How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men. It's one of those "evolutionary
things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?   The dog, of course. He'll shut
up once you let him in.
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I haven't spoken to my wife
for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90 per cent. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,
Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I
said, "Dust!
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman
shopping on the High Street and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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Young son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
said the same thing: "You can have mine."

You're watching TV in the living room, and your wife walks in from the kitchen and starts bitching at you.  What did you do wrong???
You made her chain too long.

[:D]

What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?



Einstein's Dick.


Man, I'm gonna burn in hell for that one.[BD]

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.  One to change the light bulb, and ONE TO SUCK MY DICK!

OK, SJSAMPLE, I'll hold a spot for you...you bring the block of ice and a fan!  

Welcome, boys...[}:D]

Why did god give women pu--ies??
So men would talk to them!

Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Why bother.  She didn't listen the first two times.

Q:  How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Three.  Two to bitch about it, and one to get her boyfriend.