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1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 2/20/2006 7:48:25 AM EST
Is it OK to post some of the key passages or are they too sexist or graphic or whatever?
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 7:48:48 AM EST
I'd say "fuck yeah!"
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 7:49:31 AM EST
Anything you can think of has been posted repeatedly for the past two years, so I think you're safe.
Post away!
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 7:53:59 AM EST
Not to hijack,but saw on the news yesterday morning, some Muslim protest in DC.And one of the counter protestors was holding up a sign that said,
Blew coffee right out my nose.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 7:54:25 AM EST
Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid
dicks. And the Film Actors Guild (F.A.G.) are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is
an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked
by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to
shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes
their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick,
with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or
fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them
that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they
become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half
away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy
world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole,
we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!


Gary Johnston: Don't you see what's going on out there? Everyone
hates us!
Spottswoode: Hey, now, everyone hated Winnie the Pooh, too.
Gary Johnston: No, they didn't!
Spottswoode: Well, I did. That cocksucking bear killed Jack

News Reporter: Team America has once again pissed off the entire
world by blowing up half of Cairo

Carson: "The Terrorist" is getting away with the WMD.
Joe: I got him
[fires a rocket at the terrorist, it misses and hit's the Eiffel
Tower causing it to collapse]
Joe: Damn, I missed him!

Chris: Let's get one thing straight, actor. I don't trust you. And
if you betray us, I'll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them
up your ass so that the next time you shit, you'll shit all over
your balls, got it?

Chris: I'll drill two holes through your dick so that when you pee
it shoots out in all different directions.
Gary Johnston: OK, a limosine that can fly. Now I have seen
Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?
Gary Johnston: No.
Spottswoode: So then, you haven't seen everything.

Guy in Bar: See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies,
and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just
want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then
you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit
all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a
while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck
assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know
what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in

Joe: One of the terrorists is trying to tell us something.
[looks through binoculars]
Gary Johnston: [waving the distress signal towards Joe and Chris]
It's me! It's me!
Joe: Looks like he's saying, "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
Chris: Smart-ass motherfucker!
[fires missile at terrorist jeep]

Terrorist: What do you know?
Gary Johnston: I heard there might be a large terrorist attack. If
you tell me what it is, maybe I could help out.
Terrorist: Get out of here! We have put out a jihad on the
infidels because they destroyed our lives. What do you know about
pain and sadness?
[Gary pauses, recalls sounds of gorillas roaring]
Gary Johnston: I was just a boy when the infidels came to my
village in their Blackhawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the
oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil
rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could
only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the fiery
black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos, I could swear that
I heard my goats screaming for help. As quickly as they had come,
the infidels were gone. It was on that day I put a jihad on them.
And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now,
because I'll put a jihad on you, too.
Terrorist: I like you. You have balls. I like balls.

Gary Johnston: Bak. Derk-derk-Allah. Derka derka, Mohammed Jihad.
Baka sherpa-sherpa. Abaka-la.
Terrorist: Ohhh! Derka derka derka!
[Allows Gary into terrorist hideout]

Joe: Shit! I've got five terrorists going southeast on
Bakalakadaka Street!

Sean Penn: Last year I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed
up, it was a happy place. They had flowery meadows and rainbow
skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and
laughed and played with gumdrop smiles.

Lisa: I'm so confused!
Lisa: It's too early for me to be having feelings for you.
Gary Johnston: Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't
control them.

Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
Gary Johnston: I promise I'll never die.

song: [Song] America, fuck yeah! Comin' again to save the
motherfucking day, yeah! / America, fuck yeah! Freedom is the only
way, yeah! / Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have
to answer to / America, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my
balls! / America, fuck yeah! What you gonna do when we come for
you now!

Alec Baldwin: By following the rules of the Film Actor's Guild
(F.A.G.), the world can become a better place; that handles
dangerous people with talk, and reasoning; that, is the fag way.
One day you'll all look at the world us actors created and say,
"wow, good going, fag. You really made the world a better place,
didntcha, fag?"
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