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9/19/2017 7:27:10 PM
Posted: 2/4/2006 7:53:34 PM EDT
My oh my, where to begin.

Lets see...Iran has nukes, my local GameStop still doesn't have the next shipment of Xbox 360s, and there's riots over a cartoon of some kind in Europe. Well, the riots are in Syria and other places muslim, but the cartoon appeared in europe.

I've read reports that Iran wants uranium to generate electricity. Right. Iran wants to uranium to 'generate electricity' the way a guy wants to give a large chested hot girl a 'breast exam' for her health. Who do these whack raghead think they're kidding anyway? However, I can't imagine that any western power will be happy with Iran having nukes; as such it looks like another war.

Lets hope we get some oil out of this one, eh?

And what's the deal with this cartoon? Muslims were 'unbearably insulted' by...a cartoon? Talk about a religion that can't take a joke. Can you imagine if some other prominent religion, oh lets say like Christanity/Catholicism, couldn't take a little cartoon making fun of them what would happen? The world would have already burned down twice over.

I'm guessing that if Iran had nukes, right now they'd be lit off at the newspapers publishing this infamous cartoon that has the Danish and German embassies burning down in a few muslim countries. For once there's a middle east controversy that the US isn't the focal point of. That's amazing, but the world is nevertheless still ending.

I know. These guys need a hobby. I mean, a hobby besides making bombs that is. Really, I think that's the answer! All this time we've been exporting 'democracy' when we should have been exporting...uh...Midnight Basketball! Ya, that's it! Midnight basketball to keep these basketcases from getting all bent about a cartoon. I mean, if it worked for hardcase innercity kids, how could muslims not succum to the warm fuzzy feeling that playing Midnight Basketball would give them? It worked here, right?

I can just see it, just like old Father Smith said to me growing up as a good little cathloic kid...of course, this wouldn't be like Father Smith, it'd be like...uh...Oman the High Muslim Religious Guy That I Know Must Have An Official Title Like Preist That I Don't Know...and Just like Father Smith, Oman THMRGTIKMHAOTLPTIDK would say (as adapted to the Middle East):

"Boys, I know you're gonna wanna think about building nukes...and boys, when you have those thoughts, I want you to play basketball."

Damn...I'm getting all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it, aren't you?

Now, lets think about a religion that can't take a joke, and has nukes. Hmmm...really bad combination, wouldn't you say?

I say we let Iran have nukes...but only AFTER they've got a proven Midnight Basketball program in place that is properly administered by...well, hell, by Father Smith by golly! Think of all the wonder and beauty it would bring...young muslims, learning a useful sport, professional leagues, even an Olympic team. And then when Iran lost the gold to all the Western European teams in the next olympics and was 'unbearably insulted', then here come the nukes again...

Shit...maybe Midnight Basketball isn't the answer.

I god damned KNEW the world was ending for sure this time--and before I get my Xbox 360 damn the luck.
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