Tamales + 14 cups of coffee + 10 hr shift = ..............?

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Tamales + 14 cups of coffee + 10 hr shift = ..............?

Posted: 9/19/2005 4:43:35 AM EDT

Sharting myself infront of my lovely wife.

She came into to give me a good-morning peck on the cheek, tousle my thinning hair and castigate me for making the coffee in my "brake fluid" strength variety again.

Just as she is leaning down to place her lovely smoocher on my stubbly cheek, I say, "Hang on, hun...I got something for ya."

Normally, she would have known better and fled, but it's 5:30AM here and she's still a little groggy. Instead of one of my usually stellar pre-dawn seminefrious emanations...I get a little gas and little of something else.

By the sound alone, she knows something has gone awry. Upon seeing the perplexed look upon my face, she begins to guffaw and says:

"Smooth move, exlax."

I depart the home office, post haste, in a semi-waddling beeline straight for the john.

That is all. Carry on.

Sheep

Posted: 9/19/2005 4:45:30 AM EDT

[#1]

Quoted:
Sharting myself infront of my lovely wife.

She came into to give me a good-morning peck on the cheek, tousle my thinning hair and castigate me for making the coffee in my "brake fluid" strength variety again.

Just as she is leaning down to place her lovely smoocher on my stubbly cheek, I say, "Hang on, hun...I got something for ya."

Normally, she would have known better and fled, but it's 5:30AM here and she's still a little groggy. Instead of one of my usually stellar pre-dawn seminefrious emanations...I get a little gas and little of something else.

By the sound alone, she knows something has gone awry. Upon seeing the perplexed look upon my face, she begins to guffaw and says:

"Smooth move, exlax."

I depart the home office, post haste, in a semi-waddling beeline straight for the john.

That is all. Carry on.

Sheep

and you thought you were being sooooo cooooool!!!!

buwahahahahaaaa

Posted: 9/19/2005 4:46:17 AM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:
Sharting myself infront of my lovely wife.

She came into to give me a good-morning peck on the cheek, tousle my thinning hair and castigate me for making the coffee in my "brake fluid" strength variety again.

Just as she is leaning down to place her lovely smoocher on my stubbly cheek, I say, "Hang on, hun...I got something for ya."

Normally, she would have known better and fled, but it's 5:30AM here and she's still a little groggy. Instead of one of my usually stellar pre-dawn seminefrious emanations...I get a little gas and little of something else.

By the sound alone, she knows something has gone awry. Upon seeing the perplexed look upon my face, she begins to guffaw and says:

"Smooth move, exlax."

I depart the home office, post haste, in a semi-waddling beeline straight for the john.

That is all. Carry on.

Sheep

Posted: 9/19/2005 4:48:34 AM EDT

[#3]

They say farts aren't supposed to be warm and lumpy.

Posted: 9/19/2005 4:56:56 AM EDT

[#4]

poor guy

Posted: 9/19/2005 4:59:05 AM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Sharting myself infront of my lovely wife.

She came into to give me a good-morning peck on the cheek, tousle my thinning hair and castigate me for making the coffee in my "brake fluid" strength variety again.

Just as she is leaning down to place her lovely smoocher on my stubbly cheek, I say, "Hang on, hun...I got something for ya."

Normally, she would have known better and fled, but it's 5:30AM here and she's still a little groggy. Instead of one of my usually stellar pre-dawn seminefrious emanations...I get a little gas and little of something else.

By the sound alone, she knows something has gone awry. Upon seeing the perplexed look upon my face, she begins to guffaw and says:

"Smooth move, exlax."

I depart the home office, post haste, in a semi-waddling beeline straight for the john.

That is all. Carry on.

Sheep

img.photobucket.com/albums/v663/grey2112/Funny/TMI.jpg

I liked the first one better, Wolf.

Sheep

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:12:12 AM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Sharting myself infront of my lovely wife.

She came into to give me a good-morning peck on the cheek, tousle my thinning hair and castigate me for making the coffee in my "brake fluid" strength variety again.

Just as she is leaning down to place her lovely smoocher on my stubbly cheek, I say, "Hang on, hun...I got something for ya."

Normally, she would have known better and fled, but it's 5:30AM here and she's still a little groggy. Instead of one of my usually stellar pre-dawn seminefrious emanations...I get a little gas and little of something else.

By the sound alone, she knows something has gone awry. Upon seeing the perplexed look upon my face, she begins to guffaw and says:

"Smooth move, exlax."

I depart the home office, post haste, in a semi-waddling beeline straight for the john.

That is all. Carry on.

Sheep

img.photobucket.com/albums/v663/grey2112/Funny/TMI.jpg

I liked the first one better, Wolf.

Sheep

You mean this one?

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:17:54 AM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:

img.photobucket.com/albums/v663/grey2112/Funny/wtfcat.jpg

Yep...cause that is exactly the look I had on my face when what should have been warm and fragrant was warm and moist.

Sheep

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:38:23 AM EDT

[#8]

The desk banging, knee slapping, head lolling, belly aching laughter that is coming from me right now which BTW is making even my dog look at me funny is why I hang out with you guy's.

I love this place.

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:42:58 AM EDT

[#9]

A real treat!

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:44:34 AM EDT

[#10]

Oh shit!

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:44:49 AM EDT

[#11]

Time to take the Browns to the Superbowl

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:52:54 AM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
They say farts aren't supposed to be warm and lumpy.

Like the saying goes,
"Nothing says surprise like a fart with a lump in it."

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:56:58 AM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
Oh shit!

ROFL!

Or Drop the kids off at the pool.

I have a theory I shared with my wife once, as to why us men like to share our experiences, be they farts or poops, with our wimmenz. Since we can't push babies out, this stuff is the only thing we CAN create from our bodies, and therefore we have become as proud of our creations as the women are of their babies.

Posted: 9/19/2005 5:59:24 AM EDT

[#14]

The title of this thread got a laugh out of me, but yeah, I'd say this was way too much information.

:)

Scott

Posted: 9/19/2005 6:07:54 AM EDT

[#15]

Well I guess it's safe to assume that those drawers are no longer serviceable.

Max

Posted: 9/19/2005 6:14:41 AM EDT

[#16]

now all you have to do is pee the bed and you can change your handle to Pissbed Shitpants556

Posted: 9/19/2005 6:16:01 AM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
I have a theory I shared with my wife once, as to why us men like to share our experiences, be they farts or poops, with our wimmenz. Since we can't push babies out, this stuff is the only thing we CAN create from our bodies, and therefore we have become as proud of our creations as the women are of their babies.

This is my best friend to a "T". He will leave a monsterous pile in the john, and then drag his wife in for a review of his accomplishments. This also happens with all the male recruit officers he trains.

Seminal qualites may include any of the following:

1. Length of unbroken trout

2. Tightness or uniformity of coils

3. Width of said log

3. Solidity/Viscosity

4. Mass of deposit, measured via displacement of water volume in bowl

5. Resiliance of skid marks vs. repeated flushes

6. Explosive velocity/back-splash

7. Uniqueness of color

8. Presence of clearly identifiable undigested objects, such as corn or peanuts

9. Stench

Sheep