if she wants kids and you don't and you're not in love with her stop being selfish and just man up and let her go. I have seen a guy beat around the bush with his wife at the time and they eventually got a divorce due to him being shady/possible affair and by the time they divorced it was too late. Her window to be a mother had come and gone and they had been dating for 12 years and married for about 7. Just don't rob her of the opportunity to be a mother because you are scared to make the tough decisions, if you love her like a best friend do what's right by her.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:05:44 PM EST
Post pics.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:08:53 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/26/2013 8:10:19 PM EST by AR15fan]
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Originally Posted By twistedLV:
Deal with your Low-T first.
View Quote


Two hour phone calls with mom might give anyone Low-T. GF is 32 and wants kids? Not doing her any favors by stringing her along. The baby maker has a shelf life and hers is expiring soon. OP should eject so she can find a man before its to late for her.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:09:18 PM EST
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Originally Posted By DD977GM2:
Don't beat around the bush. It's not that hard. Just be a man and tell her it's over.
View Quote


What is it with the first posts on arfcom. This guy nailed it.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:10:02 PM EST
Just end it and move on with your life. You have already strung her out for three years.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:10:31 PM EST
Originally Posted By Stripeknight:
Guys I really need your advice... I have been with my girlfriend for the last 3 years and I have come to realize that although I love her like a best friend, I am not in love with her. We also are only intimate once every couple of months (maybe due to my low testosterone and her lack of initiating), don't really have the same aspirations and she can at times be very grumpy and controlling. Despite all these things she still wants to get married and have kids and I do not.

Breaking up with her will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I'm not sure how to do it but I know in my heart it will be the best thing for both of us.

Any honest advice would be very appreciated. Also I am 37 and she is 32.
View Quote


I have a shovel you can use if you need it
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:11:41 PM EST
Thank you for all the great advice, you guys are all saying the same thing and most likely have more experience in these sorts of things than I. I will separate from her Tuesday as I am out of town right now. The worst part about it is that she has no idea that this is coming.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:14:49 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By DD977GM2:
Don't beat around the bush. It's not that hard. Just be a man and tell her it's over.
View Quote

Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:14:53 PM EST
Is she big?

Show her this thread. The rest will take care of itself.

Grumpy + controlling + a ring + kids = a lifetime of misery
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:16:27 PM EST
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Originally Posted By olekennyroy:
Originally Posted By DuraToTheMax:
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number.

http://www.sundriesshack.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/I-See-What-You-Did-There-Fry1.jpg


Reference to another friend? Link?
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:18:06 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Stripeknight:
Thank you for all the great advice, you guys are all saying the same thing and most likely have more experience in these sorts of things than I. I will separate from her Tuesday as I am out of town right now. The worst part about it is that she has no idea that this is coming.
View Quote


She will probably hate you, call you all sorts of names, but she will appreciate it in the long run.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:20:03 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Stripeknight:
Thank you for all the great advice, you guys are all saying the same thing and most likely have more experience in these sorts of things than I. I will separate from her Tuesday as I am out of town right now. The worst part about it is that she has no idea that this is coming.
View Quote


Are you doing the "I love you so much babe!" stuff in texts/phone calls? If so, I'd definitely stop saying "I love you" when you don't mean it. Don't let it be a complete surprise for her. Also spring it out when she's not in the middle of some big project or something like that with work.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:22:06 PM EST
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Originally Posted By GAZ32:
This is really the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Must be nice.
View Quote


This. Man up. Things dont work out and thats part of life. suck it up and move on.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:26:49 PM EST
Post a link to this thread on her FB page. Problem solved.

Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:27:29 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Slacker330r:
Post a link to this thread on her FB page. Problem solved.

View Quote

Your avatar made me feel better.
Link Posted: 10/26/2013 8:33:56 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Stripeknight:

Your avatar made me feel better.
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Originally Posted By Stripeknight:
Originally Posted By Slacker330r:
Post a link to this thread on her FB page. Problem solved.


Your avatar made me feel better.
Glad to almost help.

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