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1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 12/17/2003 9:54:19 AM EST
Well, I've been a bit remiss in my duties as DaddyBenz lately, so when the opportunity came up to take a morning off work to help out at my daughter's Kindergarten holiday activity day, I jumped on it.

The Bad:
1 - I got the heebie-jeebies being inside an elementary school. Didn't like it when I was a pupil, don't like it as a parent. The scent of industrial floor cleaning fluid, sour milk, Elmer's Glue and kid vomit are unmistakable.

2 - At 6'-5", I'm generally outsized for the urinals and chairs accessible to the Kindergarten class.

3 - The other parents are morons. They can't drive, don't know how to park, are generally rude and completely devoid of social skills. They are also stoooopid. Read on.

4 - My daughter's school has 3 Kindergarten classes in the morning. Being in the allegedly enlightened age, they had the three classroom set up for the three prevalent holidays this time of year: Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa . I drew Kwanzaa duty, which is fine, I guess. My tasks included counting out red and green pasta shells for the kids to make Kwanzaa necklaces, chopping apples to make fruit salad, helping kids sting their necklaces together, etc. So here's what I learned about Kwanzaa from one of the moms that was leading the activities:
- Kwanzaa is an ancient African tradition. (I thought it was invented in 1966 in Los Angeles.)
- Kwanzaa is celebrated all throughout Africa. (Gee, I though most of the population of Africa was either Muslim or secular, and that Kwanzaa was generally an African-American sort of thing. Funny, none of my African (Djibouti, Egypt, Morocco, Namibia, South Africa, Kenya) friends know anything about Kwanzaa.)
- Africa is a country. (No comment.)
- A remarkably Menorah-ish candelabra is an important original part of the Kwanzaa celebration. (I was under the impression that the remarkably Menorah-ish candelabra was purloined from the Jewish celebration, in order to generally lend some sort of credence to Kwanzaa.)

5 - Most of my daughter's classmates are as dim as their parents.

6 - There appear to be no Kindergarten students who celebrate Kwanzaa in their homes. This opinion is formed more from an overall sense of disinterest among the kids than any racial background.

The Good:
1 - When it was my daughter's class's turn for the Kwanzaa room, the delight on her face when she came into the room and saw Daddy is an unforgettable impression in my memory.

2 - I'm sure that the 5-year-olds will not remember any of the ridiculous clap-trap spewed out to them over the course of a 25-minute activity session vaguely related to Kwanzaa.

3 - I saw many, many MILFs!

4 - My daughter's Kindergarten teacher is a 24-year-old, single, major-league hottie!

5 - A morning spent with actual 5-year-olds is far better than a morning spent with the virtual 5-year-olds that I work with.
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