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Posted: 6/16/2014 3:37:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/16/2014 3:38:02 PM EDT by LoginName]
"The Beautiful Game"... my ass.

Soccer! Football! The Beautiful Game! OL' NETTY! Yes, it's time again for 31 contending nations (plus England) to gather together for the World Cup. Now, soccer people (very much to be confused with pod people) will remind you that the World Cup is the most popular sporting event in the world. Of course, that's just another indication of how awful the world's taste is. The world loves soccer, Avatar, McDonald's, and Psy. If the world were a friend of yours, you'd make a wanking motion any time he tried to push a movie on you.

Now I am like most insufferable Americans in that I am only occasionally interested in soccer and am annoyed by soccer fans constantly expressing passion for their sport. Watching soccer is like watching 11 Justin Biebers play 11 Justin Biebers. That said, I will forever respect the sport's ability to generate HATE. The fact is that many soccer fans go to games specifically to hurt one another. I don't even think they know a game is being staged. They just want to find someone to shoot with a flare gun. And that's a fine sport by me.

So, in the spirit of worldwide xenophobia and terrifying displays of violent nationalism, let's go ahead and say HORRIBLE things about every single country participating in the tournament this year. As always, I did no research for this Hater's Guide. These observations are made strictly out of ignorance and blind anger. I think that's what soccer would have wanted. If you have any quarrel with the facts presented herein, that means I've done my job expertly. There will not be any corrections.

Let's take a look at the groups! Groups? Really? Oh, so this is a round-robin format? That is lamest name for a sports format ever. It's a busy bluebird format! I have a better name for the format: ANAL RINGWORM GAUNTLET. Much better
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More.. http://screamer.deadspin.com/the-hater-s-guide-to-the-2014-world-cup-1588867715
Link Posted: 6/16/2014 3:43:11 PM EDT
Too bad american football isnt as well recieved globally...


That would be very cool
Link Posted: 6/16/2014 4:01:53 PM EDT
Soccer fucking sucks.
Link Posted: 6/16/2014 4:03:40 PM EDT
Everyone!

Let's go chase a ball!
Link Posted: 6/16/2014 4:06:00 PM EDT
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Originally Posted By wpage:
Too bad american football isnt as well recieved globally...


That would be very cool
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Think of all the head injuries, think of the children.
Only the fans actually get hurt in soccer. The players fake it
Link Posted: 6/16/2014 4:32:50 PM EDT
There are books by American authors about how to cook like a French person, how to parent like a French person, and how to think like a French person. Meanwhile, France is a giant construction dump of a country where nothing works and everyone is unhappy. Oh, but they're better because they know how to drink wine outside after a hard day of being unemployed.
Link Posted: 6/16/2014 6:30:49 PM EDT
Interestingly only the Brazilians bought more tickets for the World Cup than Americans. But somehow I get the idea there are going to be a lot of empty seats in the stadiums as the American "soccer fans" are off chasing Brazilian hotties instead of going to the games. "Honey! Me and the guys are going to Brazil to see the World Cup soccer games...."
Link Posted: 6/16/2014 6:34:26 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By wpage:
Too bad american football isnt as well recieved globally...


That would be very cool
View Quote


The rest of the world will never accept a sport they suck at. The corollary is, the world will love any sport the U.S. sucks at.

Case in point: soccer where the U.S. has to eke out a victory against Ghana.
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