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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:18:23 PM EDT
[#1]
[b]1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)[/b]
no longer true ... |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:26:13 PM EDT
[#2]
I didn't write it. Only copy/pasted it. [x]
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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:37:25 PM EDT
[#3]
13. Hey you work me, buddy!
14. You know I am attorney! |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:45:21 PM EDT
[#4]
Hey, do you like jelly or creme donuts?
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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:51:38 PM EDT
[#5]
Wow that's the same pistol in my glovebox compartment.
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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:53:24 PM EDT
[#6]
cop: do you know how fast you were going?
you: gee, i don't know, the speedometer only goes to 110. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:54:46 PM EDT
[#7]
I'll take the #2 value meal and super size it.
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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:59:04 PM EDT
[#8]
15"The reason I was speeding is that my wife is going to get pregnant tonite, and I want to be there when it happens!"
16 "Take me drunk officer, I'm home." 17 " Ooooh that feels good!" 18 "My license? Isn't it on the bumper?" |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:59:24 PM EDT
[#9]
It's not mine.
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:00:45 PM EDT
[#10]
I got a failure to yeild ticket my first year in college. It was a small town and I was from Atlanta, so I was use to driving fast. I was driving 25 (the speed limit) and turned left a 75 yards infront of this officer. Of course he pulls me over, mainly because I was turning towards the college. He got out and told me I had failed to yeild to his right a way. I told him he was 75yds away and driving slow. He disagreed and said he was driving the posted 25mph speed limit. I curtiously told him that was just too f*&cking slow. He didn't care for that too much and called another car up and wrote me the ticket. Other words and were exchanged but had no effect on the situation.
Every ticket I have had has been in some po dunk town down in South GA. I never had a problem in Atlanta Bill3508 |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:01:09 PM EDT
[#11]
If the lawguy asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
If you're a girl the BEST thing to say is, "No faster than the beating of my heart, handsome." If you're a GUY, the WORST thing to say is, "No faster than the beating of my heart, handsome." |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:08:00 PM EDT
[#12]
When he asks to see your license, ask him if you can hold his gun
When he asks you to step out of the vehicle, tell him to get in because its to hot/cold out. Ask him where you can buy one of those badges. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:14:27 PM EDT
[#13]
Officer, "what's your hurry"? Motorist, "I don't want to keep your mama waiting!"
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:33:44 PM EDT
[#14]
And if you've never experienced a blast of pepper spray and would like to try it... "Don't make me get out of this damn car!" [BD]
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:37:47 PM EDT
[#15]
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be
>a police officer. I like this one the best. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:46:46 PM EDT
[#16]
Quoted: I got a failure to yeild ticket my first year in college. It was a small town and I was from Atlanta, so I was use to driving fast. I was driving 25 (the speed limit) and turned left a 75 yards infront of this officer. Of course he pulls me over, mainly because I was turning towards the college. He got out and told me I had failed to yeild to his right a way. I told him he was 75yds away and driving slow. He disagreed and said he was driving the posted 25mph speed limit. I curtiously told him that was just too f*&cking slow. He didn't care for that too much and called another car up and wrote me the ticket. Other words and were exchanged but had no effect on the situation. Every ticket I have had has been in some po dunk town down in South GA. I never had a problem in Atlanta Bill3508 The only state I hate driving through more than GA is IL. God, I hate that fucking state. Why the hell does anyone live there? |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:55:03 PM EDT
[#17]
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be
>a police officer I know a guy who used that one. And the [b]moron[/b]was drunk on top of that. That cost him! By the way, these are great. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 6:58:24 PM EDT
[#18]
Thanks. I liked it enough to show you guys. Thought it might be better then a real heavy Isreal/Pal deathmatch, StyerAUG hating/baiting kinda post.
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Posted: 5/4/2002 7:32:06 PM EDT
[#19]
To a motorcycle cop."Are you Paunch or John?"
If your a chick and start to cry when pulled over.............make sure the Deputy is NOT a Woman.[grenade] "I can see your nose hairs from this angle, sir." |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 7:42:34 PM EDT
[#20]
I honestly said this to a female officer one night, I worked with her sister so I knew her name. She pulled me over for going 30 in a 25 and stated she had to give me a ticket if she pulled me over(that was bull, I've been pulled over about 25 times 27 years of driving and only got 3 speeding tickets)
She asked me if I had been drinking and my response was, "I've only had two beers Ricki, if you want you can blow me" I was lucky I didn't get pepper sprayed and thrown in jail. Honestly, I was only offering to submit to a breathalyzer. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 8:08:57 PM EDT
[#21]
I live in NJ. So one night I'm driving my drunk friend to a diner. We get stop at a DUI check point. The cop informed me that I was in a random DUI check point! I was not drinking so off I went into a rant. "Random! Where the F do you see random, that cop over there is flaging every car into this check point. Do you understand the word random! The officer looked at me smiled and then handed me some DUI imformation and said have a good night.
[sniper] |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 8:28:24 PM EDT
[#22]
Gee officer I reconize you from your picture sitting on your wive's nightstand.
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Posted: 5/4/2002 8:30:03 PM EDT
[#23]
" What's the matter officer ? Dunkin Donuts clooossed ???? " |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 8:36:58 PM EDT
[#24]
19. "License and what? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
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Posted: 5/4/2002 8:41:56 PM EDT
[#25]
Quoted: Gee officer I reconize you from your picture sitting on your wive's nightstand. OUCH! ROFLMAO! |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 8:43:36 PM EDT
[#26]
19. I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
20. Joe said it was I was OK to Drive. Joe Who? Joe Mamma Mother Fuc*er. 21. Too Fast? That's what your wife tells you. 22. I'll make a deal with you. First one to get to his gun, goes home with no ticket! |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 8:50:03 PM EDT
[#27]
True story, happened to a friend of mine years ago. He gets stopped for speeding.
LEO: Have any idea why I stopped you? Friend: For my Winchells coupons? (doughnut coupons) LEO: Okay smartass, that was so funny, I'm gonna let you go with a warning. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 9:35:09 PM EDT
[#28]
Your wife/daughter was pretty good once I got past the used part.
Sorry, that was Bill talking. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 9:41:48 PM EDT
[#29]
"You can't do that!" when he can.
"You have to..." when he doesn't. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 9:46:03 PM EDT
[#30]
Hey didnt i see you get youre butt kicked on COPS.
Have I been drinkin, Youre the dectective you tell me. Bet I can grab that gun before you can stop me. Hurry up and write the damn ticket the liquor store is about to close. Melvin[NI] |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 10:23:41 PM EDT
[#31]
Waverunner sucks.
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Posted: 5/4/2002 10:44:31 PM EDT
[#32]
Officer: Are you going to a fire?
You: No officer, my wife ran off with a cop last month, and I thought you were him, and you were trying to bring her back to me. |
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Posted: 5/4/2002 10:51:04 PM EDT
[#33]
"Go ahead, nuke me you s**t for brains dictator"
If you do not know the quote, you need to read more. [:D] |
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Posted: 5/5/2002 8:34:55 AM EDT
[#34]
Quoted: "Go ahead, nuke me you s**t for brains dictator" If you do not know the quote, you need to read more. [:D] Everytime - I need to be quicker. |
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Posted: 5/5/2002 8:43:32 AM EDT
[#35]
Quoted: "Go ahead, nuke me you s**t for brains dictator" If you do not know the quote, you need to read more. [:D] Now this is a quality post!! I always prefered to smack them on the head and yell "BAD COP.... NO DOUGHNUT!" |
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Posted: 5/5/2002 8:49:29 AM EDT
[#36]
My brother's responce to a cop that stopped us while walking home drunk from a party..... "Show me your nightstick stormtrooper"
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Posted: 5/5/2002 9:01:04 AM EDT
[#37]
After working late installing road signs in a small town I got pulled over for being too eager to get back to the hotel.
Officer: Do you know what the speed limit is? Me: Of course I do, I just put the sign up ten minutes ago! I guess he never heard that one before, he just laughed and said good night. |
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Posted: 5/5/2002 9:18:31 AM EDT
[#38]
Funniest response to a cop ever!
We're in the Pits at the Indy 500, and the race is over. We're waiting for the traffic to clear at the underpass between turn 3 and 4. My friend Karl is on top of the van drunk on his ass and he decides to clean out all the coolers, and he's throwing food at the cars going by. There's a cop standing below us behind a chain link fence. Karl throws a head of lettuce at the cars, but it goes low and hits the fence shredding into a thousand pieces and all of them hit the cop in the head and back. Karl dives off the van and hides. The cop turns around and starts running at us. My other friend Steve and I are sitting in the van burning one, and I saw what happened so I put out the fire. The cop gets to the van and yells" Who threw that lettuce at me?! " He's ready to go to his gun! Steve just looks at him with this total deadpan face, like he's trying to work with him and understand. "Oh Wow! man... Can you describe the lettuce?" |
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Posted: 5/5/2002 9:29:41 AM EDT
[#39]
Actual "got thrown in jail" comment from a co-worker who got pilled over for speeding.
Cop: (looking at license) What's your birthday? Wade: June 12th Cop: No, I mean what year? Wade: You're pretty stupid, it's every year. Cop thinks for a few seconds, suddenly get's it. Cop: Ever been to Jail? Wade: No Cop: Well you're going now. "click" |
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Posted: 5/5/2002 11:01:43 AM EDT
[#40]
Hey! I bet my pistol I have in my glovebox could go through your vest!
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Posted: 5/5/2002 11:58:14 AM EDT
[#41]
"Hey, aren't you a public servant??!! Go get me a glass of water!"
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Posted: 5/5/2002 1:10:22 PM EDT
[#42]
Im not ociffer, mr drunk
I dont got blood in my alcohol stream |
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Posted: 5/5/2002 2:41:40 PM EDT
[#43]
My favorite from my youth:
I'm not under the alcafluence of incahol, though some thinkle peep I am! |
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Posted: 5/5/2002 3:22:28 PM EDT
[#44]
After being pulled over for speeding and let go with only a warning,Your buddy in the pasenger seat replys"hey you dumb sob you cant talk to my buddy like that exspecally when hes been drinking!"
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Posted: 5/5/2002 3:34:56 PM EDT
[#45]
i am on my way to the gun range.
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Posted: 5/5/2002 5:56:09 PM EDT
[#46]
You get pulled over. You are busy talking your way out of the ticket when your "friend" pipes up with....."He doesn't have to put up with this s**t, either give him a ticket or let him go"
SRM |
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Posted: 5/6/2002 6:09:28 AM EDT
[#47]
This is just too good...LOL...[smoke]
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Posted: 5/6/2002 6:26:27 AM EDT
[#48]
Works best at night....
"Doesn't it worry you? Leaving your wife at home, all alone every night? I'd be scared to death something would happen to her." [:D] (I wouldn't try that one unless I wanted an a$$ beating [b]and[/b] a night in jail, though.) |
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Posted: 5/6/2002 1:02:36 PM EDT
[#49]
officer: how much have you had to drink
you: i dont know i lost count after 4 |
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Posted: 5/6/2002 1:16:06 PM EDT
[#50]
Quoted: Waverunner sucks. Now what did I do to deserve that?[dracula] |
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