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Posted: 5/4/2002 5:17:41 PM EDT
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be >a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" [peep]
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:18:23 PM EDT
[b]1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)[/b] no longer true ...
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:26:13 PM EDT
I didn't write it. Only copy/pasted it. [x]
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:37:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:45:21 PM EDT
Hey, do you like jelly or creme donuts?
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:51:38 PM EDT
Wow that's the same pistol in my glovebox compartment.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:53:24 PM EDT
cop: do you know how fast you were going? you: gee, i don't know, the speedometer only goes to 110.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:54:46 PM EDT
I'll take the #2 value meal and super size it.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:59:04 PM EDT
15"The reason I was speeding is that my wife is going to get pregnant tonite, and I want to be there when it happens!" 16 "Take me drunk officer, I'm home." 17 " Ooooh that feels good!" 18 "My license? Isn't it on the bumper?"
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 5:59:24 PM EDT
It's not mine.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:00:45 PM EDT
I got a failure to yeild ticket my first year in college. It was a small town and I was from Atlanta, so I was use to driving fast. I was driving 25 (the speed limit) and turned left a 75 yards infront of this officer. Of course he pulls me over, mainly because I was turning towards the college. He got out and told me I had failed to yeild to his right a way. I told him he was 75yds away and driving slow. He disagreed and said he was driving the posted 25mph speed limit. I curtiously told him that was just too f*&cking slow. He didn't care for that too much and called another car up and wrote me the ticket. Other words and were exchanged but had no effect on the situation. Every ticket I have had has been in some po dunk town down in South GA. I never had a problem in Atlanta Bill3508
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:01:09 PM EDT
If the lawguy asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" If you're a girl the BEST thing to say is, "No faster than the beating of my heart, handsome." If you're a GUY, the WORST thing to say is, "No faster than the beating of my heart, handsome."
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:08:00 PM EDT
When he asks to see your license, ask him if you can hold his gun When he asks you to step out of the vehicle, tell him to get in because its to hot/cold out. Ask him where you can buy one of those badges.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:14:27 PM EDT
Officer, "what's your hurry"? Motorist, "I don't want to keep your mama waiting!"
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:33:44 PM EDT
And if you've never experienced a blast of pepper spray and would like to try it... "Don't make me get out of this damn car!" [BD]
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:37:47 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:46:46 PM EDT
Originally Posted By bill3508: I got a failure to yeild ticket my first year in college. It was a small town and I was from Atlanta, so I was use to driving fast. I was driving 25 (the speed limit) and turned left a 75 yards infront of this officer. Of course he pulls me over, mainly because I was turning towards the college. He got out and told me I had failed to yeild to his right a way. I told him he was 75yds away and driving slow. He disagreed and said he was driving the posted 25mph speed limit. I curtiously told him that was just too f*&cking slow. He didn't care for that too much and called another car up and wrote me the ticket. Other words and were exchanged but had no effect on the situation. Every ticket I have had has been in some po dunk town down in South GA. I never had a problem in Atlanta Bill3508
View Quote
The only state I hate driving through more than GA is IL. God, I hate that fucking state. Why the hell does anyone live there?
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:55:03 PM EDT
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be >a police officer I know a guy who used that one. And the [b]moron[/b]was drunk on top of that. That cost him! By the way, these are great.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 6:58:24 PM EDT
Thanks. I liked it enough to show you guys. Thought it might be better then a real heavy Isreal/Pal deathmatch, StyerAUG hating/baiting kinda post.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 7:32:06 PM EDT
To a motorcycle cop."Are you Paunch or John?" If your a chick and start to cry when pulled over.............make sure the Deputy is NOT a Woman.[grenade] "I can see your nose hairs from this angle, sir."
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 7:42:34 PM EDT
I honestly said this to a female officer one night, I worked with her sister so I knew her name. She pulled me over for going 30 in a 25 and stated she had to give me a ticket if she pulled me over(that was bull, I've been pulled over about 25 times 27 years of driving and only got 3 speeding tickets) She asked me if I had been drinking and my response was, "I've only had two beers Ricki, if you want you can blow me" I was lucky I didn't get pepper sprayed and thrown in jail. Honestly, I was only offering to submit to a breathalyzer.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 8:08:57 PM EDT
I live in NJ. So one night I'm driving my drunk friend to a diner. We get stop at a DUI check point. The cop informed me that I was in a random DUI check point! I was not drinking so off I went into a rant. "Random! Where the F do you see random, that cop over there is flaging every car into this check point. Do you understand the word random! The officer looked at me smiled and then handed me some DUI imformation and said have a good night. [sniper]
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 8:28:24 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 8:30:03 PM EDT
" What's the matter officer ? Dunkin Donuts clooossed ???? "
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 8:36:58 PM EDT
19. "License and what? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 8:41:56 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Paul: Gee officer I reconize you from your picture sitting on your wive's nightstand.
View Quote
OUCH! ROFLMAO!
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 8:43:36 PM EDT
19. I'm not as think as you drunk I am. 20. Joe said it was I was OK to Drive. Joe Who? Joe Mamma Mother Fuc*er. 21. Too Fast? That's what your wife tells you. 22. I'll make a deal with you. First one to get to his gun, goes home with no ticket!
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 8:50:03 PM EDT
True story, happened to a friend of mine years ago. He gets stopped for speeding. LEO: Have any idea why I stopped you? Friend: For my Winchells coupons? (doughnut coupons) LEO: Okay smartass, that was so funny, I'm gonna let you go with a warning.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 9:35:09 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 9:41:48 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 9:46:03 PM EDT
Hey didnt i see you get youre butt kicked on COPS. Have I been drinkin, Youre the dectective you tell me. Bet I can grab that gun before you can stop me. Hurry up and write the damn ticket the liquor store is about to close. Melvin[NI]
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 10:23:41 PM EDT
Waverunner sucks.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 10:44:31 PM EDT
Officer: Are you going to a fire? You: No officer, my wife ran off with a cop last month, and I thought you were him, and you were trying to bring her back to me.
Link Posted: 5/4/2002 10:51:04 PM EDT
"Go ahead, nuke me you s**t for brains dictator" If you do not know the quote, you need to read more. [:D]
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 8:34:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/5/2002 9:45:08 AM EDT by 1GUNRUNNER]
Originally Posted By FirearmTom1: "Go ahead, nuke me you s**t for brains dictator" If you do not know the quote, you need to read more. [:D]
View Quote
Everytime - I need to be quicker.
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 8:43:32 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 8:49:29 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/5/2002 8:49:52 AM EDT by JIMBEAM]
My brother's responce to a cop that stopped us while walking home drunk from a party..... "Show me your nightstick stormtrooper"
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 9:01:04 AM EDT
After working late installing road signs in a small town I got pulled over for being too eager to get back to the hotel. Officer: Do you know what the speed limit is? Me: Of course I do, I just put the sign up ten minutes ago! I guess he never heard that one before, he just laughed and said good night.
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 9:18:31 AM EDT
Funniest response to a cop ever! We're in the Pits at the Indy 500, and the race is over. We're waiting for the traffic to clear at the underpass between turn 3 and 4. My friend Karl is on top of the van drunk on his ass and he decides to clean out all the coolers, and he's throwing food at the cars going by. There's a cop standing below us behind a chain link fence. Karl throws a head of lettuce at the cars, but it goes low and hits the fence shredding into a thousand pieces and all of them hit the cop in the head and back. Karl dives off the van and hides. The cop turns around and starts running at us. My other friend Steve and I are sitting in the van burning one, and I saw what happened so I put out the fire. The cop gets to the van and yells" Who threw that lettuce at me?! " He's ready to go to his gun! Steve just looks at him with this total deadpan face, like he's trying to work with him and understand. "Oh Wow! man... Can you describe the lettuce?"
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 9:29:41 AM EDT
Actual "got thrown in jail" comment from a co-worker who got pilled over for speeding. Cop: (looking at license) What's your birthday? Wade: June 12th Cop: No, I mean what year? Wade: You're pretty stupid, it's every year. Cop thinks for a few seconds, suddenly get's it. Cop: Ever been to Jail? Wade: No Cop: Well you're going now. "click"
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 11:01:43 AM EDT
Hey! I bet my pistol I have in my glovebox could go through your vest!
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 11:58:14 AM EDT
"Hey, aren't you a public servant??!! Go get me a glass of water!"
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 1:10:22 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/5/2002 1:10:39 PM EDT by ColonelKlink]
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 2:41:40 PM EDT
My favorite from my youth: I'm not under the alcafluence of incahol, though some thinkle peep I am!
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 3:22:28 PM EDT
After being pulled over for speeding and let go with only a warning,Your buddy in the pasenger seat replys"hey you dumb sob you cant talk to my buddy like that exspecally when hes been drinking!"
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 3:34:56 PM EDT
i am on my way to the gun range.
Link Posted: 5/5/2002 5:56:09 PM EDT
You get pulled over. You are busy talking your way out of the ticket when your "friend" pipes up with....."He doesn't have to put up with this s**t, either give him a ticket or let him go" SRM
Link Posted: 5/6/2002 6:09:28 AM EDT
This is just too good...LOL...[smoke]
Link Posted: 5/6/2002 6:26:27 AM EDT
Works best at night.... "Doesn't it worry you? Leaving your wife at home, all alone every night? I'd be scared to death something would happen to her." [:D] (I wouldn't try that one unless I wanted an a$$ beating [b]and[/b] a night in jail, though.)
Link Posted: 5/6/2002 1:02:36 PM EDT
officer: how much have you had to drink you: i dont know i lost count after 4
Link Posted: 5/6/2002 1:16:06 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Nekkid80: Waverunner sucks.
View Quote
Now what did I do to deserve that?[dracula]
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