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Posted: 8/23/2017 11:45:48 AM EDT
Long story short. She had an affair we tried reconciliation for 7 months.   It's over papers to be filed soonly.  

12 years together married 10
3 kids.  

What say yall
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:46:26 AM EDT
[#1]
Why did she have an affair?
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:48:23 AM EDT
[#2]
Quoted:
Long story short. She had an affair we tried reconciliation for 7 months.   It's over papers to be filed soonly.  

12 years together married 10
3 kids.  

What say yall
View Quote


I'm sorry this happened to you. when the initial pain of the separation and divorce are over you will be happier single than you ever could have been had you stayed married knowing she cheated.

Going forward this is a business transaction. Treat it as such. there is no room for emotion when you are dividing up assets.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:48:25 AM EDT
[#3]
Fuck if I know.  She got close with my sons Cub Scout leader.  One thing leads to another.......
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:50:31 AM EDT
[#4]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Why did she have an affair?
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Are you implying that its the OPs fault somehow that she cheated? Because that's how that question comes across. The only person that could possibly know why is the cheater and usually they don't fully understand why. Plus a cheater could never be trusted to honestly communicate why.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:52:40 AM EDT
[#5]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Are you implying that its the OPs fault somehow that she cheated? Because that's how that question comes across. The only person that could possibly know why is the cheater and usually they don't fully understand why. Plus a cheater could never be trusted to honestly communicate why.
View Quote View All Quotes
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Why did she have an affair?


Are you implying that its the OPs fault somehow that she cheated? Because that's how that question comes across. The only person that could possibly know why is the cheater and usually they don't fully understand why. Plus a cheater could never be trusted to honestly communicate why.
+1000
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:53:57 AM EDT
[#6]
Pix?
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:54:55 AM EDT
[#7]
That sucks, how old are your kids?
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:55:50 AM EDT
[#8]
8,5,3. All boys
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:56:32 AM EDT
[#9]
It is up to you OP, but an affair is no reconciliation.  Deal breaker- best of luck to you.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 11:56:34 AM EDT
[#10]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

+1000
View Quote
+10,000 more
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:01:41 PM EDT
[#11]
Went through same last year.  20+ yrs married, plus another 7 or so before that.  I wish with everything I had I'd have not stuck it out for the last 7 'for the kids' sake' as I knew she was stepping out (mentally then transitioning physically at some point) for about that long.  Kids would've been fine & actually probably better because what they saw was a fucked up way a husband & wife should be with each other (cold).  In the end my youngest chose me over the ex which proves to me sticking around was the wrong thing.

You will be better off. May not seem like it now but you will.  You will likely find someone who will be a FAR better life partner for you...  I did, & still cannot believe how great life can be when you truly have a good woman in it.  I knew my 1st marriage was shit but the magnitude of that was lost on me until the split & I moved on.  

One day at a time, love your kids, live in a good fashion & things will come your way.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:02:17 PM EDT
[#12]
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Quoted:
8,5,3. All boys
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Based on my own experience, i would suggest you try for at least 50% custody.

I have 50% custody. We change every sunday night, week on week off. Kids are doing great. I'm doing great. Ex is a dumpster fire. It gets better than you can imagine right now.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:02:22 PM EDT
[#13]
I feel sorry for your boys to have to go through this, you also but your boys the most. They didn't ask for any of this shit, not that you did either.


How big of a fight is it going to be, any idea.


Good luck, stay strong for your boys. They will need you. You need to take the scorch earth with her to protect yourself in keeping you able to provide for yourself and your boys.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:04:26 PM EDT
[#14]
Starting to get ugly.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:05:13 PM EDT
[#15]
Sucks, try to keep your head above water.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:07:23 PM EDT
[#16]
At least the scout leader was not gay.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:08:52 PM EDT
[#17]
Sorry to hear man, hope you can be civil with one another for the kids sake.  As stated it takes time but shit gets better and better (except financially) after about a year.  Good luck brother
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:09:54 PM EDT
[#18]
Get a paternity test.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:12:16 PM EDT
[#19]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Starting to get ugly.
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Keep your cool. Let her be crazy. Proceed with logic, not heart.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:14:49 PM EDT
[#20]
Quoted:
What say yall
View Quote
Condolences or congratulations, whichever you deem appropriate.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:15:38 PM EDT
[#21]
Sorry to hear that op. best of luck to you
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:15:55 PM EDT
[#22]
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Quoted:
8,5,3. All boys
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Sorry about your situation, maybe she wanted a daughter though.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:16:41 PM EDT
[#23]
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Quoted:
Get a paternity test.
View Quote
Why? Won't change anything. He is the father regardless
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:16:56 PM EDT
[#24]
Sorry to hear man. I predict as usual in these threads that you will get lots of bad advice. Find a good attorney and listen to him or her.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:17:22 PM EDT
[#25]
Suggested list of priorities:

1. Be the best father you can be.
2. Get your finances in order.
3. Examine and improve yourself personally.
.
.
.
99. Meet women.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:17:23 PM EDT
[#26]
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Quoted:
At least the scout leader was not gay.
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Thank God that fount of sin was avoided...
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:20:23 PM EDT
[#27]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Starting to get ugly.
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Lawyer up and record everything.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:21:41 PM EDT
[#28]
Quoted:
Long story short. She had an affair we tried reconciliation for 7 months.   It's over papers to be filed soonly.  

12 years together married 10
3 kids.  

What say yall
View Quote
Welcome to the club! ....and sorry. 
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:22:35 PM EDT
[#29]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Are you implying that its the OPs fault somehow that she cheated? Because that's how that question comes across.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Why did she have an affair?
Are you implying that its the OPs fault somehow that she cheated? Because that's how that question comes across.
I think you're reading something into the question that isn't there. It comes across to me only as a request for information. I see no implication of the OP being at fault.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:24:26 PM EDT
[#30]
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Quoted:
Fuck if I know.  She got close with my sons Cub Scout leader.  One thing leads to another.......
View Quote
When we think of Cub Scout leader, we imagine someone like this...


But, times have changed and he might look like Rico Suave, second from the right, in this picture...
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:25:19 PM EDT
[#31]
I'm sorry bro.

For the sake of the kids--and I know it will be hard--never utter a bad word about her to the kids.  As much as you'll want to,  it'll just mess them up.

They still need both parents in their lives.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:26:04 PM EDT
[#32]
You guys handle this kind of shit amazingly well.

If it was me I'd be telling my kids "Mommy left to join the circus with Timmy's Scoutmaster. No, I'm pretty sure she isn't coming back. Now help me rinse off this wood chipper so I can get it back to the rental place before they close. Pass me that gallon jug of bleach."
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:27:34 PM EDT
[#33]
#1 paternity test
#2 If #1 is good, get custody, you can't let your boys grow up with that POS controlling their life.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:27:59 PM EDT
[#34]
Sorry man, keep your chin up as best you can
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:29:38 PM EDT
[#35]
Is the Scoutmaster married? If he is then have a talk with his wife.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:30:45 PM EDT
[#36]
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Quoted:
8,5,3. All boys
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That's a lot of years worth of child support. Damn
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:31:51 PM EDT
[#37]
THIS is a MENS law firm in Memphis that look after MEN going through what you are right now. Contact them to see if they are associated with a fim local to you that offers the same and have a firm to recommend to you.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:32:08 PM EDT
[#38]
Going through the same shit minus the kids...if you want to talk pm me.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:33:31 PM EDT
[#39]
In for pics of GF.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:33:54 PM EDT
[#40]
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Quoted:

That's a lot of years worth of child support. Damn
View Quote
if he gets 50% or more custody support won't be that bad.

My child support and spousal support payments are less than she spent at Target every month, so I'm coming out ahead.

Something that is generally true; financially responsible people will do fine in spite of divorce. Its also true that no matter how much money you or the courts give an irresponsible ex spouse, they will usually end up broke.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:34:19 PM EDT
[#41]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Starting to get ugly.
View Quote
What's happening?
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:40:02 PM EDT
[#42]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
In for pics of GF.
View Quote
OP, don't let us down.  Get a GF and post some pics.  It'll make you feel better.  Also, bonus points for the wife being 2x older than the GF.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:45:09 PM EDT
[#43]
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Quoted:
Get a paternity test.
View Quote
Wouldn't matter. He signed the birth certificate and the children were born during the marriage. The court won't let him off the hook for support even if a DNA tests proves any of the children are not his.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:50:31 PM EDT
[#44]
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Quoted:


Wouldn't matter. He signed the birth certificate and the children were born during the marriage. The court won't let him off the hook for support even if a DNA tests proves any of the children are not his.
View Quote
Correct. In most states any child born during a marriage are the financial responsibility of the husband even if he is not the actual father.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:53:04 PM EDT
[#45]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
#1 paternity test
#2 If #1 is good, get custody, you can't let your boys grow up with that POS controlling their life.  
View Quote
lol

Save your money. Unless she's a drug addict with a lengthy criminal history the only thing you're going to do is burn through a pile of cash and still not get custody. Of course your lawyer will tell you he thinks he can get you custody as long as the checks don't bounce.

Been there and done that. I have custody of one of my two now but only because her mother could no longer handle her and agreed to give her up. She's a straight A student and never been in trouble with the law a single day. She just always hated her mother and her boyfriend/s and when she got old/big enough kicked her moms ass during an argument.

The next day she was moved in at my place and things have been good since. Now I just need to bulk up the younger one.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:54:50 PM EDT
[#46]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Correct. In most states any child born during a marriage are the financial responsibility of the husband even if he is not the actual father.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:


Wouldn't matter. He signed the birth certificate and the children were born during the marriage. The court won't let him off the hook for support even if a DNA tests proves any of the children are not his.
Correct. In most states any child born during a marriage are the financial responsibility of the husband even if he is not the actual father.
If op wants off he may be able to get off. He may just want to be a dad to them regardless. I got off. Child was born out of marriage and I signed. The marriage part wasn't even brought up. It was one of the first times in PA that they approved revocation of paternity I was told.

ETA regardless best of luck op.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:55:00 PM EDT
[#47]
That sucks op.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:55:19 PM EDT
[#48]
I'm sorry you are going to lose half your stuff, have you kids turned against you, and get kicked out of your house because your wife is a cheater.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:56:10 PM EDT
[#49]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


if he gets 50% or more custody support won't be that bad.

My child support and spousal support payments are less than she spent at Target every month, so I'm coming out ahead.

Something that is generally true; financially responsible people will do fine in spite of divorce. Its also true that no matter how much money you or the courts give an irresponsible ex spouse, they will usually end up broke.
View Quote
When I had joint custody of both of mine it did not impact the support I paid. I still paid out the same 28% of net as I would have if I had no custody rights. Now that I have custody of one of them it's been lowered to 25%.

I'm just thankful I didn't get stuck with spousal support.
Link Posted: 8/23/2017 12:57:07 PM EDT
[#50]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
You guys handle this kind of shit amazingly well.

If it was me I'd be telling my kids "Mommy left to join the circus with Timmy's Scoutmaster. No, I'm pretty sure she isn't coming back. Now help me rinse off this wood chipper so I can get it back to the rental place before they close. Pass me that gallon jug of bleach."
View Quote
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