The Ensign who got seasick during an exercise and instead of getting out of the tiny turret, kept the hatch closed and barfed all over the neck of one of our guys.  

They also had to stay in there for another 3 hours.

I was standing towers at a NATO site in West Germany one fine Saturday summer morning.  Standard gear on, flak vest, steel pot, LBE, 90 rds etc.  The tower was all steel with "armored" glass.  Otherwise known as a sweat box in the summer! The only door (vault like) was open.  It faced into the site so there was some degree of protection.  Except for snipers I suppose.  Anyway there were 3 of us on the relief.  One up in Tower 1 with the 60, and me and another Private in the steel Towers 2 and 3.  Another fine day at the NATO Site.

Suddenly incoming!  The whistle of an incoming morter shell.  We all hit the deck and heard the KRUMP!! Peered out the door, and the whole far side of our Site Security Control Center (with Tower 1) was lost in smoke.  

Locked and loaded, slammed and locked the door, and bagan sneaking peeks from the firing ports. Busted every seal from the ammo cans, and my pouches.  Wondered how much longer I had to live before a RPG or the like took me out.  Peaks at my partners in the other towers showed no sign of them.  They were hugging the deck and searching for targets too.

No more incoming rounds and the filed phone does it low chirp.  It's the custodial agents checking in to tell us it was the fucking new LT with a damn morter simulator!  We were all too relieved to be mad at the butterbar.  I think all the NCOs had a cursing contest that night when he was grabbing a few hours of sleep.  They had to count every round from every tower and pouch and reseal them.  Took hours!

Those are the only kinds of stories I can tell, twenty plus years later!

LtJG Fuzz went (unsucessfully) out of his way to try to nail the victim of an on-the-beach mishap when he got out of the hospital after two weeks.  

When he couldn't prove culpability, the good Lt. held a grudge, couldn't stand seeing the sailor not being productive - unable to function well enough around the FC equipment.

So he insisted the lad spend several days with him in the admin office, creating punch cards (to requisition supplies?), with one arm in a splint and under pain medication.

About the time the punch cards got massaged into the end result, it was decided this was not such a good idea after all.

While on active duty in the Navy as an Aviation Electronics Tech., I got called inside the plane (E2C Hawkeye) by the RO (radar operator) for an IFF (identification fried or foe)problem while preparing for launch.

To make a short story short:  "Just turn it on, sir!" [:D]

Once on the mid-watch, my OOD (Ltjg) gets a routine report from the Chief of the watch and then jumps over the railing while sarcastically yelling, "Chief of the watch, Emergency Blow!!"
Of course he didn't see the CO coming up the ladder into control. Oops [8D]

On another note, I'm getting my LDO package ready to submit. I hope that I don't do anything that would be posted here if I get picked up.

I just have to laugh...all Navy with the exception of one?  There must be others out there!  

BTW, How can you confuse an arty simulator with a live indirect?  Theres a distinct difference.  No whistle, just a whoosh and a Kur-thump.  Also arty simulators do not create smoke ulness the LT threw some HC.  Why did he throw it anyway?

OK, hears my story...

    I was a brand new Infantry PL.  I had a squad leader who was acting as the PSG while the real PSG was at ANCOC.  I had been in the unit for about a month and had just completed my first field problem.  In the interm we had some new soldiers assigned to the platoon whom the PSG had never met.  One of which resembled Elmer Fudd.  The PSG had returned from ANCOC and was awaiting the platoon back at the company.  I got this idea to trade uniforms with "Elmer" (name changed to protect the innocent), and told him to pretend to be the new PL.  I in turn would pretend to be the new SPC (with an attitude) who was recently assigned to the platoon.  The entire company was in on the joke.  I proceded to tell "Elmer" that when he introduced himself to the PSG that he should tell him how much he hated the infantry and he thought he made a mistake.  I then told him that I would bust into the PLT CP (without knocking) and say "whats up" to the PSG and that I was there to "get my mail".  I would also have a huge dip in my mouth and I was going to spit it on the PSG's boot before I left the CP.  "Elmer" was then instructed to restrain the PSG (after I spat on his boot) and tell him that there was "a new sherrif in town" and to "sit the f@ck down".

Everyone was looking over the walls of the CP as this transpired (holding in their laughter).  All went exactly as planned.  As soon as I left the CP (after spitting on the PSG's boot), he attempted to restrain me.  "Elmer" told him to "Sit the f@ck down", because there was a "new sherrif in town".  I left the CP (laughing histerically inside).  The PSG sat down and got beat Red, and after 15 seconds got up and came running after me.  The 1SG intercepted him in the hallway before he could grab me and asked him if "there was anything he wanted to talk about".  The PSG started cussing and yelling about how he wanted me "out of the platoon" and written up for a "company grade Art-15".  The 1SG proceded to take him outside to cool off.  At this time my squad leader came to me and said..."you'd better tell him who you are....he's pretty pissed!"

    So "Elmer" and I traded uniforms again and I proceded outside to talk to my PSG.  When I approached he was beat Red with anger...didn't even notice that I was now a 2LT.  So I said SFC _______, my name is LT ______, nice to meet you.  Needless to say the entire company came out and erupted with laughter...he couldn't even shake my hand, he was so mad.

    Well bottom line...we had an outstanding relationship, and he never quit trying to get me back the entire time I was there.

I have to agree with Bear_Hunter, where are all the Army stories?  By the way Bear_Hunter.  You asked some good questions about my experience.  Truth is I don't know.  At the time, as a PV1, we just took what they Custodial Agents told us.  In fact, SAT/BAF exercise or the real deal, we didn't ask many questions and we don't tell many tales 20+ years later.

Not a funny story, but one that encouraged me to ETS envolved our Acting CO.  Besides forbidding us from wearing the Bundeswehr boots many had worn for years, he did not trust his junior NCOs.  Recommended a SM for Court Martial.  However, the ACO sat on it.  About 4 to 6 weeks later the same SM had to be disarmed and "escorted" from a NATO site.  Since he had sat on my report, the ACO could not go to the Brigade Commander without looking bad.  So the SM finishes his time in service cleaning the Latrine and loses his civies and stereo.  Didn't motivate me or any of the other NCOs.