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Posted: 9/12/2005 1:22:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 2:28:59 AM EDT by swingset]
My "primer for young men" was such a hit, I thought I'd share my wisdom on wedded bliss. Take this all as constructive advice, from a bonified expert. It's true, nobody is more happily married than me.

This is not advice for women, so read this as if YOU are the one who needs help. I'll get to the ladies at a further date....cause they need some work too.

So, without further ado....and in hopes this might slow the tide of posts announcing the death of yet another ARFcom marriage, here we go. These are do's and don'ts for married men, young and old.

1. Choosing a good mate. This part might be long over for some of you guys...sadly. But, in case the unwedded or recently divorced are reading this, pay attention. A marriage is a house....and your choice of a mate is the foundation. You should, in a perfect world, choose that mate with care and planning....paying attention to detail, surroundings, the nature of her soil and the strength of her mortar. Yeah, fat fuckin chance. It's all luck bucko, and we both know it. But, let's do one thing we can control. SLOW DOWN. Marriage is rushed into, and in the haste to keep what we have, and the short-term bliss that's sure to ebb, we say I do when it's the last thing in the world that will actually preserve that feeling. Get to know her family, because it will be the source of 50% of your future pain. Get to know her past, because if it's got chaos, it will become yours. Get to know her dreams, because you will either fulfill them or replace them with something better. If you are drawn towards a certain type of woman, and time and time again it's ended in disaster, realize that your impulses suck and you should not rely on "it feels so right" to marry. Wonder why guys marry the same type bitch 5 times in a row? "It felt so right".

2. No matter your mindset at the time, reason for getting married, or the state of your life when you said your vows, realize that your marriage will change. It will be an ever-evolving serpentine beast that often goes in directions you did not expect nor want. If you cannot roll with it, you have already failed. Even if you are a steadfast rock set on staying put and living as you always have, you married a woman. That there, partner, guaranteed alot of change.

3. In dealing with change, realize that expectations and reality are often at loggerheads. There is an old saying that "Women marry men hoping they might change, and men marry women hoping they never will. Both are wrong". No truer words have EVER been spoken. You will, throughout your marriage, yearn for a sex-starved new bride who hangs on your every word, and ignores the manly, unsightly habits you display. Your wife will always see your potential, and not your current state. She will see you cleaner, more productive, more affluent, calmer, wilder, whatever her ideal of you may be. It's not right and wrong....it's the nature of women and men. You married her as she was on your wedding day. She married what she thought you would be in 10 years.

4. Going with that last topic, there is some wisdom in a saying I repeat often. Finding the perfect partner is not as important as being the perfect partner. You do not have to compromise yourself, pretend you are something you are not, or sacrifice your happiness for a woman to love you. But, you do have to become a better version of yourself. Every lazy act, every complacent moment, every thing ignored or neglected will ensure doom. Count on it. If you are a carpenter, you don't have to be a neurosurgeon to be a good husband. But, you should strive to improve, always. Improve yourself in every small way you can. Improve your home, your career, your relationships, your skills as a person and a communicator. Improve everything you have, because it is infectious. As you become a better man, the world improves around you....especially your wife. I know this is true, even if it sounds like a platitude, it's dead on.

5. Respect is a word thrown around alot by men and women, but it's often used wrong. Respecting your mate goes deeper than not fucking her best friend or blowing the paycheck on an SPR build when she thought you were two going on a cruise. Respect is empathy, and strength. Empathy is where you imagine that the hurt you inflict could be hurt you feel, and stop yourself from doing it. And strength is having the stones to not lose your identity merely to have a smooth relationship. A woman wants you to respect her, but she does not want you to kiss her ass. She wants to be led, because she's wired to be led....but she wants to be led by a good, kind hearted man who cares about her needs. You will know what it means to be a good man, because you will feel like a turd when you do anything less. Trust me, it's a man's instincts. Don't let hubris fool you...you know how to be a good man....and she'll remind you.

5. Sex. Oh yeah baby...gots to talk about sex. Like it or not, it's 50% of our happiness. It's our biology, an unrelenting gravity pulling us towards those warm, pink parts so don't let this part of your life fall to shit. If you don't know what it means to be a considerate, loving partner in the sackeroo, sit down with your wife and get some directions. Likewise, if she's inexperienced or uptight, be gentle and open, and learn to have a good sexual relationship. You don't have to be weird, or lusty....matter of fact that's seldom possible for the long term. You need comfort, trust, and enthusiasm. Given that it exists, and you can deal with the painful truth that no healthy woman wants sex as often as we do, you can have a very gratifying sex life. If this part of your life isn't working, and it's common guys it really is, fix it now. Fix it with no shame, no embarrassment, and with an eager and honest self-awareness. This part of your marriage, left broken, will split one of you into a lying cheating animal even if you know better. Believe it.

6. Money & Religion. Tough ones. Ok, share your money, but keep some things separate. Agree on the purchases you make, and agree that both you and she will seldom think that spare money should be spent in the same place. Save what you can, and don't get stupid in debt. Common sense, but follow it. Don't make her feel bad that she wants toys too. Her shoes means alot, so does your Acog. Don't squander, pay your bills every time, on time and about 95% of your money problems will disappear
Religion? Again luck plays into the cards. If you're lucky, and chose wisely, you will find a woman comfortable in her beliefs - so much so that she shares yours, or can leave you to find peace in yours. In the end, no matter what you think, believing in something and living a good life is all you can ever do and God will understand. Religion can wreck a marriage, too. If you put yours before your marriage, which you may believe you must, don't be surprised when your marriage falls apart. There are alot of divorced Christians on this board. It's worth remembering.

7. Learn to communicate. Like it or not, language is the heart of our humanity. It's how we interact, how we convey intention, feeling, wants, desires, etc. It's how we learn, and how we make our relationships work. Even if you feel like a douche having "female-friendly" conversations, understand that you are speaking in a way your wife understands. If you stammer, or have trouble conveying your thoughts, or just don't like opening up, then buy a fuckin book. You're human, you're living at the most educated time in human history. Read some literature....learn how people who are fluid with their words say things. It's really just memorization anyway. Use words, use them wisely and with care, and don't let things go unsaid. Resentment is like mold, it grows slowly in dark corners...and eventually deadly gas creeps up through the register and gives you a terminal case of diarrhea. Nobody likes diarrhea. Talking and listening matter, alot. Don't neglect this part of your life...and it is part of your life, not hers. Talking and listening aren't sissified traits. A good man isn't afraid of talking, or listening. Even if he has to say, or hear things, that are difficult.

8. This one's tough...because I know some guys will blanch at the mere mention of it. But, it needs to be said. I know, that from the time you were a zygote to now, you have been carefully cultivating your manly urges and bodily functions to a heightened state of grossness, and I applaud you for it. Around the poker table, a well-crafted poo bomb is the source of great entertainment. But, it's not really the coolest thing to assault your life partner with till the end of her days. As much as it may pain you, please try not to fart on your wife as a source of daily pleasure. Don't take a dump with the door open, or have your wife drop Oprah's kids off while you're in the shower. It's not some neato "open" arrangement, or some new-agey thing where you have no secrets....it's just being nasty. When I think back, to when my grandfather told me upon graduation high school, "swingset, don't be a dickhead kid. It's time to be a man", I think about all the things in life he did that I aspired to. One thing I always admired was that he was a gentleman, and my grandmother never failed to point it out. She admired that he had manners, even 60 years married, he was a gentleman. They died happily married. See what I'm saying?

9. This one's easy. Your wife's ego is her most villainous enemy. Her self-esteem is fragile, and depends on a whole slew of things out of your control. Her friends and coworkers, like it or not, have more effect on her self-image than your opinion does....so don't make it worse. She is beautiful, always. Repeat/rinse. She'll fish for compliments, give them....even when she's fishing for brutal honesty, she's the love of your life and she should know it. Fact is, we all get old and fat, or old and wrinkly, or just plain old. Someday we'll all look like Sarge and talk to dolls....don't hurt your wife with her own looks. Encourage and compliment her self-improvement, but don't expect it to arrive by your insults. There are some cold-hearted SOB's on this board, I've seen their vitriol about having a wife put on a few pounds. Their marriages will end, if they ever start, in bitter unhappiness.

10. Kids. Too much to get into, so I'll summarize my many feelings about children. Have them with GREAT CAUTION. Make sure you want them, make sure you agree that you want them, and make sure that you both understand that once you have them, your sole priority in life will be making those children good, productive and happy people. Your shit will always come in second, and your bad habits had better disappear. If being married is hard, having children is like pushing a flaming porcupine through your urethera. It's a great thing, the best of things, but don't squirt out a kid and proceed as if they are a second car. They are numero uno, now.....so that "being a man" shit gets ratcheted up about 1000x.

11. The last thing is smarts. I can't give ya those, but I can tell you all kinds of things they're not. Here's a little laundry list of dumb shit that will wreck your marriage. Some may disagree, but some will end up divorced and unhappy.....so wise up and listen.

- A good man doesn't put himself in the position to cheat, or stray or ignore it when his wife does the same. Every affair started out "innocently". You don't "innocently" tell your female coworker about your sexual problems, and you certainly don't meet her for drinks. Stay out of bars, stay out of mixed company, it really does matter. Impropriety is a modern curse...don't fall victim to it. Sounds old fashioned, but it's still good wisdom.

- Every marriage will encounter infidelity. EVERY ONE. Either in your head, or hers, or in physical form, you will be tempted, you WILL STRAY. You can't control your heart, or your desire, but you can control your behavior. See above for remedy. Stay the course, Mr. Bush likes to say. You will come to realize those wandering feelings were wrong, and your nature was acting against your own happiness. No one is ever happy they fucked around. Remember that.

- Physical violence, and emotional violence, are never to be tolerated, by anyone. If you can't control your temper, get some professional help and the same goes for your wife. They are often eruptions of deep, old trauma in your life and abuse NEVER decreases. It gets worse....so don't let it lie. Don't shrug away mental difficulties. No shame in helping yourself...ever.

- Your family is important, but if you put it before your marriage you're a damn fool. Part of being married is MAKING a family, even if it's just you and your wife. If you unwittingly play one family against another, say by bitching about your wife to your family, guess which family falls apart? The one that costs you half your money. Don't be afraid to tell your mom, or your sister, or your siblings to butt out of your marriage. You're not a kid anymore, it's your life and sometimes that means building some defenses.

- Along those lines, don't air your dirty laundry. Resist the urge. Denigrating your wife doesn't garner you sympathy. If anything, it just makes people wonder what the hell you’re doing wrong. Also, don't sexualize your wife to your friends. Telling them she likes it doggy is not cool....you're giving them fuel they don't need, and showing complete disrespect to your wife. Be a gentleman, always.

- Lastly, don't be afraid to be a little ghey. Watching "The Notebook" with your wife isn't beneath you. You think it's cool when she watches "Blackhawk Down" with ya? She thinks the same thing. Cuddling, dressing up for a nice dinner, these aren't sissified things. It's how you balance your life that matters. I can go antiquing with the wife on one day, with no shame....because I can also box and kill deer. I can talk about existentialism with mrs. swingset, and she can come shooting EBR's. Doesn't mean I'm a fag, or she has a penis...just means we're balanced. Being a man isn't just having balls and hair. You can also wear a suit and go dancing. It isn't ghey if it gets you laid. Memorize that.



I truly wish the best for people (well, everyone but Garandman). I hate to hear about divorce, and I hate to see two people who had all the tools necessary to give themselves a decent marriage fuck it up with stupidity or selfishness. I cannot guarantee anything, but I know alot of people who lasted 30 years, or 50 years, or 70 years, and all of them took their marriage seriously and treated their partners with respect. Good luck, keep pedaling, and buy her flowers every now and then. She probably deserves it.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 1:24:57 AM EDT
Happily married is an oxymoron.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 1:30:07 AM EDT
I woudl comment but my wife is probably gona read this. I love you honey. <--- me if I wrote what I wanted to.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 1:33:53 AM EDT
Thats both entertaining and damned accurate.
Theres only 1 part I disagree with.

I am in fact the happiest married man.

Me and my wife kinda did everything completely bassackwards, so by the time we finally got around to marrying we had already went through the infidelity, the kids, the sex craved periods, the sex starved periods, the moving in, moving out, breaking up and all the other petty horseshit that so often kills a new marriage.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 1:35:46 AM EDT

Originally Posted By migradog:
Happily married is an oxymoron.



I suppose people who buy computers with not a shred of knowledge or willingness to learn how they work do alot of cussing and end up believing computers suck.

No different. If you can't choose wisely, and maintain it, then marriage fails. I give you 500 divorce threads as living proof.

Oh wait....I'll bet those were all the bitches fault!!
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 1:39:08 AM EDT
Great post swingset! But I had to add this

SHORTEST FAIRY TALE EVER:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry me?",
She said "No", and the guy lived happily ever after.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 1:43:45 AM EDT
What a great post. Even though I'm chronically single, maybe someday I'll be able to apply this.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 1:52:54 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By migradog:
Happily married is an oxymoron.



I suppose people who buy computers with not a shred of knowledge or willingness to learn how they work do alot of cussing and end up believing computers suck.

No different. If you can't choose wisely, and maintain it, then marriage fails. I give you 500 divorce threads as living proof.

Oh wait....I'll bet those were all the bitches fault!!



Women don't have instruction books to learn from.

Once you program a computer, it will always run the same.

When computer hardware gets old, you can always upgrade the machine.

Computers never want new software, just because.

All you need to turn on a computer is a power button.

If you come home and your fingers smell like another keyboard, your computer won't care.

Your computer does only what you tell it to.



Link Posted: 9/12/2005 2:05:02 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 2:05:26 AM EDT by swingset]

Originally Posted By migradog:

Blah blah blah




Care to share your wisdom on the matter? If I don't know how to keep a marriage working, tell me where I'm wrong. Curious how I've gotten so lucky.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 2:16:42 AM EDT
You make entirely too much sense sometimes, Swingset.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 2:20:43 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 2:20:56 AM EDT by Specop_007]

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By migradog:

Blah blah blah




Care to share your wisdom on the matter? If I don't know how to keep a marriage working, tell me where I'm wrong. Curious how I've gotten so lucky.



Dont sweat it Swingset.
You forget the one primary point...

Real sex > Cyber sex

In fact Real sex > > > > > Cyber sex

End of discussion.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 2:23:09 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Lumpy196:
You make entirely too much sense sometimes, Swingset.



Ahhh...not to worry. I occasionally go careening out of my orbit and fuck something up royally. As long as it ends in community service or a not-too-embarassing tattoo, it's usually just a humbling reminder that no one's perfect.

It's like Plato said....so the mind seeks, so the soul finds, and forever remains changed. Actually, I think Dana Plato said that, but it doesn't diminish the wisdom.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 2:24:48 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:


Blah blah blah


Care to share your wisdom on the matter? If I don't know how to keep a marriage working, tell me where I'm wrong. Curious how I've gotten so lucky.



Married since Feb 5, 1983

Sense of humor and thick skin helps.
It appears you have neither.
You do have a nice place though!!!
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 2:29:02 AM EDT
I think Migradog is having a rough night. He's pretty cranky tonight.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 2:33:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By migradog:

Originally Posted By swingset:


Blah blah blah


Care to share your wisdom on the matter? If I don't know how to keep a marriage working, tell me where I'm wrong. Curious how I've gotten so lucky.



Married since Feb 5, 1983

Sense of humor and thick skin helps.
It appears you have neither.
You do have a nice place though!!!



I have plenty of humor, just didn't know you were showing me some. If you have a nice marriage, then don't joke that there's no such thing. That's yet another thing men do foolishly. Take pride in it, because it's a rare thing.

Even if its jovial, do you want your wife making jokes that marriage sucks? What's that say to you, about you?

That's sort of my point. 95% of the problems people face in marriage is habit, bad, silly habits that turn the whole stew sour.



BTW, thanks for the kind words about the homestead, btw.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 2:46:22 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 2:48:35 AM EDT by migradog]

Originally Posted By Combat_Jack:
I think Migradog is having a rough night. He's pretty cranky tonight.



Naaaaw....

It's been a rough month!!

Link Posted: 9/12/2005 3:15:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
- Lastly, don't be afraid to be a little ghey. Watching "The Notebook" with your wife isn't beneath you. You think it's cool when she watches "Blackhawk Down" with ya?



I watched "The Notebook"....It made me cry
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 3:37:00 AM EDT
www.nomarriage.com

Link Posted: 9/12/2005 4:07:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By zeekh:

Originally Posted By swingset:
- Lastly, don't be afraid to be a little ghey. Watching "The Notebook" with your wife isn't beneath you. You think it's cool when she watches "Blackhawk Down" with ya?



I watched "The Notebook"....It made me cry



Ok, now that's ghey.



All right, all right, I'll admit it. It was a really good movie and I might have teared up a little. Just a little. Probably some Hoppes got in my eyes earlier in the day, you know.

It was the wife's choice at Blockbuster, anyway. I wanted Deuce Bigalow, she wanted Notebook. What are you gonna do? It's the pie, that strange, beguiling pie. Makes ya do weird stuff.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 4:08:39 AM EDT
Excellent post with dead on advice (10 years married here...)

Link Posted: 9/12/2005 4:16:19 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 4:17:51 AM EDT by Hellhound]

Originally Posted By swingset:
Respecting your mate goes deeper than not fucking her best friend or blowing the paycheck on an SPR build when she thought you were two going on a cruise.



You been talking to my wife.....??

ETA: Good read for the young 'uns.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 4:17:19 AM EDT
20 years coming up. You are right on target, Swingset. Good post and good advice.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 4:57:48 AM EDT
Outstanding post... 11 Years married here. I can identify my strengths and weaknesses very easily as I read your post.

+1000 on the kids changing the marriage. We were discussing the other day that we don't argue the way we did before we had kids. We decided it was for two reasons: 1) We had to grow up once we had kids and most of the things we argued about were rather petty in the grand scheme. 2) We are now just too tired to put that much time into something so silly.

How much time do you spend composing these posts?

Kent
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 5:15:46 AM EDT
taggage.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 5:17:31 AM EDT
6 years here.... you got it nailed. Good post and good advise.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 5:18:02 AM EDT

Originally Posted By migradog:
Happily married is an oxymoron.



Maybe for you.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 5:29:34 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 5:29:49 AM EDT by DScott]
Well done!

New sigline?


Originally Posted By swingset:

I truly wish the best for people (well, everyone but Garandman).





Link Posted: 9/12/2005 5:44:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Grunteled:
6 years here.... you got it nailed. Good post and good advise.



+1 13 years to my best friend. She is a better shot than me, doesn't mind thousands of rounds of ammo and enjoys reloading .

and she is all MINE!MINE!MINE!
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 5:45:04 AM EDT
24 years here. Sometimes I want to kill her, and at other times I don't know what I'd do without her. I've always found that when bad things happen, we turn to each other, regardless of the fight we just had an hour earlier. It's those times that I realize I still love her. We've gotten through unemployment and most recently her battle with Cancer (which we are winning). Also, our mutual love for our son has helped. He's now in the USAF, and at 20 years old, shows more maturity than any kid his age I know. Our mutual pride in him is also something we can share.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 5:46:18 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 5:54:57 AM EDT

SHORTEST FAIRY TALE EVER:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry me?",
She said "No", and the guy lived happily ever after.


.


That was pretty good.

You made my morning with that one.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 6:09:12 AM EDT
hmmm.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 7:37:44 AM EDT
What I have learned:

Keep her warm. A cold wife is an unhappy wife.
Keep her dry. A wife that is drenched from a hike in the rain without rain gear is an unhappy wife.
Keep her fed. A wife with a low blood suger is a potential for trouble.
Keep her entertained. Mine will hang most of the day doing whatever I want, if she brought a book or the dogs.

I have recently addeded:

Keep her rested. A tired wife is a cranky wife.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 7:47:17 AM EDT
1. Choosing a mate: pick the one with the biggest tits.

This game is not a science or art, and there is no magic to it. If you make a mistake, at least you had some titty time.

Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:13:12 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

Blah Blah Blah Blah




How old is your wife ??

Because if you haven't experienced a menopausal
woman , then your advice is only a work of fiction ....
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:19:53 AM EDT
To quote a comedian I heard on tv the other day....


"The current divorce rate in the US is 50%.......50%!!! Would you go sky diving if only 50% of the parachutes opened?!"
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:31:57 AM EDT
Divorced since 1987, here...remained that way by choice. But, I've got several sets of married couples as friends (some of the reasons for my 'choice') who could stand to read this.

Seems those guys all believe "If I'd shot her 25 years ago, I'd be out by now." Very sad, really. Yet they all want me to join in their misery by getting married. Hmmmm.

Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:32:21 AM EDT
tag.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:41:20 AM EDT
swingset

Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:42:19 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 8:42:52 AM EDT by Flushdraw]

.


Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:45:23 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:54:36 AM EDT
Good stuff, well said.

Link Posted: 9/12/2005 8:55:04 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 8:56:11 AM EDT by _DR]

Originally Posted By swingset:

"drop Oprahs kids off"




Link Posted: 9/12/2005 9:02:27 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 9:11:15 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Surf:
What I have learned:

Keep her warm. A cold wife is an unhappy wife.
Keep her dry. A wife that is drenched from a hike in the rain without rain gear is an unhappy wife.
Keep her fed. A wife with a low blood suger is a potential for trouble.
Keep her entertained. Mine will hang most of the day doing whatever I want, if she brought a book or the dogs.

I have recently addeded:

Keep her rested. A tired wife is a cranky wife.



<guinness beer ad> BRILLIANT!! <guinness beer ad>
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 9:21:26 AM EDT
Tagged for later reading.

BigDozer66
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 9:23:39 AM EDT
Great post again Swingset. Another reminder of why I come to ARFCOM.

I am glad to see that I am at least becoming tangent to a lot of the paths that Swingset has recommended for young men thinking of marriage.

I think that there was something very important left out: work. My last two serious relationships have been with very career driven and nationally decorated young women in a similar academic field (genetics). Rebekah (is/was) the love of my life until she dumped me in May and I had thought that our two years together was rolling up towards marriage. But the friction caused by our academic trajectories (she to Harvard, while I am going to Georgia Tech) put severe strain on everything. Furthermore my decision to join the Navy after I finish here at Tech was met with great derision and pretty much began her rejection of our future life together.

Another thing: if a woman loves you then you are her knight, her protector, her image of what is great and good in mankind. It is a daunting task to fulfill but you must have very high standards to keep this up. One of the great errors I had with Rebekah was not taking a story she told me (while she was in India and I was here) seriously. She was feeling threatened by a teacher she was alone with on a class trip and I did not act appropriately outraged or upset. Honestly, she told the story like it was some sort of joke, and from a third-person perspective it would be kind of funny. But I did not read her emotions right over the telephone and she began to lose her trust in the fact that I would or could protect her. Don't ever let that happen because then you are finished.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 9:24:23 AM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 10:16:54 AM EDT

Originally Posted By chrome1:

How old is your wife ??

Because if you haven't experienced a menopausal
woman , then your advice is only a work of fiction ....



Yup, when that time comes, all bets are off.

GM

PS: Be sure to teach her to shoot before menopause...

Because when she thinks about shooting you, and she will, you want a clean kill not some
winged shot to the nuts.

It's for your own piece of mind
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 10:58:36 AM EDT
TAG for when I hit that road marker in life.


Great advice.
Link Posted: 9/12/2005 12:40:31 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/12/2005 12:52:28 PM EDT by swingset]

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:
Swingset, you have laid down a great foundation for others to take heed. Truly wonderful advice...I would like to add one, if you don't mind. This pertains to women just as much as men:

When two different personalities cohabitate, the inevitable will happen. Fights. They can be about the most trite BS, where you wonder why and how this argument ever started, or they can be about something so big that it shakes the foundation of your marriage. Learn the right way to argue. First of all, pick your battles. Don't get into an argument about inane crap. You have to ask yourself if <insert topic here> is going to affect your life tomorrow. If not, let it go. Just take one for the team. You'll feel better about not blowing your stack on something trivial. If it's a doosie and will certainly affect your future, have at it, but go about it the right way. Don't corner your husband/wife and start screaming. Avoid putting the other person on the defensive. All it does is harbor resentment that will be stored for a later date. Sit down and have a discussion, like adults, about what is wrong/bothering you. No yelling and screaming, name calling, pointing the finger...stop that crap before it starts. Have a rational, intelligent conversation and work through it. RESOLVE the situation, no matter what. Don't go to bed mad, and don't let things that bother you fester until they turn into bitterness and resentment. It will end up coming out in other ways and will kill your marriage faster than anything else.



That's excellent advice, and a point I should have made. (I can't think of them all!).

I write these for two reasons....first to entertain myself while sitting at work waiting on the FedEx guy, and secondly to prompt thought and discussion. Some people answer in ways that teach me more than I knew before, and your point is one of them. I probably left out fighting, because its the one area of my life where I need improvement. I'm a pugilist by nature, and my wife says I'm combative to a fault. Although I'm 98% perfect <cough>, that's one area I need some work on. Thanks dear, you're a smart cookie.


Originally Posted By chrome1:

How old is your wife ??

Because if you haven't experienced a menopausal
woman , then your advice is only a work of fiction ....



Well, she's not menopausal yet. But, I lived through my mother's menopause and recently my mother in law's, whom we're very close to. I've learned it's just like periods - hits them all different. My mom had a hard time, my MIL breezed through it.

Can't say I'll be dancing a jig when that time comes, but I think we can survive. If not, then there'll be a great thread that follows the chaos I can guarantee you.


Originally Posted By Green_Canoe:

How much time do you spend composing these posts?

Kent



You'd be surprised how little time I spend. I'm a stream-of-conscioiusness writer. I don't really plan or draft anything....just sit down and go. I work by myself at night, and it leaves alot of time for contemplation. When the machines break, or I'm left with down time, I sit and stew on this stuff and pretty much tell it all to myself. If I sit down and let it fly at the keyboard, it takes more time editing out typos and run-on sentences than it did to write it.

I could probably come up with 10 more points on marriage, but carpal tunnel might cut it all short.

Just wait till I unload on the ladies....that post will take cliff notes to get through.
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