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Posted: 1/23/2006 9:23:22 AM EDT
I've lived here for a year now, as a California refugee. After soaking up the local culture for a year, I've come to realize that this was always my home - I just didn't know it. I love the midwest with every fiber in my body. Folks that grew up here have no idea how lucky they are. I've observed a few things that should prove useful to new residents or visitors to the Buckeye state:

* Speech is very lazy here. The idea is to move your mouth as little as possible, unless you're making an "oh" sound. Then the idea is to make a small circle with your lips, and try and get some of it out your nose.

* Ohioans have a problem with the letter E. It is ignored when it shouldn't be, and it's added when there isn't one. For example: Tecumseh = "Ti-come-suh". Monday = "Mun-dee". For that matter, all days of the week are screwed up. "Tues-dee", "Wednes-dee", "Thurs-dee"...

* Come to think of it, adding "uh" whenever possible is all the rage. Toledo = "Tulee-duh". Cincinnati = "Cincinna-tuh".

* There is a piece of furniture called a davenport. I shit you not. I think it's a couch.

* There isn't a single "freeway" in the whole state. This is interesting, as you actually have to pay to drive on the "turnpike", which doesn't have many turns. For comical effect, crowded urban centers have "expressways" that they don't charge for. Hmmm...

* Okie-Dokie.

* A disturbingly high number of establishments will not sell beer on Sunday.

* On a related note, there are ALOT of churches. I live in a town where two (count 'em, TWO) churches serve 10 houses.

* We're round on the ends and Hi in the middle. I'm not making this up.

* Apparantly, my property is supposed to belong to Michigan. The Ohio militia was called up back in the day, and smaked dem (<-- There's another one) Michiganders down. That's what I heard anyway, and after 100+ years, people still argue about this shit. The arguments peak about the time OSU plays Michigan.

* There is a street in Toledo called Nevada. It is pronounced "Nuh-vay-duh". Heh.

* Similarly, Oregon is pronounced "Ore-gawn".

* Everybody fears the Ohio State Patrol. Apparently, writing their mother a ticket gives them a hard-on. I'm not sure exactly how they developed this reputation, but I drive slow just in case.

* Another one on speech: Vowel sounds are greatly exagerated, and spoken through the nose. Aaaaaakron. Faaaaaancy. Mouse = "Mau-ooose". It's all with the tounge and nose, the mouth doesn't move much.

* Who dey? Where dey at? What's at? (Answering the phone) Yellow!

Ahhhh....home sweet home.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 9:29:35 AM EDT
You're lucky you didn't move to SE Ohio, your list would've been 10x longer.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 9:32:18 AM EDT
You've pretty much described the rural areas of America.

The language and cultures of the cities, suburbs and rural areas are remarkably different - even within the same geographical areas.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 9:37:09 AM EDT
You forgot that you like to drive like flaming A-holes when you see someone with MI plates driving through your our beautiful countryside!

(on 2 occasions, years apart, I've been virtually stalked by guys driving a foot from my bumper, cutting me off, and not letting me pass while driving through Ohio. )
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 11:57:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SubnetMask:

* On a related note, there are ALOT of churches. I live in a town where two (count 'em, TWO) churches serve 10 houses.



I'm in small-town Kansas.

There are over 80 churches in my town.

There are more than 40 bars.

But there are only 28,000 people.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:04:08 PM EDT
Okay.. Here's how to really tell if you're in the midwest...

Is it a cart, basket, or wagon?
Is it soda, or pop?
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:10:36 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 12:12:29 PM EDT by Cowboy77]
You're always welcome in Ken-tuck-ay (insert hillbilly smiley)


Originally Posted By hydgirl:
Is it a cart, basket, or wagon?



Probably a buggy if I'm reading the type correctly
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:13:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 12:14:36 PM EDT by SubnetMask]

Originally Posted By hydgirl:
Okay.. Here's how to really tell if you're in the midwest...

Is it a cart, basket, or wagon?
Is it soda, or pop?



Heard cart and basket, never wagon.

It's POP!!! Because soft drinks go...well..."pop". It makes perfect sense. Tomorrow, I'm going to the gas station for some go-bang (think it'll catch on?)
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:14:02 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SubnetMask:
* There isn't a single "freeway" in the whole state. This is interesting, as you actually have to pay to drive on the "turnpike", which doesn't have many turns. For comical effect, crowded urban centers have "expressways" that they don't charge for. Hmmm...



Only Kalifornika calls 'em 'freeways'. The rest of the country calls 'em by their real name: "Interstates".

And they sure ain't FREE!
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:17:43 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 12:18:07 PM EDT by macman37]

Originally Posted By kissfan:

Originally Posted By SubnetMask:
* There isn't a single "freeway" in the whole state. This is interesting, as you actually have to pay to drive on the "turnpike", which doesn't have many turns. For comical effect, crowded urban centers have "expressways" that they don't charge for. Hmmm...



Only Kalifornika calls 'em 'freeways'. The rest of the country calls 'em by their real name: "Interstates".

And they sure ain't FREE!



MI informally calls them Freeways. Expressways, too. Their technical designation (for the most part) is "Interstate" though.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:21:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 12:21:26 PM EDT by mcnielsen]
Well, if you hear "why don't you just drop dem pants, just take em right on off" then you know it's time to move back to California.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:21:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By hydgirl:
Okay.. Here's how to really tell if you're in the midwest...

Is it a cart, basket, or wagon?
Is it soda, or pop?


1.) Buggy.
2.) They're all fukin cokes (lower case "c" to denote the generic use of the name).
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:23:37 PM EDT
Ohio is actually about 4 different states based on a quadrant system with Columbus being the middle and I-70 being the dividing line north & south.

Northwest... Michigan (which everyone knows is Canada's Deep South)

North East... may as well be in Chautauqua County New York.... they think their shit don't stink.

South East... Wes Ginny here we come... squeal like a pig boyah. I think some escapees from Boyd County, Kentucky got across the river somehow and bred with the locals..

Southwest... about as true Ohio as you can get.... we certainly don't want to be associated with Hoosiers (Hoosier Daddy) or Kentuckians.... although Kentucky has a forward fire base called Hamilton.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:33:40 PM EDT
i live in medina

Mah-di-na

not
Mah-de-na
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:39:15 PM EDT
I used to live in Bryan -

- you better have some warm clothes in the winter (and summer evenings), and
- whilst sitting in a tree stand, I could see the light on the water tower ~20 miles away; at that point, I realized it was too flat.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:40:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By macman37:
You forgot that you like to drive like flaming A-holes when you see someone with MI plates driving through your our beautiful countryside!

(on 2 occasions, years apart, I've been virtually stalked by guys driving a foot from my bumper, cutting me off, and not letting me pass while driving through Ohio. )




Just their way of saying welcome to ohio, now leave


TXL
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:49:25 PM EDT
Welcome home (again) Subnetmask!

I haven't sat on the davenport since I was a little kid!

Here in southwest Ohio, we have a couple little towns called Russia (Roo-shee) and Houston (House-tun).


Link Posted: 1/23/2006 12:55:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 12:55:43 PM EDT by Jarhead_22]
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 1:29:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By hydgirl:
Okay.. Here's how to really tell if you're in the midwest...

Is it a cart, basket, or wagon?
Is it soda, or pop?



Soda or Pop? Here's the controversy...
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 1:57:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SubnetMask:
I've lived here for a year now, as a California refugee. After soaking up the local culture for a year, I've come to realize that this was always my home - I just didn't know it. I love the midwest with every fiber in my body. Folks that grew up here have no idea how lucky they are. I've observed a few things that should prove useful to new residents or visitors to the Buckeye state:

* Speech is very lazy here. The idea is to move your mouth as little as possible, unless you're making an "oh" sound. Then the idea is to make a small circle with your lips, and try and get some of it out your nose.

* Ohioans have a problem with the letter E. It is ignored when it shouldn't be, and it's added when there isn't one. For example: Tecumseh = "Ti-come-suh". Monday = "Mun-dee". For that matter, all days of the week are screwed up. "Tues-dee", "Wednes-dee", "Thurs-dee"...

* Come to think of it, adding "uh" whenever possible is all the rage. Toledo = "Tulee-duh". Cincinnati = "Cincinna-tuh".

SNIP

* Another one on speech: Vowel sounds are greatly exagerated, and spoken through the nose. Aaaaaakron. Faaaaaancy. Mouse = "Mau-ooose". It's all with the tounge and nose, the mouth doesn't move much.

Ahhhh....home sweet home.



My wife is from Lima Ohio, a little south of you I presume by your description.... Do you ever run into the extra "R's" that get put in words? such as "warsh" for wash?

No Expert
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:01:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 2:01:25 PM EDT by SubnetMask]

Originally Posted By No_Expert:
My wife is from Lima Ohio, a little south of you I presume by your description.... Do you ever run into the extra "R's" that get put in words? such as "warsh" for wash?

No Expert



No, that's particular butchering of the English language happens further south.

Up here, we butcher it in a more annoying and nasal fashion.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:07:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Jarhead_22:

Originally Posted By JCKnife:
Here in southwest Ohio, we have a couple little towns called Russia (Roo-shee) and Houston (House-tun).


There's a town in Texas called Palestine (Pal-aah-STEEN).



East Palestine is in SE Ohio.

As far as NE Ohio being "snooty", I offer this humble picture of the picturesque Cuyahoga River, which flow through the home of the Browns, ablaze:





Googling "cuyahoga river fire" brings up dozens, nay HUNDREDS of heartwarming images of the numerous conflagrations of Ohio's most scenic waterway.

Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:15:53 PM EDT
Your post made me laugh out loud....I have a good friend, older retired guy, life long Ohio resident. I swear the guy SPEAKS dylesxic. Some of the funniest shit you ever heard.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:16:03 PM EDT
While living in Salem, Oregon my neighbor married a gal from Texas who had a little boy. This little boy's teacher from Texas wrote to him and wrote on the envelope "Salem Orgun"

Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:20:28 PM EDT

Originally Posted By hydgirl:
Okay.. Here's how to really tell if you're in the midwest...

Is it a cart, basket, or wagon?
Is it soda, or pop?





AT the grocery store, pop goes in the cart.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:22:36 PM EDT
I think that Ohio rocks for the simple fact that Port Clinton is the home of the CMP.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:29:53 PM EDT
I grew up in Sylvania, town of 4,000 (then). We had a creek (pronounced "crick") that ran through the farm. Our horse's name was Flicka (pronounced "Flicker"). "Where you been at" was a common greeting. I would shoot my rifle whenever I wanted without supervision. I was 12 when I started that.

I miss Ohio (pronounced "ahiah").
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:35:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Merrell:

Originally Posted By Jarhead_22:

Originally Posted By JCKnife:
Here in southwest Ohio, we have a couple little towns called Russia (Roo-shee) and Houston (House-tun).


There's a town in Texas called Palestine (Pal-aah-STEEN).



East Palestine is in SE Ohio.

As far as NE Ohio being "snooty", I offer this humble picture of the picturesque Cuyahoga River, which flow through the home of the Browns, ablaze:

www.csa.com/hottopics/sustain/images/cuyahoga.jpg



Googling "cuyahoga river fire" brings up dozens, nay HUNDREDS of heartwarming images of the numerous conflagrations of Ohio's most scenic waterway.




Ahhh yes...the mighty Cuyahoga. Never known a river to catch fire before or since. My dad and step witch live in Akron. Being from South Carolina, its fun when they makefun of my accent.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:36:22 PM EDT
There's little towns around here named New York and Paris. That's not even counting Thebes and Cario. People must have had a real sense of humor back then.<G>

Dennis Jenkins


Originally Posted By JCKnife:
Welcome home (again) Subnetmask!

I haven't sat on the davenport since I was a little kid!

Here in southwest Ohio, we have a couple little towns called Russia (Roo-shee) and Houston (House-tun).



Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:39:38 PM EDT
Also, "Hootie Hoot!" My step mom and her sisters use this one a lot.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 2:41:31 PM EDT

Obviously, you have not been to W.Va.


(Not knocking W.Va, I spend a good bit of my free time there)
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 3:10:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 3:10:47 PM EDT by SubnetMask]

Originally Posted By wolfgang12:
I grew up in Sylvania, town of 4,000 (then). We had a creek (pronounced "crick") that ran through the farm. Our horse's name was Flicka (pronounced "Flicker"). "Where you been at" was a common greeting. I would shoot my rifle whenever I wanted without supervision. I was 12 when I started that.

I miss Ohio (pronounced "ahiah").



I'm not too far from Sylvania, probably 45 minutes. Alas, you can't shoot a rifle in your back yard anymore, with all the subdivisions.

And yes, it is pronounced "ahiah"! I missed one.

I would miss Ohio, too. The great thing about this state is NOBODY in the rest of the country wants to live here. It's one of our nation's best kept secrets. Good thing it's full.
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 3:54:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 4:20:59 PM EDT by PeteCO]

Originally Posted By AeroE:
I used to live in Bryan -

- you better have some warm clothes in the winter (and summer evenings), and
- whilst sitting in a tree stand, I could see the light on the water tower ~20 miles away; at that point, I realized it was too flat.



I used to live in Bryan too!! Grew up there, and moved in 1995.

I wonder where Subnet Mask lives? Defiance? Findlay?

BTW in Colorado they call a shopping cart a "buggy".
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 4:11:54 PM EDT
Aaaah...Ohio,land of the free! Where we Michiganders take a brief trip down 23 to fill up on fireworks for the 4th! Where we can stop at the state line and pull off our M/C helmets and ride in the wind....
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 4:15:12 PM EDT
Thank you Andy (Rooney)!

The best part of living in NW Ohio would be the close proximity to the CMP!
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 4:15:29 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2006 4:37:11 PM EDT by Zippy_The_Wonderdog]
While isolated to the Cincinnati (Cincinnatians all call the city Cincinnati, not Cincinnatuh like those who reside in rural areas outside the metropolitan area) one thing that freaked me out when I moved here 12 years ago (holy shit TWELVE YEARS AGO??!!! can't believe its been that long) is a peculiar aspect of the local dialect.

Please?

As in, if you say something to them that they don't understand, the indigenous population will respond with "Please?"

In a grocery store for instance:

"Excuse me, could you please tell me where I could find some beer and some condoms"

"Please?"

Didn't know what the hell was going on when I moved here and first encountered it. Still throws me off for an instant.

Peculiar folk these are, these Ohioans.


Link Posted: 1/23/2006 4:15:41 PM EDT
O H
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 4:16:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Chokey:
You're lucky you didn't move to SE Ohio, your list would've been 10x longer.



Please?
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 4:18:10 PM EDT
AKA Hamiltucky.

Cracks me up every time I hear it.


Originally Posted By BenDover:
Southwest... about as true Ohio as you can get.... we certainly don't want to be associated with Hoosiers (Hoosier Daddy) or Kentuckians.... although Kentucky has a forward fire base called Hamilton.

Link Posted: 1/23/2006 8:26:53 PM EDT
I have heard of "Grovetucky"
Link Posted: 1/23/2006 8:32:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
I wonder where Subnet Mask lives? Defiance? Findlay?



Hey, not bad. You're getting warmer. The closest town is Delta. Wauseon isn't far either. Some maps don't even show my "town", if you can call it that.

Link Posted: 1/23/2006 9:24:05 PM EDT
Here's a joke for those that's in my area of northern Ohio.

A blonde was feeling so depressed that she decided to end her life by
throwing herself into Lake Erie. She went down to the docks and was
about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her
teetering on the edge of the pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said,
"Listen, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning
and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of
you, and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm
around her shoulder and added with a wink, "and I'll make you happy, and
you can make ME happy."

The girl nodded yes through her tears. After all, what did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat, along with
blankets and food. From then on, every night he brought her sandwiches,
water, wine and fruit and they would make mad, passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain.
"What the hell are you doing here?" the Captain demanded angrily.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get free food and
a trip to Europe. Meanwhile, (she says smiling coyly) he's been taking advantage of me." (wink)

"He sure as hell is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Put-In-Bay ferry!"
Link Posted: 1/24/2006 5:52:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SubnetMask:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
I wonder where Subnet Mask lives? Defiance? Findlay?



Hey, not bad. You're getting warmer. The closest town is Delta. Wauseon isn't far either. Some maps don't even show my "town", if you can call it that.




Ok I'll play - Paulding? Ney?
Link Posted: 1/24/2006 6:19:14 AM EDT
I've been to Paulding... once.... it was a scary experience.

I went to Paulding for a bidders conference for a project up there for the county .gov.

I was early, and the courthouse is so small, they don't even have chairs that you can sit in and wait.

I asked if there was any diner or coffee shop, and the clerk directed me to a place around the block. I go in and the place is completely empty, although the door was unlocked and the sign said open. The bells chimed on the door when I opened it. I could hear the TV playing upstairs, and all of a sudden I heard these footsteps, CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP running across the floor and down the stairs.

This kid was half asleep and asked if he could help me. He explained that they never get anyone in their regular crowd from 8:30 to 10:30, so he naps. I asked if I could have a cup of coffee and he says, "You ain't from around here are you.... I need to make a pot". Nice kid. I asked if they have any non-regular customers, and he said they had one about 2 months prior....

Paulding is something out of a Twilight Zone episode... the land time forgot....

Link Posted: 1/24/2006 6:34:15 AM EDT
I used to reside in Steubenville, OH for awhile. As far as peculiar accents go, combine all of the aforementioned, throw in a healthy dose of West (by God) Virginnny and a whole lot of Pittsburg (where the P stands for beer, Pittsburgh beer) PA. Very odd to say the least.
Link Posted: 1/24/2006 6:39:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By TheCynic:
O H



I O

Link Posted: 1/24/2006 6:55:11 AM EDT
"The Valley" aka Wyoming Valley (these are the ones off my head, but I have an actual list that had alot of time put into it, cannot find it now)

--Unless you drink, plan on sitting home every evening.
--"state stores" or liquor stores are closed on sundays, as are beer distributers. delis and bars can serv with a special lisense.
-- the city of wilkes-barre is rabidly drug/crime infested. (dont have a current count of murders, roberies and drug arrests but it is ALOT) local paper www.citizensvoice.com or www.timesleader.com
-- even fat/ugly chicks are too stuck up to talk to you
-- Schools give the first day of deer season off
-- It is cheaper to buy and insure a beater car for driving in wilkes-barre than to pay for repairs to your primary vehicle due to potholes

My town which is not too far from there.
- 7 bars on Main street which is less than a mile long
- somehow more than half the town figured out how to be able to buy all kinds of nice toys and not have to leave their house.. except duing deer season or trout season
- your neighbor knows when your home and when your not, and has no problem questioning anyone on your property if your not there.
- If your working on a project and get stuck, help is no more than 3 doors away
- you usually hang out with at least one local LEO, and is a true friend.
- if you do meet a new person and they tell you where they live, you have no idea where it is, so you have to ask them who is they next door neighbor, and then you know exactly whey they are.
- you know how to get places via 4wd trails better than via the road.


Link Posted: 1/24/2006 6:58:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BenDover:
Ohio is actually about 4 different states based on a quadrant system with Columbus being the middle and I-70 being the dividing line north & south.

Northwest... Michigan (which everyone knows is Canada's Deep South)

North East... may as well be in Chautauqua County New York.... they think their shit don't stink.

South East... Wes Ginny here we come... squeal like a pig boyah. I think some escapees from Boyd County, Kentucky got across the river somehow and bred with the locals..

Southwest... about as true Ohio as you can get.... we certainly don't want to be associated with Hoosiers (Hoosier Daddy) or Kentuckians.... although Kentucky has a forward fire base called Hamilton Hamiltucky.



+1 on the four parts and a fixed it for ya.

I disagree on the not liking the folks in KY and IN. I've lived in Cincy for 24 years and I've never been to Cleavland, Akron or Toledo. But I've been to Lexington, Louisville and Indianapolis many times.
Link Posted: 1/24/2006 7:06:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By mcnielsen:
Well, if you hear "why don't you just drop dem pants, just take em right on off" then you know it's time to move back to California.



You actually would hear that phrase commonly in certain parts of California, too.

SG
Link Posted: 1/24/2006 7:08:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By bigbene:

Originally Posted By TheCynic:
O H


I O



Thanks for not leaving me hanging there.
Link Posted: 1/24/2006 7:31:02 AM EDT
Wicked Pissa, Sub!!!
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