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Posted: 9/27/2005 1:49:19 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 1:50:15 PM EDT by PeteCO]
Here are mine:

- Saying "fuck" in a job interview
- Shitting my pants just prior to a meeting, and still going to it because I had to
- Being pissed that a company I worked for was not going to fire a dude we caught looking at porn and trying to compromise our servers. To make my point, I read the titles of the videos to the corporate HR staff on the other end of the phone. I also had 2 female supervisors in my office at the time. We're talking bad, nasty titles. No, I mean really bad.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 1:51:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Here are mine:

- Saying "fuck" in a job interview
- Shitting my pants just prior to a meeting, and still going to it because I had to
- Being pissed that a company I worked for was not going to fire a dude we caught looking at porn and trying to compromise our servers. To make my point, I read the titles of the videos to the corporate HR staff on the other end of the phone. I also had 2 female supervisors in my office at the time. We're talking bad, nasty titles. No, I mean really bad.



Those all seem ok except the shitting your pants one.

Link Posted: 9/27/2005 1:52:55 PM EDT

Originally Posted By IAMLEGEND:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Here are mine:

- Saying "fuck" in a job interview
- Shitting my pants just prior to a meeting, and still going to it because I had to
- Being pissed that a company I worked for was not going to fire a dude we caught looking at porn and trying to compromise our servers. To make my point, I read the titles of the videos to the corporate HR staff on the other end of the phone. I also had 2 female supervisors in my office at the time. We're talking bad, nasty titles. No, I mean really bad.



Those all seem ok except the shitting your pants one.




Well, I did shitcan my underwear and clean up, but I should have said to hell with it and gone home. After the meeting I left and took a shower.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 1:54:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 1:54:40 PM EDT by livefreeordieNH]

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Here are mine:

- Saying "fuck" in a job interview
- Shitting my pants just prior to a meeting, and still going to it





game over. you win
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 1:54:46 PM EDT

Guilt: One count public lewdness.

And that's all I'm saying.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 1:56:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By livefreeordieNH:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Here are mine:

- Saying "fuck" in a job interview
- Shitting my pants just prior to a meeting, and still going to it





game over. you win



What I wanna know is, did you get the job?
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 1:58:01 PM EDT
Two days ago:

The scene: Kansas City Renaissance Festival (Yeah, I know. Huzzah yourself.)
The location: Turkey leg booth. (These are delicious, by the way.)
The players: DzlBenz as "The Jackass" and Unknown Wench as "The Turkey Leg Wench"

Act I, Scene 1
(Jackass approaches Turkey Leg booth)
Jackass: "The sign says you have turkey legs."
Wench: "That's right."
(Jackass leans waaaaaay too far into the booth.)
Jackass: "They look alright to me!"
Wench: "Fuck off."

Link Posted: 9/27/2005 1:58:28 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By IAMLEGEND:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Here are mine:

- Saying "fuck" in a job interview
- Shitting my pants just prior to a meeting, and still going to it because I had to
- Being pissed that a company I worked for was not going to fire a dude we caught looking at porn and trying to compromise our servers. To make my point, I read the titles of the videos to the corporate HR staff on the other end of the phone. I also had 2 female supervisors in my office at the time. We're talking bad, nasty titles. No, I mean really bad.



Those all seem ok except the shitting your pants one.




Well, I did shitcan my underwear and clean up, but I should have said to hell with it and gone home. After the meeting I left and took a shower.



Oh, well that's better but still pretty nasty.

That brings up hilarious lines involving "finishing up a little paperwork" and stuff like that.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:00:40 PM EDT
why did you shit your pants?
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:01:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Blazin413:
why did you shit your pants?




Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:04:38 PM EDT
Those are bad.

The only one I can recall is telling a joke (among several co-workers) about rednecks and trailer parks....

One of my co-workers (unknown to me) lived in a trailer....

I felt bad, she was a nice lady.

Of course I quit shitting my pants a loooooong time ago...
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:05:02 PM EDT
I commit those faux pas all the time. We were having a "pizza party" today sponsered by our local PD as a gesture for helping them out with a large scale move of their IT supplies. I told the current Cheif how worthless I thought his former boss was. He agreed (in a PC sort of way). My coworkers get a kick out of me for saying stuff like that. Sometimes they get uncomfortable though. But I can't help it. Some people use the internet to unleash their real (honest) personalities. I do that in day to day life. No... I won't point-out someone's flaws to embarras them or things like that. But I will call BS when I see it and not hide under the cloak of playing "nice". I'll never go higher-up in the organization. But that's fine with me. Any higher and I would be a target.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:08:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Red_Label:
I commit those faux pas all the time. We were having a "pizza party" today sponsered by our local PD as a gesture for helping them out with a large scale move of their IT supplies. I told the current Cheif how worthless I thought his former boss was. He agreed (in a PC sort of way). My coworkers get a kick out of me for saying stuff like that. Sometimes they get uncomfortable though. But I can't help it. Some people use the internet to unleash their real (honest) personalities. I do that in day to day life. No... I won't point-out someone's flaws to embarras them or things like that. But I will call BS when I see it and not hide under the cloak of playing "nice". I'll never go higher-up in the organization. But that's fine with me. Any higher and I would be a target.



That reminds me of some firefighter movie I saw years ago. Kurt Russell is getting a little carried away and rowdy and he does something inappropriate in a social situation.
Someone says to him, "Do you ever wonder why you'll never be Captain!?!?" all mad.
He looks calmly and says, "No".
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:10:37 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DzlBenz:
Two days ago:

The scene: Kansas City Renaissance Festival (Yeah, I know. Huzzah yourself.)
The location: Turkey leg booth. (These are delicious, by the way.)
The players: DzlBenz as "The Jackass" and Unknown Wench as "The Turkey Leg Wench"

Act I, Scene 1
(Jackass approaches Turkey Leg booth)
Jackass: "The sign says you have turkey legs."
Wench: "That's right."
(Jackass leans waaaaaay too far into the booth.)
Jackass: "They look alright to me!"
Wench: "Fuck off."



ROFL!
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:15:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 2:17:14 PM EDT by Red_Label]

Originally Posted By IAMLEGEND:

Originally Posted By Red_Label:
I commit those faux pas all the time. We were having a "pizza party" today sponsered by our local PD as a gesture for helping them out with a large scale move of their IT supplies. I told the current Cheif how worthless I thought his former boss was. He agreed (in a PC sort of way). My coworkers get a kick out of me for saying stuff like that. Sometimes they get uncomfortable though. But I can't help it. Some people use the internet to unleash their real (honest) personalities. I do that in day to day life. No... I won't point-out someone's flaws to embarras them or things like that. But I will call BS when I see it and not hide under the cloak of playing "nice". I'll never go higher-up in the organization. But that's fine with me. Any higher and I would be a target.



That reminds me of some firefighter movie I saw years ago. Kurt Russell is getting a little carried away and rowdy and he does something inappropriate in a social situation.
Someone says to him, "Do you ever wonder why you'll never be Captain!?!?" all mad.
He looks calmly and says, "No".




I'm definitely "that guy". And that's fine with me. I wish more people were that way. Too many people are willing to put up with outright lies to appear "nice" to everyone. A LOT of red tape and BS could be avoided if people didn't waste time with fools and foolishness... (ETA: What would the Democratic party do if someone actually CHALLENGED them on the millions of LIES they are spreading? It hurts my head thinking about how GREAT things would be if that was the case.)
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:16:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:29:08 PM EDT
Fooling around with my (then) boyfriend in the youth room of our church. Oh yeah, and my dad's the pastor.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:32:34 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Here are mine:
- Being pissed that a company I worked for was not going to fire a dude we caught looking at porn and trying to compromise our servers. To make my point, I read the titles of the videos to the corporate HR staff on the other end of the phone. I also had 2 female supervisors in my office at the time. We're talking bad, nasty titles. No, I mean really bad.



Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?

Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:45:56 PM EDT

Originally posted by NimmerMehr:



Reminds me of that scam years ago where a company advertisied very hard core videos in some adult magazines. People sent their money in, and shortly thereafter the company sent letters to all the would-be patrons informing them that the videos were no longer available.

They enclosed a refund check of course, with the words "Anal sex and bestiality pornography company" VERY prominently displayed on the check. Less than 10% of the checks were cashed, for obvious reasons. After the 180 days or whatever elapsed, the checks were of course no good and the company was able to legally keep the money.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:54:09 PM EDT
Gave knives as a wedding present.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:54:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally posted by NimmerMehr:



Reminds me of that scam years ago where a company advertisied very hard core videos in some adult magazines. People sent their money in, and shortly thereafter the company sent letters to all the would-be patrons informing them that the videos were no longer available.

They enclosed a refund check of course, with the words "Anal sex and bestiality pornography company" VERY prominently displayed on the check. Less than 10% of the checks were cashed, for obvious reasons. After the 180 days or whatever elapsed, the checks were of course no good and the company was able to legally keep the money.



I heard a prosecutor talk about nailing such a company here. But that's not ALL they did.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:55:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally posted by NimmerMehr:



Reminds me of that scam years ago where a company advertisied very hard core videos in some adult magazines. People sent their money in, and shortly thereafter the company sent letters to all the would-be patrons informing them that the videos were no longer available.

They enclosed a refund check of course, with the words "Anal sex and bestiality pornography company" VERY prominently displayed on the check. Less than 10% of the checks were cashed, for obvious reasons. After the 180 days or whatever elapsed, the checks were of course no good and the company was able to legally keep the money.



I'd cash that.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:18:44 PM EDT

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
Fooling around with my (then) boyfriend in the youth room of our church. Oh yeah, and my dad's the pastor.



That's not a faux paus, that's just fulfilling the destiny of the pastor's daughter. You couldn't have resisted it if you'd tried.

Jim
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:20:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By KS_Physicist:

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
Fooling around with my (then) boyfriend in the youth room of our church. Oh yeah, and my dad's the pastor.



That's not a faux paus, that's just fulfilling the destiny of the pastor's daughter. You couldn't have resisted it if you'd tried.

Jim


And what would that destiny be?
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:26:06 PM EDT
Wore white after Labor Day once.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:26:52 PM EDT
Got shitfaced and threw up on my boss' wife at a very expensive company sponsored social function.

That's where I learned that rum and coke, champagne and escargot do not mix.

And club soda does not remove escargot in butter stains from blue silk.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:32:57 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 3:41:24 PM EDT by GonzoAR15-1]

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:

Originally Posted By KS_Physicist:

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
Fooling around with my (then) boyfriend in the youth room of our church. Oh yeah, and my dad's the pastor.



That's not a faux paus, that's just fulfilling the destiny of the pastor's daughter. You couldn't have resisted it if you'd tried.

Jim


And what would that destiny be?



Jeez, that's like the oldest one in the book:

Cop's kid: Criminal.

Pastor's daughter: comfortable with her own sexuality, fully liberated from the religious chains her parents would bind her with.(citation: Footloose, for cripes sake).

Gabby, I realize what you're asking, but I don't think he was trying to call you a slut.



MINE:

(a) Crashing through this girl's parents window when I was climbing down the lattice work sneaking her out of the house.

(b) Going to a job interview and realizing about 50% of the way in (at the small talk part) that (i) the woman I had hooked up with a couple nights prior was _not_ single, and was indeed very married; and (ii) that she was married to this tool who was interviewing me. As an aside, I realized this as this asshat told me about the "prestige" of working for his law firm, and the kind of women that prestige could bring -- whereupon he proudly shows me the photo of his wife. Um, uh... why yes sir, she's certainly very attractive, sir....

(c) Went to a wedding reception with a woman I was dating, and asked the mother of the bride if I could get a cup of coffee. She said no. I then said, well what about a Coca Cola? She said no. Oh, about this time, my beet red girlfriend pulls me aside and reminds me that the bride and groom and all their family folks were MORMON.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:06:24 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:12:49 PM EDT
^ No caffeine, i do believe.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:13:20 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 4:13:46 PM EDT by lokt]

Originally Posted By operatorerror:
Got shitfaced and threw up on my boss' wife at a very expensive company sponsored social function.

That's where I learned that rum and coke, champagne and escargot do not mix.

And club soda does not remove escargot in butter stains from blue silk.



Alright...that's probably the biggest social faux pas here...though saying 'fuck' during an interview is up there.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:15:46 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:
Only gonna tell one--

Banging a secretary on the boss's desk--and he came back to the office. His door had two locks, but he only possessed one key. We had, of course, locked the second lock. You can imagine our horror when we heard him start to unlock the door. We (literally) held our breath, mid stroke, as he fumbled with the door and cussed. Later we realized both our cars were parked side by side in the parking garage--and the office door was mysteriously unlocked the next morning when he came in and glared at us all morning.

Oh, it didn't help that she was about 40 and I was in my early twenties--and she had repeatedly turned him down.

I'm not sure that's actually a faux pas--more like "tacky as hell" in retrospect.



Wow there's more awesome in you than I thought!
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:16:12 PM EDT

Originally Posted By lokt:
^ No caffeine, i do believe.



Yup.

Alcohol is anathama as well, I think.

Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:18:41 PM EDT
I've comited the classic social faux pas, and I do it a once every couple of years after I space out on my discipline not to do it.

Me(At the checkout line or whereever): When's your baby due?

Woman: Ummm, I'm not pregnant, I'm kinda fat.

Me(wincing internally): Soory....
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:25:19 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:52:36 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:

Originally Posted By GonzoAR15-1:

Originally Posted By lokt:
^ No caffeine, i do believe.



Yup.

Alcohol is anathama as well, I think.




Ah, thanks. That sounds like a sound policy for a religious outfit--no drugs of any kind.



And that is a big part of the joke...
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:56:00 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:01:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By StonerStudent:
Wore white after Labor Day once.



Was it winter white?
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:03:50 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 5:07:06 PM EDT by Kharn]
Lets see:
1. Showed up to a wine and cheese party with 4 of my guy buddies with a 1/4 keg, handle of Jim Beam, bottle of Amaretto, and a big jug of sour mix. (the email our friend sent out just said "party", they didnt say it was a "bring a date, a bottle of wine and some cheese party", the couples there were not happy when we hit on the single girl that showed up, we were expecting a college-style blow-out since all of us had just graduated 4 months ago).
2. Crop-dusting my boss on my first week on the job (smelly fart in his office and walking away ASAP, just when I realized there were only 5 other people in our section of the building)

There's probably a lot more, but cant think of them.


Originally Posted By PeteCO:
They enclosed a refund check of course, with the words "Anal sex and bestiality pornography company" VERY prominently displayed on the check. Less than 10% of the checks were cashed, for obvious reasons.

Thats wehn you go to one of your bank's ATMs FAR, FAR away from home and use it to make the deposit.

Kharn
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:07:38 PM EDT
Man, i wouldn't know where to start.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:11:17 PM EDT
I was in Banes & Noble and went to crouch down by the magazine rack on a crowded night. Evil gaseous fumes unexpectedly evacuated completely silently. Smelled like rat carcass. Almost immediately everyone started to notice the putrid odor. I stood up, looked at some guy standing to my right and exclaimed, "That's utterly disgusting!", and briskly walked away.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:13:16 PM EDT
Talking with mother about a female dog we're taking care of that is in heat:

mom: wow thats a mess

me: am i going to have to deal w/ that while youre on vacation?

mom: ya *laughing

me: god... I'm glad my genitaila doesn't leak blood *as I'm walking away
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:15:03 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 5:18:23 PM EDT by chrome1]
Way , way back in my early 20's I was at a bar
bragging to my friends about the new 17 year old slut
I was hitting . I went into great detail about
her oral skills and anal desires . When two older guys
near us jumped in on the conversation adding insightful
suggestions for new tricks .

Two weeks later I met her parents and her father
was one of the older guys from the bar
If that wasn't bad enough , I then found out he
was also my mail man .

Well that was the end of that .

Fast forward 20+ years to the day my Ex and I
were called to the high school about my daughter
getting caught cutting a class and found outside
smoking .

The oral/anal queen was the girls dean we were
called to see . Once we were out of the office
my Ex wanted to know how I knew the Dean .
So I told her the story .....


Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:15:53 PM EDT

Originally Posted By sierrabravofour:
I was in Banes & Noble and went to crouch down by the magazine rack on a crowded night. Evil gaseous fumes unexpectedly evacuated completely silently. Smelled like rat carcass. Almost immediately everyone started to notice the putrid odor. I stood up, looked at some guy standing to my right and exclaimed, "That's utterly disgusting!", and briskly walked away.



You glorious bastard!!!!!!!!
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:18:23 PM EDT
Not me but this is the all time winner


Bush Sr. puking on the Japanese minister (or what ever rank he was)
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:23:54 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 5:24:49 PM EDT by thebeekeeper1]
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:27:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By IAMLEGEND:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Here are mine:

- Saying "fuck" in a job interview
- Shitting my pants just prior to a meeting, and still going to it because I had to
- Being pissed that a company I worked for was not going to fire a dude we caught looking at porn and trying to compromise our servers. To make my point, I read the titles of the videos to the corporate HR staff on the other end of the phone. I also had 2 female supervisors in my office at the time. We're talking bad, nasty titles. No, I mean really bad.



Those all seem ok except the shitting your pants one.




Well, I did shitcan my underwear and clean up, but I should have said to hell with it and gone home. After the meeting I left and took a shower.





We had one unknown rocket surgeon do this at work. The only problem was when he ditched his underwear, he tried to flush them. They ended up getting stuck in a critical juncture of the sewage pipe and clogging up all four toilets on that end of the building and causing raw sewage to be expelled on the floor.

The plumber that snaked the pipe pulled out a pair of underwear and was like, "WTF?"
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:31:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By IAMLEGEND:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally posted by NimmerMehr:



Reminds me of that scam years ago where a company advertisied very hard core videos in some adult magazines. People sent their money in, and shortly thereafter the company sent letters to all the would-be patrons informing them that the videos were no longer available.

They enclosed a refund check of course, with the words "Anal sex and bestiality pornography company" VERY prominently displayed on the check. Less than 10% of the checks were cashed, for obvious reasons. After the 180 days or whatever elapsed, the checks were of course no good and the company was able to legally keep the money.



I'd cash that.





...with pride. All the while leering at the cute teller girl.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:34:38 PM EDT
Did he get the damn job or not?
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:35:47 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 5:43:28 PM EDT by PeteCO]

Originally Posted By napalm:
We had one unknown rocket surgeon do this at work. The only problem was when he ditched his underwear, he tried to flush them. They ended up getting stuck in a critical juncture of the sewage pipe and clogging up all four toilets on that end of the building and causing raw sewage to be expelled on the floor.

The plumber that snaked the pipe pulled out a pair of underwear and was like, "WTF?"



Reminds me of one I saw once - some einstein shit his pants, but instead of just putting his lame ass tighty-whities in the trashcan, mr joker decides to get creative. He stretched the waistband of the underwear around the rim of the trashcan, proudly suspending the turd in the middle for all to see.

Now, who in the hell takes the time to think that one up? I mean, who decides to not only display his turdsmear to the world, but expends the effort to stretch the waistband around the trashcan, to absolutely ensure that everyone has to see it and deal with it?
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:39:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Dusty_C:
Did he get the damn job or not?



Nope. After I said "fuck", I got all flustered and tried to backpedal out of it, which sealed my fate. The HR chick was smoking hot though, so not all was lost.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:45:24 PM EDT
As long as we still have the 5th I'll plead that...
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