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Posted: 12/3/2002 3:49:54 PM EDT
Come listen to a story 'bout a man named John, A poor ex-marine with his little wanker gone. It seems one night after gettin' with the wife, She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife. Penis, that is. Clean cut. Missed his nuts. Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side, And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride. She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend, Tossed him out the window as she went around a bend. Curve, that is. Tossed the nub. In the shrub. She went to the cops and confessed to the attack, They called out the hounds just to get his weenie back. They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there" To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air. Found, that is. By a fence. Evidence. Now peter and John couldn't stay apart for long, So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!" "A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need" And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny pee'd. Whizzed, that is. Straight stream. Even seam. Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court, With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came upshort. They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape. Video, that is. Unexposed. Case Closed. Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now , ya hear?
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 7:02:47 PM EDT
Ooooooh....that just ain't right.
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 7:05:36 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 7:06:48 PM EDT
I feel sorry for that guy
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 7:19:06 PM EDT
You'd feel even sorrier for him if they hadn't been able to reattach Mr. Happy. Jeez, and I thought circumcision scars were bad enough...! [:D] Now to really creep you out: How they used to make eunuchs in China: Seize victim and restrain him thoroughly, on all four limbs. (Obviously! He knows what's going to happen and he ain't thrilled about it!) Using a razor sharp, curved knife, the entire package, penis, scrotum, and testicles, is sliced off even with the abdominal wall. A bone plug is pounded into place in the ureter. The wound is cauterized with boiling oil. Bandages are applied. After three days, the bone plug is removed, allowing the new eunuch to pee for the first time in three days. His eyes change color and the relief he feels is, relatively speaking, the best thing he's felt in more than three days. At this time, the new eunuch is out of danger but probably still is not in a good mood. Note that this entire procedure occurred without benefit of any form of anaesthetic. The enuch is usually presented with his cock and balls in a glass jar filled with alcohol so that when he dies, he can be buried as a whole man. Are you sufficently creeped out yet? Sleep well tonight, and don't dream about this. CJ
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 8:06:47 PM EDT
What is a Eunuch?
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 8:23:35 PM EDT
[b]AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!![/b] Did not need to read the Eunuch story.
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 8:40:16 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/3/2002 8:43:50 PM EDT by Greenhorn]
Remember the Simpsons show where Homer dreams that he is a eunuch? He wakes up, gets the dictionary, looks it up, and screams.
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 8:56:11 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Elad_Eflow: What is a Eunuch?
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penis and testicles cut off.
Link Posted: 12/3/2002 9:04:09 PM EDT
There is no way I am going to be able to sleep tonight after reading that story.
Link Posted: 12/4/2002 6:55:39 AM EDT
Oh...I forgot to mention... This procedure was done on prepubescent boys. Why? Well, many Chinese eunuchs were good singers...HIGH VOICED ones. Like, sopranos. If you had a boy who sang well and your troop wants to keep him like that, slicing off the testicles would ensure that the voice wouldn't change as he went through puberty, because without the hormones produced by missing testicles, he wouldn't go through puberty anyway. As for the cutting off of the whole package, that treatment was not done routinely. That was done for, among other things, harem guards. (Yeah, I know...harem's the wrong word when referring to Chinese...but the concept applies.) Chinese emperors had plenty of women to keep them happy, and if their guards had no equipment to make entry with, then the emperor wouldn't have to worry about any possibility of that happening. I guess Chinese emperors simply don't care for sloppy seconds! [:D] CJ
Link Posted: 12/4/2002 6:58:20 AM EDT
Originally Posted By PEACE_MINUS_ONE: There is no way I am going to be able to sleep tonight after reading that story.
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