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11/22/2017 10:05:29 PM
Posted: 9/23/2004 11:45:21 AM EST


A Classic...
The Ant and the Grasshopper



OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is
warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out
in
the cold.


MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!



MODERN VERSION:


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
shivering
grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant
should
be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS,
NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next
to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with
food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the
Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they
sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green" Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in
front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing,
"We
shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for
the
grasshopper's sake. Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with
Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper,
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his
"fair
share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper
Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for
failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing
left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in
a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare
recipients. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the
grasshopper
finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he
is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him
because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The
grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now> abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
peaceful neighborhood.


MORAL OF THE STORY:



Vote Republican

Link Posted: 9/23/2004 11:53:00 AM EST
It's funny cuz it's true.
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