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4/18/2021 9:59:29 PM
Posted: 10/28/2004 11:25:35 PM EDT
www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4043&n=10

Some Highlights:

"If at all possible, vote before work. That way, you can make smug comments to non-voters all day long. "

"Remember to vote, or P. Diddy will kill you. "

"When voting, you don't need to dress up in a scary costume or hand out candy. That happens two days earlier. "

"Keep in mind that the name of every person who votes against George Bush is going to be read aloud on television the next time we're attacked by terrorists. "


Link Posted: 10/28/2004 11:31:11 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/28/2004 11:34:09 PM EDT
This will help you decide who to vote for:

www.theonion.com/election2004/
Link Posted: 10/28/2004 11:50:56 PM EDT



Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:26:22 PM EDT
I understand that most polling places are gearing up for what many believe to be the highest voter turnout in years.

Therefore, they've asked that all Republicans vote on Tuesday and that all Demoncrats vote on Wednesday.

Sounds good to me!
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:35:57 PM EDT
"The new electronic voting machines are
complicated. But don't worry: Octogenarians
will be on hand to troubleshoot any
technological problems that might arise."

"You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful
to submit write-in candidates like 'Don Knotts,'
'Mickey Mouse,' or 'Michael Badnarik.' "

Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:36:58 PM EDT
For all you libertarians out there.

You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful to submit write-in candidates like "Don Knotts," "Mickey Mouse," or "Michael Badnarik."
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:40:29 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:40:45 PM EDT
I love the Onion, a little left wing, but they like to zing both sides.
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:45:46 PM EDT
What the hell?  Everyone knows that Missouri loves guns and hates fags.  There is no self hatred here, we save that for the Jayhawks...

EDIT: Upon further reflection, the urban areas and the rural areas hate each other, so that counts as self hatred.  The map is correct...
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:51:33 PM EDT

Quoted:
What the hell?  Everyone knows that Missouri loves guns and hates fags.  There is no self hatred here, we save that for the Jayhawks...

EDIT: Upon further reflection, the urban areas and the rural areas hate each other, so that counts as self hatred.  The map is correct...



+1, lol
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 2:00:05 PM EDT
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